When All Was Lost
by Thessian Shadow
Summary: The fall of Thessia still fresh on her mind, Shepard is ordered to the Citadel for mandatory shore leave. Things go wrong however, and Shepard is pushed to the brink of self-destruction. Femshep/Tevos, Past Femshep/Samara
1. A Little Happiness

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter One: A Little Happiness_

**A/N:** This is my first attempt at a Mass Effect fanfic, so please bare with me here. J I'm one of those people that really didn't give Shepard a first name, deciding to stick with the default "Jane" for a reason, which will be revealed later. I'll refer to her simply by title or last name (as in the general gameplay) Just a heads up for those who hoped for a little name creativity. Also, this will be a paragon Shepard with the "Earthborn" background and "Sole Survivor" profile. I like giving her a hard life. Makes for a great character.

**Summary:** With a galaxy at war, the Normandy is ordered in for dry dock, leaving its CO in personal turmoil. With the fall of Thessia still fresh on her mind, there is no hope of relaxation while on the Citadel. Things aren't as cut and dry as they seem, making for a rocky start to the crew's shore leave. Can it improve, or will Shepard be pushed to the brink of self-destruction?

**Disclaimer:** It ain't mine.

**Pairings:** I'm one to explore different non-canon pairings, so his one will hopefully have the following: FemShep/Tevos (primary) FemShep/Samara (Past), possibly Javik/Liara (Not sure yet) Joker/EDI, and if I get around to it, Garrus/Tali.

**Rating/Warnings: **This is rated T for now. May go up later. Mostly for language and implications of violence or otherwise. Nothing too graphic… yet XD

Every move made, every step taken, there was always a reaction; people were dying with every advance. Races felt their morale shaken, their foundations crumble, and all that could be said was "Buy us a little more time". Worlds were falling, civilization paralyzed, all in the name of survival. This was a war for existence; everyone knew that, but the price was climbing.

One hand limp by her side, the other supporting her as it clung to the wall. This was the position that she tended to favor as of late. Exhaustion evident, wounds still fresh, but she was standing; ready for the next hit. It was a grim way of thinking, but the idea crossed her mind, on more than one occasion, that maybe the next blow would be enough to knock her down, enough for someone else to take the reins. Unfortunately, that never seemed to happen. Seeing the console flashing ahead, a call was waiting to be answered. _Just like last time…_ This was a bitter way to analyze the situation, but it was true. Stepping forward to acknowledge the caller, she continued to lean forward, using the console for support, not caring who saw it.

"Shepard."

The almost commanding tone of Steven Hackett met her ears. Forcing herself to look up, she met his gaze. Looking tired himself, the admiral stood as straight-backed as ever, hands clasped behind him in true authoritarian fashion, he gave her a wary look.

"Sanctuary was a risk, Commander, but I'm thankful you took it. The Cerberus data you forwarded will go a long way in fully understanding what they're up to. I think it is pretty clear what you'll need to do next."

"The Illusive Man has to be stopped; Admiral there's no doubt about that." The contempt for the Cerberus leader evident in her voice, Shepard spat the name as if it were a foul taste. "The crew is prepared. Thoughts?"

"I'd say you're ready to take him out, but hold off for now. The crucible isn't finished yet. We'll need it ready when you hit Cerberus. I'm assuming you have the location of his base of operations."

"Yes sir."

"Good. Report to the Citadel and take some time off. We'll need you and your team at peak performance when we go after the bastard. We still have some work to do on the crucible and once that is done, we'll hit them head on."

"And Earth, Sir?" Her thoughts went to Anderson and the ground troops that were keeping their heads down, waiting on this super weapon's completion.

"One thing at a time, Commander. We'll hit Cerberus where it hurts and obliterate them from the picture. Then we can focus the galactic fleet on Earth. We can't be fighting each other and expect to take on the Reapers at the same time."

"Understood, Sir." Resignation flooded her, but in a way she understood. There couldn't be division among them if they had any hope of stopping the synthetic abominations. "…But shore leave? Now, when we could be preparing for-"

"Yes. I need you all rested and ready when this thing is finished. I don't need you in the state you are now." At this news, Shepard sighed, knowing there was no room for argument. "Report to Tiberius Towers on the Silversun Strip. I'll forward the address to your extranet address. Hackett out."

Looking at the place where the admiral had been standing, she clenched a fist tightly. Teeth gritted, thoughts came rushing through her head, causing a slight disorienting feeling. _I don't have time for shore leave, not now! This war is almost over and he wants me to take a break? I could be doing many things right now instead of going to the Citadel. Sure my team needs it, and they're welcome to it, but I think I'll spend my time on this ship catching up on my reports and tactical plans…_ Joker's voice however, pulled her out of her inner rant.

"Um Commander… Just got an order from Admiral Hackett to report to bay D24 for Dry Dock. They are going to do some general maintenance on the Normandy, and we're all being ordered off for shore leave aside from those people that did the retrofits."

_Or not…_ The thought was more or less the final confirmation that they weren't getting out of this. Relaxing her hand, Shepard spun on her heel and left the comm room. With a brisk pace, paying no mind to her injuries as they protested, she made her way through the checkpoint and the CIC. The Bridge door opening revealed Joker and EDI speaking in low voices almost drowned out by the sound of the drive core. Crossing her arms, she eyed the two suspiciously. "So I assume we have no way of shoving this off and going on with our mission?"

"I'd say not. No need to make an enemy of Hackett now." Joker, having set the speed and course, turned his chair toward his commanding officer. "Besides, I don't need to remind you that you probably need this."

"To hell with what I need. There's an entire galaxy at war out there and suddenly I' just supposed to stop and enjoy the view on the Citadel?" Hearing her own tone, Shepard resisted throwing her hands up in frustration. "I'm sorry…"

"That's exactly why you need this, Commander. Your stress levels are through the roof. Liara, Garrus, Kaidan, Chakwas, Tali, EDI… All of us are worried about you."

"This isn't the time to worry about me. I'm fine. I'll handle it-"

"With all due respect, the hell you are, and you're not going to handle it long if you keep going like this." Joker turned toward the helm again, leaving her to face the back of his chair. "Headed for the Citadel now. We'll be there at 09:00 ship time." Seeing no point in arguing with Joker as she had before with Hackett, Shepard left the bridge. Upon hearing the door close behind her, Joker turned to EDI. "Well, that went better than I thought. Might be discharged in the morning, but I said what needed to be said."

Hearing that last bit through the door, Shepard sighed. It wasn't something he wanted or needed to hear at this point. Moving through the CIC again, she nodded slightly to Traynor's acknowledgement of her presence, stepping into the lift. Selecting deck three, Shepard thought of somewhere quiet that she could be alone. Sure the captain's cabin on deck one would have been ideal for that, but it was too small. Being up there earlier in the day, she had felt the walls closing in. Feeling the lift stop, she didn't think. Turning to the left, she went straight for starboard observation. Upon entering, she saw that Major Alenko wasn't there. Unusual though it was, it was a slight relief. Eyes traveling to the center of the room between the arced sitting areas, her thoughts went to the Justicar that had occupied this room a little over a year ago. Seeing her again on Lesuss was a pleasant but grim surprise.

This room had held many talks, both philosophical and casual, al leaving her with a sense of peace. Shepard missed that feeling and the asari that brought it out. Though bound by her code, Samara had been a source of strength during her year of working for Cerberus. Subconsciously stepping around where the asari had once meditated, Shepard made her way to the window, looking out at the "empty void" as Samara had put it. Stars were reduced to white streaks as the ship sped through them on approach to the Citadel. Standing just to the left of the center of the window, another memory found its way into the forefront of her mind.

_"The galaxy won't end if you found a little happiness…" _The words weren't simply an act of desperation; they were a fact, one that Samara couldn't deny.

_"You are different from anyone I've met... I believe I could find more than happiness with you…" _A step forward, no hesitation, but then…_ "But my self control is who I am. Don't pursue this, please…" _

At the time it had seemed like a dismissal, but thinking about it now and considering the events of and after Lesuss, Shepard knew it was more like a plea. A ghostly presence, the Justicar's hands in her own, Shepard still felt that closeness.

_"You've been strong through so much… Now it's your time."_

A moment of clarity, both stepping forward, Samara raising her left hand in a weak gesture of protest; easily staved off by Shepard's advance. Placing her hands at the Justicar's shoulders, she felt the asari's at her waist briefly. Bodies nearly in contact, biotics flared, and a barrier prevented the inevitable. Only an inch apart, if that, five words cut through them both.

_"In another time, another life…" _Both stepping back, masking their pain, Samara faltered. She had reached up, stroking Shepard's face for only a second. Then she turned and left, presumably to bury what she had momentarily felt. Standing in that same place over a year later, the emotions were still there.

"Damn, I came here to think and look what happens…" The bitterness in her voice didn't surprise her at all. Thinking of the last time she seemed happy was a real effort. The attack on Earth and the near loss of Palaven had been the beginning of the nightmare, aside from being relieved of duty and torn from her ship. Helping the Krogan and negotiating with the primarch hadn't been all that bad, especially with curing the genophage. Losing Mordin had been hard though. Seeing that lift rocketing upward into the shroud's tower, knowing that it would detonate soon after…

"Wherever you are, I hope you found peace, Mordin…" Stepping back, Shepard dropped onto the closest bench, letting her head fall back, so that she was looking up into the polished metal ceiling. That had been the black cloud over the whole thing. Mordin had been a good man, a little strange, hard to really get to know, but he was a brilliant man. Unfortunately, that was just the beginning of bad news. Getting a message from Councilor Valern regarding suspicions about Udina and his shifting money around, Shepard had returned to the Citadel finding Cerberus had taken over the station. Fighting Cerberus troops wasn't the hard part. It was getting to the council with Thane's injuries in mind.

Reaching the council had been difficult enough with phantoms in the lift shaft, but upon exiting it, she had found Udina and Kaidan along with Sporatus and Tevos, standing on the platform, desperation in their eyes. The latter two were more worried than the former. Though tense, the confrontation was blissfully short; Liara on her left and Garrus on her right, Shepard had no doubt that one of them would stop the human councilor before he made the biggest mistake of his short-lived career. With a little prompting, Kaidan seemed to trust her, or at least give her a chance to prove herself.

_"Udina, step away from the console." _A slow approach, Kaidan moving forward with Tevos, and eventually, Sporatus behind him; Udina seemed more and more frustrated, cornered.

_"To Hell with this!"_ Moving to unlock the door, the fool had risked all of their lives. Udina may have been a waste of space, but Shepard, Liara, Garrus, Kaidan, and the councilors had to survive. The galaxy depended on them to keep the war strong and the people in a lesser state of panic. While Kaidan seemed to back down slightly, the asari councilor made a move to stop him but was shoved to the ground, a pistol to her head. Adrenaline surging, Shepard had moved to the left, waiting for Kaidan to move, and when Udina looked down at the fallen councilor, finger tightening on the trigger, she had fired. Udina fell back, a hand flying up to his chest but never making it to cover the wound.

During that moment when Udina had been prepared to shoot the councilor, her words had played back in Shepard's head. _"We've distrusted Shepard before, and it did not help us…" _Come to think of it, Tevos had been the more level-headed of the council in the past. During her race against Saren and the Geth, she had been the one to suggest Shepard become a Spectre. During her reports to the council, instead of reprimanding or disagreeing with her logic, Tevos had listened and offered encouragement. Even during her dealings with Cerberus, Tevos had offered her reinstatement as a Spectre. In that instance, Shepard pulled the trigger, protecting someone she had come to see as an ally in an impossible uphill battle.

With that done, Udina dead, and the council saved, Shepard was left with Thane's fatal injury. His death was hard on her, knowing how close they had gotten as friends on the Normandy during her previous mission. Being thee with Kolyat and hearing that the assassin's last prayer was for her had left Shepard reeling. It left her numb, knowing she had lost one more person to this war. The Citadel as a whole was almost a mockery, or it had been until today. Before, it looked like the war hadn't come to the Serpent nebula, as if the Citadel was untouched, unaffected, but now it showed its scars. Stores shot up, large places burned or blasted apart, corpses of numerous Atlas lying around, and the half man half husk abominations that the Illusive Man had sent after them. It was time to leave the station and concentrate on something else; gathering more troops for the war.

The Salarians were in, though the Dalatrass was still a grenade with a loose pin. The Krogan and Turians were working well defending Palaven, though the bomb on Tuchanka had stirred up an unwanted argument with Wrex and the Turian Hierarchy. Lesuss was an option, one that Shepard was thankful that she had explored. Aside from seeing Samara again and managing to rescue one of her daughters, Falere, Shepard had secured at least a ship's worth of asari commandoes who had been headed to the monastery for the war effort as well as a few other squads that were reserves. The Quarians had been absent until Hackett had informed her that they were ready to talk. Unfortunately, like all the others that came before, this talk came with a catch.

Admirals Xen and Gerel had gone off and engaged the Geth, leaving Koris and surprisingly, Tali, to protest. Raan was on the fence on the matter. It was good to take back Rannoch, but there was a possibility that the cost was going to be too high. In the end, they had feed Legion, secured some Geth allies, and went to find Koris, who had been shot down. Once he was recovered, the war for Rannoch began, leaving both sides victorious and a reaper disabled permanently. This, like all things, came at a price. Legion, uploading the reaper code, freed the Geth from the hive mind, but in the same act, sacrificed itself. In a moment of independence, he used the term "I" instead of "we", having fully understood what it meant to be a single being, rather than a species. Seeing him fall lifeless left Shepard cold. Legion had sacrificed himself for the freedom of his people and the Quarians. It was no less than what she would do for the freedom of the galaxy.

With that hollow victory, Shepard had received word that the asari councilor had information for her, too sensitive for an open comm link. This led her back to the Citadel where she was given the location of an "artifact" on Thessia.

_"The situation is growing urgent for my people. We are aware that your crucible is missing a key component…"_

_"The Catalyst." _It wasn't a guess, more of a confirmation. At the time, Shepard wasn't surprised. She knew that there was an entire team of asari scientists that were working with the rest of the races to assemble this super-weapon. _"Do you know something?"_

_"Not exactly… But there is an artifact on our homeworld, Thessia, known only to highest levels of my government." _Her hesitation had been something that puzzled Shepard. This "artifact" was apparently something that couldn't get out into the public, but it wasn't clear as to whether she really knew what it was.

_"What is it?"_

_"With any luck, it is a means to help you locate the Catalyst. The artifact is located in a temple at these coordinates. I've ordered a scientific team to meet you there."_

_"If this artifact is so important, why keep it hidden?" _Was it suspicion or anger? She didn't know. Either way, the statement was there. This *artifact* could have helped from the beginning… Tevos sensed this, turning to look out the windows at the presidium and the skycars and shuttles that were moving by.

_"Every species in Citadel space has its secrets, Commander… but this one, in the wrong hands, could upset the balance of galactic power…" _While she said this, Tevos bowed her head slightly, closing her eyes to avoid the brightness or maybe the truth of her own words. It had taken a lot for Shepard to restrain her reaction long enough to hear the end of the sentence.

_"The Reapers are doing that right now…"_

_"Which is why I'm bringing this to you."_

_"I appreciate the help." _Truth be told, her tone had been strained. She had felt frustration about the war, anger at the mere thought of the reapers, and it had all come out in that sentence. Apparently, the councilor picked up on that.

_"It is you who will be helping us… The matriarchs are growing desperate. For the first time in our history, Thessia is vulnerable." _This was apparently something she hadn't wanted to admit as Tevos turned, avoiding the commander's gaze. The tone of her next statement was almost grudging, and it surprised Shepard. This normally calm and collected asari was letting her serene mask crack. _"For all our intellect, we are greatly outmatched by Reaper firepower."_

_"I'll do what I can…"_ Having never been to Thessia herself, Shepard had hoped to see the Asari homeworld, but not when it was torn apart by reapers. Unfortunately, it seemed that was the only option. The answer she had given was sincere, though. Having done what she could for the Turians, Krogan, Salarians, Quarians, Geth, Volus, and Elcor, she hoped to at least give the Asari hope; even if it was something that she was running in short supply of.

_"Whether you know it or not, you've become the sole ray of hope in a very dark night…" _Tevos had finally faced her, the strict composure that she had been famous for faltering slightly as she had stepped forward, placing a hand on Shepard's shoulder. _"Goddess be with you."_

It had been fleeting, but Shepard had reacted, closing her eyes at the councilor's touch. She placed a hand on the asari's right shoulder; her body tensing slightly under Shepard's hand and then it had relaxed. That moment had been one of the rare ones where there was a simple comfort in closeness and reassurance. Unfortunately, due to commotion outside the office, it was short to last. Having chosen to head straight to Thessia, Shepard found the reapers had already invaded and were tearing the asari homeworld apart. Liara had already stated that she was going down there, and Javik was a good second choice. The planet was ravaged; fires, bodies, husks, and screams.

The initial meeting with Lieutenant Kurin was as expected. She and her unit were almost wiped out. They were holding the husks off with a barrier, but even that was giving way as the asari commandoes were pushed to their limits. Javik had given them courage with his statement about the lieutenant, reading that she was a fighter and that she had the strength to get through this hardship. Passing that checkpoint though, was the beginning of a quick but brutal rush for the temple of the Goddess Athame. Reaching outpost Tykis, Shepard saw the reaper closest to them; it tore airborne asari out of the sky, sending half of talon squad crashing to the ground. Two gunships were still able to fly though, Talon 1 and 5. They provided assistance as Shepard, Liara, and Javik aided the remainder of the outpost's guard, one commando. Thankfully, they weren't alone for long. A crippled commando unit led by what appeared to be two justicars showed up, providing cover for the one asari that had to tend to a serious wound.

Pressing forward, they had taken down two harvesters, countless husks, and a banshee before reaching the temple's entrance, which was locked down with military encryption. While Liara worked to crack it, Shepard had seen the one identified as Talon 5 going down, the asari pilot managing to lower herself to the ground with her biotics. Turning away, she saw the barrier fall, leaving the temple vulnerable. Inside, many artifacts were displayed, but something was wrong. The science team that Tevos had ordered there was nowhere to be found. Walking through the center of the structure, they found the bodies of three asari. Throats slit and fear permanently imprinted on their faces, the three had been attacked, but not by reapers. Approaching the statue of the Goddess herself, Shepard was uneasy. Cold washed over her in waves, a dull aching manifested all over her body, and she heard faint whispers; the language was alien, dead, Prothean.

Finding the artifacts that triggered the beacon, she had little time to examine it. A VI called Vendetta appeared, explaining that the crucible hadn't been a prothean weapon, but it was one that had been modified and expanded through the cycles. Detecting an "indoctrinated presence", the VI went into security lockdown, revealing Kai Leng's approach. The Cerberus assassin distracted them by opening a comm link with the Illusive Man, who still insisted on controlling the reapers rather than killing them. When he ended communications, Shepard saw that the distraction had worked. A gunship was closing in on the temple.

The confrontation was short, the gunship easily keeping the squad occupied while Leng recharged. Though Shepard had kept taking shots at him, she was overwhelmed by gunfire. Hearing him order Cerberus to target the supports, Shepard found herself falling, searching for anything to keep her in this fight. Using ridges in the stone below, she had managed to get back up to the surface, only to nearly fall again. Thankfully Liara and Javik were close enough to stop that from happening. Though able to get back on solid ground, the damage was done. The temple was a shell of its former glory, the data from the beacon was gone, and Leng was getting away. In a last attempt, she had moved forward, firing at him, hoping to slow him down enough…

Through smoke, the gunship took flight, leaving Thessia in a state of ruin. Reapers descended, their tentacle like structure engulfing all that lay below them, burning paths across the surface of the asari homeworld with their angry red weapons systems. Screams were heard, both on the comm and in the air.

_"…Is anyone on this frequency? This is Lieutenant Kurin… My squad is trapped!"_

_"This is Shepard, give us your location."_

_"I repeat, is anyone on this frequency!"_

_"We read you. Give us your-"_

_"…The lieutenant is down! The whole zone is collapsing! What happened to Shepard, did they make it to the temple? I saw them… Wait! I've got a reaper inbound!"_

_"Please, is anyone there…" _Another asari's voice over the comm, and Shepard could only watch as two reapers loomed closer to their evac point and outpost Tykis. "_Oh Goddess… No!" _

_"Cortez, get to that outpost and get them out of there, then meet back at the evac point! The lieutenant and her squad are getting massacred!"_

_"On it, Commander. You sure you can get back there?"_

_"Go! I'll get there one way or another!"_

Liara had placed a hand on her shoulder, watching the grim expression set in on Shepard's face. Shaking it off had been hard, but knowing that this temple wasn't going to hold out was what kept her going. Nodding to the path they had taken to get here, Shepard moved forward, ignoring the husks, rachni, and turian and asari abominations. Seeing Systems Alliance emblem, she recognized the Kodiak as it moved away from outpost Tykis.

_"How many were left, Cortez?"_

_"Five in all, Commander. Two justicars, a lieutenant, and two more commandoes. Headed back to the evac point now. Still getting comm chatter from Kurin's squad. Can't get through though. Must be reaper interference."_

_"Keep trying. They need something to keep themselves alive…"_

_Aye aye, Commander."_

Bypassing Tykis altogether, Shepard, Javik, and Liara moved through the newly formed trenches where the reapers had attacked, finding them useful though hard to escape fire from. Though they were a direct path, they were exposed to everything. Husks came from both sides surrounding them, but Shepard found it similar to the collector base; so long as they kept moving forward, there wasn't much the skeletal creatures could do.

As the bridge loomed closer, they saw the barrier collapse as the asari were ordered into the shuttle. Shepard recognized Kurin limping behind, having been the one to tell them to move ahead of her. Pulling Liara out of the trench, the trio approached. She saw the oddly bent left leg of the asari lieutenant and moved quickly, pulling Kurin's left arm over her shoulder, keeping the pressure off of what looked to be a crippling injury.

_"Shepard… Did you…" _The hopeful look in the lieutenant's eyes was quickly snuffed out. Dread easily replaced it. _"Goddess no…"_

_"We got there, but Cerberus…"_

_"Thessia has fallen…"_

They had reached he shuttle, Shepard being the last to enter it. The commandoes, jusicars, and her squad took their last looks at the ruined homeworld as she had pulled the door closed. The quick flight back to the Normandy had been silent. No one said a word in regard to the burning world below them. Upon reaching the ship, the passengers of the shuttle went their separate ways; Javik headed for the starboard cargo bay, leaving the bulk of the group to leave on the crew deck. Liara went to her quarters, while the other asari from Thessia headed for the med bay at Shepard's request. Though most of them looked fine, it never hurt to have Chakwas look over them. Better to be safe than die from an internal injury. She herself headed for deck one, ready to rid herself of her armor.

Reaching her quarters, Shepard immediately loosened the bindings keeping her armor plating on. Now that she was alone, the frustration from what had just happened came crashing down on her. Removing the chestplate, shoulder guards, and gauntlets, she tossed them haphazardly onto the sofa, deciding to polish and buffer them later. Doing the same with the lower armor, she eyed the dress uniform that lay on the edge of the bed. Picking it up, along with a charcoal undershirt, Shepard headed for the shower, placing the uniform and other clothing on a shelf away from the range of the shower head. Upon removing the under-armor clothing she had been wearing, Shepard tossed it into that same alcove, not caring about where it landed at the moment.

The shower was brief but it did what it was intended to do, relieve a fraction of the pain she felt. Knowing that most of that pain wouldn't go away with pulsing hot water, she resigned herself to take what little comfort she could from this now rare opportunity. With the water and soap running down her body, Shepard grimaced. Her hand had brushed one of the scars that marked her body from Akuze. It was a long burn scar where a thresher maw had succeeded in penetrating her armor with its acidic spray. Skin still a bit rough, Shepard had to marvel at Miranda's detail in the Lazarus project. They had wanted to bring her back exactly as she had been, and they meant it. Shaking her head to remove the last bits of soap from her hair, Shepard's time alone with her thoughts had ended. The time had come to face what had happened on Thessia, and worse, report it back to Tevos herself. Shepard had no doubt that the councilor was awaiting any news possible. Donning the dress uniform and making sure her hair was over three fourths dry, Shepard headed back down to the CIC where Specialist Traynor reported that shouts had been heard in the starboard cargo bay.

_"There seems to be an argument brewing in the cargo bay, Commander. Glyff reported that Dr. T'Soni went to see Javik down there a few moments ago…"_

_"Really, now?" _The question had been directed more at herself than Samantha, who picked up on that immediately, simply shrugging in return. Turning abruptly, the commander had made her way down to the engineering deck, heading straight for Javik's quarters; she walked in on that argument that Traynor had mentioned.

_"That's not true! We earned our place in the galaxy!"_

_"Stop denying the truth, Asari. YOUR people took the knowledge of MY people from the beacon."_

_"I have a name; it's Liara T'Soni, and I'd appreciate it if you'd use it once in a while!"_

_"Hey, settle down… Both of you." _Gripping Liara's shoulder, Shepard had pulled her back, the asari maiden's biotics still flaring.

_"My home was just destroyed, and all he can do is gloat!" _The venom in Liara's tone was something Shepard had only heard one other time; Spectre Tela Vasir had been on the receiving end of it then. Grimacing at the inevitable, Shepard had chosen her words carefully.

_"Look, you two can resolve these issues later. Now is definitely not the time. I get that Thessia is still fresh on both of your minds right now. It is still in mine. I need both of you focused and ready to work with each other to end this, not against each other. I can't handle two wars at once, and I can't afford to lose either one of you. Figure this out later."_

Without another word, she had turned and exited the cargo bay, leaving the two remaining speechless. It had been hard enough without having to play diplomat on her own ship. Entering the lift, she heard footsteps. Looking away from the controls, she saw Liara entering and standing beside her. Selecting deck two, Shepard stood with her back against the side of the lift, eyeing Liara with a curious look.

_"You're right, Shepard. We can't fight a war if we're too busy fighting each other. I don't know what has been going through my head… I had this thought of what all protheans were like from my research, and it turns out some of them can be more stubborn than Wrex…"_

_"I know. He wasn't what I expected either, but he is who he is…"_

_"Very true… and there's nothing to do for it. He is a soldier, not one of the brilliant scientists of his time."_

The lift stopped, revealing the galaxy map ahead. Instead of looking over it, Shepard made a quick right and headed for the war room, knowing that she had a call to make. Bypassing the conference room, she saw the commandoes and justicars looking over displays in the war room, some of Thessia, and others of the galaxy as a whole. Nodding to them as she passed, Shepard saw Liara join Kurin and her squad as she entered the comm room. Leaning against the wall, she found it hard to cross the room and make the call to the Citadel. Knowing what she would have to say and the councilor's predicted reaction, it made Shepard almost want to leave and completely ignore what had just happened. Seeing the indicator flashing and hearing the repeated notification of a call coming through, she felt her heart sink, carving an icy path through her body as it went. Liara had happened to be passing by the doorway as this happened.

_"You know you'll eventually have to answer that…"_

_"Yeah."_ Pushing herself off from the wall, Shepard placed a hand against the flashing panel on the console, accepting the call as it came through. The grainy form of the councilor appeared, her voice warped by interference.

_"Commander Shepard, is that you?"_ Shepard barely made out what was being said due to the issues with the comm network. It cleared up secondarily though. _"Commander?"_

_"Councilor... The mission-"_

_"We've lost all contact with Thessia. The entire planet has gone dark…" _The distortion was back, and during this, Shepard thought of just how she was going to break the news to the woman before her, knowing what her next question was going to be. _"How soon will the crucible be ready to deploy?"_

_"Councilor I…" _This had been the hard part. Words stayed somewhere caught between her brain and her throat; they were unable to be formed. With her mind in a fog, she pressed on blindly. _"I wish the news was better… We didn't get the information."_

_"What happened?"_

_"Cerberus was there. We… were defeated. We don't know how to finish the crucible…" _There, she had said it. The words had been blunt but true. In her mind, the thought that she had personally failed kept repeating itself, making it all worse. The councilor had raised her right arm, using her hand to massage her forehead momentarily while propping it up with her left hand. Stress was apparently in abundance right now, and Shepard could do nothing to relieve it.

_"I… I don't know what to say…" _She had paused, deep in thought for a moment, and then her eyes widened. _"What was the situation on Thessia?"_

_"Deteriorating fast… The reapers are there in strength…"_

_"Then if you'll excuse me... There are preparations to make, continuity of civilization to consider-" _Tevos' voice had cracked at that point, leaving Shepard feeling worse, if possible. _"…I never thought this day would come…" _The councilor was shaking slightly. Shepard knew it wasn't the vid-comm glitching. That happened enough during her talks with Anderson to know the difference. Tevos lowered her head, closing her eyes, and Shepard could have sworn she saw a solitary tear escape…

_"None of us did. Councilor, I'm-" _ Tevos' image faded before she could finish her statement, the last word hanging in the air as it was whispered. _"-sorry…"_

From then on, it was a blur. The anger, self-loathing, and all around bitterness that seemed to be manifesting, got worse. She went through Sanctuary in a fog; Feeling more like a drone than anything. Managing to get Miranda's sister, Oriana, out of there in one piece, she had returned to the ship only to be confronted by Steven Hackett. Now, she sat here in starboard observation, still searching for that happiness that she had mentioned more than a year ago.

**A/N 2:** I'm open to feedback of all kinds, but keep the flames to a minimum if you will. First attempt, so don't go too hard on me. XD Thanks for reading. I'll try to have the next update posted in a few days. Also, for those who haven't picked up on it, there will be spoilers for the Citadel DLC in this fic, so keep that in mind when reading.


	2. Dreams Or Reality

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Two: Dreams Or Reality_

**A/N:** I'm surprised at the reception of this story. I haven't written anything for a while here, and this is my debut in the ME fanverse, so thanks to all who stopped and checked it out. Enjoy chapter two and please let me know if there are any errors or issues with clarity.

* * *

The door, hissing as it opened, startled Shepard from her thoughts. Having been lost in the endless stars, she had tried to forget that anyone else existed. Turning to see just who had entered, she was a bit surprised to see Garrus and Lieutenant Kurin enter. Nodding to them both, Shepard returned her gaze to the window. Joker's voice kept her from losing herself in its view, though.

"Commander, we're getting reports that several Asari ships are leaving Thessia. Seen reports of twelve justicars getting off world. When Samara said there were only a few left, she wasn't kidding. I'll keep you posted."

"Thanks, Joker." Her tone reflected her posture right now, defeated. Seeing the two newcomers sitting down as well, there was the slightest urge to get up and leave, but Garrus' next words kept her there.

"Shepard thought I'd find you here. You spent a lot of time here during our last suicide run. I won't ask if you're doing alright. I already know the answer. So what's with this shore leave? Odd time to take it…"

"I know, that's what I don't get. Since when does Hackett tell us to take a break when there's so much more we could be doing…?" Shepard sat up a bit, resting her elbows on her knees. It didn't take long for her head to fall into her hands. "We just lost another homeworld, and he thinks it's a great time for dry dock…"

"Well, got to admit, the old girl could use a tune up. We've put her through some crazy shit, Shepard. No need for the Normandy to fall apart when we need her most…" Garrus shifted a bit, turning to face his CO more directly. Besides, you could use the vacation."

"I've heard that so many times in the last hour…" Looking over at the turian, she sighed. "I just wish people would stop worrying about me. I'm fine. I'll get through this just like everything else."

"That's the problem, Shepard."

Kaidan's voice caught her off guard. Looking back, she saw him enter, round the benches, and sit down next to her. Seeing him and Garrus share a glance, she frowned. This earned her a chuckle from the latter.

"Oh so you two had this planned, huh?" Letting one hand drop, Shepard settled for turning her head to face the remainder of the room, giving up any chance of solitude for the moment. "Don't tell me this conversation was planned out and rehearsed, too." At that, she saw a ghost of a smile grace the lieutenant's lips as she observed the interaction between the three.

"Not exactly, but Garrus and I did talk about it… along with Tali, Liara, Joker, and a few others." Kaidan confirmed her suspicions. Before continuing. "You've dealt with so much and you still keep going. One of these days it is really going to wear you down… Not that I want that to happen."

"I appreciate the concern; I really do, but now is just not the time… and how many people were in on this?"

"A few." Garrus confirmed with a playful edge to his voice. This earned him an eye roll from Shepard, which made him laugh.

"Seriously, Commander, when is the right time? I know I don't need to remind you of this, but we're in the middle of a war; one we may not see the flip side of."

"Way to boost morale, Major." The dry humored response was enough to get a laugh out of all of them. Shepard had to smile at Kaidan's almost exasperated look. "I'm well aware we aren't guaranteed tomorrow… The first collector attack on the Normandy was enough…" Knowing the tension that statement would cause if left where it was, she continued. "Fine, I'll attempt to find something to do to occupy my time on the Citadel. How's that?"

"Fair enough." Kaidan had a brief look of dissatisfaction, one that Shepard missed, but Garrus caught. He continued speaking in a lighter tone to mask his momentary disappointment. "So I hear Hackett ordered you there. Any ideas where specifically?"

"Tiberius Towers. Said he'd forward the address to me over the extranet. No clue why there though. I guess I'll find out soon enough."

"Tiberius Towers? Damn, Shepard…" Garrus' mandibles flared at this, his subharmonics more evident in his voice. "Kind of like the 800 block but in more of a club setting. How'd you wind up there?"

"Like I said, no clue. I'll check my terminal when I get back to it and find out more details." Deciding to move away from this topic, deeming it too cheerful, and Shepard's eyes fell on the lieutenant again. She was looking at something on her omni tool. From what Shepard could see, it was regarding Thessia. A stab of pain caused her to lean back against the bench, whether it was physical or emotional, it didn't matter. She felt it. "Lieutenant, how are you and the others holding up?" This got the desired effect. Kaidan and Garrus looked at each other, sharing a look of dread.

"As well as expected, Commander. I'm surprised at how the justicars are keeping the morale up. Normally they state the blunt and cold facts, making it harder to cope with…" Kurin grimaced at what appeared to be casualty rates, the number climbing easily. "Damn it."

"Yeah, Samara could have a touch of that herself. It was good to see her on Lesuss." Garrus remarked quietly, remembering the time the justicar had been aboard the ship. "She'd tell you the truth, no matter how it hurt, but she had our backs in a fight. I'll give her that. We need more like her. She's committed."

"That's an understatement." Shepard said this, her thoughts returning to the justicar. "Willing to give her all for the code… It was an honor having her here, let alone fighting beside her."

"I saw her on Thessia a few weeks ago. She was there correlating with the other justicars. It is good to know that all of them have survived. She spoke highly of you, Commander."

"You said all of them survived… There are only thirteen left?" This was surprising. Samara had said on the Citadel that their numbers were dropping but she had no idea they were that low. "Wow…"

"Yes. Few have what it takes anymore. No doubt she told you that most become justicars for personal reasons, not just deciding on a whim to throw down their lives and embrace the code…" Kurin disabled the omni tool's display, choosing to stop torturing herself with information on the suffering of her people. "There just aren't that many that will do that anymore." She paused, taking a slow breath. "I can't look at this right now… The squad is still poring over crucible status reports and the situation on Thessia. I heard it didn't go well with the councilor though."

"No…" That was still at the forefront. Tevos had been a shell of her usual self which, given the circumstances, was completely understandable. "It didn't. I've never seen her like that before. I can relate though. Seeing Earth attacked…"

"I read the reports on Earth as they came in. I guess it isn't surprising that they're hitting Earth like they are. You, a human, took one of them down, or at least that's how they see it."

"I guess I don't blame the others for looking at that stuff. I wanted the crucible done and deployed long before it came to this… As far as checking back on Thessia, I did the same with Earth; still do when I can."

"Yeah. It almost makes you want to give up, but at the same time it pushes you forward. How's Liara T'Soni doing? I saw that she was with you when you headed for the temple. I assume she wouldn't be taking this too well either."

"No. She already had a fight with our resident prothean." Garrus said this, chuckling a little. "Had high hopes for him. Ah well, Javik is what the war turned him into, I suppose."

"Aren't we all…" Shepard turned back to the window, for a second, thinking about their argument. "Yeah I should go check in on her. I take it you know what was in the temple now?"

"Yes and I can't believe it… Why would the Asari high command do such a thing? It is against Citadel regulations to withhold prothean data…" Kurin shook her head, eyes narrowed. "It makes you wonder what else people are keeping secret."

"I wonder how much the councilor knew about this…" Kaidan said this, arms folded across his chest. "I mean… She sends you here, saying there is this 'artifact' on Thessia. Do you think she knew?"

"I don't know…" Remembering the entire vid-comm conversation, the commander wanted to say that she didn't. Unfortunately, unless she came out and asked Tevos about it, it could go either way.

"I would hope not." Garrus stood, looking toward the door. "If Sporatus did something like that, I'd rip him a new one. We can't afford secrets like that."

"And worse, it seems Benezia knew…" Shepard stood as well, deciding to check in on Liara sooner rather than later.

"Yeah… Did she ever talk with her 'father' by chance?"

"Yeah. Took some prompting, but she did finally talk to her. Aethyta did warn me that if I was really with Cerberus, I wouldn't be going anywhere near her girl." Shepard laughed at that. Though she and Liara weren't together anymore, the two years dead having changed them, it had done her some good hearing the matriarch say that. "I'll check in on her. I've got some reports to file and preparations to make before we get to the Citadel. If anyone needs anything, you know where to find me."

"Aye aye, Commander." Kaidan remained where he was, looking over something on his own omni tool. "I'll assume that's in your cabin or here."

"Basically." Walking out of the observation lounge, she followed Garrus to an extent. He headed for the main battery, while she made a left, toward the old XO's office. After the doors closed behind her, she noticed Liara on her bed. Looking over a few data pads at once, she was in a conversation with EDI. Standing back and looking over the nearby terminal, she opted to let the two finish out what they had been speaking of before approaching. From what she could tell, it was about Benezia and whether or not she was protecting Liara from the truth or if it was something else. Hearing Liara thank the AI, Shepard looked up, seeing Liara return to a defeated posture. Approaching slowly, Liara began without preamble.

"How did this happen, Shepard? My entire civilization, the Asari's history; the Protheans made it a lie all along… and I abandoned my people to hunt for the catalyst…"

"You would never do that." Shepard turned her back to Liara for a moment. It hadn't been Liara's failure. She hadn't abandoned her people. She and the rest of them had been trying to save the Asari and all other races by building an army, building a scientific think-tank to build the crucible, and to build morale.

"They're dying by the millions! I told those people on Thessia that we'd save them! How many asari died… because I demanded their help-"

"None." The finality in her tone was unsuppressed. Shepard leaned forward, pressing her hands down against the mattress; leaning forward to get as close as possible from her position. None of them had died because of Liara. They had died because of her, Shepard's failure to stop Kai Leng and Cerberus from getting the prothean VI. They had died because the reapers were taking the most advanced civilization in this cycle down by force. No, they hadn't died because of Liara…

"Shepard, that isn't true…" Liara looked up, her blue eyes meeting those of her CO, who straightened up, pacing a bit as she made her point.

"You've been warning your people for four years, Liara. There isn't a damned thing you should feel guilty about. If we move fast enough, they'll have a chance to survive this, to start again. We lost Thessia, but we haven't lost the Asari yet." Having moved to Liara's terminal, Shepard purposefully brought up refugee reports, looking over them, hoping to find some form of inspiration. Hearing movement, she spotted Liara getting up from the corner of her eye. As the asari approached, Shepard stepped back.

"Helping the refugees is something I can do. It's something I owe them…"

"I knew you'd think of something." Her work here was done. Liara focused on the display before her, fingers putting in commands to view the full reports of casualties, refugees, and the like from Thessia.

"I still need some time Shepard," Liara turned her head slightly, looking over her shoulder at the retreating form of the commander. "but thank you."

Nodding as she left, Shepard saw Tali standing at the memorial wall, speaking to Garrus via omni tool about Liara. Knowing that the two were concerned was good. Liara needed them right now. Even if it was just as a friendly presence, she needed them. Walking around to the lift again, she nodded to Tali, entering the lift. Her quarters were a place where she could attempt to think, meditate, or simply work until she fell asleep. The latter had been occurring more frequently as of late. Selecting deck one, she thought of just what to do first. The armor still lay out, ready to be buffered from Sanctuary, she had the reports to file on Thessia and Sanctuary, and then there was that nagging voice in the back of the head telling her to sleep. The ride up was short, as it always was, and Shepard stepped out, crossing the short space to her cabin door. Upon opening it, she saw her terminal flashing.

Moving to her desk to check her messages, she saw the first, something from Steven Hackett. Deciding to wait to open it, she scrolled through the others. One was an alert that had been delayed in its forwarding to her. Reading it, Shepard closed her eyes in brief sorrow. It seemed Rana Thanoptis, the asari scientist that she had encountered on Virmire and again working with Warlord Okeer, had gone through and murdered five high ranking asari military officials. The report stated that she had been hearing voices telling her to do it to prepare the Asari for ascension. She had killed the officials and a team of scientists, while injuring many others. While in custody, Thanoptis mentioned the voices and showed signs of *odd* behavior. In a moment of lucidity, she had stated to an asari captain that she "had no choice, the voices wouldn't go away. They got louder and louder" and that she couldn't take it anymore. Breaking through the biotic containment field, Thanoptis had retrieved the captain's gun, shooting herself in the head. Shepard thought back to that scientist and her two encounters with her. Rana had been forced to work in Saren's base on Virmire, and she had done the tank imprints for the Krogan Okeer had been breeding. Grunt had mentioned a female voice. Scrolling down the rest of the report, Shepard blinked at the name of the asari captain that had reported Rana's last actions; Anaya T'Seris.

"Come up in the world, eh Detective?" Saying this to herself, Shepard allowed herself the slightest of smiles. The purple hued detective she remembered on Illium would make a good addition to the military. The impression the commander got from her in their brief encounters was that Anaya didn't take any shit from anyone, was fair, level headed, and sarcastic. She couldn't vouch for the detective, now captains, combat skills, but on Illium, they had to be pretty good. Being relatively close to an Eclipse base, she surely had to hold her own in combat with them.

The next message was from Shiala, the asari commando that had been sacrificed to the Thorian as a means of communication between it and Saren. She had been the one to meld with Shepard, passing along the Cipher, so that the commander could make sense of the two messages from the beacons on Eden Prime and Virmire. After that, she had stayed behind, assisting the colonists of Zhu's Hope in their hope to rebuild. Shepard had crossed paths with her again on Illium; the asari's skin, once indigo, now green from the effects of the Thorian. The message simply stated that she and the other colonists had left Feros after the reapers had headed into the system. They were now aboard the Citadel for a few weeks; the colonists requesting shelter, and she awaiting transport to return to the warfront. She mentioned that if Shepard was around, that they might meet and hopefully catch up... She moved from her terminal to the sofa, where she sat looking over mission reports filed by Joker. Skimming through them, her mind started to wander. Thinking of their meeting on Illium, Shepard allowed herself the slightest amount of comfort

Shiala had been there attempting to persuade the Baria Frontiers' representative to amend their contract with the Zhu's Hope colony. The contract allowed the research group to run tests, painful and invasive ones, without the colonists' consent. This amendment would still allow them to run tests, but only to better the colonists, not traumatize them. So far, Shiala had no luck with it, but that changed when Shepard spoke to Erynya, the representative in the transport hub, about it. Finding out about the asari's two daughters, Nylena and Saphyria's deaths aboard the Citadel during Saren's attack, Shepard felt her loss. Both young asari had been exceptionally pleasant. In the end, the contracts were amended, and Shiala had been prepared to head back to Feros on the next transport. Fortunately, that was three days away.

She and Shepard had gone to Eternity bar, hoping to get Feros, Cerberus, the Collectors, the Thorian, and, in Shepard's case, the break up between herself and Liara, off their minds. Aethyta had done just that. Both human and asari were feeling a slight buzz when leaving the bar a few hours later. It wasn't enough to inhibit them, more or less to get them talking about everything under the sun. They had walked back to Shiala's hotel in Nos Astra, Shepard killing time while some new upgrades were installed aboard the Normandy. Once there, they had settled into comfortable conversation.

_"It's been some time… I have to ask, how has the Cipher been treating you?"_

_"I haven't had any real issues. I still see the visions from the beacon every now and again, though…" _What Shepard neglected to tell her was that the visions were almost permanently imprinted into her brain now. Courtesy of the Lazarus project, in order to ensure that she kept her memories intact, the team had flooded her brain with synthetic drell neurochemicals. This had made her past and future memories mimic those of the aforementioned species. Some days, Shepard would lapse into her memories, still able to pull herself out, but at night, the control she exerted ceased to exist. _"Most of the time, I dream about it though…"_

_"I see." _Shiala's tone had been slightly strained. She could relate, which Shepard found out seconds later, and the thought of what Shiala was going through, ultimately due to Saren, was painful. _"The Cipher haunts me. I see what you saw, the visions, and yet I also feel the warnings, feel the desperation. My time with the Thorian changed me; I'll say it made me appreciate my life more, but at the same time, it makes me hate it. I haven't been the same. I experience that forced meld in my dreams and waking hours. I feel its presence, but I know it isn't there. I'll never understand the Thorian. It is as alien to me as it was then, but my brain seems to keep trying to make sense of it… and I can't."_ Shepard had heard the frustration and anger in Shiala's voice; heard the resentment, fear, and the pain. She had touched Shiala's shoulder, causing the asari to jump, pulled from her memories.

_"That kind of existence can't be easy. You feel a ghostly presence, one that you want, with your entire being, to forget."_ Having not gone into real detail, Shepard had reflected on the events on Akuze. The thresher maw attack had destroyed her entire unit, either wiping them out or in Tombs' case, forcing them into Cerberus' hands for experimentation. That had changed her, caused her to start over, under Captain Anderson. Udina, stubborn but willing to listen to Hackett and Anderson, had assigned her to the Normandy, adding her to the list for Spectre candidacy. It was a part of her life she would rather forget, but the scars and the memories of that attack were still there. _"I can definitely relate…"_

_"I'm sure… With all that you've been through, I'd bet there's pages of your life you'd like to erase."_

_"Oh yeah... There are."_

They had been sitting in front of a large window overlooking Nos Astra, their chairs turned away from it due to the setting sun. Nothing between them but a small round coffee table, they had turned, facing each other fully, still within less than an arm's reach of each other. Seeing something in the asari's dark eyes, Shepard knew something else was troubling her. It was in the way Shiala looked at her, but then again, it was almost a blank stare the second she tried to define it.

_"There's something else, isn't there? Something besides the change of skin color."_

_"Yes, there is." _Uncertainty took over in Shiala's tone. Searching for the right words to define her emotions, she leaned forward in thought. Shepard did the same, propping her chin up with her left hand, elbow on the armrest. _"Something I… can't explain." _What she couldn't explain was easily read in her eyes. Dark, almost black, they burned with an intensity unmatched. It sent a chill through Shepard's body, one that she hadn't felt since her mission through the Mu relay to Ilos, when she was in Liara's arms. Edging forward, she barely heard Shiala's last words. _"Something I'll never-"_

That was enough. Closing the distance quickly, Shepard let emotions take over. As her lips brushed Shiala's her right hand found its way past the asari's face, wrapping around her slender neck, and finally came to rest against the sensitive folds of her skin at the base of her skull. This caused Shiala to gasp in surprise, Shepard taking full advantage of it. Deepening the kiss, she felt Shiala's arms wrapping around her, fingers resting just at her spine. Eyes closing, Shepard saw the green of Shiala's eyelids. Slowly moving her hand up and down the back of the asari's head, she felt ten fingers press into her back. Unfortunately, the need for air started nagging at them both; the kiss being so sudden. Slowly breaking apart, they both merely lowered their heads, foreheads resting against one another.

_"…Understand…" _Breathless, Shiala looked up, hearing her terminal sound with a new message notification. _"Probably Lizbeth checking in… That can wait."_ Resting her forehead against Shepard's again, she took a few shaky breaths. _"Goddess…"_

_"What about that…"_ Shepard paused; voice low but gentle. _"…didn't you understand?"_

_"Oh I understood that…"_ One of Shiala's hands moved from its place at Shepard's shoulder to softly brush the side of her face. _"Loud and clear… Damnit."_

_"Guess it can't wait."_ The terminal was still chiming with the notification, clearly marked urgent. Shiala grudgingly got up, breaking all contact with the commander. Having crossed the room, she inspected her terminal, frowning when she opened the message discovering it was a vid mail.

_Shiala, I hope this gets to you. We need those contracts changed now. Some of these people are freaking out at the mention of anymore tests. As sick and fragile as they are right now, they can't afford to say no, regardless. When you get this, let me know if they will amend the contracts or if we need to get an outside opinion. This is out of hand." _

Seeing Shiala input a response to Lizbeth's vid mail, Shepard could see the worry lines as they appeared on the asari's face. Even as they had kissed, she could feel the asari shaking. It was a tremor that wasn't really noticeable unless you actually touched her. Right now, Shepard was seeing it worsen. When she was done with the response, Shiala locked her terminal and crossed back to the chair, nearly collapsing. Standing up, Shepard easily caught her, stabilizing her before she fell forward.

_"Shit, what did that thing do to you…?"_

_"I'm sorry, Shepard… I-"_

_"Don't apologize. Is this the Thorian or something else?" _Keeping a steady arm around Shiala's waist, Shepard led her to the bed, which was closer than the abandoned armchair in the small hotel room. Easing her down, Shiala stayed in a sitting position, head falling forward in her hands, which were visibly trembling. Sitting down beside her, Shepard felt Shiala's hands fall, her head resting against the commander's shoulder.

_"This… Wasn't the doing of the Thorian." _Her voice was just as bad as her body at this point. Shepard took both of her hands, easily enclosing them in her own. _"This is a result of… the tests they're running. They're supposed to be stopping all of this, easing their pain… and-"_

_"And look at what it's done to you." _Feeling a mixture of anger and sorrow, Shepard felt Shiala's hands leave hers; the asari's arms wrapping around her. _"Hopefully this will all change… I can't see you like this." _With that, Shepard lowered her head slightly, her lips grazing Shiala's green crest. Within seconds, the asari's body stopped shaking, and a tension settled within it. Shiala was forcing it to remain still. This caused Shepard to pull back slightly, her blue eyes locking on Shiala's dark ones. _"What is it?"_

_"I'm tired of feeling as if I'm going to fall apart. I can't stand feeling this way… Throughout all of this, since the Thorian, I have wanted to feel whole again. That thing took that from me, stole a sense of stability that I would do anything to get back."_ Like her body, her voice was stronger, eyes sharper, and all traces of that weakness were gone. Her next words made Shepard feel as if a fire had started in her chest and was spiraling through the rest of her body. It was a feeling that she hadn't experienced, but that she wanted to see and feel again. _"But tonight, just now, I felt complete; for the first time in over two years. I have you to thank for that." _Feeling cool lips on hers, Shepard had easily succumbed to Shiala's words. Feeling her head hit the pillow, she felt the gentle weight of the asari commando on her body. She felt the folds of sensory skin at the back of Shiala's head under her fingertips, and she saw the asari's biotics flare, eyes glowing blue. _"Shepard… Embrace eternity."_

Jerking slightly, Shepard felt the data pad slide off her leg and hit the floor. Opening her eyes, she found herself in her cabin, on the sofa, and Joker's report on the floor at her feet. Hearing the gentle hum of the engine core, she straightened up, feeling her back crack in protest. Shaking her head to clear it, she could still hear Shiala's last two words in her ear, like a forgotten whisper. It had been a year, at least, since that night; the memory as clear as ever. Unfortunately, thanks to the synthetic drell neurochemicals, they were all that way. This one was especially vivid, though. Standing up, she felt a bit disoriented, reaching blindly for the hand rail as she closed her eyes to the blue light from the aquarium. Finding the rail, she moved up the few steps, and crossed to her bathroom. Tapping at the sink, she allowed the cold stream of water to run over her hands before lifting them to her face. Though a more than pleasant memory, it was still a little painful toward the end. The meld had been perfect, blissful in fact, until the last few seconds. Shepard had felt Shiala's hold faltering, and the asari had lost control altogether, falling back unconscious; her biotics still a wreck as a result of her time with the Thorian. Regardless, she had stayed there, holding the asari through the morning. She had seen the sadness and almost shame in Shiala's eyes when she realized what had happened. They didn't get any time to talk it over though. A transport headed to Feros was at Nos Astra early, and Shiala had to leave. She hadn't seen the asari since. This message about her on the Citadel was something of a relief. It was a chance at closure, or something. As the cold water ran down her face, Shepard exited the bathroom, looking at her terminal to check the time. 02:00. that meant she had all of seven hours before they would be hitting the relay to enter the Serpent nebula.

"I can't believe I fell asleep…" She descended the stairs again, picking up Joker's report as she went. Placing it on a night table, she removed the uniform jacket, hanging it on the chair at the desk near the bed. Finding her casual uniform still in the chair folded up from the last time she had worn it, for all of two hours, she kicked off the boots and removed the uniform pants, folding them and placing them where the other clothing had been seconds before. Donning the short sleeved shirt, the pants, and the black boots, Shepard settled on the bed, picking up the data pad again, and continuing where she left off; or where she thought she left off.

After reading it, she approved it and sent it on to the Systems Alliance. Having drafted her own report shortly after Sanctuary, Shepard had sent it on to the council. Knowing that she didn't really have to do so was more motive to do it. "I'll be damned if I turn out like Saren or Vasir, keeping the council in the dark…" Thinking about it, she had to amend her statement, "Or at least Saren." Because Tela Vasir was apparently a very well-known Spectre. Yes, she had relied on the Shadow Broker for information, but in a way, how could they not. He, or in Liara's case, she was there for a reason. It was a crude way of keeping a semblance of balance. Dropping the data pad back on the table, Shepard het her head fall back against the pillow. The memory of that night with Shiala had given her a slight headache. It wasn't the experience, more or less the vividness of it. She hadn't relived that or anything for that matter, in so much detail. Eyes closing against her will, Shepard couldn't resist the lull of the ship's engines and the smooth feeling of it gliding through the stars. Releasing her grip on awareness, she sank into sleep's embrace again, only this time, her dreams weren't nearly as pleasant.

Feeling the oppressive weight of smoke in the air, her eyes opened, revealing that same blackened forest. Shells of trees, swallowed in ash, stood, their branches reaching upward, in an attempt at grasping the endless depths of the grey sky. Hearing the sound of a child laughing, she scanned the plane of trees, eyes landing on a white jacket. Moving to pursue, she felt as if her body was moving through cement. A strain on every muscle, movements slow, she struggled to push forward.

Moving around tree trunks, following the very agile child through a maze of charred earth, she heard the whispers; People she knew to be dead, due to the reapers and the pursuit of Saren, their shadowy figures appearing out of thin air. Their voices were the same, as if they were all in a volatile position and were keeping them at a minimum; harsh whispers overwhelming her.

_"Shepard…"_

_"Go back and get the Lieutenant. You know it's the right call, LT…"_

_"Shepard-Commander…"_

_"His fingers at my spine… His teeth are at my ear… You must… Stop me!"_

Finally catching up with the boy, Shepard saw him surrounded by the shadowy figures of Mordin, Ashley, Legion, and Matriarch Benezia. They were all engulfed in a blood red light, the sound of the reapers echoing throughout, bouncing off invisible walls, the sound growing deafening. The boy started running, sounds of laughter turning to ones of fear. The shadows that had surrounded him swarmed around her, their voices growing in volume, louder and louder. Pushing past the forms of Ashley and Mordin, she felt the cold hand of Benezia on her shoulder.

_"Die."_

Shaking it off, she pressed on, keeping her focus on the boy ahead. When he finally stopped running, she caught up to him. Slowly turning on her, Shepard was met with a blank face; no emotion. The flicker of light below caught her attention, and to her horror, she saw white hot flames crawling up the boy's body, easily engulfing him. Clothes turning to black dust, skin turning an angry red and then blackening, Shepard wanted to hold a hand up to her eyes, shielding them from it. She found that she couldn't move. Body chilled from the touch of the fallen matriarch. As the flames reached his face, she tried closing her eyes. The skin burning and leaving a path of blood and bone in its wake. Unfortunately they didn't close fast enough. A skull, the picture of death, stared back at her, eyes hollow, blood just beyond their circular depths. Feeling herself fall forward as the ground beneath her lurched, she felt the husk-like remains wrap their burning fingers around her, her face meeting the flames, pushing in vain against the skeletal child in an attempt to get away, but was swallowed up in flames herself.

Eyes opening, Shepard found herself looking up into the haze of the Serpent nebula. A sudden wave of nausea and cold hit her, sending her bolting. Quickly collapsing to the floor in front of the toilet, she vomited. The events of that short but gruesome nightmare still fresh on her mind. Repeating this a few times, she managed to stand, expelling the contents of the toilet, and went to the sink again. Aside from throwing the water against her face, Shepard took in a few long sips of it. The cool liquid easing a path of relief down her throat. Stepping back, she observed her appearance in the mirror. Normally tanned skin looked pale, and it wasn't from the space travel. Her eyes still had the traces of dark circles from lack of a good night's sleep. In short, she looked a good bit worse for wear.

Shaking it off, she exited the bathroom again, heading for her dress uniform. Quickly shedding the one she had slept in, she folded it and left it on the bed for the moment. Unlacing her boots and removing them as well, Shepard replaced them with the boots from the dress uniform, after throwing on the pants to it. Keeping the grey undershirt on, Shepard donned the jacket, smoothing it out and making sure everything was in order. Looking through her wardrobe, she selected a few of the casual uniforms like the one she had discarded and another dress uniform, as well as the "costume" she had worn during her trip with Kasumi to Beckenstein to infiltrate Donnovan Hock's party. Folding everything, she pressed it down into an Alliance Navy travel bag, searching for spare toothbrush and the like to go along with it. Leaving the bag on the sofa, she fed the fish and checked the time. It was 09:10. They would be approaching the Citadel soon. Leaving the cabin, she headed to deck three for a quick cup of coffee before heading for the CIC and bridge on deck two.

Reaching the CIC with mug of coffee in hand, Shepard nodded her morning greeting to Traynor, heading for the bridge. It was quiet, but Liara was there, speaking with Joker. When the commander entered, they turned, Liara looking her over with concern. Joker beat her to the question, though.

"Hey, Commander. Sleep well?" Her answer surprised them all, Liara raising her eyebrows in concern.

"Honestly Joker, I don't know which one's worse at this point; dreams or reality…"

* * *

**A/N 2:** A bit slow moving, I know, but I'm trying to keep as close to character and add as much detail as I can. J Let me know if I go out of character or anything. I only got into ME in December of 2012, so I'm still pretty green at this.

**Warning:** There were a few mentions of Tiberius Towers in this chapter. This I leading into the Citadel DLC, so if you don't want to spoil it, I'd suggest playing it first before reading on. I'll be introducing it pretty soon. Otherwise, happy reading!


	3. Too Good To Be True

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Three: Too Good To Be True_

**Warning:** As mentioned in the last chapter, I will be going into the Citadel DLC in this one, so for those who haven't played it, if you want spoilers, they're here. If not, I'd suggest downloading and playing before reading this chapter. Thanks for reading so far, and enjoy!

* * *

Approaching the Citadel, having been hailed by Citadel Control and passed on to Alliance Tower, Joker had been directed to the usual bay, D-24, for preparations for dry dock. The instructions were that only those who had been aboard during the retrofitting could stay. Otherwise, the crew had to disembark for shore leave. This left the majority of the crew packing and planning their time aboard the station carefully. There seemed to be a good deal that could be done in the wards now that most of them had been restored. Zakera was still a good place to collect supplies and non-essentials, but Shepard had been directed to Tiberius Towers, an apartment complex off of the Silversun Strip. Still wary of this entire situation, she hadn't really spoken of it all that much. Travel bag in hand, she checked her private terminal one more time as she was prepared to leave her cabin. The message from Admiral Hackett did indeed give the address of the apartment she was to report to. Locking her terminal, Shepard left her cabin, choosing deck two on the lift's display.

Reaching the CIC, she saw everyone that was directed to leave waiting for the ship to dock. Feeling the ship tremble as it was secured, they headed for the airlock. Vega was one of the first out, stating that he was going to make the most of his shore leave while there was one to be had. Cortez followed, shaking his head. Garrus, Tali, Javik, and Chakwas proceeded after them, along with some of the other crewmen that Shepard didn't know personally. They had been the ones that were *trapped* aboard the ship when Joker and EDI took over. Kaidan, Joker, and EDI were next, Joker making a comment to Traynor to keep the mechs away from the helm. The asari from Thessia left next, Kurin and her squad, followed by the two justicars. Liara was behind them, pausing to look at Shepard, a hint of concern in her eyes.

"I assume you're not too fond of this diversion to the Citadel." It wasn't a question. Liara leaned against the airlock's frame, looking the commander over. "This just isn't the right time, is it?"

"Not in the slightest." Shepard motioned for the remainder of the crew to go ahead of them, Diana Allers nodding, heading the small group. "I've got better things to do than this."

"Unfortunately, it seems the admiral would disagree with you." Liara noted that they were the last ones aboard, choosing to start her descent onto the Citadel. "I won't tell you to relax and enjoy your time off… I know you won't do such a thing."

"Yeah." Shepard's very brief laugh caused the asari to smile to herself. Some of the crew had the ability to at least stir a little humor in the commander, and apparently she was one of them. "This whole thing is just inconvenient."

"Believe me, I know…" They entered the lift, the others having already gone down. "It will give us time to… I don't know… think about what is important here."

"Like what?" Shepard tapped the screen indicating that they wanted to go down to the main dock, and as the doors closed, she turned to Liara. "Sorry, I'm letting my bad mood interfere. Is Aethyta still aboard the station?"

"Yes." Liara propped her right arm up with her left hand, chin resting on her right hand. "I had tentative plans to meet with her. We haven't had much time to simply talk."

"While you've got the chance, take it." Reflecting on her thoughts of her parents, Shepard still felt a bitterness creep up within her. They were either dead or didn't give a shit about her at all. If they had, they would have made some form of contact after Akuze, or at least she hoped. "Trust me on that."

"I know… I heard rumors about your time on Earth as a child…"

"Yeah. Like I said, while you've got the chance, take it."

The lift came to a smooth stop; doors opening to reveal a few people, an Aveena terminal, and a security checkpoint. Seeing the keeper moving from the terminal back out onto the dock, Shepard took a moment to marvel at it. Eve in times of chaos, they worked. Chorban had been right; there was much about these caretakers that they didn't know. Liara waved, stating that she was headed for the Presidium Commons for her meeting with her "father", and Shepard looked to the public transit terminal. Selecting "Silversun Strip" from the display, she heard the shrill sound of a skycab as it glided into view. With it open, Shepard sat down in the back seat, the salarian driver's eyes widening, if possible, in recognition. Ignoring it, she looked out the window as they rose, moving away from the platform. The cab passed by docking bay E-24, and Shepard felt a stab of pain and guilt as she saw the countless asari standing around, some waiting for loved ones, others weeping for the loss of Thessia and their families. While it was hard to look at any refugee, whether it be Turian, Salarian, Batarian, or Human, the Asari were the ones that hurt the most; Thessia and her personal failure still deeply rooted in her mind. Eventually, she simply turned away from the windier; leaning her head back and closing her eyes.

The speed of the skycab decreased, and Shepard moved her now stiff neck, opening her eyes to the bright club scene of the Silversun Strip. Jaw dropping slightly in disbelief, she wondered just why Hackett would send her here of all places. Sure, the subtle thought was to have some fun and "let her hair down", but he should have known better than this. As the skycab pulled up next to the transit terminal, Shepard went for her credit chit, but the salarian waved it off.

"Already taken care of, Commander."

"Are you sure? By whom?"

"Admiral David Anderson of the Systems Alliance." His answer surprised her. She had almost expected the cabby to say Steven Hackett, but this was simply unexpected.

"Thanks." Not knowing just what else to say, Shepard stood, exiting the skycab when it opened. The salarian driving nodded a wry smile on his face.

"Certainly. Welcome to the Silversun Strip, Commander. Beware of the casino. I swear sometimes those things are rigged."

"Noted." A slight hint of amusement in her voice, Shepard watched as the red skycab took off, looking around at the presumed night life of the strip. Seeing the entrance to the tower to her right, she turned abruptly and entered the lobby, crossing it and entered a hallway that had a lift and another door around the corner. Hearing a voice, she almost jumped.

"You have received a new message."

"What the…" Passing the lift, she pressed a hand to the door; it opened, revealing a very… spacious apartment. The view was spectacular. The orange sunset filtering through the large windows gave the large space a soft glow. Sofas, a dual sided fireplace… It was all too much to take in. Traynor's voice interrupted Shepard's exploring.

"Commander, I've got Admiral Anderson on the QEC. Patching him in to you now." Hearing a beeping from somewhere, Shepard turned left at the door, seeing a display on the wall. Activating it, she saw a grainy video feed of Anderson looking back at her.

"Shepard."

"Admiral. How are you holding up?" The question was standard issue for her. Each time they had talked she had asked, hoping to get some intel on Earth and the troops there, but so far nothing. Today was no different.

"Day by day, Commander."

"Yeah." The flat tone to her voice mad Anderson raise an eyebrow, but he kept silent. "Hackett sent me a message about this apartment…"

"Yes. I want you to have it. Take it off my hands."

"Are you serious?" Surprise in her tone and shock on her face made the admiral smile. Taking a second to look around, Shepard couldn't believe what she had just heard. Anderson was simply leaving this place to her. He started speaking before her mind could wander any further, though.

"You need a place that's yours; somewhere to recharge, clear your head…"

Choosing to turn away from the display, Shepard walked a short distance, taking in just what he was telling her. Looking over the sitting room, kitchen, and observing a game table off in the distance, she inwardly cringed at the next statement.

"Kahlee wanted us to settle down there; thing is, the longer I'm on Earth, the less I want to leave… And I want as few loose ends out there as possible. Like I said, you'd be doing me a favor."

"…That's very generous. I-"Standing in front of the window, she turned to face the admiral again, still trying to think of what to say to all this.

"It's practical. We need you in the best shape possible; rested, focused."

"If you say so… Thank you." The expression on her face had to be priceless, but Anderson wasn't going to give her any kind of hint as to just how.

"And make yourself at home, Damnit. It's yours now." This was something of an order, but he had a slightly playful edge to his voice that she hadn't heard since the last time she had called him "Sir".

"I'm sure I can manage." The memory had made her laugh a little, and from the amused look he gave her, he enjoyed seeing it.

"Okay, good; been meaning to do that for a while. I'll talk to you soon."

"Be careful out there, Anderson." Standing in front of the display again, she said this with sincerity. Anderson had been there when others had easily walked away. She had come to think of him as a father figure, in a way, and didn't want to even consider losing him to the reapers.

"You too, Shepard." With that, he looked down, presumably to end the conversation and cut communications. The image of him jerked before finally disappearing altogether, leaving her to turn and stare at what he had just left her.

Vast in size, Shepard walked around the ground level of the apartment. The lounge area was nearly a third or more of the entire floor, equipped with fireplace, display, a bar, large windows, and a piano. The kitchen, hallway, bedroom, bathroom, and office took up the rest of the level. Entering the latter, Shepard saw the terminal flashing, indicating personal messages. Oddly enough, it was more a game room than anything. A table for cards and a mini bar took up most of the room, while the desk, terminal, and book case were almost an afterthought. Ignoring the messages for the moment, Shepard headed back down the hallway that ran beside the kitchen, and headed upstairs.

There was a decent sized landing here, not much furniture, though. Moving further back, there was a sitting room on the opposite side, along with two bedrooms. One was clearly the master, having the adjoining bathroom with spa and the like. The other bedroom was the same as the one downstairs, with a good sized closet, but the bathroom was separate. Satisfied that she had seen the entire apartment once over, Shepard headed back the way she came, seeing data pads lying around, each with audio recordings on them.

Listening to them as she found them, they were on random topics: The Normandy SR1, Anderson's most embarrassing moment, a way of keeping morale up during the war with the Turians or "First Contact" war, and even something that Shepard didn't really want to hear; tomb stone data. Shaking that particular one off, she made her way back into the office. The terminal was giving off a soft chime, letting her know that there were unread messages. She was surprised to see one from Joker; really questioning its validity when reading the subject line: Dinner at Sushi Place On Me!

Hey Shepard,

I've got a few things I wanted to go over with you. With the Normandy in dry dock, I figured we could meet at that Ryuusei Sushi place down in the Wards. I hear it's the best!

Joker

Realizing that there was nothing better to do, Shepard made sure her uniform was in order and that her credit chit was in her pocket before heading for the door. Once outside, she saw what looked like a small footlocker lying just beyond the apartment's door. Knowing what it was, she lifted it, moving back inside, and placed it just on the other side of the door. Her armor and weapons were in there; having forgotten to pack them in the mental haze she had been in. nudging the locker with her foot, the lid sprang up, revealing the neatly folded and stowed armor and her preferred weapons. Eyeing her pistol, she turned and exited again.

Four years ago, she wouldn't have walked the *streets* of the wards without a weapon. There had been all levels of confrontations going on down here at one point or another. The confrontation with Saren's men and Fist came to mind, along with their finding Tali confronted by a turian and a few others. Even when the Citadel was being pieced back together after Soverign's attack, Shepard and anyone else with her had been armed. Now though, people were commonly walking around; C-Sec posted very sparsely. This last assessment was going off of the brief view of the Silversun strip that Shepard had when arriving earlier. Arranging a skycab from the public transit terminal, she took another brief look. Yes, there were several people enjoying this seemingly active part of the wards. Finally the skycab landed, and she sat back, hoping for a simple dinner, conversation with Joker, and who knew what else.

Hearing loud music coming from one of the clubs below, Shepard thought of Omega. It felt like ages since she had been there retaking it with Aria and Nyreen, but in truth it had been a month or so at most. Her thoughts went to the asari, who was probably miserable in Purgatory right now. That place had been her livelihood and now it was practically being rebuilt and cleared of all Cerberus corpses. Shepard hadn't seen Aria T'Loak In such a state before. When she had seen Nyreen killed, due to the need to take out the abominations that Cerberus was attempting to control, Aria had lost it. Her biotics were off the charts, and she had been ready to tear Oleg Petrovsky apart piece by piece. Oddly enough though, she hadn't done it.

"_Cease and desist all aggression. It's over."_ His tone wasn't one of defeat, but a level and even one. Turning away from the terminal, Oleg Petrovsky watched as Shepard and Aria entered the upper level. "_Commander Shepard, I surrender myself into your custody."_

"_That is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard."_

Aria T'Loak had stepped forward, her voice low and dangerous. Physically punching Petrovsky, she let her biotics increase the force of the impact, sending him to the floor, gasping. Examining her work, the asari's dark lips curled upward, almost sadistically.

"_Shepard… I'm unarmed… and I can give you intel on the Illusive Man-"_

"_You'll say anything to save your skin!"_ Aria had watched this subtle plea with nothing less than boredom. The Cerberus operative had started trying to get up; looking to Shepard for backup, but it never came. The asari's hand wrapped around the human's throat, lifting him and then slamming him down onto a console that was inactive. She kept the pressure on his windpipe, leaning over him.

"_I… I let you leave… Omega! I… deserve… m-mercy!"_

"_Is this true, Aria?" _Shepard had asked this; not really caring what the answer was. Still, the interest was there.

"_Inexplicably. I think he'd agree now that it was the biggest mistake of his life."_

"_But this is… murder!"_

"_That's right,"_ Shepard hadn't missed the subtle amusement and pleasure in Aria's tone. "_Cold… Blooded… Murder, no less than you deserve." _The choking sounds that had been painfully evident were muffled slightly by the approach of the Batarian that had been more than decent in Shepard's dealings here. Bray rounded the corner, watching. "_Oh no, not yet, you don't get a quick and easy death…"_ Stopping for a split second, Aria moved forward, standing directly over him. Behind her, Bray had crossed his arms, sharing a look with Shepard. Aria paused, body tensing for a second, and Shepard had realized just what the asari was doing. Seeing Petrovsky's body go limp, him breathing his last breath, she watched Aria turn slowly, her eyes changing back from black to their usual blue. She had melded with him; watched and felt him die. Admittedly, it had sent shivers down Shepard's spine.

"_Clean up this mess, and get this… thing… out of here." _The asari had waved her hand in respect to the now dead body of Oleg Petrovsky lying on the floor. Bray nodded, not even picking him up. The batarian dragged the body out, and Aria seemed to enjoy each crack of the skull hitting the stairs. Coming to stand beside the human, she spoke, her tone almost unsure… Almost. "_Shepard, I never thought I'd enjoy having a partner…"_

Shepard was brought out of her memory by the sudden jerking of the skycab. They had swerved because of a slightly intoxicated or negligent driver. The Ryuusei sushi place was still nowhere to be seen, but Shepard shook herself discretely, getting the memory of Omega out of her head, or at least away from the forefront. That was one of the more dangerous things about her *resurrection*; the synthetic drell neurochemicals could be useful in the idea that she could recall everything. They were convenient when she needed to pull up details of an old memory or even a recent one, but it had its downside. Shepard had finally gone to Alchera, the frozen world where the Normandy SR1 had crashed after being attacked by the collector ship. Already recruited everyone that was needed, they had gone back to Omega, adjusting some upgrades while docked. Having read Admiral Hackett's message about the Normandy's crash site, she had decided to go and actually see it and to place a monument, as per Alliance protocol.

Reaching the atmosphere, Shepard had been prepared to go alone, but in the back of her mind, something had told her to bring someone along. She had thought about Garrus or Tali, the two having been there on the SR1 when it went down, and Joker had even crossed her mind, but he couldn't go, even if he had wanted to. Garrus had been busy with *calibrating* the thanix cannon, and after remembering Tali's reactions both at Freedom's Progress and on the Alarei with her father, Shepard decided to give the quarian some time that wasn't emotionally taxing. She had chosen Samara to travel to the planet with her; the justicar having been a confidante and friend during their brief travels together. Legion had expressed an interest in going down to the surface as well, having been there before. Realizing that he knew just where her body had been, Shepard wanted to see where she had ended up. Agreeing to it, they had gone to the surface in the Kodiak. Shepard had seen the planet on approach and that was enough, choosing not to look out its simulated windows as they came closer to its surface.

"_I remember seeing this two years ago."_ She had explained at Samara's slightly concerned gaze. No doubt the justicar could sense that this was making her increasingly uneasy. "_I saw it when the Normandy exploded; I was getting Joker into one of the escape pods, and the ship lurched. A hole was blown in the hull, and gravity was lost. I managed to secure and launch the pod with Joker calling my name, and then I was pulled out into space."_ Momentarily reliving the sensations, she had been forced to stop speaking. Feeling the solid floor of the shuttle under her feet, she had steadied herself, finally able to continue. "_I felt something collide with my hard suit, and then my oxygen supply started evaporating. No way to breathe, I started seizing, body reacting to the lack of air, and I looked down on this place, knowing that was where my body would end up…"_

That had been enough. The occupants in the shuttle were silent; even Legion bowed his head in a sense of respect, though she was sure that wasn't the reason. When they had landed on the surface, she had gone out, Legion following. Samara had stated that she was there if needed. Shepard had been thankful for her presence, even if not constant. Wandering through the wreckage, there were parts of the ship that were easily recognizable. The CIC, shuttle bay, main battery, bridge, and a part of sickbay. All of them holding memories of when the ship was still whole and who had been there. While Joker, Garrus, Tali, and Chakwas were alive and with her on the SR2, it was still painful to see the bent and broken skeleton of a ship that had brought them together. Finding the remains of her *cabin*, Shepard couldn't help but think of when she and Liara had been together thee. Before hitting the Mu relay had been the most memorable; their first time. During the initial search, she found a few dog tags and Presley's personal log entries as XO. It took some searching, but all twenty-one sets of tags were recovered, including some that the commander hadn't expected to find. In a drawer slightly ajar below a console in the shuttle bay, Shepard had found another set. They were in a short chain, making them boot tags. Reading the name, she had bowed her head. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams' boot tags had still been aboard the ship. She had a policy, like Shepard, that if anything happened to her, there would be a means of identification, but not on the body. This left her the last task of placing the monument.

Returning to the CIC, or what was left of it, Shepard stood in front of where the galaxy map had been, facing the rest of the wreckage. She signaled for the monument's location to be here, and hoped that they would honor it. Legion had approached afterwards, oddly uncertain.

"_Shepard-Commander, we have located the coordinates where your body impacted the surface. Would you like to see this location?"_

"_I need to."_ It was a simple statement to which Legion nodded. He proceeded past most of the wreckage, toward a snow-blown plane to the south. Seeing a few twisted metal fragments of the ship scattered around, Shepard had wondered just how far she had drifted from the wreckage. Reaching a small mound of snow, Legion led her around to one side, where a shallow crater was located.

"_One moment, please."_

Legion fired his rifle at the mound of snow and ice; the heat easily penetrating it. Shepard heard something else, like the sound of projectiles against a mass effect field. As the frozen surface melted, she found herself to be right. A dome like field, produced by a generator inset into the ground, housed an impact zone. Reddish black ice was all that was visible. Not a massive stain, but it was enough to alert Shepard to what had been there. Seeing fragments of her old armor, she had knelt down and that had been the last conscious thing she had done.

Memories of the Normandy ablaze, Liara arguing with her about Joker, crew members' screams, and the varying alarms tore through her mind; the feel of the ship buckling, bodies hitting the floor, and the thrusters failing causing intense disorientation. Heat mixed with sub-zero temperatures, all coming at her at once, and then there was silence. Weightlessness and dread washing over her like an endless flood, Shepard saw nothing, felt nothing, heard anything, but then...

"…_We request assistance!"_

The voice was distorted, far off, and alien. Shepard drifted endlessly through a black void, the dusty shape of Alchera looming in the distance, burning fragments of twisted steel surrounding her. "_Shepard!" _It was Joker's voice; desperate and cracking. "_Shepard!" _Even louder this time, and yet there was something wrong with it. It was as if there was a subharmonic, someone else's voice along with that of the flight lieutenant's.

"_Shepard…"_ It was distinctly different; Joker's masculine voice overpowered by a smooth feminine one. "_Shepard…" _Joker's screams were completely obliterated; the smooth female voice vaguely familiar. Then something happened. Shepard sensed something; someone else's presence. Invisible hands took her shoulders; an odd pulling sensation and then blinding light.

Shepard had opened her eyes; two hands firmly against her shoulders, her head bowed slightly. Looking up, she met the gaze of the justicar. Samara's eyes, momentarily black, closed and re-opened in their normal icy hue. Looking down again, she saw the frozen remains of her armor and realized what had happened. Though hidden by her helmet, Shepard frowned in concern, anger, and grief. Moving to stand, she felt the asari rise with her and another hand against her lower back. Turning her head, she had seen Legion; his expressionless *face* slightly to the side. She almost thought it was curiosity or concern.

They had made it back to the Kodiak, their trip back to the Normandy silent, but later, after Shepard had taken time to warm up and reflect, she had gotten word from Kelly Chambers that Samara wished to speak with her. Having known what it had been about, she didn't waste any time. Reaching the starboard observation lounge, she was surprised to see the matriarch standing at the window, rather than meditating.

"_Shepard…" _Her tone as smooth as ever, Samara didn't turn immediately. Instead, she stayed as she was, looking out at the stars. "_What happened down on Alchera's surface… concerns me?" _The last sentence was different; her words laced with a minute trace of worry, one that Shepard had barely ever heard from the justicar.

"_Try my side of the moment…" _She too went to the large window; standing just to Samara's right. She propped her chin against her right fist, elbow in her left hand, holding it up. "_I was trapped in that memory; drowning in it actually. Everything was too real, too vivid. I was there again; watching my ship fall apart and watching friends die… Watching myself die… again." _That same grief washed over her, and Shepard tensed momentarily. "_I don't think I could have gotten out of that."_

"_Does this happen often?"_ Again, that same level of worry still present, Samara finally turned to face the commander. Shepard had paused, thinking n what to say next. She hadn't known if it was good or not to be dealing with something like this. Having been told, by Karin Chakwas, that they had apparently used the drell neurochemicals, she assumed it was possible that this was normal.

"_It's happened before, but never when I was awake. I've had more than my fair share of vivid dreams, and they are like what happened down there, but to lose control of my mind when I was awake and aware only a second before… It's-"_

"_Catastrophic."_

"_Yeah, catastrophic." _Having heard Samara turn, Shepard chanced a look, deciding to turn away from the void herself. The stars didn't hold the answers she was looking for, but she didn't know if the asari before her did either. "_You were in a meld when you pulled me out, weren't you?"_

"_Yes." _The confirmation was blunt; the nod accenting it solemn. "…_and frankly, it took a great deal of concentration on my part. I will easily admit that I nearly lost myself in the storm of memories overtaking your mind. I can see how you would have fallen victim to it."_ Samara's eyes meeting Shepard's, she saw what amounted to astonishment. "_As I said, it took a vast amount of concentration on my part to keep my identity separate. With that level of depth, I am surprised I was able to reach you at all. I am curious. I have only heard of such happenings in the minds of Drell. It has never been reported in humans to my knowledge."_

"_That's because it isn't common among humans. We don't just relive everything that happened in our lives; except for in our last moments before death sometimes, and that's rare. Before I came to Illium, I had a talk with Doctor Chakwas; I was told that, in order for them to preserve my memories and identity, they had to flood my brain with synthetic drell neurochemicals. That seems to be the root of all of this." _A frustrated note had entered Shepard's tone. It had been alright when she was simply having a few flashbacks from Akuze. What had happened that day had been completely different; she had relived one of the most traumatic experiences in her life in excruciating detail.

"_Yes, that would explain a great deal… I would suggest you meditate every so often. You should clear your mind before attempting to rest. Without doing so, you will never be at ease." _ Samara had placed a hand briefly on the commander's shoulder. It acted as a conduit; warmth flooding through the human's body.

Shepard felt the skycab come to a halt. They had just touched down in front of Ryuusei, and the skycab had opened. Removing her credit chit, she paid the human driver, and replaced it. Nodding to him as she stepped out, Shepard saw the man at the door look around the crowd of waiting customers. He waved his hand, motioning for her to step around the roped off entrance. When she made her way down the stairs, she caught the eyes of everyone waiting in the queue. Reaching the man who had beckoned her forward, she saw him look at a data pad briefly.

"Ah, Commander Shepard." A subtle French accent didn't surprise her. "Your table is available."

Behind him, Shepard could just see Joker sitting in the very back left corner. He waved her over, and so she made her way through the room. Getting to the table, she sat down, her back to the back wall. As she looked over at Joker, she had to eye the aquariums that were the walls and flooring of the room.

"Hey Shepard! Not bad, huh? This sushi place is serious; like French guy at the door serious. Only took saving the galaxy twice to get a table here. Did you see the line outside?" He motioned toward the slowly moving line outside. "But here I am; drink in hand. Best pilot in the Universe… and a rock star." Tipping his glass up, Joker took a long drink of whatever was in it. Shepard allowed herself a laugh.

"Any news on the Normandy?" Raising her own glass to her lips, Shepard recognized the drink. It was a simple and low key Asari wine.

"Ah you know maintenance stuff. Just hard to know that a bunch of strangers are poking around at my ship… I-I mean… your ship."

"Best thing we can do right now is park her and let the techs do their work…" Sounding slightly annoyed at the concept, Shepard reflected on the Normandy. Having practically lived on it during their mission against Sovereign, then this one during the fight against the Collectors and Reapers, yeah it was hard to simply let others mess with it. It had been hard enough to give it up to the Alliance, but it had been a good decision in the end.

"Yeah; maybe an oil change, space tire rotation…"

"Right." The sarcasm was there, and Shepard picked up on it. "Trust me; it'll do her some good."

"Oh I trust you; it's just those shifty Aerospace engineers I'm worried about."

"Let someone else do the work for a change; Hackett's orders, you're on shore leave."

"Yeah, whether we like it or not." To this, Shepard could agree. At least Joker seemed to get the importance of keeping the reapers at bay now, unlike earlier.

"I'm sure you'll manage."

"I might need a drink that comes with an umbrella."

"I'm the first human Spectre. I'll get you two umbrellas." Forcing humor into her voice, Shepard raised her glass and took another drink. The sweet wine slowly starting to unwind her nerves.

"Awesome use of power, Boss." Joker raised his glass in a mock toast. Straightening up a bit, he leaned forward. "So, your email said it was important…"

"My email? I'm here because I got a message from you…" As the wine hit her lips the third time, Shepard couldn't shake the thought that something was seriously wrong. This wasn't just some miscommunication. Tension started building in her neck, as it always did when something was off.

"What the hell? I didn't send anything…" Joker sounded sincerely lost. He tilted his head to the side, looking at her as if it was a test or a prank. Finding a serious stare, he realized it wasn't. Before either of them could say another word, they were interrupted.

"Commander!" Looking up, they saw someone in Alliance dress uniform coming toward them. Staggering through the crowd, she waved her arms, data pad in hand, trying to get through the crowd. "Excuse me… Alliance business… Commander, this is urgent!" Seeing the younger woman stagger and nearly fall, Shepard heard Joker snort with laughter.

"I don't think that's the umbrella lady." This earned him a half smile from Shepard, trying to keep a straight face with the distressed officer coming toward them. Unfortunately, she failed miserably. Shoulders shaking slightly with laughter, she cleared her throat to quash it. By then, the woman had reached the table.

"Commander Shepard, I'm Staff Analyst Maya Brooks, Alliance. Sorry…" The dark-skinned woman saluted nervously; to which Shepard nodded. "Alliance Intelligence. There are people trying to kill you." Her emphasis on the last two words made Shepard and Joker look at each other, Joker suppressing another laugh and a witty remark.

"Yeah… I think she's aware of that."

"No… Not Cerberus or the Reapers… Other people, new people. They're… It's-" Brooks' hands were working nervously, her words coming in short bursts. Finally she let out a huff of a breath, and continued in a slightly more calm voice. "People are hacking your account; comm channels, personal messages. They're targeting you specifically…"

"Targeting me? What do they want?" Just when she had actually started to unwind, Shepard felt like clenching her fist around the delicate glass. This was one hell of a way to start a forced shore leave.

"Intel isn't definitive yet. Last time I guessed without definitive intel, we almost landed troops on a gas giant, which is bad…"

"Way to go." This was barely audible. Joker had said it while taking another drink, his body shaking with laughter. Shepard rolled her eyes in slight amusement at the expense of the flustered young analyst.

"Hang on, Brooks; take a breath." Shepard watched as she did so. Flitting her eyes back to Joker to make sure he didn't burst out laughing like she was sure he was tempted to do. "From the top, what do you know?"

"Excuse me! You don't have a reservation!" The man from the door had shouted, causing Shepard to look past Brooks. A man in full body armor, including mask and helmet, punched him square in the nose as he entered the restaurant.

"Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Tonight's performance is brought to you by random acts of violence!" Shouldering his gun, he fired a few rounds, some hitting the civilians, others cracking the glass walls as they impacted. More shots rang out, and Shepard realized there were more behind him, all of them spreading out, doing the same; firing shots into the crowd. "Man, I love show business! Spread out, Boys! Find me Shepard."

"Get down!" The minute shock wearing off, Shepard shoved their table onto its side, nodding for the two asari that were sitting at a neighboring table to do the same. This offered temporary shelter from the gunfire. Looking to Brooks, who was a few paces away, she saw the young analyst looking around wide-eyed. "Stay there, I'm coming."

"I've got one, Sir!" One of the thugs had gripped Brooks' arm, starting to pull her away.

"Hey-" Brooks flailed around in vain. The soldier had already started pulling her out in front of the rest of his comrades.

"Damnit." Shepard frowned, eyes flitting around to Joker and the asari nearest them. "Joker," She touched his arm to get his attention. "Find the crew and get them out of here. I'm going after her."

"Find the crew… Got it." Joker turned, moving slowly, and motioned for the two asari to wait.

"Hey!" One of the soldiers had spotted him, just as Shepard had hoped. Leaping over the table, she punched him in the chest, knocking him down. Activating her omni tool, she used the blade to end him, getting his pistol.

"You used me as bait!" Joker said this with an edge of hurt in his voice. Shepard nodded apologetically before turning to him, motioning for the asari to follow.

"Go!"

"Can't believe you used me as bait…"

That was the last she heard from him as Joker led the two out of the back exit. Finding cover behind another table, Shepard felt the projectiles flying past her right arm. Rising to shoot a few of them as the opportunity arose, she saw several deploy combat drones. They weren't like ones she had seen before. When close, they would give of a warning before releasing a charge. One got too close, and through the gunfire, she didn't hear the warning. It released its high voltage charge, causing her to fall back against one of the low walls that she had moved to. Biting back a curse, she felt one of the rounds from a low powered sub-machine gun impact her arm before she jerked it out of the way. Deploying her tech armor, she hoped that would at least slow them down in their attempts to kill or apprehend her.

"Brooks, hang on!" Knowing that most of these people had sub-machine guns or rifles, she knew ammo was limited. Letting her biotics do the talking, Shepard lifted two of the nearby soldiers, letting them hover in the path of rifle fire, before slamming them down against the jagged glass.

"Hanging on…"

If Shepard hadn't been ducking and preparing to use Overload on two more soldiers, she would have sighed in exasperation. This girl hadn't been in anything close to combat. Basic training couldn't have done her much good. Reflecting on her own training and then her N7 work as well, Shepard was a little better prepared. Using Hearing a drone closing in, she spun on her heel, deploying the overload to stop the drone, and it hit another of the thugs close by. Moving over the low wall she saw Brooks kneeling on the other side of the one ahead. Taking the pistol and planting a bullet through the mask of the soldier that had started this, Shepard wiped the blood from her face. Having been a few inches away from him when she had done so, the spatter was impressive but thick.

"Brooks, stay down!"

"Staying down." Brooks shouted this though they were only a short distance apart. In a lower tone, she continued. "Don't shoot me. Don't shoot me. Don't shoot me…"

Crouching behind the wall, Shepard tossed a grenade, and upon explosion, it sent three men with guns trained on Brooks into a biotic field before slamming them down against the railing or the stairs, depending on where they were at the time. Vaulting over the wall, she went to apply medi-gel to Brooks' wounds. Finally succeeding, she helped the analyst up, only to hear more gunfire. Looking at the entrance, another gunman fired several shots; Brooks pushed Shepard out of the way, taking fire in the process. Calling her name yielded no results, and Shepard felt the glass beneath her splintering as more shots were fired. None of them were at her directly, though. That was the puzzling part. Feeling it crumbling, she didn't even have a second to react.

The glass gave way, Shepard falling through cold water and support beams. A scream escaped her; fish, shards of glass, and the like raining down as she fell. Hands moving frantically, she grasped at anything to keep herself from the inevitable descent. Gripping rough paneling, a fleeting moment of relief was quickly ended as a beam came down, knocking the paneling loose. Falling against every hard surface in her way, Shepard clawed at anything; fingers coming in contact with smooth and cold surfaces. Rolling down a decline, she came to a stop, only to be hit with more glass, water, and the same heavy paneling that had saved her earlier. Intermittent and short lived gasps or pain had been assaulting her ears, and she knew they were hers. Finally, her back slammed down on a smooth surface, the remaining water and glass showering her as she gasped for breath; ribs, arm, hell, her whole body protesting to very movement.

With the downpour still coming from above, Shepard grimaced as she thought about getting up. The gun she had lifted from one of the assailants was just to her right. Moving onto her side and then attempting to get onto her knees, every movement was paired with a groan or gasp of pain. Choosing to simply sit there for a moment, she felt the sharp pressure in her ribs. One was most likely either broken or fractured. With the enhanced bone weave that Miranda had used during the reconstruction, Shepard didn't break a bone easily, but she wasn't sure about this. Falling through the wards could do that to a person, she was sure of it.

Knowing that she wasn't going to get out of the wards like this, Shepard slowly forced herself up; breathing becoming increasingly difficult as she pulled the pistol toward her and made to stand. Still partially leant over, she heard a voice over the comm, hardly believing who it sounded like.

"Commander, I found a secure terminal. Are you okay down there?"

"Yep-" Breath catching in her throat, Shepard stifled a wince of pain by letting it out in a huff. "-Feeln' good." Taking a few cautious steps, she made sure her tech armor was redeployed. "Brooks… You were hit-"

"I know! I used medi-gel, a lot of it… well all of it, actually. You know, everything is a little bit bouncy." The analyst sounded too excited; Shepard had seen this in stressful situations and when people had overdosed on medi-gel. This was one of those times.

"Yeah… Think you used too much." Her tone was clipped, partially because of her contempt for this kid, but mostly because she was lowering herself down a ladder at the time. Holstering the pistol in her uniform pocket, Shepard had gripped both sides of the maintenance ladder, letting her hands slide down its cold surface loosely, so as not to burn the skin. Dropping to the next level down, she looked around for a means of moving forward. Seeing the platform next to her had another ladder down, she gritted her teeth, prepared for the impact on her still recovering body, and leapt across.

"So can I help with… anything?"

"Alert C-Sec. I'll try and find a way out." Hoping that would silence the energetic woman, Shepard lowered herself down the access ladder that was to her left. Hearing automated warnings of repair going on in the area, she suppressed a snort of laughter herself; knowing that it would cause more pain than it was worth. Groaning at the sight of another ladder, Shepard took this one slower than the last two. It was staring to really put a strain on her arms to stop herself from crashing to the floor each time. "Brooks, I see some skycars across the gap… Maybe a landing pad."

"Checking the area… Transportation, no. Food, no. Laundry… Aha! Yes, it's a skycar lot, Scision Motors."

"Good. Get a shuttle over there. I'll try and find a way across."

"Okay, right." The brief pause allowed Shepard to look around. There was a data pad nearby, but she waved it off. "So um… it looks like C-Sec has the whole area locked down. It's going to be a tiny bit tricky to get you a shuttle."

"Keep at it, Brooks." Seeing the entrance to what looked like a freezer or cold storage, Shepard crossed into it, seeing a ladder that she would have to climb up. Using a dose of medi-gel herself, that she had been neglecting, Shepard moved while it was working. Climbing the ladder, she heard Brooks again.

"Oh also, stay off your comm; well except for me, it's hacked. That's probably how they found you."

"Who are these guys…" It wasn't a question that she expected Brooks to be able to answer. It was more or less a simple utterance. Brooks decided to answer anyway, causing Shepard to sigh with exasperation.

"I don't know, but they really don't seem to like you."

"Yeah, I'm sensing that." Narrowing her eyes, Shepard took a left, moving across what she assumed were rooftops. Jumping from one to another and then another, she heard people questioning what was going on. A few were saying to let them out, but she ignored them for the moment. Dropping down another ladder, she saw more of the same men and women in armor and masks. Pressing her back to a wall, she reloaded her pistol, having picked up a thermal clip at the bottom of the ladder. Chancing a look around the corner, she heard them talking.

"Shepard was unarmed…"

"She took them out-"

"Those guys were idiots!"

"She's gotta be here somewhere."

"That's right, you jackholes, I'm right here…" Keeping her voice low, she was undetected. Using a warp field, Shepard shot two of them while their shields were down. The others rallied against her, a few of them with sniper rifles. Taking out as many as possible with only a pistol, she ducked for cover more than she shot. True, her biotics were a useful tool, but the fall seemed to have easily rattled the L5 implant that was experimental during her time under the care of Miranda. Her head was starting to ache and it only increased with each biotic attack. Pushing her way past the assailants that were left, she entered a hallway between rooms. A very familiar voice came over her comm, and Shepard almost smiled at their words… almost.

"Shepard, can you hear me? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine for now. May need a little backup though."

"Thank the Goddess. Joker explained what happened. I'm on foot, but I should reach you soon." Liara's voice made Shepard feel a little better about tne situation. Not knowing what had happened to Joker, she had been left with Brooks, a flaky analyst that tended to nearly get herself killed a lot.

"Excuse me, who is this? You're on an unsecure channel and are putting Commander Shepard in danger!"

"In danger? Who is this?" Shepard didn't have time to say exactly what she wanted, so she simply played diplomat.

"Wait. Joker mentioned Staff Analyst Maya Brooks, yes?" Not waiting for an answer, she continued. "That's her. Everyone play nice-" Feeling the impact of rounds against her tech armor, Shepard dove behind a console in the next room. There were too many of them; moving around and stabbing several with her omni blade, Shepard didn't have much time to breathe, much less talk. Reaching the other side of the room, she heard Javik report in.

"Javik reporting in, Commander. The crew is on their way."

"Good to hear, things are a bit… dicey."

"I am not surprised." Taking a few more shots at the sniper that seemed to be accurate, Shepard darted back out from behind a desk that she had chosen to reload behind, and made a quick right, going back further. Turning left, she saw a locked door.

"Brooks, I've found a way across; locked down."

"Right, because of the… lockdown. Can you get through?"

"I'll see if I can override it." Shepard raised her omni tool, attempting it, and heard a male electronic voice stating that Spectre status was confirmed. The glass panel slid down, and Shepard made her way around the room. Through gunfire and small explosions, she caught the attention of her crewmates.

"Shepard, what are you doing, I heard that from here!" Liara sounded a little panicked and concerned as she spoke.

"All under control…" Ducking behind a sofa, Shepard took a few shots at some snipers, hoping to keep moving. Rounding the next corner, she ducked inside an entryway.

"Alarms are sounding. What is happening down there?"

"Thought I'd make things more interesting." Her response to the Prothean's question was enough for him to comment back.

"I often wonder how your species survived this long…" allowing herself a slight upturn of the lips at his remark, Shepard darted out again, breaking into a run. These mercenaries, or whatever they were, were getting on her nerves in their attempts to subdue her. Darting into an alleyway, she saw a door off to the right.

"Shepard, Brooks sent me the nav point for the skycar lot; I'll meet you there."

"Good." Darting behind a column to catch her breath and apply another dose of medi-gel, Shepard used a heavy throw to keep the mercs off her for a moment.

"So, what do we know about these mercenaries?"

"They have guns and don't like me."

"That's not helpful." Liara's response caused Shepard to laugh. It was frustrating, but it was all she knew at the moment.

"Commander, it would really be great if you stayed off the comm." Brooks' voice came through amongst the gunfire and smoke grenade releases.

"Hey, they called me."

"There's a C-Sec shuttle inbound if you can reach the skycar lot."

"Great, almost there." While listening to Brooks fumble over her words, Shepard tried to tune it out. There were more important things to concentrate on. Opening one door, she made a left and headed for the next. Opening it, she saw two mercs being lifted and then thrown at the wall. When they stopped moving, Liara stepped forward.

"Having a bad day, Shepard?" The tone of her voice made a slightly playful smile come to the commander's lips. Even in a bad situation, Liara knew how to get to her.

"You could say that, but it's definitely better now."

"Don't tempt me." Liara approached, placing her hand on Shepard's shoulder, noting the tension and the sleeve torn and stained with blood just below it. "Goddess."

"I'm fine." The answer rolled off of her tongue as if it was a native language.

"We'll debate that later." Liara let her go, indicating a door. "Landing pad is over there, but it's behind a locked gate."

"Let's find a way to open it." Shepard started walking past, noting that Liara watched her go. "What?"

"Think the Alliance will approve of that combat uniform?" The smirk that Shepard had come to really love was back on Liara's lips. She matched it with one of her own before walking away.

"Screw them. I don't see them here to bail us out."

"Brooks would disagree." Liara followed, looking at the door to the far right of the room.

"Yeah… I'd bet."

"I heard you fell through a fish tank." The cool tone to Liara's voice was lost in the last word. As soon as it came out, Shepard heard a short and silent laugh. "A shame, I quite liked that restaurant…" The amusement was definitely there now. It took some effort to keep from turning and giving Liara a playful glare.

"We'll talk about that later." Heading for the door, she wasn't surprised when the indicator turned red as soon as they approached it. Drawing her pistol, she was held off by Liara's hand.

"One moment." Walking up to the door, she wrapped on it with her knuckles. "Hello, could you please open the gate?" Hearing said gate start to lower; Shepard shook her head in bemusement. Liara gave her an innocent look. Turning back to the window, she nodded. "Thank you."

"Really?" As Liara walked away, Shepard kept her pistol in hand but followed. "Come on Liara, it's never that easy."

Moving for the landing pad, the two soon found that there was a flaw in their escape plans. The C-Sec shuttle did arrive, but it wasn't' friendlies that shoved their guns in the commander's face. The same mercs as before started firing, some with heavy weapons. Thankfully they didn't expect a Krogan dive bomber. Shepard saw a blur of red, heard a raspy battle cry, and saw the mercs being kicked out of their hijacked shuttle. Soon enough, only one being remained, and he was collecting weapons. Rising up from their cover, Shepard and Liara watched the red-armored Krogan drop from the shuttle.

"Wrex! What are you doing here?"

"Ah just buttin' heads with the council over Krogan expansion." Moving away from the downed shuttle, he tossed one of the salvaged weapons at Shepard, who recognized it as one she had used on Rannoch. Good at taking out Geth Prime units, it was apparently good with these mercs. She didn't have much time to wonder about Wrex's timely appearance though.

An explosion from above, countless smoke grenades, and radio chatter all came in at once. A whole mess of shadowy figures repelled down from somewhere above, which made Shepard uneasy. This seemed too perfect. First, they had the C-Sec shuttle, but it was taken over by these guys. Then after the shuttle was taken care of more reinforcements arrived to make sure nothing went wrong. Either way, the mercs were more trouble than they were worth at this point. Aiming her weapon, Shepard opened fire, followed by Wrex and Liara, when their line of sight cleared. Drones, SMGs and heavy weapons went off all at once. This wasn't making her head feel any better. Still pounding from the biotics earlier, Shepard refrained from using them now, but when she was surrounded by smoke and mercs, she had to do something. Using a powerful throw, she forced four mercs from one side of the room to the other, Wrex gunning them down as they went. Head about to explode, she barely heard Joker over the comm.

"Commander."

"Joker, we lost our ride. Where are you?" Dropping behind one of the skycar displays, she waited, hoping that the pain in her head would subside if only for a few minutes. With no such luck, she gritted her teeth and stood, firing again.

"On my way to your location now. Picked up Brooks; figured you'd have a few questions."

"Good call."

"Hey Shepard, we got a way outta here?" Wrex called across the way, easily clotheslining a few mercs that had been headed his way.

"Wrex, I'm a professional…" This would have been more enjoyable if she wasn't starting to lose focus. Gunshots blurring together and the room causing an echo, Shepard dropped back down, inwardly cursing.

"That's not a yes…"

"Not a no either." The words had just come out of her mouth, and Brooks' voice was heard.

"Commander, did C-Sec find you?"

"Yes and no." Moving to another position, she saw Liara shoot her a concerned look. The asari had seen what Shepard had hoped she wouldn't. Quickly enough, Liara was there, motioning for her to stay down. "Mercs In the C-Sec shuttle."

"What!"

"Kinda busy right now…"

"Right, sorry. We'll be there soon."

"Damnit." Shepard swore as soon as the comm link was broken. Liara looked down, free from gunfire at the moment.

"How bad?"

"Tolerable. Eyes open." The asari frowned but rose up and began firing, giving Wrex cover so that he could move. Shepard did the same, managing to stop three combat drones from getting close to them.

"Inbound, Commander. Just following the gun smoke."

"Copy that."

"Sorry I'm late. We had to take the scenic route-"

"Scenic route, we nearly crashed four times. Where the hell did you learn to drive!"

"-and Brooks says hi." The momentary pause left Shepard thinking that maybe Brooks had a comeback, but she didn't, thankfully. "Get to the shuttle!"

"Move it, people!" Shepard barely had time to say this when the shuttle landed. Wrex and Liara, laying down cover fire and taking care of the left and right flank, moved in fast. When the shuttle door opened, Shepard motioned for them to go ahead. Wrex went first, then Liara. She extended a hand, practically pulling Shepard inside. The lurching of the shuttle as it took off left Shepard falling back against one of the seats. Liara sat down beside her, Wrex across from them both. "Shit…"

"Shepard, you look worse than that reaper after Kalros was done with it." Wrex observed as Liara nodded. "Don't tell me you're getting too old… or worse, too soft."

"Ha…" The laughter didn't reach her eyes; in fact it made her head throb more. "I think I overdid it on the biotics…"

"Again?" Liara tilted her head to the side, remembering Shepard talking about headaches before when she was practically robbing Cerberus blind planning her escape; and even early on in this mission against the Reapers.

"I didn't have much choice… It was either that or I ran out of thermal clips." Resting her head back, she wasn't surprised to feel Liara's arm curling protectively around it. Though they were no longer lovers, there was still a deep connection between them, as it was with most people Shepard had been involved with.

"Hell of a way to start that shore leave, huh?" Joker stated this from the pilot's seat, looking back, a slight look of concern on his face.

"I knew it was too damned good to be true…"

* * *

**A/N:** Longer than usual, I know. I didn't expect this to be as long, but the mind won't stop working. I am its sculptor and this story is a slave to my design J Anyway, I'll probably have chapter four up soon as well. Not sure though with them getting longer like this. XD Thanks for those who have read and those who are continuing to read. Please let me know how I'm doing. Glad you guys like it, but this being my first fanfic in the ME universe, I'd like some criticism or something.

Cheers!


	4. Sanctuary Is A Lie

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Four: Sanctuary Is A Lie_

**A/N:** I didn't think this story would make it as far as it did, but here it is, Chapter Four :) Though most of what has been read was straight by the games so far, there have been variances. I will make more changes as the story progresses, but I tend to stick with the game's storyline; no AU (for now) More of the Citadel DLC to come. I'll actually get to the main pairing in this chapter, not just hinting at past ones, so bear with me. Thanks for reading!

* * *

The trip back to the apartment wasn't as long as expected, though it could have been quieter. Joker kept his voice down as he argued with Brooks, who was sitting in the co-pilot's chair. Wrex and Liara spoke in low voices as well, mostly about what had just occurred in the lower wards. Shepard said nothing, thinking about the rest of her crew and where they might be. It was good, and convenient, that Wrex and Liara happened to be close by; with the continuous swarms of these unnamed mercenaries, she knew she would have more than fried her implant by now.

"So we don't know anything, huh?"

"No… Nothing." Liara confirmed this while looking over some readings on her omni tool. "I've never seen anyone like them. They seem to have it out for you though…" She directed this last comment at Shepard, who allowed herself a short laugh.

"Doesn't everyone…" It wasn't a question. Wrex let out a bark of a laugh, and Liara simply shook her head.

"Pretty much, Shepard." Joker's voice made them look up. "Is there some kind of special insurance policy that includes death by association? 'Cause we're really overdue for one."

"That hurt, Joker. Besides, where would you be without me?" Through the persistent headache, Shepard found room to amuse him. Joker looked back at them, the answer almost predictable.

"Grounded."

"HA!" Wrex had to fully laugh then. Shepard and Liara did the same. The way Joker had said the word was just too much to resist. This left him mock glaring at all of them. As he turned to the helm, he went to bring the shuttle in for a drop.

"Going to park this thing and find the rest of the crew." Joker pulled over by the public transit terminal, releasing the shuttle's hatch. Wrex stood and exited, followed by Liara. Shepard turned to Joker, seeing Brooks moving past her toward the exit.

"Heard anything else? Javik reported in but I haven't heard anything else."

"Yeah, not sure. This is his first time in the lower Wards, so not sure. I'll keep you posted." Joker watched as Brooks joined Liara and Wrex on the platform just outside Tiberius Towers. "Yeah, so about her…"

"I don't know, Joker… I don't know." Moving to leave herself, Shepard barely heard Joker's last comment.

"I'll find a way to get you back for the whole using me as bait thing, you just wait."

"Maybe after we don't have a band of mercs trying to kill me and a galaxy to save…" Leaving it at that, Shepard motioned for the others to follow her. Hearing the shuttle departing, she headed through the lobby area of the building and went for the hallway that led to Anderson's…. her apartment. Passing the lift, she opened the door; Brooks, Liara, and Wrex looking out the hallway's window at the view. Once open, she motioned for them to enter. When they did, she stepped inside, the door closing behind her. Wrex wasted no time in his pursuit of answers.

"Someone want to tell me what's going on?"

"Yes, who were those mercenaries? They were heavily armed and using C-Sec shuttles." Liara stood in front of the fireplace beside Shepard, while Wrex stood across from her; Brooks off to the left.

"I don't know… I've never seen them before."

"Can't believe we survived back there! They had guns, grenades, and those drone things!" The analyst was either overly excited or overly stressed, either way; it wasn't good for this situation.

"Right, I'm calling Commander Bailey; seeing what's going on with C-Sec."

"Okay that sounds… Wait!" Shepard grimaced at the woman's sudden objection. "Wouldn't that just make whoever you contact a target too?"

"She's right, Shepard." Liara admitted this; grudgingly, from the looks of it. "Until we know more, it's a huge risk."

"Right, so for now, we run this ourselves." Deactivating her omni tool, Shepard took a moment to think. Unfortunately it seemed to be more a second than anything.

"Right, on our own, by ourselves… Outside the law. Okay… Yeah."

"Brooks, it's okay. I know this is a lot to deal with…" Frustration aside, Shepard questioned the ability of the analyst to deal with this situation.

"I got shot! I got medi-gel, but still… I took a desk job explicitly to not get shot... And you killed a hundred guys with a pistol!" She emphasized the last word, which Shepard raised her eyebrows at.

"Well yes, that did happen…"

"Who does that… well you, I guess, but besides you… They said the medi-gel would make me jumpy… Do I seem jumpy?"

Shepard didn't even want to chance a look at Liara and Wrex, but the urge to do so was too strong. When she did, she had to really strain to keep from laughing. Their expressions clearly stated her thoughts on the question. Their shared look only made it harder to contain her laughter.

"…How did you get mixed up in all this?" The commander clasped her hands behind her back as she asked this. Brooks readily answered.

"I monitored data for Alliance intel to prevent fraud and hacking of officer IDs… Like someone using an admiral's pass to get into a nightclub on the Citadel and that admiral is off fighting on Tuchanka." Shepard nodded at this, waiting for Brooks to take a breath. "I wrote this tracking program; it's really neat. I named it Mr. Biscuits, after my cat-"

"Brooks." Thankful for an excuse to use a sharp tone, Shepard darted her eyes toward Liara and Wrex, who seemed to have the same thoughts.

"Right, sorry. Erm… Mr. Biscuits- The program… detected a breach in your classified files. Soon, everything we had on you was compromised; personnel files, mission reports, everything."

"Since when does hacking personnel records involve heavy weapon fire?" Wrex shifted in frustration; all of this seemed way off.

"Think of what someone could do if they had Shepard's military access codes, or Spectre codes even…"

"Explains why they need you dead, Shepard; nothing to stop them 'til the damage is done…" Wrex's statement was met by a nod from Shepard and Liara, the latter crossing her arms, head tilted to the side in thought.

"Okay, let's figure out who they are and shut them down. Thoughts?" With that slight commanding tone back in her voice, Shepard was pleased to see Wrex straighten up. Old habits die hard, it seemed.

"Maybe; that pistol you picked up…" Liara motioned to the black handgun that jutted out from Shepard's pocket. As she removed it, the commander heard Wrex speak.

"For such a tiny thing, it packs a punch. Never seen anything like it before."

"Nor have I. Let me see if I can dig something up." Activating her omni tool, Liara went to work analyzing the small pistol, and Shepard let a slight smile escape her at the asari's choice of words.

"Well... you can try, but I should warn you; I haven't found anything yet and I've been digging pretty deep."

"I'm sure you have…" Directing that comment back at Brooks, Liara looked back at her omni tool. "Glyff?"

"Correlating all relevant data for review, Doctor T'Soni." The drone appeared before Liara, processes working furiously.

"Thanks." The commander didn't have much time to breathe before Wrex spoke again.

"Alright, Liara's on point. What about the rest of the crew?"

"Yeah, what about those slackers?"

"Joker, you've been busy…" Having heard the door open, Shepard hadn't bothered turning around. Hearing the flight lieutenant's question reaffirmed her suspicions.

"I found some folks who actually like getting shot at." As he turned toward the door, Shepard came to stand beside him. EDI, Garrus, Kaidan, Tali, Javik, and James entered the former speaking for them.

"Permission to come aboard, Shepard?"

"Granted." Nodding to EDI and the rest of the squad, she stepped back into the kitchen. Liara, Glyff, and Brooks were standing around the table at the rear, searching for any data on the pistol. "How long?"

"Not sure. There is little data available. I'll let you know." Blue eyes flitting through feeds, Liara didn't look up.

"Alright. I'm going to change uniforms and take a walk." Heading for the stairs, she heard Brooks' comment.

"Better bring a gun with you."

"Yeah." Ascending the stairs, Shepard went to the master bedroom, where her travel bag rested on the bed. Closing the door behind her, she opened the main section. Looking through it, she found the other dress uniform, pulling it out. "I should be more casual… "Shaking her head, she ignored the short sleeved casual uniforms, taking off her jacket. Doing so, she saw the bloodied sleeve and then the hole in her arm where a cluster of projectiles had impacted it. Knowing that the medi-gel was doing its job, she removed the entire uniform: boots, pants, shirt, and everything. Deciding to freshen up, she looked at the spa just around the corner. "Why not…"

Entering the bathroom, she saw a cabinet slightly ajar; towels were stacked within it. Pulling one down, she left it folded at the water's edge. With the water adjusted, Shepard lowered herself down into the spa's depths. The mildly hot water seemed to easily relax her tense muscles. It didn't have the same effect on her arm. The pain shot through it like an electric current, causing her to take in a sharp breath. Feeling the want to end this before she got too used to it, Shepard worked to remove the day's inflictions from her skin and hair. Thankfully, this made the headache from earlier decrease, for the moment. Once she had rid her hair of soap the second time, Shepard shook her head; her time here done.

Rising from the water, Shepard stepped out onto the cool floor. Picking up the towel, she went over her body and then her hair. Drying it mostly, due to its shorter length, she wrapped the now damp towel around her, as she crossed from the bathroom to the bed. Although she started dressing quickly, she took the time to manipulate her arm through the shirt and jacket sleeve; the goal was to cause as little pain as possible. Lacing up her boots, she thought about what Brooks had said. The wards weren't safe, but then again, they never really were. It was a foolish thought to walk around unprotected. She, herself, had taken a risk by going out to that place unarmed. The presidium wasn't usually a problem, but with all the refugees and desperation, better safe than sorry.

"Yeah, I think I'll take a gun…"

Done with her preparations, Shepard opened the door, checking her omni tool, as she went. No new notifications or anything was a good sign. Walking downstairs, she ran her hand through her hair, feeling it mostly dry. Passing the kitchen, she saw that Liara and Brooks were still poured over the data and Glyff was citing some information. Motioning to the rest of the crew that didn't already know about the current situation, Shepard stood near the footlocker with her weapons and armor inside it. Garrus, Kaidan, Javik, Tali, and James surrounded her from left to right. EDI had already been advised of the situation, working with Liara and Brooks in data retrieval.

"Alright, I'm sure you all have questions. I'll answer them when we know more. All we do know for now is that there is a band of mercenaries, that we've never encountered, that are after me personally. Someone within their ranks has managed to hack my personal files. Communications, personnel records, and so on. They're working on figuring out where that pistol came from. I lifted it off a merc that I killed earlier in the evening."

"Yeah, when she used me as bait." Joker had approached, leaning against the wall, near James.

"Right. The pistol is different from any known model, so they're hoping to track it down. That's all for now."

"So they're after you, and you're going off on your own? Pretty risky move, Shepard." Kaidan's statement was met with nods from Garrus and Tali. James, on the other hand, disagreed.

"I don't see Lola just taking this and staying shut up in here."

"Relax. I'm headed to the presidium, and yes, I'll be armed." Seeing Liara approaching from the right, she addressed the asari. "Find anything?"

"Not yet. The scans of the pistol are complete, though. It is compact and served you well in the Wards. I'd recommend it instead of another heavy pistol. Its silencer will be useful if you actually have to use it." Liara passed the pistol to Joker who handed it off to the commander. "Let's hope you don't have to."

"Agreed." Pocketing the pistol, Shepard looked to the others, seeing the concern written all over their faces; the only one without, was Javik. He addressed her next.

"Be on your guard, Commander. There seems to be more to this than you know." He stepped past the others, touching her shoulder. She knew what he was doing, having seen and experienced it before. "You are on edge; your frustration controlling every move you make. Do not let your foes control you, Commander. Show them that you are in control, and that they should be the ones in fear."

"That's what I plan on doing." She nodded as he released her shoulder. Looking to the others, she took in a deep breath. "Stick around, this is about to get interesting. Liara will notify me if they find anything. Dismissed."

Not waiting for any objections, Shepard headed out; through the hallway and then the lobby. Finding the rapid transit terminal, she selected the presidium Commons. Safe enough place on the Citadel, and she had a stop to make. As the skycab landed, she recognized the salarian driver from her first trip down here. Nodding to him, she sat down in the rear seat, choosing not to look out at the Wards. Seeing his head tilt to the side, she guessed that a question was coming.

"Busy woman, eh Commander? I heard the rumors about what happened at Ryuusei. Too bad. What brings you to the presidium?"

"I just need to get away from the night life and the danger. The presidium is a decent place to do that. As for what happened in the lower Wards; yeah, that was out of my control."

"I'd say so. Mercenaries with guns shooting up the place… I expected that on Omega, but here… I thought that was over after Fist left." Returning his eyes to the traffic ahead, he didn't say another word. This left Shepard time to think.

Her trip to the presidium was more than simply getting away from the Wards and the worried looks of her crew. Since her failed mission to Thessia, Shepard had planned on seeing the asari councilor in person. Being unable to detail what had happened to her homeworld, she didn't want to leave Tevos I the dark about the situation. Also, she wanted answers; mainly whether the asari had known about the beacon when she had given the commander the coordinates to the temple. Knowing how much of a stickler Tevos was for the law, she wanted to doubt that the councilor was involved in the Matriarchs' cover up. Unfortunately, there was one statement that was still causing concern.

"_Every species in Citadel Space has its secrets, Commander..."_ That simple statement wasn't a direct admission, but it was close enough to cause suspicion. What Tevos had said next was enough to make Shepard seriously question Tevos' involvement. "_But this one, in the wrong hands, could upset the balance of galactic power…"_ Tevos had been right about that. Thinking of the beacon, Shepard had to admit it was true. Left in the hands of the turians, salarians, Krogan, or even humans, there would have been more wars; or so conventional thinking would suggest. The first contact war would have been hellish for both sides if humans or turians had been hiding the beacon. At least the asari hadn't caused or provoked war with the hidden knowledge. Chancing a look out the window, Shepard saw the artificial sunlight of the presidium. Knowing that she would have to take the lift to the embassies, Shepard readied her credit chit, and when the cab pulled up, she got out, paying the driver.

"Hope the rest of your time is more peaceful." He joked, knowing that there didn't seem to be much peace during this war.

"I hear that." Waving as he left, she crossed the space to the lift, not bothering with anything in the markets or Apollo's. Selecting the Presidium Embassies, she waited as the lift rose. Though a steady climb, it was fast. When the doors opened, she saw more people crowding the area. A few more turians joined the mess of refugees, as well as many panicked asari; some of them had children, who clung to their mothers, looking around nervously. Nodding solemnly in their general direction, Shepard headed for the Asari embassy. Seeing the door to reception unlocked, she entered, where a teal-skinned asari looked up, brown eyes widening in recognition.

"Spectre Shepard, good day. How may I be of assistance?"

"Is the councilor in? I've been meaning to speak with her." Half dreading a 'yes' to her question, Shepard was slightly relieved when the asari shook her head.

"I'm afraid she is in a meeting with the other councilors. Nothing major, from what I hear though. If you'd like, I could let her know that you're here." Shepard watched as the asari pulled up her terminal, and she considered her options.

"That would be great." Thinking of leaving, she stopped, curiosity getting the better of her. "...How are things since..." She heard the Alliance newscaster speaking of Thessia's falling to the reapers. "That."

"Honestly, I've never seen people so stressed, especially the councilor. Meetings, vid conferences, and countless messages from the republics and high command..." The asari sat down behind her desk, going through message logs and the like; they were endless. "These are all from the attack forward... There is one though..." Leaning back, she met the commander's gaze with an uncertain one of her own. "It came in a few days ago. She read it right in front of me."

"Was there something odd about it?" From the asari's reaction to it, she assumed yes.

"Yes. When she read it, it just sounded strange." Recalling the message, she spoke again. "Don't believe a word you are hearing. It is all pure speculation." Frowning in thought, she continued. "That was it. I saw that it was sent with high priority. I'm surprised she read it here."

"Any idea who sent it specifically?"

"Not sure... She said "What is their meaning behind this?", so I assume 'they' are high-ranking military officials or one or more of the matriarchs..."

"How is she personally?"

"I don't know... It's hard to say, exactly." The asari stood; moving around the desk, she kept her voice down. "I would say... as close to volatile as she can be. You know how composed she is in those council meetings; that's how she is all the time."

"Can't say I blame her." Seeing another asari entering the office, Shepard straightened up, having leaned against the desk for a few moments. "Thanks for your time."

"Of course, Spectre Shepard. I'll let her know you were here."

"Thank you." Leaving the embassy, Shepard headed back through, seeing the human embassy's door marked as locked. Using her omni tool, she went to unlock it, caught off guard by Bailey, who was leaving his office.

"Hey Shepard, nothing there. Asari councilor locked that place down last time you two met in there."

"Figured. I'm not coming here for information; more or less peace and quiet." Considering speaking to the commander about the events in the Wards, she remembered Liara's thoughts on contacting and/or involving him. Swallowing her question about the mercs and the C-Sec shuttles, she succeeded in unlocking the door.

"I hear that. Any kind of peace and quiet is pretty hard to find around here. Ah well, good luck. Headed out for the day."

"See you, Bailey." Stepping into the office, Shepard locked the door back behind her looking around, she almost expected Udina to look up sharply from his desk. Instead, it was empty; the terminal was there and appeared active. The console nearby was also active, showing a meeting in progress with the council. To her surprise, Shepard heard voices, the councilors' to be specific, and she approached.

"The rumors are more than unsettling, Councilor." The salarian councilor, Valern, said this with a hint of anger. "It is more than a little alarming."

"I don't believe they're rumors!" Sporatus' angry tone, highlighted by his subharmonics, came next. "Really, it has been confirmed already. There are Alliance reports that their people and Cerberus could verify that it exists and was hidden!"

"As far as I am aware, they are still simply rumors. I have not heard or seen anything to confirm or deny that any of this is more than speculation." Tevos' even tones surprised Shepard. She had expected surprise or anything.

"Speculation?" Valern repeated her last word. "This is not merely speculation. There have been reports. You say you know nothing of this? Surely someone so high up in your government would have known-"

"What I know is exactly what I told Shepard in our meeting. I had a scientific team ready to meet her there, and I never got confirmation. I told her that it was an artifact, and as far as I knew, it was-"

"An artifact that could assist with the crucible! A Prothean super-weapon! Surely you would have had some idea that the 'artifact' was not just some-"

"As I said," Tevos cut Sporatus off; her voice rising in volume. "What I knew was what I told her. I will not debate this any longer."

"You have no choice! Your people violated one of the highest laws in council space!" Sporatus' voice easily surpassed that of the asari's. "Spirits Tevos, I would have thought you were more-"

"Enough!" Valern intervened in the one-sided argument. "We can debate what effect this had later. What we need are answers."

"...Answers that I do not have." There was a dark edge creeping into the asari's voice now. "Goddess help the matriarchs; they have a great deal of explaining to do."

"That is your response to this?" Sporatus' words held contempt.

"That," Tevos spoke, venom lacing her tone, "is my final word." The sound of retreating footsteps was enough to tell Shepard that the asari had left the meeting. Hearing the faint sound of a door closing, there was a brief silence before the remaining councilors spoke again.

"I don't trust her." Sporatus was quick with his judgment, as usual. Valern spoke next, tone even.

"Give her time. We all have our secrets. The bomb on Tuchanka could have easily destroyed your alliance with the Krogan, and that would have put Palaven at risk. We should both consider ourselves fortunate; Shepard kept tensions from flaring between you and Wrex, and she made friends with Mordin Solus. That was the only thing that kept the genophage cure possible. My people had sabotaged the shroud years ago. The Dalatrass attempted to bribe Shepard to keep that secret hidden. In this war, we are all exposed."

"We will see, Councilor. I will have C-Sec follow her. Perhaps we can get some answers then."

"Indeed."

Using her omni tool, Shepard powered down the console; the information that she had just overheard was alarming. Though it was still unclear whether Tevos knew about the beacon, Sporatus and Valern were both concerned; the former seeming paranoid. Stepping back, she moved up the few steps and looked out over the presidium; the lake down below glassy and smooth. This had been a view she had rarely enjoyed since the office had been restructured. Coming in here only when Udina needed her, Shepard could still sense the uptight human councilor's presence. Leaning forward, she realized that she was in the exact position that Tevos occupied when speaking of the secrets of Citadel space.

"Ironic really..." Speaking aloud, her voice echoed slightly in the empty office. "One of the biggest secrets revealed, and here I am; in a reversed position as when I was warned about them."

Too many things had happened in this office. From when she was brought in because of Eden Prime, Shepard had been doubted by Udina then. Returning here after her incident with death, she had found slight comfort in seeing Anderson still in the position of human councilor. That had been quashed when Udina had entered and was surprised, to put it mildly, to see her. The council had also questioned her sanity and loyalty here. Now, Udina had played nice; telling her what she wanted to hear, or so she thought. He had plotted, with Cerberus, to take over the station. She had learned about this beacon here, and now...

The sound of a decryption algorithm was heard, and she looked around the pillar toward the door. As it opened, she heard someone enter, and then a flourish of red and white. The sound of someone sitting down met her ears, and Shepard took a look around the column again. Sure enough, she saw the blue hued asari crest facing her. Hands enveloped her face, but Shepard could just make out the white markings. Looking back at the door, Shepard saw that there was no way anyone could get in. The councilor had locked the door to anyone under her clearance level, or so it would suggest. Wondering just what her goal was, coming to the human embassy rather than her own, the answer was given in an order to the councilor's receptionist.

"Postpone all appointments until further notice. Set an automated response to all messages noting that I will respond when I return."

"Yes, Councilor. Is there anything else I can do for you?" Shepard recognized the voice of the teal hued asari that she had spoken to earlier.

"Were there any urgent matters during my meeting with other councilors?"

"Yes. Spectre Shepard was looking to speak with you. Otherwise, nothing."

"Send word that I am in the human embassy if she has a moment.-"

"Don't bother," Shepard stepped away from the railing where she had been previously; making her way across the office behind the councilor. "I'm already here."

"Commander..." Tevos turned, looking up at the human standing just behind her, where she sat on the sofa directly across from the door.

"Councilor." Resting her hands on the stiff back of the sofa, Shepard watched as Tevos deactivated her omni tool. The initial shock of her presence was wearing off. "I assume you had a reason for coming here, rather than your own embassy."

"Yes." Tevos focused back on the space in front of her, rather than craning her neck. "Sadly, it would be to avoid the war and everything that comes with it." Hearing footsteps, she looked up; Shepard had rounded the sofa and descended the stairs to her left, taking the seat beside her.

"Nothing wrong with that, Councilor."

"Yes there is..." Releasing a breath, she looked over at the spectre, the normally tranquil expression replaced by one of anguish; worry lines only visible if someone knew where to look. "I am supposed to be a leader for my people... Instead, I feel as if I am trapped in the darkest void with no way out."

"I can relate..." Oh how true that statement was. Looking back on the entire mission, starting with Eden Prime, Shepard had expected a simple shakedown cruise, and being spied on by Nihlus, and it had turned into all of this; first with the beacons, then Saren and the Reapers, and so on. "Nobody is ever prepared for this. Anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves."

"I suppose you would know more about that than anyone." Looking down again, the councilor shook her head hopelessly. "I have heard of more destruction and death in two weeks than I ever imagined hearing about in my lifetime. Most of it is centered around Thessia."

"Yeah, I can imagine.." This had been the topic she had both anticipated and dreaded discussing. It was a somber topic, one that brought up bitter and painful memories for both of them. "Councilor, how are you holding up?"

"What?" Clearly this had not been the reaction she expected. Tevos looked up, eyes changing from brown to a slightly greenish color in the change of light. "How do you mean?"

"I mean personally." Shepard leaned forward; looking toward the door as she propped her chin up atop her interlaced fingers. "If I may be blunt, when I left Thessia, I felt like shit. I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling right now; knowing that your homeworld has fallen and that there is little to nothing you can do about it." Hearing the asari take in a trembling breath, she continued. "I know we lost Earth, but I can see the reapers focusing on demolishing Thessia; mainly because the Asari Republics are the most advanced civilization."

"Actually, our advanced civilization was something I wanted to discuss with you."

"I figured as much." Straightening up, Shepard met the asari's gaze. "Especially after this less than pleasant encounter with the turian and salarian councilors." There, she had done it; revealed what she knew.

"Wait..." A puzzled look crossed Tevos' face as she sorted out how Shepard knew this, and when her eyes landed on the console, she nodded. "Ah, the one thing I forgot to do... How much did you hear?" Curiosity seemed to be finding its way into her tone now.

"From where Valern stated his concerns about the current rumors onward."

"So all of it, basically." A frown graced the asari's lips momentarily; hesitation evident. "Regarding those rumors... I'm sure you know, by now, what they are centered around."

"Yeah." Nodding grimly, Shepard watched for any minute signs from the councilor's reaction; whether it was a bow of the head, a hopeful glance, anything. Unfortunately, what she got wasn't very forthcoming. Choosing her words carefully, she continued. "At first I thought, looking back on our previous conversation, that you might have some idea as to what it was. Now, with your reaction to the councilors' accusations in mind, I'm beginning to think otherwise."

"That is exactly what I have been spending the last two weeks trying to figure out. I have had no confirmation from Asari high command or from the matriarchs themselves. You are in a position to where you can confirm or deny it; bringing this matter to an end." The curiosity from earlier was easily replaced by frustration, her eyes taking on a hardened appearance.

"I don't know if this will make relations better or worse, but you have a right to know." Pausing to choose a method of delivering this news, Shepard knew that the blunt truth of it would be easier and more direct. Finding her mind already made up, she took in a breath before speaking. This made the councilor beside her tense. "The artifact in the temple was in fact a prothean beacon; hidden within the statue of the Goddess Athame herself."

"So... They are true-" Her reaction reflected in her voice as Tevos spoke. It reminded Shepard of their last conversation via vid comm, when she was on the verge of losing her composure. "Their response makes sense now."

"The one that said to ignore what you were hearing; that none of it was true." The statement didn't really register with the councilor. Lost in her own thoughts, she didn't acknowledge it.

"Do they realize what they've done..." Seeing her lower her head, Shepard watched as Tevos spoke more to herself than anyone else. "They have violated one of the highest laws in council space... Withholding prothean data of any kind... I-" She looked up, meeting Shepard's icy eyes with her clouded ones. "...I had hoped..."

"That they were right, and that it was nothing but a rumor." The councilor nodded at Shepard's completion of her statement. "If I had been faster... Hadn't let that bastard run his mouth, we would have the data and possibly the catalyst by now."

"I remember you mentioning Cerberus being there... What is their interest in this, Shepard? They seem prepared to delay us at every turn."

"They are, and I think I know why..." Reflecting back on the conversations she had endured with the Illusive Man, Shepard grimaced. "The Illusive Man wants to control the reapers instead of destroying them. He thinks it will bring humanity into a new and technologically advanced era. That is what the conversations on Mars and Thessia suggest."

"He wants to control the abominations instead of destroying them..."

"It seems so. Our run to Sanctuary seems to have proven that theory." Henry Lawson's experiments came to mind; endless husks and reaper forces coming at them in waves. "He commissioned Henry Lawson, Miranda's father, to research and implement a way of controlling reaper forces. It worked. He created and controlled husks within the facility."

"Wait... Sanctuary, that was where refugees were..." Recognition dawned, and a grim look overrode the confusion on the asari's face. "By the Goddess..."

"Exactly. Sanctuary was a lie. There was no safe place."

"No, there is no safe place. The galaxy is falling apart, and with this news, so too will the species within it. Cerberus has the means to find and utilize the catalyst..." Despair crept into her voice as Tevos looked away. "How do you do it, Commander? How do you instill such loyalty and hope in your crew and anyone else that follows you? If I may say, you were never meant to be a leader..."

"I'm no war hero, and I'd be the first to admit it. Hell, with what all has happened and everything I've done... I'm surprised they haven't declared me a head case and fired me. As for instilling hope and loyalty; I think it's mostly the latter. They follow me because I won't stop, but I'm a little low on hope right now. I'm running on impulse; doing whatever seems to work, to get the job done. I've lost a lot of good people because of it, lost a lot of battles as well; including Thessia."

"I don't believe so..." Eyes darting to her deactivated omni tool, Tevos looked back. "Monitoring the situation, I would have to say that Thessia would have fallen regardless."

"I'm surprised." Shepard didn't stop herself; the words simply slipping out without her consent. "I would have thought your people would have been furious with me. I went to Thessia with the sole purpose of ending this war; finding the information and using it. Instead, I walked away while countless others were left fighting or dead."

"There was nothing more you could have done." Shifting positions, the asari placed a tentative hand on Shepard's shoulder, as she had done before. "I believe the human expression is "You played the hand that you were dealt".

"Huh, yeah..." A bitter laugh escaped her, earning her. "Some hand."

"The fall of Thessia seems to cause you more pain personally, Commander. What was it about this particular defeat that..."

"If you could have been there, Councilor..." Shepard turned to fully face her now, shoulders aligned with those of the asari. "If you could have seen and heard it..."

"Odd," Pausing, Tevos searched the human's eyes, searching for answers to an unasked question. "Because I was about suggest just that."

"You mean a meld..."

"Correct." Shepard saw Tevos incline her head, but it didn't seem to fit with the asari's affirmation of her statement. "As I'm sure you are aware; when asari meld with other beings, it can simply be used as a mental connection. However, a meld can also transcend that; the asari touching the very essence of who that person is, their experiences, and their deepest emotional connections."

"I am; Liara mentioned it nearly four years ago, when we were searching for Saren." Remembering that conversation, Shepard had felt an emotional pull towards the asari archaeologist.

"In doing this, I could, in effect, understand what happened on Thessia. I would be seeing it through your eyes, as you experienced it, but I have no doubt that it will summon powerful emotions." Pausing, Tevos continued, apprehension in her voice. "I understand if you wish to object-"

"No." Feeling the asari's hand subconsciously tighten around her shoulder, Shepard clarified her meaning. "I have no objection. I just want to be certain that you know what you're asking for." Leaning forward slightly, she placed a hand atop the asari's other one. "This will not be easy to see. It will be something that you will want to stop with every fiber of your being, but it is only a memory."

"I understand." Voice bordering on a whisper, Tevos' hand tensed under Shepard's, but she made no move to retrieve it. "I feel it is my responsibility to know the suffering of my people... and my homeworld. Surely you, of all people, can appreciate that."

"I can, more than you know." Nodding to reaffirm this, Shepard didn't have time to reflect on the state of Earth and its people, her people. Feeling the hand below hers smoothly turn, its fingers closing around hers, she tightened her grip momentarily.

"Are you ready?" The question was full of uncertainty, and when Shepard raised her eyes to meet the asari's she saw it reflected there. At her nod, however, the uncertainty vanished; the tranquil tone that was customary for the councilor returning. "Relax, Commander; let go of your physical shell. Reach out to grasp the threads that bind us together. Each action sends ripples across the galaxy. Each idea must touch another's mind to live; each emotion must mark another's spirit. We are all connected, every living being united, in a single glorious existence. Open yourself to the universe, Shepard..."

The words, flowing as though they were water against smooth glass, penetrated her mind. Shepard closed her eyes, taking in the simple sound of the councilor's voice; the calm it had brought forth, enveloping her in its confining but welcome grasp. For the first time in weeks, she felt safe, free of her burdens, and even at peace. The nagging thought that sanctuary was a lie and that there was no such thing was drowned out by that same balanced and even tone. The stabilizing hand that had been present on her shoulder was lost, the last words sending her entire being in a downward spiral, the security she had only just now recognized, lost.

"Embrace eternity."


	5. Only The Beginning

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Five: Only The Beginning_

**A/N:** I just love slight cliffies, don't you? Anyway, here's chapter five. After a "slight" detour, I'll be getting back to the Citadel DLC in this one. (Spoilers, as always) Enjoy!

* * *

_From the bridge to the outpost, Thessia's surface continued to claim the blood of its native species. Reaper forces had been swarming, looking for vulnerability in the Asari forces, and when spotted, they sent the worst of them first. Barriers were dissolved as husks overwhelmed the commandos. Comm channels were flooded with desperate voices, screaming, and the angry sounds of approaching and attacking reapers._

_Golden sunlight blazing down from above, the temple and surrounding outposts looked as if they were bathed in a fiery hue. Asari gunships, harvesters, and reapers, all taking to the skies, did nothing but cast eerie shadows upon Thessia's vast landscape. Buildings set aflame, walls crumbling around them, there was nothing about this hellhole that resembled the peaceful Asari homeworld. Unfortunately, it was all that was left._

_Endless voices, all desperate, sounded. Heart racing, Shepard felt dread filling her. The Talon squad was being wiped out, only two pilots responding, and one had just been shot down. Hearing the last reporting in, stating that she was going down, it felt like a cold hand was closing down on her chest. The temple brought whispers, the cold bodies of the scientific team, and the discovery of the beacon. A rush of anger, shock, and fear; all tearing at her at once._

_The process of activating the beacon brought waves of cold crashing over her. With each artifact found, the beacon's signal grew stronger, evoking old memories. The visions from Eden Prime and Virmire easily at the forefront. Reapers encroaching upon the Protheans, their time at an end. She saw the deaths of millions; an entire civilization destroyed both from within and by outside forces. The screams, fear, and death, all wrapping themselves around her; tightening their suffocating embrace, but then it was over. The temple, the Goddess, all of it, enveloped in an eerie green._

_The VI, Vendetta, Javik's amazement, Liara's fury, and Kai Leng's return all melded into a single mountainous form, falling against her. It was too much to take in, too much to relive, and too much to let go of. Overwhelming feelings changed into a burning hatred as the Illusive Man's speech began. The concept of controlling the reapers went in and out of her mind as it had then. None of what he said made sense, though she seemed to understand it. An urge to kill was what came next however, and it wasn't long before she could act on it._

_Brief though the battle was, she had felt the cold stab of defeat; the gunship pulling away, leaving her to look at the burning skeletal form of the city before her. Blinded by anger, she had fired; again and again, but to no avail. The resentment, grief, and physical pain were too much to bear. Accented by the descent of the reaper forces, she had felt Liara's hand on her shoulder, but something was wrong._

_Coming once from behind, this hand was resting at the front of her right shoulder; trembling as it tried to maintain its grip. Looking to the source, Shepard saw the face changing. The light blue eyes of Liara T'Soni were replaced with dark, almost amber ones in the sun's light. A moment's clarity; white facial markings there and gone in an instant. The young asari's face replaced by one that was older; Shepard felt herself falling forward, forehead resting against this asari's. Eyes meeting, she felt the fragile consciousness, one on the verge of crumbling, and as she stepped closer, the hand on her shoulder moved. Its mate joined it as two arms wrapped around her, and Shepard found herself doing the same. The body of a stranger in her arms, her head fell to the side, coming to rest against right shoulder of the asari. Feeling contact to her own right shoulder, she was reminded of Liara, how they had held each other for the first time._

_Arms tightening around the others' respective bodies, the two shielded themselves from the destruction. Screams and weapons' fire drowned out by uneven breathing. Shepard's arms had been strong the first time they had held Liara, and this time was no different; the unknown asari within them having the same desperate strength as the commander felt. One hand moving to graze the back of the asari's head, Shepard felt the air leave her lungs as cool lips pressed against her neck. Secondary tension, and then relief as the action was repeated, flooded her body. Two hands pressing into her back made Shepard turn her head, brushing the folds of the side of the asari's neck with her own lips._

_A rush of emotion, unnamed, but powerful, overtook her. Normally it would have brought her to her knees, but forces beyond her understanding kept her rooted to the spot. Eyes closing momentarily, she could still see her surroundings getting brighter. Opening them again, the orange-yellow light from the sun was increasing; turning white in its intensity, and it swallowed the buildings, rubble, and the reapers. The asari's lips left her neck, her body shifting, and as Shepard opened her eyes again, the light enveloped them both; those same lips crashing against hers in a deep and feverish kiss. Losing herself in the storm of emotions that came with it, she closed her eyes._

Arms wrapped firmly around her, their bodies pressed together, Shepard felt the conscious connection breaking. The presence that had been with her was fading, but the emotions remained. Feeling solid ground beneath her feet, she realized she was no longer on Thessia; the sounds of war gone, replaced by blissful silence. Regaining full control of her senses, Shepard felt her right hand moving, agonizingly slowly, up and down the back of the asari's head, fingertips brushing the apex of her crest before trailing back down. As they began their descent, she felt the asari in her grasp tense in what could be perceived as pleasure.

Oxygen was becoming scarce, and it took all Shepard had to break the kiss; eyes refusing to open for a moment, as she slowly pulled back. Not breaking total contact, she rested her forehead against that of the asari before her; their uneven breathing a testament to how long they had held out. Heart feeling like a megaton hammer, Shepard's arms stayed where they were. Easing her eyes open, she saw the councilor doing the same. Dark eyes met blue ones, intensity, long forgotten, burning in their depths.

"Shepard..." Her own name sounded alien to her as it left the councilor's lips.

"Don't." Having caught her breath, the spectre lowered her head, kissing the asari lightly. She was more than surprised when Tevos returned it tenfold. As the emotional connection seemed to wear off however, Shepard sensed a lingering doubt or uncertainty. It was masked well when Tevos pulled back a moment later.

"I wasn't."

As they released their hold on each other, Tevos' hands glided down from Shepard's shoulders like a feather caught in the wind. Before she could retreat completely, the commander encased them in her own. That feeling of doubt had stayed with her like a parasite; slowly consuming her thoughts.

"Something is wrong." Shepard's words echoed around the empty office, the only other occupant looking up when she heard them. Eyes betraying her for a split second, Tevos gave her a questioning look. "I felt it, doubt, just before the connection was broken."

"It is nothing."

"Right; let me clarify something. "It's nothing" is in my daily vocabulary now. Typically, when I say it, it means the exact opposite."

"I..." Pausing, Shepard could see that she had been right. "I am not sure where to begin. Most of what I saw and heard was... a nightmare; a painfully vivid and real nightmare. That last part however," Voice trailing off, she closed her eyes, the one real pathway to her thoughts shielded from Shepard's view. "Goddess... Emotions I have ignored for, at least, the last two centuries; they emerged so quickly, out of my control..."

"I noticed that it seemed you were on the verge of losing control."

"I wasn't on the verge; I lost control... Completely. I suppose that is what has me most concerned." At Shepard's quizzical look, she continued. "I sensed a connection between you and Doctor T'Soni." The admission was there, and Shepard could almost guess where this was going. Tevos' next words confirmed it. "I suppose the root of my concern is this: What was this," Freeing her hands from Shepard's gentle hold, she let them rest on the commander's shoulders; voice dropping just above a whisper. "That just occurred between us?"

"This," Shepard's left hand moved upward; fingertips lightly outlining the white markings on the asari's face. "Was just as real as you want it to be, Tevos." She felt the councilor's head fall slightly, eyes closing under the spectre's touch. Liara and I were involved four years ago. The relationship was sudden, and it ended just as quickly." Hesitating a moment, Shepard continued, the grim reality finally escaping her. "Two years being physically dead can do that, I guess."

"What?" The councilor's eyes snapped open, the shock evident. "Two years; physically dead? The reports we received suggested..."

"That I was only clinically dead and that I was up and working with Cerberus earlier?" Clearly this response wasn't just a wild guess. Shepard nodded grimly. "They misled you. The Alliance didn't bother to come looking, and Cerberus had their own agenda." Anger had started to build momentarily, but Shepard put it aside. There would be time for that later. "Long story short, the Blue Suns found my body on Alchera. They delivered it to the Shadow Broker, a yahg, and an operative tipped Liara off. She and Feron, the Drell operative, went to recover my body, but Feron was captured. Liara escaped, turning my... corpse over to Cerberus, who said they could bring me back. It took two years. Even then, scars weren't healed.

"This..." Tevos shook her head in disbelief. "This is unbelievable. Two years..."

"Yeah, try my side of the moment." The slight humor in her voice was more or less a defense mechanism. It was how she dealt with things like this.

"How, if I may ask, did you remember the events of Thessia so vividly? The emotions were so strong; it was as if it was occurring right then, rather than a recollection of it."

"That was something I wasn't prepared for." A serious tone entered Shepard's voice again. Humor never helped when she dwelled on this. "The Illusive Man wanted me; not a clone, not a replacement, me. In order for that to happen, they had to find a way to preserve my memories and experiences; everything that made me who I am. That solution was synthetic Drell neurochemicals. They flooded my brain with them."

"No wonder this has consumed your thoughts. A perfect memory..."

"Is more or less a burden, yes. It is easy to lose yourself in them... Good and bad ones-" Shepard was cut off as her omni tool sounded. Activating it, she saw Liara's face on the holo display. "Liara?"

"Shepard, I think we've found something, but we'll need to act quickly."

"Got it. On my way."

"Acknowledged." The display disappeared with the conversation's end. This left Shepard slightly annoyed.

"Perfect timing." Every syllable of speech suggested that it wasn't. Shepard deactivated her omni tool again, frowning in frustration. "Why is it that every semi-peaceful moment in my life has to come to an end..."

"One could say "so that the next can begin", but I can see that isn't the case here."

"Yeah," Shepard let a small laugh escape her, the amused smile lingering for a moment after. "Quite the opposite. Now if I don't leave, they'll send my entire squad after me. When did life stop being simple?"

"In your case, when did it start?" The slight curve to the asari's lips was what butchered her *mock* seriousness. This made Shepard laugh openly.

"I didn't think you had it in you, Councilor."

"Did you think me predictable?" This was said with mock indignation. Leaning forward, Tevos rested her forehead against Shepard's once more. "There are some things that most do not get the chance to see, Commander."

"And I think I've gotten the privilege to see a few of them."

"More than that..." Lips brushing against the human's, Tevos felt Shepard's left hand resume its earlier task, tracing the markings on the side of her face and crest. As the kiss was deepened, both sets of eyes were closed, paying no mind to the busy presidium behind them. Pulling back slightly, Tevos spoke, the tone in her voice undeniably hopeful. "I want to believe that this is not a one-time occurrence."

"To say I don't believe in office flings would be a terrible play on words," This brought out the desired amusement; Tevos' lips curving upward. "But it is something I firmly stand by. Anything like this, I don't simply walk away from it. Usually it is the other person that does that; with good reason, mind you. "So no, Councilor, this isn't just a random one time occurrence. If you're willing, this is only the beginning."

"More than willing." Against her wishes, Shepard released the councilor, rising from her position. The meeting with Liara and the team was inevitable and she had to leave, regardless of if she really wanted to or not. Extending her hand, she wasn't surprised in the slightest when the asari took it; rising to stand beside her. Eyeing the door, Shepard heard an omni tool go off. Looking down, she saw that it wasn't hers.

"Duty calls."

"I wish it hadn't." Tevos brought up her own holo display, revealing the same teal-skinned asari from earlier. "Yes?"

"Councilor, the matriarchs are requesting to meet with you. Among them are Lidanya and Irissa."

"Very well. I will meet with them in my office within half an hour. Have them be prepared for contact at any time."

"Yes, Councilor; right away." Communication ended, Tevos deactivated her omni tool again; a thoughtful look gracing her features.

"Here's your chance, Councilor."

"So it would seem. Actually, this is most opportune." Crossing to the console that normally had data streaming to it from Earth and other human territories, Tevos, by means of her access code, summoned data on the two aforementioned matriarchs.

"How so?" Shepard approached, looking over the scrolling service record of Lidanya as Tevos was sifting through the dossier of Matriarch Irissa.

"Simple; Matriarch Lidanya is the commanding officer of the Destiny Ascension. Though she would stand for asari advancement, she is a commando of high integrity. She will not simply take this lightly. As for Irissa, she is a candidate for my position, should something happen."

"Let's hope nothing does."

"Agreed." Going back to the beginning of Irissa's dossier, Tevos turned, facing Shepard once more. "Matriarch Irissa has played the political game well, but she has made her enemies. Most high ranking officials in Asari government are wary of her. She has always been suspicious of our ascension to galactic power. She too, will be an ally in this. She and Lidanya both will uphold council law; of that I am sure."

"Good. I've got a feeling you'll need them. Now you know what happened on Thessia with that beacon. They're probably not counting on that. They may not even know that you're aware it was a beacon." Shepard turned, heading for the door, Tevos following after securing the console. "Use that to your advantage."

"Indeed I will." Pausing at the door as she used her omni tool to unlock it, Tevos gave the other woman a meaningful look. "I know that whatever you are about to engage in cannot guarantee your safety."

"It's an occupational hazard, right?"

"Indeed." Amusement came and went through the councilor's tone. "Regardless; stay safe, Commander... The galaxy and its fleet are not the only ones that need you." With that, Tevos left, heading for the Asari embassy.

"Good luck, Councilor."

Turning to her left, Shepard descended the stairs and headed for the lift. Selecting docking bay D24 from the list, she felt the platform ascent, the asari's last words playing back in her mind, along with the rest of what had happened in that office. Her thoughts were interrupted when the doors opened, revealing the security checkpoint. Pressing forward, she passed the human private, Telavi, who was requesting transfer to a Reaper-infested zone rather than an Eezo storage facility. Using rapid transit, she selected the Silversun Strip, a black skycab approaching seconds later.

Once in the rear of the cab, Shepard was thankful that this driver wasn't talkative. Using her omni tool, she decided to contact Liara and let the team know that she was on her way. While waiting for a response, she frowned; the events of Udina's office marred by whatever was waiting for her in that apartment.

"Shepard."

"Liara, I'm headed there now. Just left the Normandy's docking bay."

"What kept you?" Concern was laced in Liara's tone; Shepard sighed.

"I was held up in the human embassy."

"What's going on there? The office has been secured with highest clearance since Udina's coup attempt."

"I went to pay the Asari Councilor a visit, but she was otherwise engaged." The vaguest of explanations would work for now, especially while in this skycab. Shepard hoped Liara would see it and go on, which of course she did.

"And I assume you didn't see her."

"Sadly no. I'll give it another go later. Anything I should know? I'm almost there; I can see the lights from here."

"All I'll say is that you're going out tonight."

"Wait, what?" The amusement on Liara's face was evident, and Shepard could swear she heard Garrus snicker in the background.

"I'll tell you more when you get here."

"Really, Liara?"

"See you soon, Shepard."

"Why does she do this to me..." This was said more to herself, seeing as the conversation had ended and Liara had disappeared from the display. Shaking her head, the commander could only guess what the new Shadow Broker had in mind. Feeling the cab start to descend, Shepard's thoughts returned to the events of Udina's office. It had been a whirlwind of emotion, confusion, anguish, and so much more, but somehow that had ended as it did. Still feeling the tension brought by those lips on her neck, she released a contented sigh. There were a thousand ways all of that could have gone wrong.

"_The galaxy and its fleet are not the only ones that need you."_

Once the cab landed and departed again without her, Shepard headed back through the lobby and into the corridor. Hearing of a new message, she shrugged it off. There would be time to review messages later. With Tevos' last words in her ear, she re-entered the apartment, finding no one in the immediate entryway. Voices directed her to the kitchen, and as she rounded the corner, she saw the whole lot of them. Gathered around the table in the back of the room, Liara turned, hearing her approach.

"Shepard we've made some progress. I think I've found something. We can gather the team when you are ready."

"Do it." Coming to stand to the right of Liara, Shepard watched as the others slowly drifted in. Some of them offered comments on the previous mission as they did so. Garrus, Tali, and Javik were among them.

"So what was it Shepard, five minutes before people started shooting at you? On the other hand, we get this cool secret hideout to hang out in... Unless the bad guys look in a window."

"Not my fault, Garrus." All she could do was shake her head at the turian. His mandibles flared in amusement.

"Back during my pilgrimage, I used to walk right past that sushi place and watch the fish through the window." Tali passed Shepard then, heading to stand near Garrus. "I knew they would never let me in, but I thought to myself "Someday, when I have proven my worth to the galaxy, I'll go there for dinner", and then..." the slight pause made Shepard guess what was coming next. "You broke their floor." This brought out laughter from James, who had followed Garrus and Tali in. Liara's lips even twitched at the quarian's remark.

"Seriously?" Shepard sent a mock glare around the table, making James laugh harder. She turned to Tali next. "Do they even have anything you can eat there?"

"Not the point, Shepard." The quarian could barely keep the amusement out of her tone. Sighing in exasperation, the Commander saw Javik, Steve, and Joker entering last; the former speaking as he approached.

"Commander, in my cycle, when we fled combat by falling through tanks containing aquatic animals, we usually... Oh right, we never did." Though the puns were getting old, Shepard was surprised by Javik's laughter. The prothean had not shown any sign of humor since they had found him on Eden Prime. Seeing him shaking with amusement now though, she couldn't help but smile a bit. Wrex, Garrus, Joker, Tali, Cortez, Kaidan, James, and Brooks laughed openly. Liara did her best to contain her own mirth, but failed; her shoulders shaking slightly with silent laughter.

"You people are not going to let me live this down, are you?" Amused herself, Shepard leaned against the table, looking around at everyone. Thankfully, EDI wasn't laughing.

"Nope." Wrex' quick answer was enough to bring a short bout of laughter out of her.

"Right then, what have you got?" Focusing her attention on the data in front of her, she saw Liara look down, eyes roving over the data pad she had been examining before their approach.

"We have a lead. I called in some favors to run a trace on the gun, and it led me to a casino owner named Elijah Kaan. He's been suspected of using his profits to smuggle weapons onto the Citadel." Pausing as she activated her omni tool, Liara continued, pulling up an audio stream. "Immediately after the attempt on Shepard's life, Kaan made an interesting call." Playing the audio stream, she let the others take in what was being said.

"_I'm cutting you off. I'm returning your down-payment now."_

"_What's the problem?" _A male voice, likely covered by a voice changer spoke; seemingly annoyed.

"_Turn on a vid screen! When I sell a gun, I don't want it ending up on the nightly news."_

"_It won't be linked to me-"_

"_Save it,"_ Kaan cut the mystery caller off. "_Our association is terminated, and if you even think of coming after me, I've got info on you ready for prime time; so, you ponder that. Kaan out."_

A momentary silence filled the room as everyone simply stared around at each other. Shepard spoke first, breaking it. "So, that's our identity thief."

"Looks like he's got an ID disguiser. Those things are a pain in the ass to get around." Garrus' remark was met with a solemn nod from Shepard and Liara both.

"Did you get anything on the mercenaries who attacked us?" The question had been plaguing Shepard since this forced shore leave had started. These people seemed disorganized, frenzied, and loaded with weapons. It was a deadly combination; and an effective one.

"They're a private military corporation known as CAT6." At this news, Shepard sighed, and as she looked around the room, she saw Kaidan, James, Steve, and Joker groan silently or vocally. "As most of you know, CAT6 is an Alliance nickname for dishonorable discharges. Many have criminal records, histories of steroid abuse, and other charming features; no doubt hired by the thief and not by Kaan."

"That phone call was pretty damning stuff. How'd you get it?" Curiosity got the better of Shepard. Liara gave her a knowing look before answering.

"It involved the weapon's biometric data, Salarian intelligence, and a hannar prostitute with camera implants."

"Seriously?" Raising a disbelieving eyebrow, Shepard saw the disturbed looks on the rest of the squad's faces.

"No, but the truth is boring." A smirk played at Liara's lips, causing Shepard to shake her head in bemusement.

"Kaan didn't sound too friendly to whoever that voice was. Maybe he'd pass that information to us."

"That would take some extremely smooth talking." Liara's comment to Shepard was met with nods from Garrus and Kaidan. "If he sees you, he'll probably assume you're looking for revenge." In her brief pause, a thought came to the asari. "The casino has a panic room. Chances are, he'll have gone to ground there. EDI can give us programs to hack the door, but the cameras and guards complicate things..."

"Yeah... Kaan could disappear, or worse; if his guards were to open fire, normal people could get hit... Like I did."

Nodding at Brooks' first statement, Shepard spoke. "She's right. We can't spook him. We go in quiet; small team, no gunplay."

"Doctor T'Soni," Glyff appeared in the center of the table. "This evening, the casino will be hosting a charity event to assist war refugees." At this news, Shepard met the asari's gaze, an idea forming between them.

"Purchase some tickets, Glyff, and then call up a layout of the building." Liara watched as the drone followed her command. The schematics of the casino were displayed in a holo-form.

"Score! So, how close can we get?" Joker leaned closer, standing beside EDI. His eyes roved the projection just as everyone else's were. "You don't usually put a backdoor into a panic room."

"This air shaft bypasses the security gate and ends up in storage. From there, the panic room's door camera can be disabled." EDI indicated a shaft that was in the upper bar level of the casino. Kaidan spoke next, skeptical.

"Still, we're talking about a casino. There's got to be alarms in that shaft."

"I believe I may have some countermeasures that will help. I'll know more once we're inside." Ever prepared, Liara nodded to Shepard, who looked to Javik as he started to speak; the serious tone back in his voice.

"Who will go into the shaft? They must be small in size."

"That's not me." Wrex volunteered this obvious information, adding: "Too many snacks of roasted Veren leg."

"I suspect my suit's built-in tech would trigger security sensors." Tali's words came with a hint of sadness as eyes fell on her. The next victim was EDI.

"My presence in the casino would bring suspicion. Mechs are not allowed, for they can contain cheating software."

"What you need is someone trained in zero-emissions tech; no electronics, no metal, just undetectable polymers." Brooks volunteered this suggestion. "We had a course, back at Op-Int, disabling a bomb with these little tweezers."

"Alright, you're in." Sharing a knowing look with the others, Shepard addressed the staff analyst.

"What? No... What?"

"You said it yourself. We've all got too much tech."

"But... I managed to get shot just coming to talk to you. Now I'm supposed to manage hacking into a panic room?"

"We'll be backing you up. The second you hit something you can't handle, we'll cover you."

"If that's settled, it looks like there is only one more hurdle to getting us inside." Liara ended this conversation, sensing a tension between the commander and staff analyst.

"And that is..." Grateful for the interruption, Shepard turned to Liara, a slight frown of puzzlement on her face.

"Black tie required."

"Great..."

With the squad dismissed, Shepard headed upstairs, knowing that she wouldn't be in this Alliance dress uniform at this event. Though it would have suited her just fine, it would have given away their positions. The only thing she had that would work was the black dress and accessories she had donned during her brief time as Allison Gunn, a thief and leader of a mercenary band. This had been an interesting alias to uphold. Closing the door to the bedroom, Shepard went to changing. It felt wrong to be out of uniform, to be wearing this, and to be going to some social event. Though it was all for the mission and for finding out who was behind this, it didn't matter. She wasn't' a socialite and she didn't pretend to be. Tossing off her uniform jacket and undershirt in frustration, Shepard did the same with her boots and pants. By all means, this was about as "girly" as she ever got, and honestly, she had hoped not to do it again. The compliment Kasumi had given her on their way to Hock's estate was interesting enough, that she looked great and should do this more often, but she didn't have the time or patience.

Slipping the form-fitting dress on, Shepard stepped into the heels she had somehow remembered how to walk in, and replaced the necklace and bracelet. Using a comb to make sure her dark red hair would behave, she observed herself in the mirror. The bit of makeup she had put on earlier was still present, and it would hold through the evening. Now came the hard part; figuring out who was going with her. At the forefront of the list was Liara. She and the asari maiden had been through a great deal, and Liara had some idea of what to do to disable any internal security. Then there was Kaidan; Shepard knew that the Major had felt something for her for a while. Though he wouldn't act on it unless she did, it was there. Steve was next; he cleaned up good, from what she had heard, but she wasn't sure he would care to do this. Garrus was the last. The turian knew how to be a badass, but he also knew how to be civilized and social. Tali would attract attention, Wrex and James were out of the question due to their inability to act appropriately during something like this, and Javik would most likely be very out of place; as well as out of his element. Activating her omni tool, Shepard spoke into it. "Liara, can you join me up here?"

"On my way." While she waited, Shepard considered the consequences of this choice, but she let it go. They both knew where they stood. When the asari entered, the commander saw blue eyes moving up and down her body. "Impressive. I was starting to think you didn't have it in you."

"Ah well... Things happen." The amused tone Shepard used brought out a curt nod from Liara.

"Like undercover missions masquerading as a mercenary band leader and a thief to Beckenstein?"

"Yeah, like that." Shepard crossed the room, folding the jacket, shirt, and pants that she had haphazardly thrown off earlier. "I want you with me on this."

"Oh?" Coming to stand just at the human's right, Liara gave her a curious look. "And what brought you to this decision?"

"Well, aside from looking the type," Shepard received a playful swat at the arm from the asari at that. "You've got some good countermeasures planned, could probably sweet talk a guard or two if we really needed it, and well..." Pressing the jacket down so that it was square, Shepard looked up, meeting Liara's gaze. "I'd like to have an attractive asari on my arm. Started to forget what it feels like."

"I'm flattered, Shepard." Liara's pause made her raise her eyebrow in concern. "We both know our limits..."

"Actually, that was just going through my mind." Shepard turned around, facing Liara fully. "So, are you in?"

"Seeing you dressed up like that, how can I say no?" The playful tone made Shepard laugh. "I'll change and meet you at the casino in ten minutes. Try not to get into too much of an engaging conversation with our walking target." These made her laugh a little more, knowing Liara was referring to staff analyst Brooks. "I could practically read your mind earlier."

"Ha, yeah." Both women exited the room, heading past where Garrus had sat down, talking to Wrex, in the upstairs lounge. Javik was back in the corner of the room, watching.

"Dull stone."

"Rookie." Liara and Shepard's nicknames for the analyst didn't go unnoticed. Liara headed on downstairs, while Shepard was ensnared in Wrex and Garrus' questions.

"Not talking about our newest target-I mean recruit, are we, Shepard?" Garrus asked this, purposefully correcting himself.

"Don't say recruit too loudly. I don't want people getting a hint of the idea." This incited laughter from the two, Javik looking over with his head tilted sideways just slightly.

"In my cycle, the weak were dead long before the strong were wounded. Clearly this cycle is different."

"Huh, yeah." The short lived amusement was enough. Shepard wondered about the analyst. Maya Brooks seemed to be very unprepared for anything. Even with Alliance basic training she would have been slightly prepared for what happened at Ryuusei, but what the commander had seen looked like a civilian's reaction.

"So, you and Liara again, huh?" Wrex' question caught her off guard, lost in her analysis of the rookie downstairs.

"Huh? No... Liara and I are... just going. She and I were done two years ago."

"Hmmm. I guess you being dead had something to do with that..." Garrus broached the subject he hadn't normally wanted to touch with a ten foot pole. The seriousness on his and Wrex' faces were convincing enough for her to speak about it. Deep down, she knew, gruff though these two were, they cared.

"Yeah, yeah it did. She couldn't handle the state she found me in when she and Feron, an agent for the then current Broker, retrieved my body. She said turning it over to Cerberus was difficult, but they said they could bring me back..."

"And they did." Wrex' statement was encouraging in some way. Shepard nodded to him, continuing.

"She said the hardest thing she ever did was leaving the Normandy before it exploded, knowing that I was on board. She said she couldn't go through losing me again, and I wasn't and still am not in a position to tell her she won't. So yeah, she and I broke it off there on Illium."

"What about when she was aboard the ship after dealing with the Shadow Broker?" Garrus had stood, along with Wrex, and the two had moved to stand before her, one on either side. "I'm sure that was difficult."

"I'll amend my statement. We unofficially ended it on Illium. She and I just walked away from each other... or I did, leaving her office. After Samara and I went with her to find and end the Broker, I just felt like there should be closure. We didn't discuss much on Illium; she wasn't in a good position to, with monitoring devices everywhere and her own secretary being an agent for the Broker." Shepard reflected on Nyxeris' actions and her odd behavior momentarily. "So after all that, we needed to talk. The Normandy was as safe a place as ever."

"True."

"So after she looked over the ship, saw a few people, and came up to my cabin, we had it out. That was when she said all that about the SR1's destruction and not being able to lose me again. I can't blame her."

"Just remember where your limits are, Shepard. I wouldn't want to see either of you hurt again."

"Same here, Shepard. Krogan don't usually say stuff like this, but you two don't deserve to be miserable."

"Goin' soft in your old age, Wrex?" Grateful for the clan leader's words, Shepard had to show it with humor. This made Wrex snort with amusement.

"Hell no, Shepard. Don't compare me to that Pyjak."

"Hey, that pyjak saved your ass." Her slight chuckle got in the way of her words, but she went on. "Seriously though, thanks. Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without you all."

"Can't say you'd be dead."

"Nope. Been there, done that, Wrex."

* * *

**A/N 2:** For those who have played the DLC, you know what is coming, I'm sure. I'll have Chapter 6 up soon. As a personal note, this is the first story I've really been driven to update and finish like this. Thanks for reading! Also, I'm mentioning past relationships and having them brought back to the surface purposefully. The main pairing (OTP) in this fic is Shep/Tevos, but the relationships that led up to it are being outlined and defined so that it is clear what went wrong or right, in some cases. Just so there's no confusion :)

Cheers!


	6. For What Once Was

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Six: For What Once Was_

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait. I usually don't slack off like this, but I just couldn't get myself to finish this one. Anyway, I'm good now and should update in my usual pattern. Please note that last chapter was a serious test run. Not sure how it turned out, so let me know if it was a little out there (especially the beginning) Moving on to Chapter 6.

* * *

Hearing someone leaving from where she was on the second floor landing, Shepard looked down. She had barely seen the alliance uniform that signaled Maya Brooks' exit. The mission was planned; Brooks would go and clear a path to the panic room, while she and Liara would deal with any issues in the main casino. It all seemed straight forward, but Shepard couldn't help but think that there might be something that would go wrong. It had been about five minutes since Garrus and Wrex had practically cornered her, and Liara had said she'd be ready in ten. Knowing she should go on and leave, she let go of the railing and headed down the stairs. It wasn't long before people started noticing the change in costume. James was first, being the first that she came across.

"Damn Lola, you clean up good." Uncrossing his arms, he leaned back against the low bar in the kitchen, eyeing her as she walked past.

"Eyes back in your head, James." Moving past, she saw Kaidan and Cortez round the corner at the lieutenant's comment.

"Wow." Both men said this while Joker followed from behind with EDI. Kaidan recovered first, but Steve beat him to speaking.

"Look good, Commander. Saw Liara leave a few minutes ago. Brooks just left too."

"Yeah, wow..." It was all Kaidan could say, leaving Joker to snort with laughter.

"Bear in mind, gentlemen, this is a one-time thing. I don't plan to do this ever again, if I can help it." Eyeing the door, she prepared to leave.

"Yeah, I mean Shepard dresses up for an evening, big deal." Joker walked past, heading for the sofa. "Nice use of merc leader outfit, Boss."

"Yeah." Heading for the door, she looked back. "Keep you posted."

"Got it. We'll be here."

Hearing Cortez' words as she left, Shepard had to smile. It had been a while since she had gotten that kind of treatment, even if most of that time was spent in an Alliance uniform of some sort. Hearing the reminder of new messages, she ignored it. There would be time after all this was done. Thinking about it, Shepard didn't quite trust what she was reading in her inbox anyway. With communications being hacked, there was no way to see between truth and lies. Entering the lobby of the building, she paid no attention to the few people browsing the furniture that was being showcased. Her destination was somewhere beyond this lavish apartment building.

Exiting out onto the strip, the night life took her by storm. Lights flashing, people talking, the sounds of skycars and shuttles buzzing past, all of it clouded her senses. Thankfully, all she had to do was cross over to the opposite side, make a right, and go straight back. The casino and bar was on her left. The walk there however, was marred by the swarms of people. Most spoke of the war, others of whatever was popular on the extranet. Either way, it was more of a useless hum to her as Shepard headed down toward the casino entrance. Reaching it, she saw Brooks waiting, eyes roving the crowd to find a familiar face. Spotting Shepard, she motioned her over.

"So, how's this looking?"

"Fine for now. Too many people to cause much trouble. Nervous?" Shepard leaned against the wall in the entryway, Brooks standing just beside her. The former's eyes were scanning the crowd, searching for Liara.

"Well... Yes. I just keep thinking about how badly this could go wrong. I got shot just needing to talk to you about this. We're going after the arms dealer, and nothing bad is supposed to happen?" Brooks' fast speech was enough to make Shepard raise an eyebrow.

"I didn't say this wouldn't go wrong. I just said that we'll try to keep it from doing that. No promises."

"Of course not... I mean, I'm nowhere near prepared for anything like this... You're an N7 so of course you will be, but-"

"Being an N7 has its advantages, yes, but it also means making mistakes along the way. No one is ready for this Brooks, no one."

"I suppose you're right... but-"

"Shepard." Turning at the sound of her surname, the commander saw Liara approaching. Gone was the typical armor; replaced by a sweeping white dress.

"Wow." Looking over Liara's appearance, she couldn't help but feel a familiar rush of slight excitement. "Look at you."

"You did say I looked the type." Liara's approach was precise, slow, and calculated. Brooks watched as Shepard waited, letting the asari come to her.

"I'll never hear the end of that, will I?" The corners of her mouth turned upward slightly at Liara's shake of the head. "Didn't think so." Watching the analyst out of the corner of her eye, Shepard saw an 'aha' look cross her face as she watched the pair of them. In a near whisper, she clarified to Liara what she was thinking, eyes darting toward Brooks to make her point. "Follow my lead."

Nodding, Liara let a hint of warning reach her eyes, and Shepard easily saw it. Brooks, absorbed in the crowd that was entering the casino, missed it. As the analyst turned around, Liara slipped her arm in Shepard's. This brought on the foreseen result; another look of sudden recognition and clarity from the younger woman.

"So, erm... should we head in, then?" The slight awkward tone in Brooks' voice was what they were looking for.

"Let's do this." The three proceeded into the casino and up the stairs to the main level; Brooks ahead of them. Shepard looked to her left, seeing a more than content look on Liara's face. "Let it never be said that I never took you out." This brought out a laugh from the asari. Half way up, Brooks turned to them.

"I'll head for the ventilation shaft. Wish me luck."

"Right. Liara, got any ideas?" Keeping her pace slow so as not to look out of place, Shepard gave her companion a questioning look.

"Kaan will have a lot of surveillance equipment set up. I'd mingle with the guests if you want to look normal."

"Got it; time to engage the riffraff." Brooks headed back and up the stairs to the bar, while she and Liara observed the small groups of people crowded around the bar, tables, or simply standing around. Once the analyst was out of earshot, Shepard guessed at what Liara was thinking, heading for a secluded corner. One there, she spoke again, voice low enough to not have others overhear. "I bet I know what you're thinking."

"That we're getting close to crossing the line, yes." Nodding to the stairs, seeing Brooks' retreating form vanish beyond their line of sight, Liara continued. "What is the point of this, Shepard?"

"False information." Leaning against the wall behind her, Shepard kept an eye on the stairs. "I've noticed Brooks watching me. Every time I look or turn around, I see her eyes on me. As soon as I notice, she looks somewhere else."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you sound paranoid."

"Maybe, but I know what I saw. I'll give her what I think she wants to see. We'll see what she does with it."

"At what cost, Shepard?" That hint of concern that laced Liara's tone was no real surprise. As she fixed Shepard with a level stare, the asari waited.

"We've been over this; we both know our limits, Liara. The only way I would cross that line is if you were willing. I don't doubt your judgment."

"I would be a fool to doubt yours." Their conversation was cut short as Brooks' voice came over the comm.

"Commander, I'm upstairs by the grate leading to the shaft, but there's a problem. Can you meet me?"

"On our way." Putting their conversation on hold, the two headed for the stairs. The charity scene downstairs dissolved into a club-like atmosphere. Dancing, loud music, and an active bar met them. Searching the corners of the level, Shepard rounded a corner, seeing the analyst looking over something on her omni tool. Approaching, they shielded her from the crowd, though there was really no need for it.

"Okay right, just like we thought, there's an alarm on the grate."

"We'll have to bypass it." Before she had time to work out a solution, Shepard heard Liara speak.

"Use this; it's a resonance emitter lens." The asari handed Shepard a container with two lenses stored within it. "It should let you see security grids and wiring."

"Good." Placing the lenses and blinking a few times, Shepard worked to get over the slight irritation they caused. "I'll follow the wiring to a junction box, splice it, and disable the alarm."

"Fingers crossed." Brooks returned to looking over her omni tool data, and Shepard looked around. The lens was starting to work, faint traces of wiring appearing just under the floor, much like Kasumi's trick in Hock's estate.

"The lens is working."

"Good. Follow the blue wiring." Liara followed at a relatively good pace so as not to raise suspicion. "In case it needs to be said, don't try to bypass a camera when you're being watched." Crossing to the other stairwell, Shepard saw the box on the wall.

"There's a junction on the wall, but there's a camera watching it."

"Shepard, I'm sending a hack to your omni tool. It will trick the camera, but it will self-delete after a few seconds."

"Got it. Just how far did you plan ahead, Liara?"

"It only took five minutes for me to change. I used the other five doing this."

"Did I mention I'm glad I have you around?"

"You could stand to mention it more."

"Noted." Approaching the camera, Shepard stepped out of its field of vision, using the hack that Liara had just forwarded. When done, she moved to the junction box, working to splice the wire. Taking only a few seconds, she heard a slight ticking on her omni tool. "Right, looks like the hack is about to drop. Done here. Splice is in."

"Good. I've got the grate open, and... Here we go..." A brief pause and Brooks spoke again. "Act casual, this could take a while."

"Got it. Take it slow." Stepping back out of the alcove, Shepard addressed Liara, who was leaning against the wall, watching her. "Care for a drink?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Straightening up, she joined the spectre as she was walking across to the bar. "How long has it been, Shepard? A year now, I think."

"Yeah," Thinking back to the last time they had shared drinks, Shepard realized it had been a little over a year ago. They had just brought down Tela Vasir and the then current Shadow Broker. "Yeah it has..." Approaching, they heard the bartender speak before they could eye the kiosk.

"Drinks are complementary tonight, ladies." Nodding, they focused on the human wiping down the bar that had addressed them. "What'll you two have?"

"Nothing too strong. I'd rather walk a straight line for a while." Shepard said this, while Liara nodded in agreement.

"Thessian Temples coming up."

"Are asari drinks always mild?" Making small talk while the man prepared them, Shepard watched the crowd around her. Most were getting wasted, dancing until they couldn't anymore, or a little of both.

"Not usually. Mr. Kaan had us put out some gelatin shots earlier; also Asari, but they kick like a shotgun."

"Interesting... Maybe later." As the two drinks were placed in front of them, Shepard and Liara accepted them, walking away. Raising the glass to her lips, the spectre let the cool liquid carve a path down her throat. It had been a while since she had actually enjoyed drinking. Most times, it was to drown out what had happened during the course of her life, or it was to ease a pain of some sort; whether it was physical or emotional.

"Really? Maybe later?" A slightly amused smile found its way onto Liara's lips as she and Shepard took up a place at the very end of the bar. "I would have thought otherwise."

"Yeah. I've been thinking... If we're forced on a shore leave, why not enjoy it? I mean hell..." Taking another sip, she admitted what she had wanted to ignore. "There's a good chance we won't come out of all this to have another shore leave."

"Joker said your being a 'downer' was a legendary talent. I did not want to believe it..." Liara did the same, eyeing the human carefully.

"I guess I'm just a realist to the end..." Downing the rest, Shepard thought for a moment. "Ah what the hell..." She returned to the bar, mentioning something to the bartender about something a little stronger, and returned a moment later. "Sometimes the most brutal path is the only honest one."

"Indeed..." Pondering her words, Liara looked up, eyes knowing. "Spoken with the wisdom of the matriarchs, or more specifically, the justicars."

"Some things about their code I can agree with... Others, not so much." Chancing a sip of the darker drink, Shepard nodded. "Oh yeah, that's stronger."

"How much stronger?"

"Not too bad." Shepard paused, thoughts still on this mission to the Illusive Man's base and beyond. "Do you think we'll get out of this, Liara? I mean, looking at what we have to do, I thought the Omega 4 Relay was a suicide mission, and then this..."

"To be honest, I have not thought about it."

"I guess I spend more time than not thinking about it these days."

"Well, considering the Alliance volunteered you for this..."

"Volunteered... Nice word." Taking another long drink, Shepard frowned. All of these socialites were carefree; dancing, laughing, and pretending the war didn't exist. Liara noticed her brief glance at the small dance floor.

"Have you bothered to learn?"

"Once... A long time ago." The Spectre caught on quickly to what Liara was getting at. "Yeah right."

"Come on. You should have a little fun while you're here pretending to be in high social standing." The corners of Liara's lips twitching upward made Shepard shake her head in amusement.

"Like I said, yeah right."

"Oh come on... Surely even Wrex could do it if you bet him enough." That did it. Seeing Shepard down the remainder of the dark drink, Liara could easily guess the outcome of her statement.

"Oh, so you're saying I can't do it, eh?"

"I would not have put it so bluntly, but yes; that is exactly what I am saying." Knowing that it was a risk to show her hand before playing it, Liara watched her words take effect.

"Alright, T'Soni, you're on." Straightening up, it took all of five seconds for her to return the glasses to the bar. Then, Shepard sent the asari a challenging look, which Liara answered with a nod.

As the two approached the dance floor, people that were already there were paying little to no attention to the newcomers. The bartender however, did notice. Discretely changing the music to something a little slower paced, partially due to his slight headache, he watched. The human and asari stood, eyes locking on each other, almost in a threatening nature, but the triumphant smile that graced the latter's lips was a clear giveaway. One hand on the shoulder, the other to the waist, the two moved as one in a tango-styled pattern. At first they went unnoticed, people simply continuing their drinking, dancing, or terrible flirting. That didn't last long though.

Shepard spinning Liara out, the asari moved as if she were in water; every movement calculated perfected, fluid. The slightly surprised look on her face was telling though. Liara hadn't expected this of Shepard. The spectre had been *forced* to learn this art years ago back on Earth by one of the families she had lived with for a few years. Having come to think of it as odd evasion tactics, she had endured this feminine art for as long as she had to. The lessons had paid off, but she would never admit this to anyone or bother with it around any of her other crewmates. Feeling Liara's hand brush over her arm as the asari returned, Shepard easily took her arm, leading her back. By now, they had attracted some attention.

As this dance proceeded, more stopped and watched. Both women were lost in the movements and each other at that point. From one move to the next, their movements were flawless; Liara's dress flowing around her, she was a sight. Her partner seemed to agree; icy eyes intense as they remained focused on the asari's matching pair. Drowning out the noise from the bar, the party downstairs, and the thought of the mission, Shepard let her defenses fall. As the music intensified, so did her movements and Liara went right along with it. Soon, they found themselves more in tune with each other than they had in two years, and as the final notes of the song filtered through the fog that was settling in their minds, Shepard leaned down, in the last move of this particular style, her lips meeting Liara's. She saw the asari's eyes had been closed throughout the last few steps, and she did the same. As the kiss lingered, cheering met their ears, and the song was over. Staying like that for a moment, letting what had just happened sink in, Shepard knew they had nearly crossed the line. When she straightened up, Liara came with her, not letting go. Unfortunately their time together was interrupted again.

"Commander," Maya Brooks' harsh whisper filtered through the hum of the crowd. "There's a guard right below me." Not in the greatest position to answer, Shepard stepped away from the dance floor, finding a secluded corner. Liara followed, having heard it as well.

"Don't panic. I'll get his attention." Shooting an apologetic look toward Liara, Shepard looked around. "Where is this guard?"

"At the foot of the stairs."

"Got it. I see him. Sit tight." Walking downstairs, Shepard saw the human guard eyeing many people. Turning his head back and forth, she got the sense that he was looking for something in particular. Approaching him, she thought quickly. "Excuse me; I thought I saw someone doing drugs in the ladies' room."

"I see. Could you identify the substance used?"

"Red sand." The guard activated his omni tool, opening a comm channel as he went. Shepard stood back, watching her distraction take effect.

"Dispatch, looks like we've got a sand tripper in the bathrooms."

"Have they tried to compromise the games biotically?" Whoever was on the other end sounded bored, more or less, and wasn't too concerned.

"Unknown at this time. Moving to confront. Send backup." Closing the comm channel and deactivating his omni tool, the guard returned his attention to Shepard and Liara. "It's being taken care of, Ma'am. We appreciate the help. Enjoy the rest of your evening." Watching the guard walk off, Shepard waited for him to be out of earshot before speaking again.

"You're clear, Brooks."

"Thanks, Commander. I'll see if I can get to the panic room."

"And I'll get back to blending in." Hearing the analyst release a relieved breath, she continued. "Slow and steady; we'll get to Kaan."

"Back to the mundane party crowd, eh Shepard?" Liara was leaning against the wall where the guard had previously stood. The glint in her eyes spoke volumes.

"Yeah..." Stepping forward, so that only she could hear, Shepard continued. "About that back there-"

"Don't. I think it is best that I not know."

"I know you better than that, Liara." Landing the asari with a level stare, Shepard saw Liara shift, eyes darting away for a split second. "Don't act like that was nothing."

"That is what it should have been..." Liara paused, eyes coming back up to meet the spectre's; a mixture of emotions brewing behind them. "Nothing..."

"Like I said, I know you better. It wasn't just nothing. I blame myself for that. I let it go too far-"

"No!" The quick interjection made Shepard blink. Though still low in volume, the urgency in her tone suggested that Liara had expected something else to be said. "I was to blame. I left it open to interpretation... I-"

"There was no other interpretation. It was direct, on my part." Closing the distance between them, Shepard placed a hand on the asari's shoulder. "Liara-"

"I cannot walk away from this, Shepard." An arm snaked around the spectre's shoulder, pulling her closer. The hand that had been at Liara's shoulder slid down her arm, its arm wrapping around her waist to meet its twin; Feeling Liara so close again brought back all of the mixed emotions that had come with their relationship.

On one hand, there was a surge of passion; Liara had been the first person Shepard had really committed to, the first to see her other vulnerable side during their pursuit of Saren and Sovereign. Liara had been the last one Shepard had thought about when the pods ejected as the SR1 had gone down. On the other hand, there was bitterness, sadness, and grief. Their reunion on Illium had been terrible. Liara had moved on, replaced that warm demeanor with a cold outer shell. Shepard had later come to find out that it had taken all Liara had to leave her aboard that ship. Liara had recovered what was left of her corpse from the shadow broker, turning it over to Cerberus, and she had lost hope of ever seeing the spectre return. That was understandable. In her place, Shepard thought she would do the same.

"I don't want old wounds to be torn open, Liara." The one thing that was running through her head while she spoke these words was what Liara voiced next.

"Too late." The warm breath against her neck made Shepard tense. Attempting to suppress feelings long buried for this asari was difficult, but it was needed at the moment. This was no place or time to break down. Willing the memories of Illium, Ilos, and the Broker's ship away, she cleared her head. True, the thoughts remained, but they weren't nearly as consuming as they could have been.

"Damnit. This is the one thing I was hoping to avoid."

"I was actually looking forward to it." Voice a bit broken, Liara didn't look up. This caused Shepard to raise a questioning eyebrow.

"Why would you look forward to something like this?"

"Try as I might, I could not let it go." Now, Liara did shift, pulling back slightly, to meet the human's questioning look. Eyes shifting toward a vacant sofa in a corner, she gestured to it, and Shepard nodded. Crossing the small distance, they sat facing each other. "I tried to simply let go; I could not just move on, Shepard. You were my first, the one I was more than willing to bond with. Looking back, I trapped myself in that thought, unwilling to move on. Though I knew the risks, I needed this; I needed you."

"And here I thought I was the only one." Closing her eyes briefly, Shepard continued to will the memories away. "You were the first one I committed to, Liara. I never pictured myself doing that. After growing up on Earth with nothing, losing everything and everyone on Akuze, and having my sanity called into question, I was basically convinced I wasn't going to let myself feel anything again. Then I met you. You took all that precaution and self-discipline and crushed it." Seeing Liara's expression, Shepard went to explain her meaning. "I don't mean that as a bad thing. Hell, I'm thankful for it. Liara, I wasn't living after Akuze. I was going from day to day... I was a drone, numb, and you changed that."

"I do not know what to say, Shepard..."

Nodding, Shepard covered one of Liara's hands with her own, taking in every familiar sensation as it passed through her. Hearing a burst of static over her comm, she frowned, leaving the asari with a look of confusion. "Talk to me, Brooks."

"I've got a pressure pad and an obstruction detector ahead. I can't disable them from here."

"Okay. EDI, I need a tech solution. Brooks, stay put. We'll find some junctions and take down the sensors."

"Right."

"Damnit." With an apologetic look, Shepard stood. Liara nodded in understanding, and rose as well. The lens picked up traces of red and yellow wiring, and the former split into two directions. "Looks like the red wire's the winner this time."

"So it would seem." Following Shepard's line of sight, Liara noted the obstacles in their way. "One has a camera and a guard. The other has two guards. I can distract one of them. Tell me when."

"Yeah, I like a challenge. There's a junction box near the roulette wheel." Approaching the harder of the two problems first, Shepard watched the two guards. One stayed in one place, leaning against a column, his head turning from left to right. The other moved, almost pacing, back and forth. Weighing her options, Shepard motioned toward the stationary guard. Liara nodded, approaching slowly.

"I hate to bother you, but I saw a pickpocket working a crowd upstairs."

"One moment, Ma'am, I'm contacting security. Where is he now? Point him out to me."

"Perfect." Minding the guard that was still pacing back and forth, Shepard approached; she waited until he had made his journey back toward her and turned around, before moving to the junction box. Within a few seconds, there was a low beep and the wires were lost to the resonance lens; the obstruction detector was disabled.

"We'll keep an eye out for him, Ma'am. Thanks for the tip." Walking casually away from the box Shepard saw Liara moving toward her, a satisfied look on her face.

"So, what'd you tell him?"

"I gave him a description of Garrus after he had nearly been killed on Omega as Archangel but with white and black facial markings."

"Damn, that'll keep him looking."

"Exactly." Eying the last junction, Liara nodded toward the solitary guard. "Tell me when, and I'll distract him." Crossing the room, Shepard approached the box, choosing to causally lean against the wall. Nodding to Liara, she waited. When Liara made her move, she went for the camera, running the hack through her omni tool. Hearing the tick that confirmed the camera was temporarily disabled, she moved to the box, working on it while Liara mentioned something about the consort. Once her omni tool finished disabling the pressure pad, she heard Brooks' voice again.

"Okay, I'm at the storage room grate; time to hit the lock."

"Be careful, Brooks." A secondary pause and then the sound of something crashing to the floor later, Shepard frowned. "Brooks?"

"Damn... Commander?"

"Yeah, what happened?" A hint of frustration and concern crept into her voice. This caught Liara's attention. As the asari joined her, Shepard waited for the details.

"Inferred laser hooked up to a silent alarm... Couldn't get to it in time."

"Shepard," EDI's voice was a welcome change. "I will contact security and inform them that it was a false alarm, but you must stall the guard before he reaches staff analyst Brooks." Scanning the crowd, Shepard didn't see anyone breaking away at first. Focusing her attention on their final destination, the entrance to general area where the panic room was, she finally saw him. Cutting across the space between them, she moved swiftly but deftly through the small crowd that blocked their path. Getting within earshot, she made her move.

"Hey, wait!"

"Just calm down." The guard rounded on her, activating his omni tool. "I'm trying to do three things at once, here."

"Sir, we checked out the alarm in storage. It's nothing, just a glitch in the system." Another of Kaan's hired security spoke, leaving this man to nod.

"Find out who the hell was responsible and get them in my office by end of business."

"Yes sir."

"Now you, what'd you need?" With his call done, the guard had deactivated his omni tool, returning his attention to Shepard.

"Damn, I swear you could be his twin..." The spectre said this, causing the guard to scowl.

"I don't have time for this..." The guard walked off in a huff, leaving Shepard to laugh. Looking ahead, she didn't like what she saw in the next room. Two cameras, two guards, and the last junction box that would allow them to enter the panic room.

"You're clear, Brooks."

"Thanks, Commander. Shouldn't be too much more until we can get in there. See if there is security on your end."

"Oh yeah, there is. I'll handle it and meet you at the door."

"Right then."

Looking back into the next room again, Shepard saw that one guard paced back and forth, another stood still at the entrance to the hallway that seemed to lead to the panic room and two cameras added more trouble. One pointed to the second camera while it pointed toward the junction box in the hallway. Looking to the top right corner of the room, she saw a small crowd of people, perfect for a chat if things went wrong. Nodding to Liara, the pair entered the room. Heading for the camera near the three party-goers, Shepard waited for the guard nearest her to turn and retreat, while Liara headed for the one at the corner. As soon as Shepard's immediate threat turned his back, she went for the camera careful to stay out of its sights. Once done, she moved across the room, preparing to hack the second. Thankfully, the pacing guard was turning to head back toward the first camera, giving her good opportunity to hack the one in front of her. Once that camera was hacked as well, she sidestepped the guard that Liara had distracted, heading for the junction box that was out of his line of vision. Disabling it, she motioned for Liara to follow. Brooks waited just beyond that checkpoint.

Entering the panic room, Shepard saw the man they were after, Elijah Kaan, sitting behind a desk; his back to them. He was staring into a fireplace, but they couldn't make out his posture due to the high backed chair. Approaching, Shepard shared a look with the other two women, having honestly expected something worse. Taking the first step, the spectre spoke.

"Kaan, I'm not here to threaten you. I just want to talk." With no response, Liara stepped forward, taking the back of the chair and turning it so that the man was facing them. What they all saw really didn't surprise Shepard. Brooks, on the other hand, hadn't expected it.

"What the hell!"

"I see this conversation will be strictly one sided..." Liara watched as Brooks went for the console. Unfortunately, there was more bad news.

"Commander, there's a deletion order on the terminal."

"Damnit..."

"Everything's been wiped... I don't know if it was him, or the killer, or... " Brooks paused in her thinking aloud to take in a surprised breath. "When I tripped that alarm... Do you think I screwed this up?" Shepard took her place, looking over the terminal's contents. "What are you looking for?"

"Mistakes." Eyes flecking back and forth, Shepard found what she was looking for. "Thought so. Whoever did this had to do it fast..." Scrolling through a few things, she nodded. "They wiped the terminal but not the comm."

"Oh, so we can take the comm back to the safe house to scan it or-"

"Elijah, come crawling back?" The same distorted voice as before came over the comm, a blurred and flickering image appearing on the display.

"Guess again." Shepard crossed her arms, frustration building. Brooks activated her omni tool, attempting to trace the call.

"You, I see you've recovered from flopping on the floor like a fish."

"You'll need to do better than that; the last guy who trash talked me was a few kilometers taller than you."

"Brave; I thought as much, but you have nothing. All you can do is wait for the hammer to fall."

"Why do this?" Shepard stepped forward, eyes locked on the distortion ahead. "What did I do to you?"

"I'm going to take everything you have..." Shepard's jaw clenched. "...and everything you are." The call ended, leaving the three in silence.

"Damnit. Sorry Commander, there wasn't enough time to trace the call." Brooks deactivated her omni tool, looking up at the other woman.

"We're not finished here. Pull out those drives."

"The ones that got wiped?" Brooks' question was met with a nod from Liara. "You think we can pull something off them."

"With EDI, anything's possible. Come on; the sooner we get those drives, the sooner we can identify this threat." The statement was met with nod from the analyst. Shepard thought about the lens that was still covering her eye. Removing it, she looked to Liara, who had come to stand beside her. Seeing the asari's nod, she tossed it into the fire, seeing the slight spark of electricity as it short circuited and burned. Keeping her eyes on the flames, she thought of what the caller had said just now. Liara's hand on her shoulder caused her to look up.

"The thought of someone taking who and what you are disturbs you, Shepard."

"The hell I'll let that happen, Liara."

Once Brooks had removed the drives it was easy enough to leave the panic room and leave through the front doors of the casino. Guards paid no mind to the woman with a handbag full of hidden drives or the presumed lovers who left behind her. It was more than a relief when they were walking back down the stairs, the exit onto the strip in sight. The whispers about Shepard and Liara's dance had followed them downstairs, and a few of them were heard by the staff analyst. Her curiosity got the better of her as they made their way out onto the strip, turning to head back to the apartment.

"So I heard a lot of cheering near the bar earlier. What was all that about? Did something happen?" At her words, Shepard and Liara looked at each other, matching looks of amusement on their faces.

"You could say that."


	7. Archived In Memory

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Seven: Archived In Memory_

**A/N:** I thought this was only going to be a few day break, but I suppose I got sidetracked or something. I hate that I was neglectful of this story for so ong. As thankful as I was for the temporary break, I'm happy to have gotten back on track with this. March was a great month for me (Story wise) and I hope to keep it up in April. Glad you guys are keeping with it and apparently enjoying it. Happy reading!

* * *

The short walk back to the apartment was blissfully silent, each person trapped in their own thoughts. A sideways glance told Shepard that Liara was still working over what they had found in the panic room, and Brooks was struggling to keep it together. Though a little frustrating, the commander could easily see the analyst's point of view. Shepard had been faced with the same field shock during the Maw attack on Akuze. As they made their way through the lobby area and into the hallway, Shepard got that same message notification again. Frowning, she opened the door to the apartment; the rest of the squad waiting nearby for a report. Nodding to them, she headed upstairs to change out of the evening's attire.

Upon ascending the stairs, she crossed the distance to the master bedroom, mulling over her options. On one hand, she could easily slip back into the dress uniform from earlier, but then she wanted to get something a little more casual. Looking over the options, she finally decided on one of the short-sleeved casual uniforms that she would normally, unintentionally, fall asleep in. Closing the door, she went to changing. Easing the dress off was simple enough, and all she had to do was layer it back down into the travel bag, its flexible and fluid material not an issue. The heels were next, and they lay in a spare compartment with the two pairs of boots she had left. Removing the solid black pair, she went to pulling on the pants, undershirt, and top shirt that went with the everyday Alliance uniform. The thought of Akuze found its way back into the forefront of her mind, however, causing her to slow and eventually stop lacing up her boots. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she blinked rapidly, trying to clear the thoughts from her mind, failing miserably.

_Having been placed in command, she and an investigatory squad had gone down to find out just why a normally peaceful colony had gone silent. They found no traces of foul play, save for recently disturbed earth, which was attributed to construction at first. Spending the first day and evening scouring the outpost and surrounding area, they had found nothing. Deciding to continue the search in the morning, she and two lieutenants had remained up, watching out for the rest, staggering their rest. One would sleep for a few hours, then take another's place, and so on. During her down time, Shepard had slept uneasily; the nervousness of her squad was enough to keep her on edge. During her last bout of sleep, she awoke to screaming, the ground shaking beneath her, and the roaring of a thresher maw._

_Moving quickly, she had gotten half of the squad back into a farmhouse where their weapons packs were stored. Arming themselves, they had taken pot shots from the widows and upper level, attempting to wear it down. It failed miserably. Its acid ate through the titanium walls, easily shattered the windows, and wore at the supports below the building. This forced her hand, leaving Shepard to order them outside before the building fell in on them. As predicted, it made them more of a target. Tombs, one of the few that seemed to have a good head on his shoulders during this, was sent back to the comm tower to signal for help. When he didn't make it back, Shepard had assumed the worst, but their problems got bigger when a second and a third maw revealed themselves. The remainder of the squad went onto a panic, shooting anything that moved. Having them follow her to the comm tower had been a mistake._

_With the maws moving under them as well as around, the squad, or what was left of it, was shooting in all directions. Hearing the workings of the comm tower as she input the message, Shepard had felt a projectile impact her shoulder, causing her left arm to fall limp from shock. This had been the arm that was supporting her shotgun, and it too fell. Eying her omni tool as she worked furiously to finish the message so that it could be sent through the nearest comm bouey, Shepard felt the burn of acid as it leaked through her armor. It wouldn't be long before the pain would increase, and that increased her speed in sending the message as well as triggering the distress beacon on the comm tower itself._

_With a last nod, the message was sent and the signal was being broadcast on all Alliance frequencies. Hearing screams behind her, Shepard turned, seeing a maw tearing apart one of the other lieutenants. Teeth shredding his skin, he was a mere rag doll a few seconds later. Retrieving her shotgun, she fired a few warning shots at the giant worm. This lured it away from the other two remaining team members and it focused its attention on her. This had been a good distraction, but it was a brief one. The maw had cornered her in one if the worms' massive underground tunnels that had caved in on one side; it had torn at her armor, leaving moderate gashes in her right arm and upper chest. Acid spray had dissolved her chestplate, leaving sizeable damage to the skin beneath it, but with gunshots from her two remaining squad members, it had turned, tearing or burning them to pieces. Having no real choice, Shepard had fired a shot from her shotgun, causing the other end of the enclosure to cave in, leaving her with a limited oxygen supply and nothing else. She had been like that for a day and a half before hearing explosions from above. With the last rounds, she had fired a few shots to alert whoever was there of her presence. Hearing their approach, she had lost consciousness again._

_The Alliance had sent a rescue squad and a small battalion of soldiers to secure the area. When they had heard the shots fired, they assumed it was hostiles, and readied the tank to destroy the alcove, but after reviewing the distress call, they had blasted the entrance, finding her there. With the soldiers taking point and setting up small outposts, the rescue squad was sent back to Earth with Shepard, the sole survivor of the Thresher Maw attack on Akuze. She had awaked in an Alliance debriefing facility a few days later and was questioned for the next seventy-two hours on the events there. It had felt more like an interrogation than a debriefing, but she had dealt with it until the medics had come in and said that enough was enough._

"Shepard?" Opening her eyes, Shepard felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking up, she saw Liara standing before her, blue eyes filled with concern. Blinking, she realized how she must have looked, staring blankly at the doorway.

"Liara?" Blinking again, a question formed in her mind. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Five minutes..." Moving to sit down beside the human, Liara gave Shepard a questioning gaze. "It's the neurochemicals again, isn't it?" Receiving a nod in return, she continued. "What was it this time?"

"Akuze." Looking down at her right arm, she still saw the scarring from the path the maw's tooth and acid had carved and burned. Miranda had done well bringing her back exactly as she was; she had left the battle scars to prove it. "I was just thinking of how Brooks wasn't prepared for any of this..."

"Like you were not prepared for the thresher maw nest near the colony..."

"Yeah." The hand on her right shoulder tightened its grip for a second, causing Shepard to relax a bit. "I thought I'd gotten over all of this, Liara. I thought I'd moved past it, and then something like this happens; reminding you just how unprepared you are..."

"Shepard, there was no more you could have done." Liara's hand moved from where it sat to cover Shepard's, which was resting on her knee. "All of this was..."

"I know." Twisting her hand so that her fingers closed around Liara's, Shepard frowned. "I just feel like there has been a little black rain cloud following me since the dawn of my existence..." Seeing Liara's curious look, she explained further. "It's a human metaphor that basically means I've had bad luck or bad fortune follow me wherever I go."

"I wouldn't call it all bad..." Shepard gave the asari a sideways look, and that was all Liara needed. Moving forward, she placed a light kiss to the spectre's lips. Shepard didn't turn down the opportunity. Responding to it, though keeping it simple, she saw the familiar spark in the asari's eyes.

"You're right... There were some... good things... to come out of it, weren't there?" This made Liara smile.

"Oh? If that was good, then what would you define as extraordinary?" Her smile widened slightly as she heard Shepard laugh darkly.

"Maybe what happened before we hit the Mu relay."

"That would qualify." Rising from her position, Liara looked down. "I'd suggest you finish that before heading downstairs. I wouldn't want it to be a one way trip."

"You didn't..." Shepard looked up, seeing Liara's retreating form as the asari headed back toward the staircase. She paused, leaning against the wall as she turned to face the commander; a smirk ever present on her lips.

"I did."

"You know I'll have to get you back for that." Resuming lacing up her boots, Shepard reflected. She had spoken at length with Liara about the events on Akuze, but she hadn't gone into serious detail; not wanting to visit that part of her career again. Satisfied that they were laced to her satisfaction, she stood. Liara had disappeared beyond her line of sight, and was probably already back down in the kitchen awaiting the spectre's arrival. Donning her N7 tags again, Shepard crossed the room and headed straight across for the stairs.

Once on the ground floor, she was greeted by James, Kaidan, and Wrex. The three had been talking previously, and stopped as she rounded the last stair. Nodding to them, she proceeded into the kitchen and to the table at the back of the room. EDI, Liara and Glyph were looking over the data that Brooks was displaying on her omni tool.

"Commander, EDI and I have been analyzing those drives. I think we've got something if you're ready." Brooks looked up upon Shepard's approach.

"Let's hear it." With those words, the others entered, crowding around the table as they came.

"Though the data's root structure was erased, the logical integrity is viable." EDI began without prompt. Brooks spoke just as she finished.

"EDI has an incredible talent for this stuff. I know she's an AI, but even still..." Pausing to look down at the data stream, Brooks nodded. "We found an encrypted communication from a few days ago; just need another moment to crack it."

"A whole minute?" Joker stepped away from the wall and closer to EDI. "EDI here could shave that down to five seconds." There was a slight prideful tone to his voice, and Shepard had to work at not showing her amusement. In the end, she failed.

"I thought it best to allow Staff Analyst Brooks the opportunity to increase her decryption speed."

"And now you've lost your chance to show off." This brought out a ripple of laughter from the Normandy's crew.

"Like she needs it." Brooks straightened up, the decryption done. "You're the crew of the Normandy. You're legends to the rest of the Alliance." Folding her arms, she looked up at Shepard's next words.

"Legends can be good or bad. Which are we?"

"You're the kind people look up to; the kind they owe their lives to." Brooks wasn't prepared for Wrex' question.

"Them why are they always shooting at us?" Again, the crew, or those who knew Wrex, laughed. Tali's statement solicited a mock offensive glare from the Krogan battlemaster.

"I think it's mostly you, Wrex. The bigger the target, the bigger the err... Target."

"Are you saying I've gained weight?" The mostly quiet laughter increased in volume as he asked this, but Liara's next words even made Shepard laugh openly, shaking her head in amusement.

"It just means that there's more of the "legend" to love." This brought out a grin from the Krogan

"The camaraderie and the friendship; I think that's your secret weapon." Brooks observed this behavior, marveling at it.

"Just part of the job, the part that keeps us all sane and not at each other's throats." Shepard said this with a hint of amusement, but there was also that serious tone to give the statement its backbone.

"Wait... Job?" Garrus leaned forward, his mandibles flaring in amusement. "You mean the rest of you are getting paid to do this?"

"Here we go..." Thankfully, Brooks made a move to bring up the data stream so that it was not just within her visual range. As it scrolled down, Shepard didn't miss the widening eyes and James' jaw dropping at what they were seeing. "Wow... Those mercs that were after you, they bought a lot of weapons... Like big ones..." As the data scrolled further, an image of a golem class mech appeared.

"Mechs?" Kaidan motioned toward the large scale golem. "What do they need with that kind of firepower?"

At this point, Glyph appeared again, a red aura around its rotating exterior. There was a warning sound pulsing as the red aura flashed. The drone made it to the center of the table, and Javik commented on its curious behavior.

"It appears that this drone is preparing to rebel."

"I have just monitored the commander's spectre access codes currently in use at the Citadel Archives." The red aura disappeared as Glyph announced this.

"Do you have a live feed?" Shepard leaned forward, elbows against the smooth wood of the table. Hopeful that the drone did, she waited. When the holo projection appeared, Shepard and Liara frowned. Brooks vocalized their concerns.

"The archives are going into lockdown..." She pointed it out for those who had blank expressions. "Whoever's using your access codes is there right now."

"What do we know about the place?" Shepard nodded to Brooks' assessment of the projection.

"Council keeps secret records there, really "hush hush"." Garrus looked down at the display of the archives with a wary expression. "Even my old C-Sec clearance didn't get me in."

"Then we'll find our own way in." Shepard turned, preparing to leave the room. "Gear up and..." Eyes falling on a volus standing just ahead, she nodded, looking back at the others. "What's with the volus?"

"Ah yeah... Pizza delivery guy. I got the munchies." James' admission would have made her laugh had they not just seen her spectre codes in use.

"Double pepperoni." The volus inhaled before speaking, but was drowned out by Brooks' statement.

"The archives are huge... We'll have a lot of ground to cover. It's a shame we can't bring everyone."

"Who says we can't?" This question brought out a hopeful look in the entire group. "All hands on deck for this one."

"Hell yeah!" James straightened up. "But um... who gets to take point with you?"

"Ahem." Wrex cleared his throat, followed by Javik and Tali. Shepard's lips upturned at the squad's enthusiasm. When the volus did the same thing, she turned around.

"Who's going to pay the bill?" James stepped forward with a credit chit, and Shepard nodded to the rest of the crew.

"Suit up and let's get moving."

With a collective nod, the team broke up. Brooks, Kaidan, James, joker, and Cortez headed for the door; the latter two were going to acquire a few skycars. Wrex, Liara, Javik, Garrus, EDI, and Tali remained; they already had their armor and weapons with them. Shepard walked over to the footlocker that was still ear the door and kicked it open. Wrex had followed her, he and Garrus having shared a look while the others were leaving. As Shepard started pulling on her armor, she heard the question she had almost dreaded.

"So, how'd the casino thing go?"

"We crossed a line." Having secured her lower armor, she worked on the chestplate, gauntlets, and shoulder guards.

"Had a feeling that'd happen." Wrex leaned against the wall. "I'm sure Garrus is having the same conversation with Liara right now... So, how big a line did you cross?" At her pointed look, Wrex gave her a sideways glance. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously."

"And the repercussions..."

"Well," Shepard secured the shoulder guards and gauntlets, focusing on her gloves. "We both know what happened, and..." Dropping down, she lifted the weapons pack and secured it. "We seemed to have needed it. Not the best justification, but..."

"What can you do about it now?" Wrex nodded, having voiced her last question.

Having finished with her armor, Shepard turned back, seeing Liara walk past. Following the asari with her eyes, she noticed Liara going for the sofa that was on the other side of the fireplace, facing the display. Nodding to Wrex, she followed. Glyff had been ahead of her, and from the open doorway, Shepard saw Liara scrolling through the archives data again, blue eyes narrowed. Approaching, she saw Liara rotating a pistol in her hand.

"Not planning to kill anyone on the squad, are you?"

"No." The simple answer was met with an amused look from Shepard who rounded the sofa and sat down on its opposite end. Liara kept looking over the data, but she didn't 'find what she was looking for. When she deactivated her omni tool, she looked up. "Something is strange. I thought I would have recognized the deletion protocol if Kaan did this himself. Most don't know extremely thorough methods if they don't think they'll get caught. Kaan seemed like a paranoid but confident man."

"What are you thinking, Liara? I assume by that, you don't recognize it."

"No. Working as the shadow broker, I've seen many. I've seen those that reflect desperation, paranoia, and ignorance, but this..." She shook her head n frustration; looking up when Shepard placed a hand on hers. "This suggests something worse."

"Worse? Like what?" Shepard leaned forward as Liara made a motion with her hand. When the asari spoke, her voice was low.

"These protocols are military grade. Something seems wrong about this." Leaning back, she brought up the data again. "And yet, there is a contradiction. Whoever did this seems to want you to find them. They left just enough information to keep you curious."

"Yeah... Wait, you don't think they hacked Glyff do you? Giving us that tip about my access codes was a coincidence, I hope." Shepard cast an apologetic look to the drone.

"No... I had considered that, but I have a randomization algorithm on his network. That would have alerted me of any hacking attempts."

"Your suspicion is warranted, Commander." Glyff stated this, while Liara nodded.

"Well then, you just upped my chances of believing in coincidences." Shepard said this with a slight smile, turning serious again as she faced Liara once more. This time, her voice was low. "I assume you got the same game of twenty questions as I did?"

"Yes..." Glancing back toward the kitchen, Liara saw the krogan and turian speaking in a corner. "I have to admire their protectiveness. It is... cute in a way."

"Yeah." Shepard allowed herself a slight laugh. "With Wrex it's real cute." Liara laughed, which in turn made Shepard do the same.

"What's done is done." The serious tone crept back into Liara's voice once more. "I would not go back and change it even if I was able to..."

"I wouldn't either." Shepard thought about it. The feel of Liara In her arms again had been exhilarating and troubling all at once. Knowing that the maiden was so close and yet so far away made it worse. She also considered what had happened in Udina's office. It was unexpected, but Shepard couldn't deny what it was. She had seen the flip side of the normally composed Asari councilor. Pushing that memory aside for later, Shepard let a wry smile find its way onto her lips. "Even if we both prepped ourselves to prevent it..."

"Best laid plans..."

"Go to Hell on a moment's notice." Shepard completed Liara's thought. "I think we both needed it to a certain extent."

"Most definitely. One could call it closure, I suppose."

"That's some kind of closure." Hearing the door open, Shepard stood, rounding the sofa again. Liara did the same, and their eyes fell on Joker and Cortez. "I assume you two are back to say the limos have arrived."

"Ha, yeah." Joker stepped forward. "Managed to commandeer a few skycars for this mission. Not as luxurious as the Kodiak, but they'll do."

"Luxurious..." Steve laughed, joining Joker as he met their CO and Liara. "I don't think I'll be piloting this time. I'm not used to it."

"Don't worry, Esteban; I'll drive." James, Kaidan, and Brooks entered, suited up and ready.

"In that case... Shepard, I'm riding with you."

"So, we gonna kick some ass or what?" Wrex joined the small group, his orange eyes landing on Joker. "Been lookin' for some fun on the Citadel. Good thing it just follows you around, Shepard."

"Oh yeah, I'm just a magnet for good times, Wrex." Shepard turned for the door, nodding to the others who were just leaving the kitchen to join them. "Let's get moving."

Seeing the skycars parked just beyond the entrance to the apartment building, Shepard motioned for the squad to split up. James, Brooks, Garrus and Tali went one way; James driving, Brooks I the front passenger, and Garrus and Tali in the back. Joker, EDI, Liara, and Kaidan went another; Joker and EDI in front and Kaidan and Liara in the rear. This left Cortez, Shepard, Wrex, and Javik. A wry grin found its way on the lieutenant's face.

"You know, I think I will drive. This should be fun. Haven't had the pleasure of speeding through the wards before."

"I can't say I hope you get to do it again, Steve." Seeing Wrex and Javik get in back, Shepard assumed the passenger's seat. "You all ready for this?" Having started using the old comm channel that had been her primary during their search for Saren, Shepard found it safe enough. Hearing Joker laugh on the other end made her raise an eyebrow.

"Are we ever really ready, Commander? I mean, we're thrown into random critical missions on a daily basis, so..."

"Point taken, Joker." Keeping a straight face during her response was not easy, especially with Wrex snorting with laughter in the row of seats behind her. "Move out." With Joker leading the way, the three skycars moved through the wards. Streets, buildings, people, all just a blur as they passed. Going deeper into the wards, Shepard thought about just what they were getting into. Closing the channel on her end, Shepard leaned back in the seat. "You know, I half thought about notifying the council..."

"Yeah, how would that work out?" Wrex leaned forward slightly. "Not too much to tell them, really. Just another bunch out for your blood, Shepard."

"Yeah, that's almost a daily occurrence..." Cortez dodged an oncoming skycab. "Honestly, where do they learn to drive..."

"You say you never saw the Citadel, Javik?" Shepard asked this, seeing the prothean looking out the rear window. "You saw the presidium earlier, and now you're getting a quick tour of the wards..."

"It is a marvel of engineering..." His tone was flat at first, but then annoyance crept in. "But there is one thing I do not understand. Why do they always make it the cultural center and seat of power in each cycle? It is vulnerability."

"That's what the reapers counted on. Vigil, a Prothean VI on Ilos said as much." Shepard thought about the distorted VI. "He said the station was a trap and that it was a relay into dark space."

"And still, the Citadel is used as the center of galactic power..." Javik looked from the window to the commander. "There is no doubt that the Reapers will exploit this when the time comes... and I fear that time is fast approaching."

"I don't doubt it..." Shepard saw Joker's skycar slowing down a bit. Opening the channel on her omni tool again, she spoke. "What's the quickest way into the Archives?"

"The facility is located directly below the wards... Maybe a direct breach for maximum surprise?" Brooks' suggestion was sensible.

"I like it. Sounds like you're learning the ropes." Shepard nodded to Cortez, who had given her a sideways look. "What?"

"Hell, hang out with us long enough, and you'll learn ropes, knives, bombs, thresher maws..." Cortez shook with slight laughter as he brought the car down behind Joker and James. As they landed, Wrex spoke.

"Don't hang out with us too long... Soon you'll start makin' friends with Asari." The car landed, and Shepard stepped out, followed by Cortez, Wrex, and Javik, whose eyes had widened slightly at the battlemaster's statement. Looking around, she saw the occupants of the other two cars emerging.

"I heard that." Liara had crossed to where Wrex and Shepard were standing, EDI and Kaidan following. Shepard noticed the look on Javik's face, and a slight smirk graced her lips.

"Don't feel bad, Javik. Happens to the best of us." At this, she received a look from the prothean that was hard to read. She also got a nudge from Liara which caused her to laugh.

"The archives are somewhere below us. Could be pretty tricky to get in there." Brooks stood near Liara as Glyph appeared.

"Not really." James stepped a few yards away from where the group was standing, placing a small explosive on the ground. Backing off, he triggered it, causing the floor beneath it to crumble and fall away. "See?"

"Really, James? Explosives?" Shepard had a slightly surprised look as Vega turned back.

"You surprised, Lola?"

"Considering we just blew a hole in the Archives, yeah..."

"Krogan first! See ya at the party, Princesses!" Wrex dropped down through the hole, followed by Liara. Shepard went next, and then Javik. Moving down the ladder, they went their separate ways. Javik and Shepard followed Wrex down to the ground level, while Liara went with the others to flank on the upper one. As soon as they cleared the duct work or the catwalks, red targeting lasers were on all of them.

"Not this again... Scatter and take cover!" Ducking behind a terminal, Shepard opened fire on the mercs. She was joined by Wrex, Javik, and the rest of the squad shortly after. Using biotics when possible, Shepard fired a few shots, taking three mercs out with impacts to the head. The firefight didn't' last as long as expected, however.

"That's enough!" Head jerking upward, Shepard heard a feminine voice call out. She saw a figure holding a gun to Brooks' head. "Drop your weapons or this won't end well for her."

"You bitch..." Brooks' eyes narrowed as she lowered her head, but Shepard held her submachine gun steady. Seeing the squad flanking her on either side, she considered the situation.

"Alright." Placing the weapon on the ground, she saw Wrex and Javik do the same. The latter did it reluctantly, eyes locked on the target above. Seeing the figure shove Brooks downward, Shepard narrowed her eyes. The woman above still had a pistol, and it was aimed at her. "Whatever you think you're getting away with, there's nowhere you can run, nowhere you can hide, where we won't find you."

"And why the hell would I do that?" The figure above stepped closer, face finally illuminated by the light above. "I'm Commander Shepard. I never hide."

Shepard stared upward. The force that had threatened to take all that she knew, all that she was, was standing just out of her reach. The face of the enemy that she was here to destroy was her own.

"Uh-huh... So that's how it's gonna be..." Wrex nodded, Javik, who had been ready to retrieve his particle rifle, narrowed his eyes. Contempt was deeply inset in his features. The newly identified "Shepard" leapt from her place on the catwalk above, landing just out of the trio's reach. Approaching, she regarded the commander with nothing short of hatred.

"Who are you?" Shepard, while looking this woman over, couldn't keep the surprise out of her voice.

"You weren't the only Shepard Cerberus brought back to life," Approaching, the woman came within inches of the commander, eyes locked on her twin. "But at least one of us will do something with it."

"Where did you come from?"

"The same DNA as you."

"A clone..." Wrex' statement was more of a growl than anything. The other woman nodded curtly.

"Cerberus spared no expense resurrecting you... With me." Satisfied by the look of mild shock on Shepard's face, she continued. "See, I was created for spare parts; in case you needed an arm, a heart, or a lung."

"Where have you been all this time?" Situation be damned. Shepard was slightly curious and rather disturbed by this news. The clone spoke again, and with every word, her tone got darker.

"In a coma, until I woke up six months ago. While you were locked in a god-damned jail cell on Earth, I was learning to be human." She had started pacing now, eyes darting from one squadmate to another. Her gaze eventually roamed upward to the others on the catwalks. "Amazing what a person can do with enough implants."

"Did the Illusive man send you?" The question was more or less a curiosity than a demand. Shepard couldn't pin just what this apparent clone wanted.

"No." Turning away, the clone had her back to Shepard. "He abandoned me when he got what he wanted," Rounding on her, smoldering blue eyes met Shepard's. "You."

"Then why do you oppose us?" Javik's question broke the awkward silence. The clone turned her back again, walking away from them as she answered.

"Because I don't have her memories. I would never fool my supposed friends..." Surveying the combined squad both above and below, the clone's tone darkened again. "The ones that abandoned their duties to join the cult of Shepard." Looking back, her eyes landed on Javik. "Like you, Prothean. How many of your own men did you crawl over to ensure your survival?"

"Those within the empire knew what was expected of them. Like in this cycle, we were betrayed from within. Most of them perished at the hands of indoctrinated servants to the reapers." Stepping forward so that he was level with Shepard, Javik continued. "As for your thoughts on the Commander, you are merely a pale imitation."

"That's where you're wrong. I'm the real thing perfected. I'm you without the wear and tear, Shepard; the doubts, the failures..." The clone addressed her twin directly now, eyes narrowing. "I'm the lone wolf you were always meant to be; without the emotional baggage holding me back."

"It shows just how little you know about who you're supposed to be." Shepard looked around, eyes landing on everyone she had served with. "I'll say it is both a blessing and a curse that you don't have my memories." Stepping forward, she was only inches from the clone, who was still pinning her with a relentless glare. "You didn't grow up with nothing; fighting for survival in a dump city on Earth. You didn't deal with losing your entire unit, thinking that it was your own fault. You weren't tasked to build a small army; finding that they were more family than hired guns. You didn't die protecting them; brought back only to be called insane and unstable by those that trusted you." Voice slowly hardening into a sharpened tone, Shepard turned back to Wrex and Javik, returning to her weapon, but she turned her head, eyes locking with the clone's again. "And you haven't fought this war, a shell of your former self, knowing that with each battle won, something or someone is lost forever... I wouldn't have made it this far without them; the living and the dead. So no, we may share the same DNA and the same face, but that is where the similarities end."

"No one will believe you're the real Shepard." Wrex growled this out as the clone blinked, momentarily surprised by Shepard's small speech.

"They will when I'm flying her ship."

"This is Shepard; Initiate emergency lockdown. Transmitting command codes now." Shepard activated her omni tool, but cursed under her breath when it was blocked. The clone waved her omni tool, capturing the codes as they were sent.

"Good idea. Too bad the signal was blocked." Lips curving upward in a triumphant expression, the clone spoke. "Traynor, this is Shepard. Prep the Normandy for emergency departure; we're leaving." Using her still active omni tool, she went on speaking. "I'm transmitting the command codes now."

"Acknowledged. We'll get it under way."

"It'll be a stone cold day in hell before someone steals my ship."

"It's not stealing if I'm you." The clone turned away again, heading for a doorway that led deeper into the archives. "Execute them. The cult of Shepard ends today." Walking through the doorway with a few of the CAT6 mercs following, the clone rounded, shooting at the glass above so that it would come crashing down on the trio still behind her.

Pulling her gun from the floor, Shepard dove for the nearest cover. While taking out the remaining mercs, she took a few shots, working to maintain a barrier when possible. Hearing the various comments from her squadmates about which "Shepard" was better, she moved forward, gunning the CAT6 operatives down as quickly as they came. Upon receiving the all clear from Wrex she approached the door.

"Where did the other you go?" The question was met with raised eyebrows. Javik's tone was very serious as he asked this, and Shepard shrugged.

"She's heading deeper into the archives. Stick with your teams. Team Mako, press forward!"

"Right, what's a Mako?" Brooks' lack of information made Shepard frown, but the answer she got from Liara elicited a short laugh from the commander.

"Something we could definitely use right about now."

"Team Hammerhead, cover our flank!"

"Got it!" Cortez short response was followed by another. "And the Mako has nothing on the Hammerhead."

Pressing through the security checkpoint, Shepard, Wrex, and Javik entered the next room. Lined with Iridium vaults, the archives ahead were vast. Looking down, Shepard didn't see any sign of the other woman or the mercs that had left with her. Wrex pulled her from her thoughts.

"Big place..."

"Shepard, what do you think your clone is looking for in here?" Tali, with slight humor in her voice was genuinely curious. Shepard could only shake her head.

"With all that's happened over the last day or so, anything's possible. I have no idea..."

"Anything's possible, huh? Like moving through the archives and bumping into your clone?" Kaidan's question was laced with sarcasm.

"I don't want to talk about it..." Even with her earlier speech, the questions flooded her mind. What had brought this clone out of a coma? Who had filled her in on what was happening, who she was, or any of this? Javik's next comment made her blink, unaware that the prothean would think in such ways.

"At least not until we have all ingested a great deal of alcohol..."

Moving forward, Shepard went down to the next level, hearing Wrex' next question only vaguely. "So, how are we gonna find anything in this place?"

"Glyph?"

"Yes, Commander?" The drone appeared just to Shepard's right, following her as she moved.

"Can you track and update me on the target?"

"What is the nature of the target?"

"She looks like me." Shepard instantly regretted her choice of words as they left her mouth.

"Then I have found the target."

"No, Glyph." Thinking about how to get the point across, she tried again. "It's not me. She looks like me without the N7 armor and she's working with the mercs."

"Understood, Commander." The drone headed forward, leaving the rest of the squad to catch up. With nothing really blocking their path, they pressed on, weaving their way across the room. Near the exit, Shepard saw a platform lowering, the CAT6 mercs coming at them with guns blazing.

"Found them! The other Shepard's still alive!"

"Take her down! I need more time to find the vault!" The clone's voice echoed across the channel, and Shepard took out the small squad with help from Javik who was just behind her. Stepping onto the platform, she was lowered down level with a vault. Stepping into it, they were moved through vault T91. Information on the "First Contact" war was here. Javik marveled at the first real test of power for humans. Reaching the next area, Glyph appeared.

"Commander, the other you is searching for something two hundred meters ahead."

"Got it." Pressing forward, Wrex commented on searching for Shepard's clone. Kaidan laughed over the comm.

"Pretty useful to have. If you don't want to do something, get them to, eh, Shepard?"

"Still don't want to talk about it."

"Precisely, so let your clone do it." There was a playful sound to Javik's voice as he made that comment. Narrowing her eyes, Shepard moved on, letting the others fall behind. Catching this clone was all that mattered. She wanted answers. Moving past the first band of mercs, Shepard shot at those that she could, throwing a few off the landing with her biotics. Reaching the ladder that led to the next area, she motioned for Javik and Wrex to go ahead.

"Go, I'll cover you!" Targeting the mercs' heads, Shepard took two out, and pointed her gun to make a third.

"I did not survive fifty thousand years to die on a ladder."

Hearing more gun fire behind her, Shepard turned back, biotics flaring. The time for simple ammo was over. With a few steps, she had pulled two mercs forward, slamming them down past the catwalks. Seeing another band coming, she heard a wave of gunfire above her. Looking up, she saw the entire squad firing down on the remaining band of mercs. Climbing the ladder, she was pulled up by Wrex.

"That's why I love hangin' out with you guys. Why shoot something once when you can shoot it forty-six more times!"

"She can't be far... Keep up the pressure and we'll try to cut her off. Let's move."

Brushing the others' questions off for the moment, Shepard led Wrex and Javik through the next level of vaults. The first one held audio from a Turian interrogation from the first contact war. Another had a Krogan warlord holding the council hostage, prepared to attack. The last had what looked like Turians eliminating AIs within the Citadel itself. The banter that was going back and forth between squad members would have been amusing had it been any other situation, but Shepard felt a few projectiles piercing through her barrier.

"Any of you comedians think you could actually hit something?" Though sarcastic, they picked up the pace; Garrus picking several off with his sniper rifle.

In the next area, mercs swarmed, but it was easy enough to take them out. With the other two teams ahead, Wrex used the full extent of his biotics and rounds. Javik's particle rifle was good for long range, and Shepard took out immediate targets with her biotics, preserving the rounds that she had. One vault near her showed details about the battle of the Citadel three years ago. Refraining from rolling her eyes when the recording mentioned that Sovereign was a reaper, Shepard moved on. The next area was teaming with a bulk of mercs. With all three teams firing at them, it still took most of Shepard's rounds to take out enough to get through to the other side. The teams were still speaking back and forth on the comm, joking and provoking each other, which Shepard ignored. Clearing that room, they entered another section of vaults. Glyph's approach made her pause.

"Commander, the other you has passed on a message." Pausing, the drone brought up the audio recording. "Shepard, save yourself the trouble. Once I have what I'm after, you won't matter anymore. Now go, Drone; deliver it."

"Damnit..." Looking through the vaults, there was one that detailed the deployment of the genophage. It appeared that the salarian and a few turians did not support the one turian's decision to deploy it. The next was the creation of the Spectres; the then-Asari councilor appointing a salarian criminal to head the development of the new branch of council authority. Clearing that level, Shepard attempted to raise the others. "Team Hammerhead, we're pushing forward. What's your location?" When static met her ears, she frowned. "Hammerhead, report."

"Team Mako here. We'll provide cover. Hammerhead had moved ahead." Brooks' voice rang out just as the clone threatened another CAT6 operative not to call *her* Shepard.

The next level held a vault with the discovery of the Citadel by the Destiny Ascension. It detailed how the initial discovery of the station was tentative, but the Asari had boarded and were found by the keepers. It explained just how the Ascension was the flagship of the Citadel fleet and possibly how it got its name. Unfortunately, when Shepard lost communication with team Mako, she found the vault that had information on her and the council's consideration for her spectre candidacy. Listening to it, she found that the council didn't know all that much about her at all. Shaking it off for the moment, she focused on the next call from Brooks. The analyst had been hit and was injured; the rest of the squad was not reporting in. Reaching the next area, she and the others approached a vault. Hesitating, they stepped forward. Barriers were activated around them, and no projectiles could get through.

"This is unexpected." Javik's surprise was more or less unexpected as well. The normally collected prothean was looking around wide-eyed.

"Brooks, the vault's sealed us in!" Shepard still only heard static over the comm channel. Frustration growing by the minute, it was only made worse by the nagging headache that was returning from using her biotics.

"Is there an override?" Wrex searched the vault, orange eyes, narrowing as they landed back on the barrier.

"I don't see one!" Javik's words reflected his anger and frustration, which was mirrored by Shepard.

"Cortez! Brooks! Do you copy? Is anyone on this frequency?"

"The short answer is no; they're not." Turning quickly, Shepard saw the clone approaching slowly. Firing a couple rounds, she got the expected reaction. The barrier didn't waver and the clone shook her head. "The longer one involves all of your squad trapped in iridium vaults and forgotten for... well forever."

"Others know about this... About you. The Alliance will stop you." Jaw clenched, Shepard felt her anger flaring, made worse by the clone's next question.

"What do you think, Staff Analyst Brooks? Will the Alliance stop us?"

"I wouldn't know." Brooks approached from behind. "I don't actually work for them."

"Very typical of primitives..." Javik crossed his arms. "Stab one in the back to show your loyalty to another."

"You know nothing." Brooks' innocent tone was replaced by a cold and steely one.

"Who the hell are you, and do you really think I won't track you down?" Frustration was at an all-time high. Shepard felt the headache worsen as a biotic field slowly started to form around her.

"My name is irrelevant. I never keep the same one for more than a few days. Besides, if the Illusive Man hasn't found me, I highly doubt you will." It sounded as if the woman found what she had just said to be amusing.

"You're Cerberus." It wasn't a question. Shepard watched as the clone nodded, Brooks spoke next, tone returning to a cooler note.

"Was. Mister Illusive and I didn't see eye to eye. He is indoctrinated, whereas I prefer the whispers in my head to be my own."

"I should have known..." The reality of her misjudgment came crashing down, the biotic field wavering slightly. All those innocent acts: being shot and using too much medi-gel, needing a great deal of help in the casino, and even now, posing to be shot and wounded. They were all too perfect.

"Funny thing really, I never thought I'd work with a more manipulated figure." Brooks looked over at Shepard again, her smirk almost sickening. "I was the one who put together your dossiers on that little suicide mission through the Omega 4 Relay."

"What?"

"There was the salarian doctor, the drell, and the asari justicar... All colossal mistakes, especially that last. We were a pro-human group relying on filthy aliens to get the job done, quite like you always have." Motioning to Wrex and Javik, she continued. "I was fed up with the inner betrayal, and so I bided my time. When I found another you, one that might agree with me, I woke her up."

"What was the point of it all!" Shepard closed her eyes, willing the headache to give her a reprieve, if only for a moment, so she could wrap her head around what was going on. The picture was becoming clearer.

"All we really wanted were your Spectre access codes." The memory of her running through the lower wards with that pistol resurfaced, causing Shepard to swear inwardly. "But then you survived the hit, and you had to bring your damned Asari into it..." Brooks stepped forward. "So I had to tie up loose ends."

"The arms dealer..."

"Right. Funny how you bought into my needing help with the security and tripping that alarm. It gave me perfect timing to kill him and then let you in. A real pity your sex bot had to recover that data... So, here we are, forced to a bitter end."

"Don't you see what she's doing?" Shepard spoke before she really thought about it, but thankfully, she didn't need her mind to formulate what needed to be said. "She talks about me being manipulated... Look at what she is doing with you." The clone looked at her and then at Brooks, the slightest flicker of doubt passing through her eyes. "She probably told you exactly what you needed to hear to get you angry. This woman wants all of this, and she is using you to get it!"

"Commander, this is useless."

"I'm not done." Shepard cut Javik off, her gaze never leaving her clone. "Brooks is letting you think you're in control, but she is pulling all the strings. Can't you see that? It wasn't some act of mercy that she woke you up. It wasn't even an accident. She deliberately woke you from that coma and told you what you were, what you weren't, and let you go. She left you like a grenade with a loose pin-"

"I needed to know." The chilled tone that was present when the clone spoke didn't stop Shepard, but it made her listen. "I deserved to know what I was, who I was, why I was there, and what I was for! Wouldn't you have demanded the same? Oh wait, that's the difference, isn't it? You KNEW who you were!"

"I can't even begin to understand what you went through or what you are still dealing with, but if you can't see what she's doing with you..." Shepard was cut off by Brooks, who waved a dismissive hand.

"Who's playing who now, Shepard? You're using that to try and manipulate her into letting you go. You're trying to get her to turn against the only ally she has. A pity it won't work."

"I'm not using her like some sort of hired gun." Shepard's sharp tone reminded Wrex just why he didn't cross her. The krogan looked from the commander to Brooks. Shepard returned her attention to the clone herself. "I'm trying to open your eyes. Look at what she is doing. She's using you!"

"She's all I've got, all I've ever had." The finality in the clone's voice made Shepard grimace. The commander turned her full attention to Brooks, realizing that her chances with the clone were gone.

"You may think you're cleaver, and yeah you were, just a bit; but cleaver doesn't beat a bullet. Maybe I am trapped in here, but don't get comfortable. That bull's eye on your back is getting bigger by the second. I hope she figures what I just said out, but if she doesn't I will find you and end you."

"That sounds very dramatic... and if someone like say... Commander Shepard made the threat, I'd actually be worried." Brooks turned, giving the clone a meaningful glance. "But you're not Shepard; not anymore, at least."

"You had Miranda, and I have her. Mine has more bite." Eyes flecking to Brooks, the clone motioned to Brooks to continue.

"It was fun while it lasted..." The clone went to the nearest terminal, pulling up something.

"What are you doing?" Shepard heard the slight defeat creeping into her own voice.

"Setting things right." Her twin had found what she was looking for, and she turned around. "Remember this?" Shepard saw a recording of her Spectre induction, Valern, Tevos, and Sporatus' forms facing her.

"You are the first human Spectre, Commander. This is a great accomplishment; both for you and your entire species." Tevos' even tones brought about a slight wave of peace, but it was only secondary.

"Except somewhere along the way, you forgot about your entire species... You saved more alien lives than human." The clone's emphasis on "alien" was what got Shepard angry.

"I don't care what race they are! Every life matters." Letting that anger get the better of her, she continued. "I guess a clone wouldn't understand that."

"No... Guess not. I suppose it was mere coincidence that you have gotten rather close to the Asari councilor as of late. Saving her and about ten thousand more of those tentacle-heads aboard the Destiny Ascension must have blown your mind." Brooks shot this back, causing the clone to turn. "You've always had a thing for the Asari, haven't you? What is so fascinating about them? Please, we're all dying to know."

"Should have known you would have my omni tool bugged." Shepard didn't bother with an explanation. "Just how much do you know, Staff Analyst?" The venom in her tone as she emphasized the former title made the clone's lips upturn in amusement.

"Enough, like instead of just taking a walk, you went off and went medieval on the councilor's mouth when you told T'Soni that you hadn't seen her."

"Damn, Shepard." Wrex' comment was met with a nod from Javik.

"Not now." Shepard kept her eyes on the traitor before her. "Unintentional, but it doesn't matter."

"Oh contraire. It does matter. I saw the calm that flecked across your face when you heard her voice. A pity her planet was decimated by the reapers... I appreciated Kai Leng's work."

"You and the Asari Councilor... A pity." The clone fully faced Shepard now. "I heard you were really... close with Liara T'Soni in that casino."

"You don't know anything about that." Shepard stepped as close to the barrier as possible, feeling the warm tension just beyond her armor.

"I know you use everyone you are close to; so I ask you again, Commander. Who is manipulating whom?" Brooks said this with a triumphant expression.

"My relationship with Liara or anyone else is beyond your realm of comprehension." Shepard's temper flared. "Clearly they can't clone everything."

"You're right." The clone went back to the terminal, pulling up a specific record. "There is one other thing they can't duplicate; your handprint. DNA doesn't give it its shape. Life and experience does. Computer, update council records; subject Shepard Commander; first human Spectre."

"Accessing. Please input new data." Scanning her handprint, the clone waited. "Biometric markers updated. Record confirmed. Good day, Commander Shepard."

"I'm done here. If you'll excuse me, the Normandy needs its CO, so..." Turning to give Shepard one last look, Icy eyes met hers. "I should go."

"Farewell, Commander. I suppose this is where legends... go to die." Brooks followed the clone as they made for the exit. The vault jolted as it was forced into motion, and it was lowered and sent to its appropriated slot. Shepard simply stood there, stunned at what had just happened.

"Refresh my memory..." Wrex broke the silence as the vault ceased in its moving. "Didn't we used to win these things..."

"I can't believe this..." Shepard ignored Wrex' question, raising her hand to rest her forehead against the palm.

"I am more concerned with how we are going to escape. The galaxy is on the verge of war, and each species faces extinction. We are fighting over a clone's identity." Javik mentioned this, while stepping closer to Shepard. "Do not pity such a figure, Commander. It is not worth it in the end."

"I can't agree with that." Shepard shook her head, her thoughts not even on the vault they were sealed in. "She's that bitch's pawn and doesn't even see it..."

"I would have thought you'd be pissed at that excuse for a clone, Shepard. She's nothing like you and will never be." Wrex was thoughtful for a moment.

"Thanks, Wrex. Wait... Glyph!" Remembering the drone suddenly, Shepard hoped he was still around. "Glyph, are you still there?"

"Yes, Commander." The voice of the drone came through the comm channel. Shepard let out a relieved breath.

"Good. Get this damned thing open and go find the others. No one steals my ship," Thinking of the clone and Brooks again, her tone darkened. "No one."

* * *

**A/N 2:** I hate that I let this break go so long, so I hope I can get chapter 8 up and posted by the middle of next week. The outline for this entire story is complete, so I've definitely got a guide to go by now, rather than just going off of what I think I want. (Like I did for chapters 1-6) Stay tuned for more, and if I don't update In 5 days at the most, bug me with PMs.

Cheers!


	8. Dark Mirror

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Eight: Dark Mirror_

**A/N:** Took a few days to get this cnapter straightened out like I wanted it. I was always conflicted with this end, so it took some time to come up with a good solution. Hope you guys are enjoying this. Let me know :) Here's chapter 8!

* * *

With Glyph's assistance, they had managed to start removing the three vaults from their supposed eternal resting place. Shepard, Wrex, and Javik stood on the landing near the terminal, waiting for the second one to be released. When it was, and after the barriers had fallen, Liara, Cortez, EDI, and Kaidan stepped out. While the latter three stayed back with Javik and Wrex, Liara approached Shepard, while she was looking over the terminal. Having pulled up her records, she was in the process of changing her biometric markers back.

"A wise move. It's the only way we will get out of here."

"Yeah." With handprint scanned, Shepard turned back, and she saw the third vault being lowered that contained James, Garrus, and Tali. Lowering her voice, she returned her gaze to the asari maiden. "I'm sure you've got a few questions."

"Only one, really." Lowering her voice as well, Liara stepped closer so as to avoid eavesdroppers. "You and the councilor? Since when? I thought you didn't meet with her."

"Reason I didn't say anything, I didn't want her dragged into this." Seeing the rest of the squad looking at them, she continued quickly. "It was a spur of the moment thing after she saw what happened on Thessia. She didn't know it was a beacon."

"Didn't know it was a beacon..." A thoughtful look crossed her face as Liara nodded. "That would make sense. If she had known, she would have done something about it... or tried."

"Oh she's doing something about it now." Shepard saw the squad approaching and nodded to Liara with a look that clearly said "Finish this later". Drawing her pistol, she checked the thermal clip. "We need to move. Any questions?"

"How are we getting out of here?" Wrex spoke, verbalizing the expression on most of the squad's faces.

"Back the way we came would be my guess." Kaidan nodded to the door that the clone had used as an exit. "No real other way out unless we take James' suggestion and blow out another wall."

"Nah. The keepers have it bad enough as it is." Garrus said this while removing his rifle from his back. "Ready when you are, Shepard."

"Good, let's move."

The trip back through the archives was mostly silent on Shepard's part. The rest of the squad spoke off and on to keep the silence at bay, but it wasn't the most meaningful conversation. Liara and Javik kept good pace with Shepard while Wrex was just behind. Garrus and EDI were with him; Cortez, James, Tali, and Kaidan watching the rear flank in case of any surprise mercs. The vaults were a blur, save for the ones they had to walk through. Pieces of information were heard, but nothing that she hadn't heard before. Pressing on, they reached the next area. It was something of a bridge between vaults, where they had dealt with a mess of CAT6 mercs earlier. The silence was getting to her, and Shepard turned to Liara, seeing the same frustrated expression.

"What's on your mind, Liara?"

"Everything..." Easily moving past a mass of storage crates, Liara rejoined Shepard. "The war, our role in it, and this clone trying to sabotage it."

"She's hard to read..." Shepard pondered this for a moment. The war had been on her mind since the Reapers had nearly taken the Citadel nearly four years ago, but the clone's role in it was unknown. "I don't think she plays a part in it at all, to be honest."

"I thought you'd be furious with her, Shepard. Trying to take over your life and your ship isn't enough?" Wrex' words made Shepard laugh bitterly.

"No, I know this wasn't planned..." Seeing the door that led to the first section of vaults, including vault T91, Shepard opened it and continued. "If it was, it would have happened a long time ago."

"Back when you betrayed Cerberus to return to the Alliance?" A knowing tone filtered through Garrus' guess.

"Maybe even before that." Shepard saw the vault they had used to enter this area from the entrance to the archives. "Not much further now..."

"Why wait until now, though?" They had reached the vault, and Kaidan was the last to enter. Voicing his question, he saw the others nod in agreement. "Why now, when we're about to go for the last push?"

"Opportunity, I guess..." Using the controls, they exited the vault, returning to the main entrance just beyond the security checkpoint. "Ironic, isn't it? Brooks picking this last chance for shore leave..."

"What was that about that little black rain cloud?" Liara's tone held a tiny hint of amusement.

"Think it just released a downpour." Bringing out a laugh from Liara, Shepard shook her head. "My luck, I guess."

"One could hope that kind of luck runs out." The seriousness in Javik's voice didn't go unnoticed by Shepard, but the others found it amusing.

"Yeah... Been looking for that to happen for a few years now." Shepard moved on, heading for the security checkpoint that would lead out into the room they had originally blown their way into.

"Hope Joker's still out there. I'll assume the clone stole one of our skycars to get out of here." Cortez jogged up ahead, catching up with Shepard, Liara, and Javik. "Or maybe all of them..."

"That would make sense. Anything to give themselves an advantage." Liara said this while moving up a ladder. "Hopefully Joker will have worked around that."

"Yeah, otherwise we're shit out of luck." James, bringing up the rear, was the last to ascend the ladder, while Shepard went through the checkpoint. "Sucks to be you, Lola."

"No kidding." Back in the room where they had started, Shepard worked her way up toward the hole that James had blown through the floor above. Upon doing so, she saw no one. "Joker?"

Looking around, she saw nothing. The skycars were gone, and Joker was nowhere to be seen. When standing on solid ground, Shepard knelt and pulled Liara up and out, and then they assisted Javik and Cortez. Hearing the whirr of a skycar, she stepped back, looking around. A red one dropped down, coming in for a quick landing, and when it opened, Joker was waiting. By then, the entire squad was out and standing around.

"I've got room for Shepard plus two; and figure it out fast because the other Shepard is stealing my ship!" Joker said this as he leaned forward. Shepard glanced over her options; all of them looked ready to jump at her command.

"Javik, Liara, let's move." The two nodded respectively, ducking into the rear seat of the skycar. Shepard looked back, seeing the slightly disappointed looks on the others' faces. "Joker will be back as soon as we're on the dock." That was it. Punching the skycar's release switch, the top lowered, and Joker took to the sky. This left Shepard thinking about just what she would find on the Normandy when they reached bay D24.

"So I assume there's no way C-Sec could just lock it down, right?" Joker voiced this while keeping his eyes on the skyway ahead. "I mean, I heard them gloating about how they changed your Spectre access and all that, so..."

"I changed it back, but that doesn't matter. It'd be one Shepard against another..." Pausing to think about what she had just said, she shook her head in bemusement. "Can't believe I just said that... This is a real shitstorm, Joker."

"No kidding. I thought one of you was risky enough; I mean, going off on suicide missions on a whim and all."

"Right."

"I have read about this suicide mission you speak of." Javik leaned forward slightly. "In my cycle, the reapers did not control the relays; they merely exploited them to reach our worlds."

"They had a reason for controlling this one. The protheans they captured were turned into what we know as Collectors. They had a station beyond the Omega 4 Relay. It was located in what is called the Galactic core." Liara pulled up data on her omni tool, which Javik regarded with slight interest. "Mostly black holes and detonating suns, but with reaper technology, they were able to shield their station from damage and manipulate the relay so that no ship could pass through safely and discover them."

"Safety paid for by my peoples' sacrifice..." The bitterness in his tone was understandable. Shepard took slight comfort in the thought that they had blown the station to hell and killed the indoctrinated and transformed Protheans.

"They'll get theirs, Javik. Don't worry."

Emerging from the lower wards and into the light of the Serpent Nebula, Shepard looked out. She could see the Normandy in the distance; it was cleared from dry dock, and it seemed they were still prepping for takeoff. Nodding to Joker, she saw him turn the wheel sharply, moving the skycar toward the docking bay entrance. There was no point in attempting to get closer, because they could already see the CAT6 mercs swarming around the dock.

"See, this is what I hate about shore leave..." Joker looked furious as he sped up slightly. "I swear, park a ship for five minutes..."

"Can you contact Citadel Flight Control and get them to deny the departure request?" The question was a lost cause, but it was a way to keep Joker focused, rather than getting angrier.

"Tried. All the comm channels are down; probably to make it easier for them to steal my ship."

"We'll get her back, don't worry." The assurance was only half achieved. Joker nodded, but even Shepard was slightly doubtful. They had a sea of mercs to fight through and a ship to board before it took off for who knew where.

"I assume contacting the council would be a waste of time. They would find it difficult to know who is the real Shepard... Records can be changed, we've seen that, so who's to say you aren't the clone trying to steal it." Liara stated this with a slightly defeated tone.

"Yeah, so can we just all agree that it would be best for Shepard's evil clone not to get away with this?" Joker got closer and frowned. "Damnit. Citadel security is targeting the shuttle. Any closer and it won't be pretty."

"Set her down here, Joker. We'll proceed on foot. Easier than you getting shot down."

"Yeah, thanks." Doing so, Joker released the top, allowing the three to step out quickly. "Heading back for the others. By now, Cortez has probably already called a cab and taken it over."

"Floor it, Joker." The grin that passed over the flight lieutenant's face was hidden by the hatch as the skycar closed behind them and took off again. "Avoid civilian casualties and keep those bastards away from my ship."

Proceeding through the docking area, they received more than a few stares when they were spotted with guns drawn. C-Sec officers prepared to swarm around them, but were stopped as the mercs below began firing toward the dock itself. This gave the officers pause, which Shepard exploited, pushing past them. Foregoing the elevator, they used the stairs that led them down to the walkways, rather than the ship directly. It was locked down for the moment, prolonging their approach, no doubt.

"Don't focus on the mercs. Get to the ship! Take them out only if needed!" Shepard pressed forward, only firing her gun when really necessary. Biotics were enough to keep the mercs back. Liara and Javik seemed to think along those same lines, seeing as they were using them to throw the mercs off, rather than trying to shoot them.

"Why is it that when we need to take off there are a million procedures we have to go through, and these people can just take off and go..." Shepard said this more to herself than anyone else, but Liara answered.

"She's got the temper and they've got the guns to make it happen."

"Thanks for reminding me..." On the last leg to the ship, Shepard shot a merc clear in the face as he leapt in her way. The last steps to the airlock were made with her throwing mercs every which way to avoid taking time to shoot them as well. Once clear, Shepard opened the airlock, Liara and Javik moving ahead. Once they were inside and the door was closed behind them, Shepard heard something. Moving forward through the pressurized tunnel, she came upon the decontamination area, where Comm Specialist Traynor was pacing.

"And I didn't even..." Turning around, she met Shepard's questioning gaze. "Wait, what? You just threw me off the ship! Dishonorable discharge, stating conduct unbecoming! I barely even had time to grab my toothbrush..."

"That's a Cision Pro Mark Four which uses tiny mass effect fields to remove plaque and massage the gums." Eyeing the toothbrush, Shepard watched as the younger woman's fury didn't waver.

"Yes, I told you that!"

"And I remember because I'm the real Shepard." Nodding as realization hit, Shepard saw Liara moving for the door, examining the lock.

"Right, but someone threw me off the ship, and if it wasn't you..." Traynor looked from Shepard to the door and back. Javik finished her statement.

"It was a clone. It is a tale for another time."

"I'll clarify everything later, but for now..." Shepard saw Liara unlock the decontamination area, and they moved for the Normandy's main airlock. When the lock refused to change, Shepard swore. "Damnit, it's sealed." Turning to Traynor she continued. "Is there anyone else that could get us aboard?"

"No. I was only there because I helped with the retrofits. Everyone else was on shore leave..."

"Okay, you know this ship inside and out. Is there any way to get aboard?" The desperation was starting to show as Shepard heard the engines roaring to life.

"There should be a hatch for emergency evacuation right..." Traynor knelt down, fumbling with something in the floor, and as it clicked and released, she yanked the panel off. "Here."

Scanning the hatch with her omni tool, Shepard grimaced. "Manual release and it is only meant to be unlocked from the other side. Suggestions?"

"I could try a biotic field, but I don't think I have the fine control it would take to trigger it." Liara looked thoughtful for a moment, but looked up when she heard something. Shepard turned as well, seeing Traynor holding her toothbrush over the hatch in a certain way, and it reacted accordingly, clicking and releasing upward after a few seconds. Taking one to look back at her with an unbelieving expression, Shepard dropped down into the crawlspace, followed by Liara and Javik. Hearing Traynor exit back through decontamination and out onto the docks, Shepard pressed forward.

"If one of you had told me this morning that a toothbrush was going to save the Normandy... I'd have been very skeptical."

Feeling a slight lurch as the ship's thrusters maneuvered it out of the docking bay, Shepard frowned. It was going to leave the docks, and until they figured out where they were going, it would be flying over the wards. Pressing on, she heard various conversations, mostly between mercs, ahead. As she looked up through the vented floor, she could just make out what seemed to be the edge of the CIC, and the light of the galaxy map illuminated their path forward as it was accessed. Gritting her teeth, Shepard pressed forward, keeping movements fluid enough not to cause any mercs to hear their approach. Nearing the light ahead, she slowed down, hearing voices again. This time they were closer, seemingly a short distance ahead.

"Ma'am, just before takeoff, Normandy registered a perimeter access alert, one of the security hatches." It was a merc who said this. Apparently they weren't as half-witted as Shepard thought. They had at least been keeping an eye on internal and external sensors.

"Her..." Hearing her own voice, Shepard stopped altogether. They were still a short distance away from those participating in the conversation. The clone continued after a brief pause. "Where?"

"Unknown. When we shut down the AI, we disabled several security systems." Shepard almost laughed. EDI had her proverbial fingers in many systems, a useful advantage. "Shepard could be anywhere on the ship..."

"Shepard is standing right in front of you." The venom in the clone's tone made Shepard frown. "Are we clear?"

"It's better this way..." Brooks' voice was next. The smooth, almost calming tones made Shepard cringe. "Wouldn't you rather take her down yourself..."

Casting a quick glance back at Liara, Shepard saw that the asari seemed to share her thoughts. They didn't move as they heard footsteps moving away from them. The hissing of the lift's doors opening made Shepard start to ease up further.

"Armory. Find her and slow her down." The clipped tone of the clone was final. With the doors closing, Shepard quickened her pace just a bit, knowing that they didn't have all that much time left. This would definitely slow the clone down, though. She hadn't been able to flag a destination on the galaxy map, keeping the Normandy in the confines of the Citadel station and in an extreme case, the Serpent nebula. Hoping that they would stick around the station instead of moving out into the nebula itself, she kept her eyes forward.

"What did they model this thing for, Keepers?" Muttering this under her breath, she heard Liara's voice.

"Wrex could get through here easily."

"So, Krogan then..." A slight hint of amusement laced her words as Shepard moved toward the lift.

"Get a patrol going, and find Shepard... the real one!" One of the mercs said this as they approached the lever that would open the crawlspace.

"What'd she mean by "slow her down"? We're allowed to kill her, right?"

"The hell you are..." Muttering this quietly, Shepard saw the small steps that led to the lever.

"She said slow her down because she thinks we're god-damned canon fire-" Shepard triggered the lever, opening the exit to the crawlspace. "Look out, they're here!"

Rising from the crawlspace, Shepard moved forward, seeing the lift straight ahead. Taking out the mercs on her left, she saw Liara doing the same for the ones that were on the right. Javik had the bridge, using his particle rifle to eliminate the four mercs coming from there. Seeing ore coming from the direction of the war room, Shepard nodded to Liara, who used a singularity field to pull them out. The two then proceeded to pick them off, one by one. Entering the security checkpoint to make sure none were left, she darted back out, hitting the call button on the lift. When it got there, she directed it for the shuttlebay and armory.

"Shepard."

"Yeah?" Turning to Liara as the lift started moving, Shepard saw traces of concern.

"This has been one hell of a shore leave, if you don't mind my saying." The asari's eyes were roving over the commander as she said this. "This was meant for us all to blow off steam and attempt to relax before the final push for Earth..."

"Yeah, and instead it turned into a battle for my identity." Crossing her arms, Shepard leaned against the wall.

"How are you, and I mean really. I know you usually say you're fine, just so that the rest of us won't worry, but I know you."

"Yeah, you do know me..." Taking a moment to think on just how truthful that statement was, Shepard nodded. "Who am I kidding, Liara? That at the casino bar and what happened in Udina's office..." At that last, she received raised eyebrows from both of the lift's other occupants. "Those were the only peaceful moments I've had in around a year. The last peaceful time before that was probably when you and I had drinks after eliminating the Broker."

"Even then, you seemed tense. The mission to the collector base was over, but you knew what was coming..."

"Yeah, this." With the lift starting to slow down, Shepard changed the thermal clip in her pistol, and Liara did the same with the submachine gun she favored.

"A time for peace only comes when the last enemy has fallen." Javik said this as he readied his rifle. "I have never known such a time."

"You will." The door opened, revealing the shuttlebay empty. Steeling herself, Shepard advanced, eyes constantly scanning the room. Seeing slight movement off to her left, she raised the pistol. The clone stepped out, armed with the same gun, and shielded by the same armor. "Yeah, that's a little creepy."

The clone fired a few rounds from the pistol without preamble. Shepard kept her shields up but dodged what she could. Returning fire, she saw the clone mimic her next actions, ducking for cover. Her next words caught Shepard by surprise.

"You want to stop shooting up my ship?"

"Believe me, it's not your ship until I'm dead and tossed out the airlock." Shepard chanced a look around the corner, while Liara moved from behind a storage crate to find cover just to her left; Javik taking the other side, near Cortez typical post.

"Good, you figured out how this will end." Looking around a stack of crates, the clone locked eyes with Shepard. "And this will be my ship soon enough. I've taken your name, your Spectre rank, hell, even your fingerprints."

"Yeah, and then you left me to die; only I didn't. You think fake fingerprints are going to fool the council or Hackett?"

"You're right. They'd have to replace the Asari..." The clone's voice held a slight resentment when she spoke next. "She'd see right through me, wouldn't she?" Ducking back as Shepard rose and stepped out, she continued. "That's the problem, isn't it? I lack your charm."

"That's not all you don't have." Narrowing her eyes as she glared at the clone's temporary shelter, she continued. "I won't let you anywhere near her."

"What's to stop me after you're gone? I've got to ask though; what was it that she looked all emotional about? Wouldn't be the fall of her own homeworld, would it?"

"You talk about how this plan's going to work..." Shepard stepped further out into the open, receiving a warning look from Liara behind her. "Look how it's turned out so far: I was supposed to die in the initial hit, but I didn't. We were supposed to be eliminated when the mercs took a C-Sec shuttle, but we didn't, and I was supposed to rot in the archives with the rest of my team, but that didn't happen either. How's it really going to play out?"

The clone had shifted from her position behind the stack of crates, moving away and around. Hearing movement, Shepard's eyes darted from one side of the shuttlebay to another, looking for any sign of her twin. Seeing an angry orange glow from the left, she pivoted, summoning her own omni blade, as one was driven madly toward her. With both clashing, the two Shepards were locked in a deadly endgame. Neither of them relenting, they forced the other back, allied forces rallying behind each of them.

"Hatchet squad to the shuttlebay, now!" Brooks called out the order, while the clone recovered. Liara and Javik took up left and right flank, while Shepard did the same. With mercs coming out of the woodwork and trying to keep them occupied, Shepard saw Liara use another singularity field to draw them away, she and Javik gunning them down as Shepard searched for the clone or Brooks. Finding the former, she opened fire.

"Commander, the Normandy is prepping for a jump to FTL!" Cortez voice filtered through the gunfire and shouting. Joker's voice cut through next.

"Can you get to the cockpit like soon?"

"Negative. Bogged down in the shuttlebay!"

"Understood, Commander. We'll proceed with plan B." Cortez ended the short conversation, leaving Shepard to wonder just what that was. Hearing Joker question it as well, she assumed Cortez' quick thinking was about to spare them all a problematic takeover.

With the mercs being sidetracked by Liara and Javik, Shepard focused on her clone. The two were engaged in hand to hand combat when in close range, while they fired stray rounds at each other when distanced. Blocking each other's every move; the hand to hand combat became frustrating as well as challenging. With omni blades drawn, they charged at each other again, only this time, they sustained their hold.

"Why don't you give up, Shepard? You've had the entire war to slow you down..." The clone growled this while Shepard listened. "You'd think one date with death would be enough for you!"

"I died at the hands of the collectors. I'll-" Reinforcing her blade with her right arm, Shepard paused to catch her breath. "... be damned if I die here on my ship defending it from the likes of some ex-Cerberus fanatic and my clone!"

"Can's stand losing, can you?" Baring down on Shepard, the clone pushed further. "Judging by your history, I'd say not. Too bad you lost everything: your parents, home, childhood," Pausing for a breath, she saw the fury blazing in Shepard's blue eyes. "Your unit on Akuze and even your life! Can't say I wouldn't be ready to hang it all up after that!"

"You only wish you knew what I've lost." A dark edge sharpened Shepard's tone as she erected a barrier to fend off all other stray projectiles from the back. "You're fueled by anger and hate for what you aren't. Tell me something; what would you do if you won this? Where would you go, what would you do, and what would drive you forward? After stealing everything but what you'll never have, I'd say you wouldn't know what to do with it!"

"Judging by what I heard and saw from that office, I know what drives you!" The clone shot this back easily. "You try to find comfort in whatever arms will hold you. In the end, what does it matter? They all leave! Liara, Shiala, and even the Justicar walked away before it became anything serious! Now do you expect someone of such political power to do anything different?"

"They all had their reasons!" Pushing the clone back, they broke their hold, omni blades falling. Choosing to prepare for the next strike, the two circled each other, eyes never leaving their respective target. "I couldn't have asked Liara to keep waiting after two years of not knowing whether I was alive or dead. Shiala and I both had our lives falling apart and found a little peace, if only for a short while. She had her colony to return to, and I had collectors to stop. Duty got in the way as far as Samara and I were concerned. She had her code, and I had my own responsibilities. I could never fault her for that. How could you ask someone to pursue a relationship with you, knowing that if you didn't walk that sacred line, they would be forced to kill you in turn! I couldn't live with myself if that were to happen!"

"And the councilor? Who's to say that wasn't some moment of weakness, that she wouldn't just hope to push past and forget it ever happened! You say Brooks was using me, well take a look in the mirror, Shepard!"

"I don't have to! I know what it's like being used and I won't let it happen again. Growing up on Earth taught me that the hard way." Seeing the clone move to strike, Shepard compensated, gripping her wrist and twisting it. She saw the fist coming, and threw up her right arm to block that as well. "Seeing your supposed friends leave you in a warehouse with a rotting corpse and nearly arrested quickly taught me not to trust easily. Can you say the same?"

"I don't trust anyone!" As the clone said this, Shepard heard more gunshots behind her, and from the corner of her eye, she could just make out Liara letting off a burst of biotic energy, throwing back the entire hatchet squad back against the wall.

"Commander, we're moving in." Cortez voice came through again, and they all felt the ship tilt, sending them crashing against whatever surface was nearest to them. Shepard hit a pile of supply crates, while the clone was thrown further back, hitting the wall.

"What the hell is going on up there? Clear the nebula and jump to FTL!" The clone ordered this while Shepard recovered her pistol.

"Negative. There's a skycar in the way. Can't plot a course!"

"Then blast it out of the sky, and if that doesn't work, launch the shuttle and deal with it!" The clone darted behind a footlocker that had toppled out of one of the crates, shooting toward where she knew Shepard was.

Tensions rose higher as the shuttlebay door opened and the Kodiak was launched. Shepard looked around, hoping to catch the clone's movement, and she did. With tech armor deployed, she was headed right for her. Firing the pistol, Shepard contemplated her next move. This weapon was good but not very effective. Holstering it quickly, she drew the submachine gun, firing a cluster of rounds at once. This got the clone's attention, and it was enough for Shepard to deploy an overload, damaging the armor immensely. Pushing forward from her position, Shepard saw where this was all heading. They were moving closer and closer to the she shuttlebay's cargo ramp. Attempting a clothesline, she rammed the clone's shoulder, knocking her back. This caused them to both lose their footing on the ramp, sending them dangerously close to the edge. Omni blades drawn, they took quick shots at each other, looking for any way to get an edge. Shepard fell further, gripping the ramp and attempting to keep most of her upper body above the edge. The clone had more of an advantage here, but it didn't last as the ship swerved to avoid a taller building. With both of them hanging off the edge, the anger that had been fueling her path of destruction reached the clone's surface.

"Look at you, no different as you're hanging on for your god-damned life! What makes you worth it?" The swerving of the ship pushed them both further over the edge, shoulders barely even with the ramp's surface.

"Hold on!" Javik's voice rang out as he and Liara moved onto the ramp. Moving quickly, Liara dove for Shepard's hand, catching it as she was about to lose her grip.

"We've got you!" The asari said this as Javik had taken hold of her waist, keeping them both from falling further. As the two retracted, pulling Shepard up with them, she didn't miss what happened at the ramp's top. Brooks stood there, watching the entire thing play out. The clone locked eyes with her ally, and as Brooks turned away, a slight smirk present on her lips, Shepard couldn't help but feel a smoldering anger for the alleged staff analyst. Getting to her feet, she heard Javik's next question.

"The clone, what should become of her?"

"Here," Dropping down, Shepard extended her arm, getting a slightly shocked and almost defiant look from her clone. "Take my hand!"

"And then?" That same defiance and a hint of distrust were ever present in the clone's question as she eyed the offered hand.

"And then you live." Shepard felt the tension manifesting as a knot in her throat as she saw the clone losing her grip on the ramp's edge.

"For what..." The defeated tone was enough. Shepard lunged, reaching for the clone whether she wanted it or not, but the ship lurched again as Cortez took over ship's navigation remotely. This sent the clone just over the edge. Feeling her hand close around her arm, Shepard went to pull back. "Let go. I don't have a reason to..."

"No-" Shepard had barely said this when the clone freed her arm, sending her plummeting into the sea of buildings below. "Damnit!"

Looking over the edge, she saw the woman falling, arms wide but not reaching up. With her face upturned, Shepard saw every ounce of defeat that the clone must have felt in her last moments. Seeing her collide with the roof of one of the taller buildings, Shepard tagged it on her omni tool. "You could have found one..."

"No!"

Javik's voice caught Shepard off guard as she had risen again. Looking over, she saw Liara falling forward as the ship hesitated in its transition to remote navigation. Javik dove after her, pulling her back. The fleeting look of panic in his eyes didn't go unnoticed. As he closed his arms around Liara, she did the same with him; her eyes were wide as she looked down at what could have been her fate. Stepping back, the pair re-entered the shuttlebay, leaving Shepard to stare out for only a moment longer. Finally turning, she too entered the shuttlebay, seeing the Kodiak coming around and hovering just outside while the skycar entered the bay and parked in the walkway between storage and the shuttle's dock. The Kodiak then docked in its normal position, and the shuttlebay door closed.

When the skycar opened, Joker stepped out, shaking himself off. Shepard blinked, having expected Cortez to be flying, but her unspoken question was answered when the Kodiak's door opened. Steve stepped out with a slight grin on his face, uniform and hair windswept. "Bet you didn't see that coming, eh Shepard?"

"You didn't..." Shepard let her sentence go uncompleted as Cortez nodded.

"I did. Triggered the door and switched places with Joker. Jumped in and took control."

"That was risky." Shepard watched Joker move for the lift. "Where are you headed?"

"First, to get EDI back online, and then to pilot my ship." He summoned it, and headed for deck three while Cortez looked around.

"Good to see that they weren't here too long to cause damage. I'll need Mr. Vega's help cleaning this place up, but shouldn't take long."

"Good to hear." Casting a look toward the shuttlebay door again, Shepard shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Commander." Steve placed a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "We saw what happened."

"She said she had no reason to live..." They all looked up, hearing the sound of something powering up.

"Kinetic stabilizers online." EDI's voice drifted through the shuttlebay. "I am now in full control of the Normandy, once again."

"Glad to hear it, EDI." Looking back at Cortez, she continued with her previous statement. "There could have been another way. She didn't have to... well... do that."

"There's always another way, Commander," Steve looked back at his CO after doing a look over of the Kodiak. "Always."

"Bringing her in to dock, Shepard. We'll be clear in five."

"Copy that, Joker." Shepard went and leaned against the area of terminals that faced the shuttlebay. Feeling the ship slow and eventually come in contact with the dock, she looked up. Javik and Liara were standing on either side of her now, both giving her concerned looks. The former was slightly less, but it was there. "I'm alright, you two."

"That remains to be seen." His stern tone would have normally made her look at him directly, but the sound of the lift doors opening made her turn. Joker exited, coming toward them.

"You alright, Shepard? That was... Yeah."

"I'm fine." This made the flight lieutenant give Liara, Javik, and Cortez a knowing look to which Shepard frowned. "What about the mercs, any survivors?"

"Just one sorry ass pilot and her." Joker pointed back behind him with his thumb. "Caught her trying to duck out the airlock. She's being taken to a top security Alliance facility for questioning. Maybe she can give us some dirt on Cerberus."

"I'll be more than happy to cooperate with authorities."

Shepard watched as two Alliance grunts paraded Brooks into the room. Muscles tensing, she had to concentrate to keep a straight face when the woman was stood just a few yards away. "Maya... I know that voice."

"Do you really?" The emphasis on the last word made Shepard raise her eyebrows.

"You're apparently getting a chance to redeem yourself. I won't waste my breath in telling you not to waste it." Struggling to keep herself calm, Shepard stepped forward, making the distance between them smaller.

"So serious..." The sarcasm was enough to make her blood boil. "Admit it; part of you liked having me around; looking up to the legend..." Shepard turned on her heel, walking away. "We had some laughs... and who knows... Maybe we'll have more someday."

"No, we won't." Shepard turned back, unable to keep the fury out of her voice and actions any longer. "You'll rot in your cell, whether you're cooperative or not. I'll see to that."

"Afraid I'll escape? Come back for revenge?" The mocking look that this woman was wearing made it very hard for Shepard to resist the impulse to strangle her. "Is the great Commander Shepard pleading for her life?"

"No." Hatred was an understatement when sizing up just how Shepard felt for the former Cerberus operative. "As loathe as I am to say it, I'm pleading for yours."

"How thoughtful..." The former staff analyst bowed her head in mock respect. "I suppose I'll be off to lockup now then." As the Alliance officers were prepared to escort her and the CAT6 merc away, she turned again, facing Shepard. "Tools have their way of becoming dull and less useful, don't you agree?" Shepard frowned at the statement, but she turned her back nonetheless. "I had no use for something that might just betray me in the end. She was just as weak-willed and susceptible as you, really."

"I knew it." Keeping her back turned, Shepard was able to keep the fury from being visible, but Liara, Javik, Steve, and Joker all saw it. "You're no better than your former boss. The Illusive man would be proud."

"Hardly. I didn't just use tools to get what I wanted. I used her for the opportunity..." The slightly quieter tone made Shepard look up but not turn around. "I would have thought you would have seen this coming..."

"I see everything." Shepard finally turned, running a hand over her pistol as it sat in its holster. "You used her; told her what you needed her to hear. Filling her head with all that hate and resentment must have been easy for you." Approaching, she saw Brooks' eyes move up to meet hers. "Pity it was all a waste. I think she heard what I said in the archives; think she even started to believe it. You kept going, saying how much better it would be for her to kill me personally." Closing her hand around her pistol's grip, she watched Brooks carefully. "Tell me, when did you know you had failed? That you weren't driving her anymore? When did you learn that it was her frustration and resentment that fueled her and not your influence? When did you know she wouldn't kill me?"

"The very second she looked up at me, silently begging me to save her life. She knew the answer then, just as you did. I enjoyed manipulating her just as I did using you. That was one thing they got right when they cloned you... Both predictable to a fault."

"Then I'm sure you saw this coming," Shepard paused in her action. Keeping her hand on the grip of the pistol, she glared down at the former Cerberus operative. "She said for me to look in the mirror earlier. I never realized just how symbolic that statement was. I assumed it was meant as "Look at me, this is what you are.", but I was wrong." Retrieving her pistol, Shepard drew it too quickly for the officers to stop her. "Look in the dark mirror, Brooks. Look at the hell you've brought on yourself, and know that I'm killing you in her name."

Firing twice, she stepped back as the woman's body crumpled to the floor before her. The action had taken the officers by surprise, drawing their weapons as Shepard pushed past them. She didn't even look back as Cortez, Joker, Liara, and Javik all stared open-mouthed in the wake of what she had done.


	9. Closure

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Nine: Closure_

**A/N:** Took a little longer than expected, but here it is :) Chapter 9 is up. Starting to get back into the main pairing, and chapter 10, Threshold, will be devoted to this pairing. Thanks for sticking with this story so far, and enjoy!

* * *

Walking away from the shuttlebay, Shepard could feel all eyes on her as she selected deck one on the lift's controls. With her back to the door as it closed, she missed the worried looks and the conversation that followed.

"Yeah, about what EDI said about her being stressed..." Joker looked to the others, seeing them nod. "This was a bad time to throw in a wild card."

"Shepard does show signs of being stressed and..." As EDI's voice came through the shuttlebay's comm, the others looked up. "As Jeff would say, burnt out, but these levels are the equivalent to twice that of her return from Akuze and when facing Sovereign. I did not gauge levels during the suicide mission to the Collector base. You would have to consult Yeoman Chambers for that information."

"Considering how she just blew Brooks' head off, I'd say more than that." Joker crossed his arms. "But if you ask her, she'll say she's fine."

"As always." Liara frowned, glancing toward the now ascending lift. "She always does that. She'll say she's fine even if she has already been thrown over the edge."

"She seems to always put others first." Cortez observed this while looking back toward the lift door as well. "Haven't known her as long as any of you, but that seems to be a common thing." Turning back to the others, he sighed. "If she wasn't over the edge after Thessia, she is now."

"Way over." Joker moved toward the skycar. "Figure I should get this back before C-Sec wonders if I stole it. Any of you guys want a lift somewhere?"

"Nah. I'll be cleaning out this place for a bit. I'll catch up to you guys later. When you land, tell Vega I'll need him here for a while." Cortez went to work moving crates and picking up stray thermal clips from the floor. Hitting the cargo ramp release, he stepped back.

"I think I'll manage. I'm going to check on Shepard before I head off. No doubt my father is wondering where I went by now." Liara said this, headed for the lift.

"I heard you were supposed to meet with her when we first landed. Did you get the chance?" Joker asked this while getting settled in the driver's seat of the car.

"Not really. I saw her talking to someone from Thessia, got the call about Shepard and the mercs, and left before she saw me." Liara indicated deck one on the control and the door closed behind her.

"I will walk among the primitives on the Citadel. I would prefer them not to stare as if I have three heads, however..." Javik made for the ramp, where the rest of the crew was waiting. "This frustration and anger come with war. It is what will make her strong, and it is what will leave people of all races following in her path."

"Yeah, let's just hope that all this frustration and anger won't cause her to do something... irrational." Joker started the skycar's engine. "Oh and as far as the three heads go, I think having four eyes makes up for it... Oh and the fact that you're the embodiment of vengeance for an extinct species, no offense..." Sealing the skycar, Joker backed it out of the shuttlebay, turned, and headed for the nearest transport station. Cortez shook his head, looking back up at the Prothean as he exited.

"That's just how he deals with everything... Humor is his defense mechanism."

"So it would seem..." Javik paused in replacing his particle rifle. "I have my own, and it is much more... painful." His laugh caused Cortez to stare after him for a moment. The joke, or whatever the Prothean had meant by it, was slightly chilling.

"Dark humor... Didn't see that coming." Turning to the Alliance officers who were standing by the consoles at the head of the cargo area, he raised his voice a bit so that it would get their attention. "Can you guys manage to scrape that off my floor?"

"Get to the med bay and grab a gurney." One of them said this while the other nodded, heading for the lift.

Meanwhile, four decks up, Shepard stood in the center of her cabin. The tranquility here was marred only by the datapad on the edge of the bed. She had come here, for some unknown reason that she was still trying to figure out, and had seen that there. Looking over to the aquarium, the simple view of fish and eels swimming about innocently almost disturbed her. Everything was too perfect, almost like how Joker had described the Citadel early on.

"With all hell breaking loose outside, I come in here and this room is untouched... Nothing is wrong... That in itself is wrong."

Glancing over to the chess board that sat on the table, Shepard thought about the irony. The glowing green pieces, the ones controlled by the board itself, were all pristine. The physical ones, black in color, were mostly so; the king was not, however. Aria had found it amusing that the king was cracked, and Shepard found it odd. The king, the one governing his troops was the one who seemed to remain whole, protected, and safe. In this, it was damaged. It wasn't meant to be an eye-opener, but in this case there was no shaking it.

"Aria's fallen king..." Walking across to the desk, she picked up the small black piece and examined it. "Despite all of his efforts and all of his forces, he is still damaged." Walking to the sofa, Shepard sat down, still holding the piece. She didn't hear the door open or the footsteps that halted as she spoke again. "Every single race that is aware of this war is out there fighting, and I'm the one that was volunteered to hold the reins..." Rotating the piece in her hand, she eyed the datapad again. It taunted her; just out of her reach, and yet she wanted nothing to do with it. "What could she have possibly said here that she didn't out there..."

Standing, Shepard retrieved the datapad and stepped backwards, retaking her position on the sofa. Touching its screen, she saw that it held an audio log as well as a transcription of what was said. Frowning, she went to start the log's playback. She was stopped when she heard footsteps. Looking up, she was slightly surprised to see Liara gazing down at her, a knowing look on her face.

"Whatever she says on that will not change what happened, Shepard... It probably won't make you feel any better about it, either." Sitting down, Liara saw her CO shake her head, still rotating the king in her hand. "What are you thinking?"

"That little black raincloud was a lot bigger than I thought." The simple defeated tone took shape. Shepard's entire posture was wrong. Normally straight-backed and proper, Liara saw Shepard as a broken woman. She saw the frustration, anger, fear, and exhaustion all compiling into a deadly cocktail of desperation and defeat. "Hackett says he's making me the tip of the spear..."

"Figuratively, yes." Liara's questioning frown made Shepard continue; her tone growing darker as she did so.

"Who is he kidding? I'm the one holding it. The troops we've gathered, the people we've lost, they're the tip of the spear. They're the ones out there putting their lives on the line, and we're flying around asking more of them to do it." She paused a moment, looking down at that king again. "I'm beginning to understand what you said after Thessia."

"Shepard, you were right. When you said I was leaving to help save my people, I didn't want to believe it," Reaching out, Liara placed her hand over the one Shepard held the king in, making her look at the asari. "But you were right. If we weren't out there rallying the other races against the Reapers, Thessia wouldn't be the only homeworld lost. There wouldn't be a galaxy to save."

"What bothers me the most about that is this; I send these people out to war and when something happens, people don't seem to worry about them. Anderson, Hackett, and everyone on this ship worries about whether I'm alright." Pausing, Shepard looked away from Liara, focusing on the cabin in general as she gathered her thoughts. "It shouldn't matter if I'm alright. The battle is being fought by those people, not me. Sure, I'm seeing Reaper forces, but that's just a fraction of what is really out there-"

"Shepard, you give these people hope." How Liara was keeping a calm and even tone through this, she didn't know. "You are the driving force behind their fight. You are why they are there."

"Why the hell am I their source of hope, Liara?" Standing up, Shepard started pacing, occasionally looking down at the asari as she passed. "I'm not this unstoppable force that people seem to believe I am! I can bleed and die just like everyone else!" Stopping and bowing her head momentarily, Shepard spoke quietly. "The destruction of the first Normandy was proof enough of that."

"But they brought you back-"

"To be the Illusive Man's pawn." Resuming her pacing, Shepard frowned.

"But look at what you've done since then: You took down the collectors and destroyed their base. Now, you've assembled a galactic fleet to bring an end to the cycle of extinction that has plagued the galaxy since the time of the Leviathan." Wrapping her fingers around Shepard's wrist, she stopped the commander, causing her to look down again. "No one else could have done that; not Hackett, Anderson, or even the council. They look to you because you were the one to unify them against the galaxy's greatest threat. You didn't just give them hope, Shepard. You are its physical manifestation. The Leviathan stated that you were the one that gave the Reapers pause..."

"Yeah," Shepard looked down at the king one last time before returning it to its position on the chess board. "And I'm the one they target." Sitting down again, she looked at the datapad still in her hand. "Not anymore." Activating it, she listened to the audio log recorded in her own voice.

_"I look at this ship and all I see is what I don't have... I listened to them in the archives; they laughed in the face of death, followed her to the end, and this ship wasn't a prison to them."_ A brief pause was taken as the clone seemed to take in a long, steadying breath. _"I don't understand; what is it about her that makes it impossible for them to walk away? The only reason any of these idiots are following me is because they know I'll kill them if they refuse. I don't have her memories... the essence of who she is..."_ Another pause, _"That can't be the only thing... It just... can't."_ A hint of doubt registered with both Shepard and Liara as they listened. The latter looked up, frowning in concern. _"Maybe Shepard was right... This can't be my only reason for existence... So limited-"_ The recording ended with the sound of the cabin door opening.

"I don't know, Liara..." Shepard leaned back, head resting against the back of the sofa. "She was starting to see it. Three guesses who that was coming in."

"I don't know if that makes it any better or worse..." Liara nodded slowly, giving Shepard a sidelong glance.

"I think it makes it a little easier to live with. She fought, fueled by her own frustration; she was searching for any reason to exist. It wasn't Brooks' manipulations anymore."

"If you can find any peace in that, I'd encourage it." Liara stood up, looking over the chess board with slight curiosity. "An interesting addition to your cabin, Shepard. Traynor isn't rubbing off on you, is she?"

"Believe it or not, it was a *gift* from Aria T'Loak." Shepard stood, pocketing the datapad. Joining Liara by the table, she looked down at the synthetic pieces as they glowed a gentle pulse of green.

"Really? I assume it was from when you took back Omega."

"It was General Oleg Petrovsky's. Aria had a mind to throw it out the airlock or blow it up, after she got Afterlife straightened out. Somehow it wound up here with her thanks."

"It's funny; I didn't think that word was a part of Aria's vocabulary." The curve to Liara's lips as she said that made Shepard laugh. "Good, that did work."

"Well played," Shepard smiled at Liara's success in cheering her up slightly. "And Nyreen didn't think so either." Turning for the stairs and the aquarium, Shepard nodded, choosing not to elaborate. "Come on. The aerospace engineers will be here to sweep over this place soon enough."

Leaving the cabin and returning to the shuttlebay, they found Vega, Cortez, and Joker standing around; the bulk of the cargo had already been re-organized and stored due to the former two's efforts. Approaching, Joker turned around.

"About time, Commander. These geeks are ready to take over and fix everything. You ready to leave yet?"

"I think I could manage to stick around for a little longer just to keep them on edge." The playful tone, though slightly forced, was what made the three men laugh. "Nah, we've got shore leave to attend to. Maybe Hackett was right; I probably do need this."

"Oh yeah, you do." Joker nodded, turning to leave for the cargo ramp again. "Don't stick around too long. They'll bore you with tech talk."

"Right behind you." Shepard, Liara, Cortez, and James all left, seeing the squad all waiting for them below. Meeting Traynor, and the rest, Shepard nodded. "It's over. Go enjoy what's left of your shore leave. If I have to make that an order, I will."

"Don't have to tell me twice." Garrus nodded to the others and left for the lift, followed by Tali, James, Kaidan, and EDI. Shepard looked back at the Normandy as the engineers boarded.

"So it is over, huh?" Wrex stood there with arms crossed. "Good. One of you is dangerous enough." The remaining six started walking down toward the lift, knowing they would be waiting for it to return from the five ahead of them.

"Yeah. One is definitely enough." Joker laughed as he said this. "Just think of how many impossible missions we'd be thrown into if there were two of you."

"Yeah, you'd all quit." Shepard allowed herself a laugh as well. It was true; she had put these people through the wringer a few times, but it had all been worth it. "You'd all quit and I'd be screwed."

"So, how will you be spending your shore leave, Shepard?" Cortez had reached the lift first, leaning against the doorframe as a car was called. "Never known you to really just unwind."

"No idea. Not used to it. The last time I actually relaxed was..." Shepard paused, actually trying to pinpoint a date. "Yeah, can't remember."

"No doubt, word of all this has reached the council." Liara nodded as the door opened, a lift car having arrived.

"Yeah. I'll definitely have to straighten that out. Shouldn't take more than a few reports filed to clear that up." Shepard watched Javik, Cortez, and Liara enter the lift. "You all go ahead. I'm headed to the apartment for a few minutes; checking messages and all that."

"Please attempt to relax, Shepard." Liara gave Shepard a pointed look. "And whatever you do, don't go to any expensive sushi bars."

"Oh come on..." Shepard's response was drowned out by laughter on both sides. The door closed, and the lift took off. "I will get her back for that."

Joker called a skycab, waiting by the rapid transit terminal. "Damn, she got you good, Shepard." He was still shaking with laughter when his CO and Wrex joined him. "Still can't believe you used me as bait, though."

"Part of the job, Joker." Watching the C-Sec officer eyeing them, she continued. "Figured you'd be with EDI. Where are you two going?"

"Making sure you get back to the apartment in one piece." Wrex answered this, looking up as a grey skycab came down. Shepard gave them both a wary look.

"I mean think about it; who all really knows about that whole clone business?" Joker paid the human driver, ducking into the back seat.

"Yeah. Who knows, someone might think you're the clone." Wrex followed Joker, leaving Shepard to shake her head. Dropping down into the front passenger's seat, she waited for the man to close the cab.

"Silversun Strip." Turning back to Wrex and Joker, she frowned. "So you two volunteer to be what, bodyguards who could get shot at any time? Gee, thanks."

"Well, when you put it that way..." Wrex laughed as Joker frowned. "Nah. You've earned a few favors with the Krogan. I'd be an idiot not to put my life on the line... again."

"Whoa. I already got shot at for no apparent reason. I'd rather not deal with that again, if you don't mind, Boss." Sarcasm played at the flight lieutenant's tone as he leaned forward. "I feel safer on a second generation frigate that flies in and out of hostile warzones... No, that's not normal."

"Heard that." Shepard glanced down; her omni tool was flashing. Activating it, she saw an incoming communication. "Wow... I just started enjoying my shore leave and this happens." Moving to receive the incoming comm signal, she saw Liara's face on the small display. "Liara?"

"The council knows. Glyph just monitored some chatter that mentioned the archives. You might want to file those reports now."

"Yeah, wouldn't want to keep them in the dark now, would we?" Hearing Joker laugh, Shepard nodded. "On my way to the apartment. I'll get it done. Tell Glyph thanks for the heads up."

"A pleasure to be of service, Commander." The drone's voice came through Just as Liara went to turn around.

"Maybe I'll see you later, Shepard." The slight hopeful tone in Liara's voice didn't go unnoticed.

"I'm sure you will." With the call ended, Shepard turned to the driver. He had been keeping one ear open, listening as he drove. "If you don't mind, step on it. Council's under enough stress as it is..."

"Yes Ma'am. I thought you'd never ask. Love driving above the limit." The younger man increased his speed significantly. "Having a Spectre with urgent council business just gives me an excuse."

"I didn't hear that." Shepard leaned back, seeing the car going further into the wards. When the neon lights of the strip hued the cab in various blues, greens, and reds, Shepard prepared herself for the reports at hand. It would not be easy explaining that Cerberus had created a clone and had left it unattended; let alone that said clone got out and sought revenge.

When the cab slowed and finally stopped, Shepard, Wrex, and Joker exited. Heading for the apartment through the lobby, Shepard heard that she had new messages; one was marked as a priority. Nodding as she opened the door, she entered, removing her weapons pack and dropping it haphazardly into the footlocker.

"So, after a hard day fighting an evil clone, you know what comes next?" Joker watched as Shepard removed her armor, placing it back into the footlocker as she went. When the last pieces were gone, she straightened up, crossing her arms.

"A nap?"

"Please..." Joker waved his hand dismissively. "We party down." At this, Shepard gave him a sideways look which made him grin.

"Well, I've gotta get going. Got some stuff to iron out before heading back to Tuchanka. All those fires to put out when you're in charge, right?" Wrex nodded to Joker as he clasped Shepard's arm firmly in his hand, she doing the same with him. "Let me know if you wanna hang out or if you're havin' that party."

"Will do." Shepard nodded as the battlemaster turned for the door. "That is, if Joker can convince me to do it."

"Don't worry, you'll warm up to the idea." Joker turned toward Wrex' retreating back. "See ya!"

"Party, huh?" Shepard crossed her arms again, giving Joker a mock serious look. "You see me as the partying type?"

"Nope, but the rest of the crew would like to see a more cheerful and less seriously stressed out you."

"Fine, let's do it." Shepard couldn't resist a laugh at Joker's face. The man looked like Christmas had come early. The sudden appearance of Glyph caused Shepard to shift her attention to the spinning drone.

"I have channeled discretionary funds into your personal account for this occasion, Commander."

"Okay, EDI, Cortez, and Traynor are in." Joker looked down at his omni tool, scrolling through an apparent list.

"I'm guessing you all had this idea before any of this happened." Returning to a mock serious tone, Shepard added. "And you really thought I was going to let you get away with it."

"Ha, yeah, we did. Oh, and there really isn't an "uninvite" button on this thing so..." Joker looked down again. "Cortez just invited James, so... No way to back out now." Shepard waved her hand as she prepared to turn around and leave for the private terminal in the back. She didn't miss Joker's next comment. "I'm going to see just how much trouble I can get into without snapping a femur."

"Or causing your CO to break your arm." Shepard called back toward Joker's retreating back. This got the desired response. He laughed rather loudly as he left. Entering the office area, Shepard saw the indicator flashing on the terminal, and as she checked it, there were messages from her crew. Scrolling down, she saw the one tagged as a priority. It was from Steven Hackett.

Upon opening the message, Shepard read the first line and frowned. It mentioned Cerberus and Benning. She had gone there to stop Cerberus forces from abducting or eliminating people from one of the port cities, and she had recovered the human ambassador's son's dog tags. The next few lines made her sit down in the chair, re-reading the entire message just to be sure she had read it right.

_Commander,_

_There have been no new reports of Cerberus' presence on Benning since last contact. I thought I should inform you of what Alliance Intel found there upon their arrival._

_A Cerberus shuttle was found crashed on the outskirts of the city they were targeting. From what we can tell, your pilot, Lieutenant Steven Cortez, shot it down as it was leaving the port. There were ten Cerberus operatives inside, all reduced to husk hybrids. Most of them we have catalogued as ex-Alliance servicemen and women. There were two that were identified as Randal and Erin Lewis._

_Upon recovering the remains, Alliance scientists have confirmed that the Illusive Man is using Reaper tech not to enhance their soldiers, but to control them. Your diversion to Sanctuary paid off as far as that was concerned. I contacted you because their DNA was cataloged with everyone else's, except theirs came back a match to someone still in the Alliance Navy. Commander, that someone is you. These people, by all reports, are your biological parents, and they've been involved with Cerberus for decades._

_I'll let you know of any developments as they occur._

Sitting there, she felt as if her limbs were made of lead. Any effort to move was quashed by the sheer impact of this news. It was hard to get her head wrapped around it, though. Growing up on Earth, she had moved on and joined the Alliance. Once that had happened, she had thrown her "parents" out of her mind, focusing on her future. Reading this pulled her back to those nights on Earth, combing the streets for any kind of shelter, wishing she had any sort of family to call her own. It didn't matter now, it couldn't.

Attempting to shake it off, Shepard forced herself to move, leaning forward in the chair again. There were several other messages to read, most of them were requests to spend a few moments with her, but none really caught her attention. Seeing a new one appear, she eyed the sender. It surprised her to find that it was from Shiala. Opening the message and clearing the one from Hackett from her screen, Shepard skimmed over its contents. Shiala was aboard the station, having escaped Feros when the reapers had hit. She and most of the colonists from the Zhu's Hope outpost were either going to war or seeking shelter as refugees. Shiala herself was preparing to depart for the war aboard the Destiny Ascension with Lieutenant Kurin and her squad, or what was left of it. The final lines were a request to talk before setting off, and that she would be in the embassies for a bit longer. Closing down the terminal, Shepard shook off Hackett's message, returning upstairs to change into her dress uniform while walking about on the station.

Shrugging off what she had been wearing, Shepard chose to freshen up before leaving for the embassies. Not having the most time to do that aboard the Normandy, she considered doing it more often while she was here. Once that was done, she donned the uniform that had remained folded up since the casino infiltration. Looking at the pistol she had never really replaced in the footlocker downstairs, she pocketed it. If this shore leave had taught her anything it was that danger could always be found for those who weren't looking for it. Returning downstairs, she headed for the door, nodding to the drone off-handedly as she went.

Taking a skycab back to the docking bay, Shepard's thoughts went back to Hackett's message. Looking down at her omni tool, she thought about replying to it, stating that she didn't want to be bothered with knowing any more than she did already. Curiosity got the better of her though, so she left it where it stood. If there was to be any more information to be had, she would choose to read or ignore it when it came. No sense in telling him where to shove the news when he found it. That would serve no good purpose. Upon seeing the Serpent Nebula as they landed at the docking bay, Shepard shook the Cerberus operatives from her mind. This wasn't the time for dwelling on people who had failed her from the beginning. Nodding to the driver as he left, she went to the lift and selected the embassies.

Upon a quick climb, the doors opened, revealing the same crowds of people as before, but this time there were more of them. Volus, Asari, Turians, Salarians, and humans all gathered around in clusters talking in low voices. Scanning the area, Shepard turned to the right, toward the stairs leading to Udina's office and Spectre Requisitions, and she spotted the commando standing where Samara had been after the mission to Lesuss. Approaching, she saw Shiala stiffen; the hands that were clasped behind her back clenched, gripping one another tightly. Stepping forward, Shepard watched as the green hued asari relaxed again.

"It's been a long time, Shiala." The words, though low in volume, were enough to get the asari to turn her head slightly. Shepard saw the slight upturn of her lips as she spoke.

"It has been a year or more..." Turning as Shepard stepped up, even with her, Shiala continued. "Goddess, it feels like centuries since Illium."

"Believe me, I know." Feeling the commando's arms around her suddenly, Shepard did the same, her hands resting just at the small of Shiala's back. "I'm sorry about Thessia."

"I heard you were there." Both pulling back, Shiala motioned for Shepard to follow her as they stepped closer to the window. "Honestly, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. I know that sounds terrible to say about my own homeworld, but it's the truth." Leaning against the wall, she gave the human a slightly concerned look. "Don't tell me you blame yourself."

"Somewhat." Shepard crossed her arms, leaning against the wall as well. "I could have gotten there sooner, but that's not the only issue."

"I've heard." Turning her head to look out the window, Shiala focused on the skycars and shuttles moving past. "The rumors are unbelievable. I've heard the balance has been upset between some of the matriarchs and high command. That should shake things up a bit."

"Yeah it should..." Glancing toward the stairs, Shepard thought about the councilor; her impending meeting with Irissa and Lidanya would prove to be interesting, to say the least. "Not sure if it is the best course of action before the final strike against Cerberus and the end run to Earth, though."

"Apparently, if this were a time of peace, it wouldn't have happened."

"True." Thinking of the last message she had gotten from Shiala, Shepard's thoughts returned to Feros. "How bad was it when you left Feros?"

"Not as bad as I expected." Shiala's eyes narrowed slightly, but then they eased off again. "The Reapers weren't all that interested in Prothean ruins or a few scattered colonies. They attacked Zhu's Hope namely because it was the most populated." Turning back, she looked over at Shepard. "They owe you their lives again, by the way."

"What did I do this time?" The amused tone made Shiala smile. "I haven't heard anything from them or seen them since leaving the colony."

"I didn't expect you to recognize them." Shiala activated her omni tool, pulling up an image of a man. "Do you recognize him?"

"Yeah..." Shepard thought back. There was a man that had been in bay E24 that looked a lot like that. He had been requesting that his family be allowed to board. "Saw him earlier on, before the coup attempt."

"Yes, that was Teron. He was one of the colonists. He had no family. He had commandeered a small ship that had been abandoned by ExoGeni while they had been there. Using spare parts from the colony, he got it flying. He and the rest of the colonists that weren't trained in any sort of combat came here." Deactivating her omni tool, Shiala smirked. "They were the "family" that you let in."

"Good move." Admiring the fact that they were still alive after all that the colonists had been through, Shepard wished them well. "How did you finally get off world?"

"A Turian frigate was passing by and we managed to send out a signal before the Reapers shut out all communications. When they landed, I was prepared to stay, but a reaper destroying the entire outpost with a few precise shots changed my mind."

"Yeah, I'd say that'd do it." Reflecting on Earth, Shepard could easily relate. "I saw my share of explosions on Earth."

"I heard; Shepard, I'm sorry..." Lowering her head slightly, Shiala continued. "To know Earth was second after the batarians... I knew humans were a target back when you were on Illium, but when I heard about Earth..."

"Yeah." Shepard thought about it. Earth was a strange subject with her. Yes, she wanted to go back to destroy the Reapers, but there was some small part of her that wanted the place to burn. "I've thought about Earth a lot; every time I do, I keep saying I'll go back. I was just thinking about the reasons I wouldn't go back, and they seem so meaningless."

"If they still plague your mind, I'd say they're not meaningless." Shiala's dark eyes landed on her again, and Shepard tried to translate the message in them. "I remember when I melded with you on Feros..." Pausing to recall the memory, Shiala nodded before speaking. "I sensed a great deal of pain. There was more to it than just the strain of pursuing Saren. I sensed something deeply rooted; a longing for something or someone that was never there. It was very present in the memory of the death of Benezia."

"I never really thought about that..." Benezia's death had been hard, especially with Liara there to see her mother fall apart. "Liara watched her mother die, falling apart under Sovereign's control... I never wanted her to see that." Deflecting the observation, Shepard had to applaud Shiala on her memory. The thought had crossed her mind, watching Liara and her mother, that the relationship, though strained, was something she never had. It had only been momentary, but it had been there.

"Death is painful for all who see it." Shiala nodded as she looked back out the window again. "Seeing people die on Feros was hard. Being near them when they were gunned down was worse. Can you imagine, Shepard, feeling their fear just before they die? Feeling the projectiles tearing them apart?"

"You still feel that..." Shepard watched as the commando shivered slightly. "Did those tests ever help?"

"They did for the colonists." Releasing a shaky breath, Shiala continued. "Unfortunately, that was as far as it went. Every test they performed yielded no result as far as I was concerned. I assumed as much though." Turning back to face the human, there was a secondary expression of pain that vanished just as suddenly as it came. "Melding with the Thorian... Well, I'll say it was no great shock that nothing worked."

"You still feel everything, like back on Illium..."

"Everything... yes, but not nearly as severe. That was one thing the tests could do." Glancing toward the console that the Elcor and a few turians were monitoring, Shiala' eyes focused on the time before she continued. "It is tolerable now..."

"And your biotics? I remember you saying they were unstable before." Glancing at the time as well, Shepard marveled at just how quickly it had passed since she had come to the station.

"They're straightened out... for the moment." Taking a calming breath, Shiala let them flare secondarily. "I keep testing them to make sure that I can still control them. It's strange... When I was released from Thorian control, I felt as if I was fine. Over those two years, everything changed."

"I know you said your skin pigment changed back to green in the first few months."

"Yes. It frightened the colonists a bit, but I could handle that. Only a few of them had actually seen my form while under Thorian control. After about six months, I started having the vivid dreams. None of it made sense." Pausing as a thought crossed her mind, Shiala's eyes widened for a moment. "Almost like the Prothean beacons with you, I suppose. It was all a blur of information that seemed more like a nightmare." At Shepard's understanding nod, she continued. "Nearly a year after the death of the Thorian, I couldn't shut out the sensations. The colonists had been feeling them for a while; I'd say around three to four months at the least. I suppose I had been blocking them, but it was overwhelming." Receiving a notification on her omni tool, Shiala grimaced. "Duty calls. Walk with me?"

"Sure." Shepard followed as the commando went for the lift. "What's your post this time? I saw where you're working with Kurin and her squad."

"Yes. We're being deployed to Earth when the Ascension joins the other fleets." Entering it, she selected one of the docks. "Any ideas on what to expect?"

"A lot of husks, Reapers, and desperate soldiers..." Shepard thought about the less than adequate news Anderson and Hackett had given on the situation in the Sol system. "Intel says something is happening near London, though."

"That's where we are headed."

"Good that your biotics are back in line then." Shepard pulled up a feed on Earth's status, seeing little to no details. "Limited intel though."

"It was a challenge to do that. The tests they ran gave some promising results, and the treatment plan involved limited use of my biotics, but they didn't understand the instability until it almost cost them one of their scientists." Shiala frowned at the memory. "Then, I went off on my own for a while, further away from the colony, and worked to regain control. It took some time, but in the end, it worked. After two years of watching my abilities deteriorate..." The lift car had started slowing down by this time, and when the doors finally opened, they revealed a less busy dock that housed the Ascension. Shepard marveled at the flagship; this was the first time she had seen it up close.

"Damn... What a ship..."

"Isn't it? I always thought I would be doing recon missions when I started commando training, and then I followed Matriarch Benezia, and well... You know the rest. I never thought I would board that ship..." Shiala had walked just past the security checkpoint, taking in the Asari dreadnaught. "I went to a very dark place, Shepard." Bowing her head with a look that Shepard could only describe as reflective bereavement, Shiala felt the human's hand on her shoulder. "I thought I would watch myself crumble into nothing."

"But you didn't." Tightening her hold on Shiala's shoulder, Shepard recognized the look in the commando's eyes. She had seen it before almost a year ago. There had been determination and a desire to go on back when they had last encountered each other.

"Illium changed that. You gave me a reason to move past it, to get stronger." When Shiala turned to face Shepard fully again, her eyes blackened, forcing Shepard into a mental firestorm of sensations. Everything was clear; the burning Illium sky, its buildings tall looming shadows, and every touch was relived instantly. Shiala's voice was hard to hear at first, but upon concentration, Shepard heard it all. "Though I had a purpose, to get back to the colonists, I was given a reason to fulfill it. I knew it wouldn't last, heartache eating away at your resolve, " The meld was released as Shiala stepped back. "But I will never forget that night."

"I won't either." Still reeling in the memory of that night, Shepard followed as Shiala headed for the dock and the Ascension beyond it. "You see the difference in purpose and reason, good. I thought I was the only one."

"No. I learned that purpose, while noble, is not always the driving force. That is determined by a person's reason for moving forward." They reached the Ascension's boarding ramp, Shiala leaning against the railing looking out at the nebula above. "I have never asked this; What is your reason, Shepard? I know your purpose is to stop and destroy the reapers."

"I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I used to say that it was to avenge those we lost: Benezia, Ashley, Thane... Hell, even Saren, but I think it is also for those we stand to lose: loved ones, friends, and family."

"And I was beginning to think only Benezia truly saw Saren as more than just a power-hungry Spectre..." Shiala nodded in memory of the turian that was misled into following Sovereign. "I am sure that is true for the fleet as a whole, but what about you personally? What is your reason for doing this?"

"I keep telling myself it is for those reasons, but the truth is..." Shepard paused, seeing some commandos boarding the dreadnaught. "I don't know anymore. I was brought back for this, so whatever the reason may be, I'm going to do it. I will destroy the Reapers; if not for me, then for everyone else out there."

"Find your reason, Shepard." Shiala straightened up, seeing Kurin and her squad approaching. "They will give you the strength to finish this." Nodding as the rest boarded, she noted that Kurin stayed behind for a moment. "Be well, Shepard. I feel conflicted about saying this, but perhaps we'll see each other on Earth." With that, she turned. "Lieutenant."

"Are you ready for this?" Kurin sounded stronger as she spoke. Shepard noted that all physical injuries were either nearly healed or had already done so. "I've heard good things about you; surviving on Feros must have been difficult."

"Not as difficult as seeing Thessia's skies ablaze." Shiala's response was met with a nod. "We will avenge them."

"I couldn't agree more. I'll see you aboard in a few moments for a briefing. I'm sure you've heard we will be dropping near London."

"So I've heard." Nodding to the lieutenant, Shiala gave Shepard a meaningful look to solidify what she had said before. "Goddess be with you, Shepard."

"And with you, Shiala." The commando walked away, leaving the lieutenant to address the Spectre.

"The Prothean was right. The time for action is now. Grief will have to come later..."

"He was wrong there. Grief is what fuels your fight, Lieutenant. Fight for those you have lost, that you couldn't save, and your homeworld that burns. Make them pay for the souls they stole." Shepard locked eyes with the asari, seeing the measure of herself in Kurin's gaze. This woman had lost her homeworld, nearly lost her squad, and was fighting relentlessly. "Don't let them ever forget where this war was supposed to be won."

"Understood, Commander." The lieutenant noticed someone leaving the ship and turned on her heel. "Until we meet again."

Watching Kurin board the Ascension, Shepard assumed Shiala's place, leaning against the dock's railing, and looked out over the dreadnaught at the nebula above. The irony was that she could give them all a reason to lay down their lives and fight to the death, but she could not find one of her own.

"Commander Shepard."

Turning, Shepard met the commanding officer of the Ascension, Matriarch Lidanya, as she moved to stand to the human's right. Eyes half closed, Shepard could see that the commander had seen some battles in her time. Weariness, exhaustion, and what seemed like that same steely expression that Shepard wore on occasion were very telling.

"Matriarch Lidanya." Shepard took the offered hand. "It's an honor, although I wish we were meeting under better circumstances."

"As do I." Looking at the Ascension, the elder asari bowed her head. "I look out at that ship, my ship, and I see it in two opposite ways: In one sense, it is the most powerful and largest ship in the Citadel fleet, one that stands unmatched. Sadly, I also see it as I did three years ago; nearly destroyed by an armada of Geth ships really put things into perspective. It can be vulnerability."

"Even the Reapers have their vulnerabilities; it just takes finding them."

"You would know a little about that. I saw the vids of the ones on Rannoch and Tuchanka; impressive." The matriarch turned, red markings looking more like bloodstains in the light. "What I really want to know is how you do that."

"Do what, take down a Reaper?"

"No. I know that is just sheer luck; no offense. I mean what you were just doing, inspiring these people to keep fighting, to find a reason." Fingers interlaced as she looked to Shepard, Lidanya nodded to where the lieutenant and Shiala had been. "These people want to give up, and my supply of morale is running low. The loss of Thessia was a crippling blow to the Asari, as I'm sure Earth was to humans."

"I don't know." Having just thought about this, Shepard still didn't have an answer. "I know they want to avenge those they lost and the battles that should have been prevented. This all could have ended on Thessia. I should have gotten that VI and left."

"One of the reasons I'm here actually." Straightening up, Lidanya nodded toward the lift and the two started walking away from the dock. "I know the councilor is taking on high command. She'll need all the allies she can get." Nodding to the turian standing at the checkpoint, Lidanya continued. "She requested that Irissa and I meet with her. She's here somewhere."

"I remember her saying that you two wouldn't stand for that kind of secrecy." Shepard called the lift while Lidanya checked her omni tool.

"No. It is a damned disgrace to our people." Entering the car when it halted at the dock, the matriarch deactivated her omni tool, selecting the embassies as the door closed. "Irissa just arrived at the embassies, good. No, they knew full well that keeping a prothean beacon was in violation of council law, and I agree with Irissa fully on this; it explains just why the Asari are so advanced." Reaching up, she rubbed her forehead in an attempt to ease off the stress. "I might have expected this from the Salarians, but my own people..."

"I can understand that. I didn't see this coming from the Asari." Shepard felt the lift slowing down, knowing that it wasn't too far from that dock to their destination, or not with the lift hurtling through the shaft as she now knew it did.

"That's just it... No one saw this coming. I honestly wonder how the rest of the council took it."

"Not well." Shepard thought back to what she had heard of the meeting between Sporatus, Tevos, and Valern. "The other two were... concerned to say the least. Sporatus was enraged and borderline hysterical. Valern was more or less trying to keep his temper in check, but he had his share of skepticism."

"I won't ask how you know this." Lidanya paused as the lift doors opened, revealing the busy embassies. "How did she handle them?"

"Surprisingly well. She stayed calm under that pressure. Got a little stern but never lost her temper. She told them she knew nothing about it and that she was still trying to piece together what was fact and what were rumors. In the end, she walked out on them. Valern and Sporatus agreed to have her followed."

"They did what?" Stepping out of the lift, Lidanya scanned the crowd. Not seeing who she was looking for, she proceeded toward the Asari embassy. "The nerve... That's borderline paranoia."

"Precisely." A cool voice met the two as they rounded a corner. An asari clad in black with silver markings stepped forward. "Their paranoia will be their strong point here."

"Irissa, good timing." Lidanya nodded to the other asari, eyeing the entrance to the embassy. "She is busy I assume."

"Dealing with the other councilors. From what I heard, it isn't going well." Irissa's lips upturned slightly, and Shepard got the impression that it wasn't supposed to be amusing but satisfying, whatever was going on in there. "I hear you were the one that informed her about the artifact on Thessia." Irissa stressed the word "artifact" with a sarcastic tone. "Good that you did."

"Don't tell me you knew about this." Lidanya stood facing Irissa, arms folded. "If you did, I would hope that you would have come forward."

"I did not know of its true nature per se. I knew that temple was guarded a little too... carefully for my liking. When I questioned it, high command waved it off, stating that Government records were hidden in the temple itself, but I didn't believe it."

While Irissa's words sank in, Shepard saw the potential in both of these women as allies against High Command. Lidanya seemed to have a strong resolve to do what was necessary but keep in mind what was within the limits of the law. Irissa was loyal to her people but not to her government. She had suspicions about how her people rose to galactic power, and she was right. Hearing the door to the councilor's personal office open, Shepard saw the two matriarchs nod as Tevos looked to them.

"Best of luck to you." Shepard said this as the two entered the office. "I think you'll need it."

"Going up against our own government..." Irissa turned back, a spark in her grey eyes. "This should be interesting."

"Claws in." Lidanya said this and it brought out a short laugh from the other matriarch. "Don't get too excited just yet."

"Please." Waving her hand in a dismissive action, Irissa couldn't resist a slight smirk. "I've waited for this for nearly a century." As they moved out of sight, further into the office, Tevos' eyes landed on Shepard. Exhaustion and unease were evident in their dark depths.

"I could have never foreseen that I would be standing here, preparing to challenge my own government..."

"How are you going to handle it?" Speaking in a low tone, Shepard stepped closer, watching people pass by in the reflective glass door that had now closed behind the matriarchs. "Are they enough?"

"I already have a plan of action." Tevos kept her voice low as well, eyes darting back toward her office door. "Regardless of High Command's choices, the galactic races will know of this first thing tomorrow." Closing her eyes briefly, the councilor took in a deep breath; raising her hand to massage the bridge of her nose. "As for them being enough, I can only hope..."

"You know what you're doing." Shepard took the asari's hand as it fell back to her side. "Your peoples' reputation is in your hands."

"You can relate to that pressure, Shepard. The fate of the galaxy is in yours." Tevos felt Shepard's hand gently close around hers. "This battle will be meaningless compared to what is to come, but it is necessary." Returning the gesture, the councilor stepped back slowly. "Goddess help them live with their choices as my world burns."

"Good luck." Shepard watched as Tevos vanished behind the glossed door of her office. Nodding to the asari in reception, she turned and headed back for the lift. Selecting the presidium commons, she waited as the lift moved down.

Reaching her destination, Shepard exited and headed toward Apollo's Café on the lower tier. Rounding the stairs, she saw her intended target. Matriarch Aethyta stood behind the bar, looking over toward one of the tables where Liara was eye-deep in her omni tool. Approaching the bar, she saw the matriarch look up; eyes widening temporarily in recognition.

"Well well, what brings you here, Shepard?"

"Curious about how much you know." Shepard leaned against the bar, interlacing her fingers and locking eyes on the matriarch. "I'm sure you're aware of what is going on in the embassies."

"I've heard a few rumors." Aethyta nodded and eyed the drink rack behind the man beside her. "Relax and have a drink, Shepard; you look like you need it, and I need a reason." That last was said in a very low voice to stop any eavesdroppers. At the human's nod, Aethyta went to work.

"Heard rumors, huh?" Recognizing the mild asari drink as it was prepared, Shepard saw the discrete nod. "And just what kind of rumors?"

"Bad ones." When the drink was done, Aethyta moved so that the other man beside her was as far from her as possible. "I've heard some other matriarchs are on the station; namely Lidanya and Irissa. Lidanya is no real surprise, being the commander of the Ascension, but Irissa..." Eyes flicking to Liara and back, she continued. "Irissa is the candidate for the council seat, should something happen."

"So I've heard." Taking a long sip of the drink, Shepard took in its flavor. "I'll tell you this though; the bartender on the Silversun Strip has nothing on you." This made Aethyta laugh.

"Benefits of working on Illium, babe." Lowering her voice again, she continued. "Irissa being here on the Citadel doesn't mean good things. It probably means that there's about to be a royal shake up in Asari High Command. Know anything about that?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Yeah, a rumor; one that they're damned scared will hit the media tomorrow." Aethyta narrowed her eyes after looking back at Liara. "She told me what you found on Thessia. I don't want to believe it, but I'd bet my life it's true."

"The statue of the Goddess." Keeping it simple but not obvious, Aethyta recognized Shepard's tactic. Nodding solemnly, she landed the commander with a questioning look.

"So you let the councilor in on it... Good move." She watched as Shepard took another long sip of her drink. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. You were right. It's hitting the news tomorrow." Downing the rest, which was just more than a shot's worth, Shepard nodded to reaffirm her statement. Using her credit chit, she turned back. "Thanks for the drink."

"Anytime, babe." Aethyta leaned forward, wiping out the glass as she did so. "Give my regards to the councilor, and tell her she's got my support on this."

"Next time I'm around the embassies, I'll have to do that." With her suspicion confirmed, Shepard left for the rapid transit terminal. Aethyta would be a good contact, since High Command was using her to keep an eye on the new broker as it was. Moving up the stairs, she went, opposite of the lift, hailing a skycab to return to the apartment.

The ride back to the strip was uneventful, Shepard using it to collect her thoughts. Everything had happened: the clone, her parents, the move against the powers that be in Asari government, and somehow she hadn't slept through any of it. Since this shore leave had started Shepard had done nothing even remotely akin to relaxing, and as she walked through the hallway toward her apartment, all she wanted to do was sit down. Hearing that she had a new message though, she frowned. Entering the apartment and heading for her the terminal, she saw it flashing with a notification. Sitting down, she saw a brief message from David Anderson.

_Shepard,_

_When you get this, try to raise me on the QEC. I heard something and I thought I should tell you. I hope you're spending that shore leave wisely._

_Anderson_

Shaking her head, Shepard stood up. Stepping back down the hallway, she went into the bar area, activating the display and using her omni tool to send a test connection to Anderson. Seeing the screen flicker, she sat back on the dark sofa, waiting to see if Anderson was there. When his face appeared, she could see people being brought in on gurneys behind him.

"Anderson, I take it things aren't going well." She nodded toward the blur of movement behind him. His frown deepened slightly, but when he spoke it was with that same tone he usually had with her.

"Shepard, I see you got my message. Good to hear from you. Enjoying that shore leave?"

"Not as seamless as I thought, but it's getting there." Choosing to explain the whole clone scandal later, Shepard felt as if she was magnetically attracted to the sofa. Since sitting down, she didn't want to even think about moving, let alone get up. "You alright?"

"Fine for now. Reaper forces are starting to swarm around the general area. Still have a lot of ground to cover to reach the base in strength, but they're mobilizing."

"Keep your head down, Anderson." Shepard held Anderson's gaze for a moment. "You said you found something?"

"I did. Hold on." The display flickered a moment and then Anderson re-appeared in a small room. "I figured I'd spare the others this information, and I thought you might want to hear it personally."

"If this is about what Hackett said earlier..." Shepard could almost see where this was going from the beginning. Anderson cut her off, however.

"This goes beyond that." The spectre watched Anderson sit down, his movements slower than normal. "Shepard, I know you probably don't want to know, but I thought you should. You had a lot of questions about Akuze after it happened. The Alliance blindsided you, and all you were left with were the ghosts of the people you served with."

"Where are you going with this?" Leaning forward slightly, Shepard felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. There was something very wrong with what Anderson was implying. "Are you saying you knew something?"

"I didn't then, but I do now." Anderson paused, seeing the hardened look that passed over his former XO's face. "Shepard, Hackett found your parents, you know that."

"Yeah."

"Well, after raiding the shuttle they died in, the Alliance recovered their personal logs and service records." Anderson paused, or it was a QEC timeout; either way, he started speaking after a moment's pause. "Shepard, they were part of the science team on Akuze. Their personal logs indicate that they knew exactly who you were and that they had requested a transfer to the colony when they found out you were the lead on the survey team."

The admiral's words seemed to be coming in and out of focus. Shepard heard every one, but after the statement that her parents, her rat-bastard, Cerberus, parents were involved in the events on Akuze, she lost all sense of where she was.

_"Coming at us from all sides! We can't hold them off!"_

_"Suppressive fire! Keep them occupied while Tombs sends off that signal!" _Her own shouts echoed as she laid down covering fire while a corporal moved to a more stable sniping position; the ledge he had been using was crumbling due to maw activity underground.

_"I'm clear! Move, they're headed your way!" _

She had dove for cover, seeing the giant worm surging from underground somewhere to her right. Feeling the acid make contact with a thinner spot on her armor, Shepard put up a barrier in an attempt to keep the rest of the light armor intact.

_"Pull back! Get back! It's going to charge!"_ She had time to shout the order over the comm before the maw nearest buried itself back down into the ground. Seeing one of her younger teammates being pulled into the sink hole it was causing, she dove for his hand, gripping it and nearly getting dragged down herself. The smoke from their destroyed local transport and fuel supplies was making it difficult to see as it was, but the continuous dust clouds from the maws' insurgence and retreats was making things more difficult. Hearing someone, she barely felt their hand as they struggled to keep her above ground.

_"Ma'am! Shepard!"_

"Shepard?"

Blinking rapidly, the dust clouds and ash faded, revealing Anderson still staring back at her from the display a few yards away. Shaking the memory off, she still heard Hendrix' desperate shouting ringing in her ears. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I was talking about that Cerberus lab you found where Tombs was being held. They were there, Shepard. They had left Akuze around the same time the other Cerberus scientists did. The lab was abandoned save for that one scientist that Tombs had managed to hold captive."

"You said they knew who I was?" Thinking back to before the memory had surfaced, Shepard received a nod. "And I guess they just didn't give a damn."

"So it would seem..." Anderson nodded solemnly. "That's the truth Shepard, and I'm sorry for it. I thought you should know." At her nod, he continued in more of a softer tone. "I thought maybe it would bring you some sort of closure. You know who they were now; and what they stood for."

"I may have been better off not knowing..." Head falling in her hands, it felt like a thirty pound bowling ball when it hit her palms. "Any of it. There's no means of closure, not for something like this."


	10. Threshold

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Ten: Threshold_

**A/N:** This chapter will include specifics of Shepard's past and that of her parents from Earth. Baring in mind that there is no relevant data on them if you go with the Earthborn history, this has been something I've been working on for a while. There will be references to the timeframe of the First Contact war (a 3 month struggle between humans and Turians in 2157). I will also be using Citadel time, which differs from human time. The average day consists of 20 hours with each hour having 100 minutes and each minute having 100 seconds. This is just so there is no confusion as far as time and years go in this chapter.

I know I haven't quite given Shep a break :) Who said her shore leave was going to be easy? Nah, there will be time for a reprieve very soon ;)

* * *

_"There's no means of closure, not for something like this..."_

The truth in that statement resonated throughout Shepard's thoughts as she sat there on that sofa. It had been half an hour since Anderson had heard shots near the base's gates and left to see about the situation. She had been sitting there, looking at that display, and her thoughts kept going back and forth from Akuze to Cerberus.

It had been difficult going back to a civilian-style life after the annihilation of her entire squad. Shepard had been placed on leave for a mental assessment and psych evaluation. People had questioned her to see if her story was consistent, and it was for three months. When they had finally stopped with the repetitive questions, she had been evaluated and was told that she was fit for duty. Having had half a year to sit around and mull it over, she was still angry and unsure of how the entire mess had gotten started, but the nightmares about trembling earth, acid burns, people screaming, and endless death had been reduced to once every week, rather than every other night. This news seemed to be bringing it all back.

She hadn't thought of it much at all since joining the crew of the Normandy under Anderson when he was still a captain. The topic had come up, but she would brush it off. Jenkins, a soldier from Eden Prime, had been nose-deep in his desire to see action. In one conversation, she had reminded him just how life-changing that could be. He found that out himself when he was gunned down on his homeworld by Geth scouts. Remembering that day, Shepard thought about the skies of Eden Prime. With the sun going down, they held a burnt, almost bloody color. That had been the dawn on Akuze when the maws hit in strength. She had thought of the irony, and it had sickened her. Now though, it seemed like more of a disturbing coincidence. That had been one of the last times her past had been mentioned in their pursuit of Saren.

Nearly three years later, Shepard had been in battle with another spectre; an asari. Tela Vasir seemed to think that Shepard's working for Cerberus was almost a mirror of her working with the then-current broker. He had done a lot of damage, but the yahg had provided intel that she had used to save the council on one occasion. Vasir had pointed out that Shepard's situation was similar; she was working with Cerberus to stop the Collectors, a galactic threat, but Cerberus was responsible for her entire unit's death on Akuze. That had been hard to shake, and it still irked her even now. Vasir had her reasons for dealing with the broker, but they happened to be a risk to Liara's health at the time.

Cerberus though, that was a completely different issue. She had worked with them because she had no choice. The Alliance would have simply buried or burned her, and it would have been over. Liara and Feron had taken a risk in what they did, the latter being captured and tortured, and it was because of them that she was alive today. Cerberus had *rebuilt* her and made sure Feron and Liara's risk hadn't been for nothing. Kaidan had even mentioned on Horizon that she might feel she owed Cerberus for bringing her back, but in truth, she felt she owed them nothing. Especially now, with her parents being known Cerberus operatives, she definitely owed them nothing. The Illusive Man most likely knew of all of this and hadn't said a word.

"Glyph?"

"Yes, Commander?" The drone appeared before her, spinning as it usually did. Shepard thought carefully before speaking next, not sure if she really wanted to know any more than she already did.

"Is there any new information on the Cerberus shuttle that crashed on Benning?"

"The one mentioned by both Admirals Anderson and Hackett?" At Shepard's nod, the drone spun faster, seemingly checking through data and sources to see if any new data was available. "No information has been released publicly."

"Do they even know what they looked like?" The slight hint of desperation didn't register with the drone, not that she could tell if it did. Shepard heard it herself and was slightly angered by it. Before she could retract her question, Glyph answered.

"Certainly. Their physical forms were reduced to a semi-husk state, much like the ones you have encountered so far. Their appearances before this change were noted in their personnel records. Would you care to see them?"

This was the question she had no answer to. On one hand, she wanted to know just what they looked like, who they were, what they had been like, and why they had abandoned her on Earth. On the other, she didn't care. They had done all that, knew who she was, and hadn't sought contact. The side of her that wanted to know more won however. "Yeah, and see what is in their personal histories as well. Go as far back as you can."

"Certainly." While still spinning, the drone made two images appear. One was of a tall, broad-shouldered, and fair-skinned man; the other was of a tall, tan-skinned, and red-headed woman. Both looked stern in their Cerberus dossier photos, but Shepard saw the same blue eyes that she saw in the mirror every morning looking back at her from the man's image. "I have found their personal histories as well." The drone spoke as a few more images appeared. "Lieutenant Randal Lewis served in the Alliance during the first contact war in the naval branch. He was reported as missing in action during one of their reconnaissance missions, and resurfaced a few months later within Cerberus' ranks."

An image of the man in an Alliance Navy uniform appeared with his wife Erin beside him. Glyph continued to speak as this happened. "Chief Analyst Erin Lewis was coordinating with him through her position in Alliance Intelligence. She left her post when the war was concluded. She too resurfaced within the ranks of Cerberus shortly after."

"Any notable reasons why they would defect to Cerberus?" Shepard hated herself for asking these questions, but they just kept coming. "Any issues in their Alliance personnel jackets?"

"None noted." The images disappeared, replaced by a few personal ones. "It is clear that Randal had a great dislike of Turians, but given the timeline, it is not uncommon." One of the two images that had appeared was of the two dressed in black tie attire on what appeared to be the shore of a vast lake. "This was taken on Bekenstein on their apparent wedding anniversary. The couple celebrated twenty years in 2169." Shepard nodded mutely. The couple looked happy. He had thick, cropped, black hair that had started to grey. It still held the form of a military cut. She stood in what appeared to be a sweeping black gown with dark red hair that went a few inches below her shoulders. The second image was more familiar. It was on Mars, from what Shepard could tell. Glyph confirmed her suspicions. "This was taken on Mars in year 2159."

"Cerberus must have been in its infancy then..." Shepard thought about the history of the "black-ops" group that had been plaguing the galactic forces during their war with the Reapers. "Hackett was right when he said they were in it from the beginning..." Rising from the sofa finally, she felt the weight of the dress uniform as it hung off of her. "Is there anything that points to what they were doing in year 2154?" Knowing that the "First Contact War" was only around three months and fought during year 2157, the thoughts that had been long buried started to resurface. Forcing them back for the moment, she decided to change into a casual uniform, rather than keep this one on. "Hold that thought, Glyph. I'll be back down in a minute."

Not waiting for the drone to respond, Shepard went back up to the second level and headed for the bedroom again. Seeing the travel bag still on the bed, she started shrugging off the jacket. Reaching the bed, she lay it down and leaned down to remove her boots. Once that was done, removing the pants and replacing them with casual Alliance ones was simple. Removing the black boots that went along with the casual uniform, Shepard put them on and then reached for the uniform's top shirt. Sleeves still rolled up and clipped, she threw it on and straightened it out. Folding up the uniform she had just discarded, she thought about what she had just learned.

"It's like a maze..." Pressing the pants and moving to the jacket, Shepard frowned in frustration. "I get one piece of information straight and then it unlocks more questions. The first contact war was in 2157. I was born three years earlier, so where the hell were they?" Finding her voice trembling slightly, Shepard slammed her fist against the mattress. "I was born in peacetime, so the war couldn't be an excuse..." Finishing up with the jacket, she placed the uniform back in the bag and turned on her heel. "I hope Glyph found something."

Crossing to the stairs, she descended and headed for the kitchen. The thought of eating something didn't cross her mind. Seeing a bottle of dark indigo-colored wine, she examined it. Glyph's voice nearly startled her.

"That is a sweet wine first developed by a group of Ardat-Yakshi in a monastery in the Silean Nebula. It has been mainstreamed with their credit, and is quite popular among asari and humans."

"How strong is it?" The bitterness from a few moments ago was still present in her tone as she asked.

"Moderately. It is stronger than the average human-made whiskey."

"That'll do nicely then." While the liquid poured smoothly into a glass, Shepard found her hand gripping the bottle. Whether it was anger, frustration, or tension, she didn't know. Placing the bottle down, Shepard was satisfied with the amount. Moving back to the sofa she had vacated, she felt the warmth of the fireplace on her shoulders as she sat back down. "Did you find anything?"

"There are a few sightings of them on Earth in that year as well as a record of their departure to Mars."

"Where were they seen and when did they leave?" Taking a sip of the wine, Shepard felt as if it glided down her throat. The flavor was one she could not name. It was sweet, but it had no specific underlying markers. Leaning further back, she rested her head against the back of the dark sofa; her eyes landed on the clock mounted on the wall as she looked up to the ceiling. The time was 17:64.

"They were seen in the New York City area." Glyph brought up the images in question. Both had on casual Alliance uniforms for that decade. They looked very different from the ones that were worn now. "This was in the latter part of May in that year."

"I was born in April..."

"They were also seen in June before their departure to Mars. They were recorded as leaving Earth on the twelfth of that month."

Taking a long sip of that wine, Shepard let her head fall back again. She understood why they said it was stronger than whiskey. Nodding slowly, the thoughts were piling up, preparing to crash down on her like a giant wave. Her parents had been seen less than ten blocks away from where she had been left a month after it had happened and then they had gone off-world. They had been that close. Before she knew it, the questions were leaving her lips; ones that she had kept buried since her childhood and teenage years were resurfacing.

"Why... Why did they do it? Why were they there a month after that?" Pausing as she took another drink, she continued. "Why would they keep tabs on me? Why request to transfer to Akuze when they found out I was there? If I was such a god-damned mistake, why bother?" The alcohol seemed to be burning the cobwebs off of these questions, bringing them to the forefront of her mind, but Shepard knew deep down that there were no answers. Glyph simply hovered there, offering no response, to which she was grateful. "What the hell did I ever do to them?" Standing up again, she downed the remainder in the glass and went to refill it to a quarter full. "What did I ever do to them..." Repeating the question, she crossed back and sat down. "Besides being born..."

"If I may inquire," Glyph's words were met with nothing as the drone moved forward, letting the images disappear. "The surnames of record for the deceased are Lewis." Seeing Shepard look up, the drone continued. "How is it your surname is different? Were you adopted while on Earth? There is nothing in your file to indicate that."

"No, never adopted." Feeling the effects of the alcohol, Shepard leaned back again, letting it happen. "Spent my childhood passed back and forth from group home to group home, depending on how many people they were watching... or not watching." She could see the endless faces of those people that were supposed to supervise her and the others she happened to be landed with. Men, women, young, old, and all of them seemed to only pay attention half of the time. "This was in my file; I was running with a street gang, the Tenth Street Reds, when I was sixteen. I was questioned one night after my supposed family left me asleep in their temporary safe house. It was an old processing plant, and someone called, saying there was a man that had been stabbed to death in the alleyway."

Explaining the situation was something she hadn't ever considered doing. Even when she spoke with Liara and Anderson about her youth, she had never gone into details about what had happened or how she had wound up in the Systems Alliance academy. Talking to the drone now seemed pointless, but at the same time, she felt as if it had to come out.

_"Boss, I've got someone over here. Looks like a juvenile; no older than eighteen." _Shepard snapped out of her half sleep, seeing a gruff looking officer standing over her. _"She's awake. We've got blood; it's all over her clothes."_

_"You think she's the doer?" _A voice came in over the radio. The officer frowned as he looked over her.

_"Find out soon enough; I'm bringin' her in. Let's go, kid; get up."_

The wound to her torso burned as she was roughly pulled to her feet. The officer practically dragged her forward, nodding to the others as he approached the car. Once inside, he and another officer took the front seats, and she was taken to the station, which was a few blocks away. Still half out of it from the brief sleep that had been interrupted, Shepard paid little to no attention to what was being said in the car. Eyes dropping, she almost nodded off again when the car stopped suddenly, causing her neck to snap. The rear door opened, she was pulled out of the car, and she found herself faced with an interrogation room soon after. Sitting there with her hands cuffed to the table, she was met with the two stern-faced officers.

_"What's your name, Kid?" _The one that had found her asked this as he crossed his arms. When she didn't answer immediately, he waited a few minutes before letting his arms drop. Putting his palms on the table's surface, he leaned forward, getting in her face. _"You might want to be more forthcoming here, Kid. You were found at a murder scene. Your clothes are covered in blood-"_

_"It's mine."_ Her first words were uttered in a hoarse whisper. The pain in her ribs was starting to become intolerable. _"The blood's mine... I was sleeping there."_

_"Why were you sleeping there?"_

_"It was warm."_ The answer didn't score too high on the one officer's face, but the one that hadn't said a word looked up.

_"Mark, we need to voucher these clothes. I'm sure there's something in storage that could replace them."_

_"So go look for them."_

_"Let me take a run at her. You're not really getting anywhere at the moment."_

_"Right, Shawn. I'll just do that."_ The one called Mark left the room, slamming the door on the way out. Shawn stepped forward and sat down opposite her. He was a younger man, and from the looks of it, he had a kinder face.

_"Did you have anywhere else to go?"_ Upon her shaking her head, he continued. _"Where are your parents? Who is supposed to be looking out for you?"_

_"Second street shelter, when they aren't overrun by another gang." _Blunt honesty seemed to be doing her a favor right now. When the officer made mention of the insignia on her shirt, she had confirmed that she was part of the Reds.

_"They're looking at you for this. This guy was knifed in the back outside that plant. Know anything about that?"_

_"No..."_

_"Alright, you say the blood is yours? What happened?"_ Before she could answer, Mark re-entered, tossing some sweats and a tee shirt onto the table beside Shawn. Leaving instantly, Shepard heard him mutter something about soft-hearted desk jockeys. _"Okay, I'm going to step out. I need you to change into those and we'll test what you've got."_

_"The other gang I mentioned, that's why it's my blood."_

He had nodded and left the room. When they had taken the clothes she had been wearing, it was confirmed that it was her blood. When Shawn had questioned her after that, he finally got her name.

_"We have confirmed that it is your blood on that shirt. I do have some bad news, though. There's been a string of robberies that were linked to the Reds. They want someone to go down for that."_

_"If I talk, I'm dead."_ Shepard's words held truth. She had known several past members of the Reds that had wound up in sewer drains due to their faults or their talking to the cops.

_"I've got a solution. We can protect you, and I've got a friend in the Systems Alliance Academy that is looking for recruits, if you're interested." _Shawn watched her response, almost expecting her to refuse, but she didn't. _"It would give you a chance to start over and get off the streets... And it will look good for your record." _Upon seeing her nod, he continued. _"Alright, I'll need your name to get this all started"_

_"Jane Shepard."_

_"Alright... Good."_ Shawn went through working out the paperwork, and when he started with the questions about the robberies, she gave him what he wanted; the Reds that were involved in the robberies were named and confirmed. When it was done and he was prepared to leave the room to process the paperwork and get her somewhere safer, her words caught him off guard.

_"My old name was Amy Lewis."_

"I was processed and sent to the academy after the charges were filed against the rest of the Reds. He never changed my name on the report." Shepard watched as the drone continued spinning slowly before her. "Honestly, I never knew what my real first name was." Taking the last sip of wine, she placed the glass on the side table, letting her arm fall against the arm of the sofa. "Amy was a name one of the Reds' leaders gave me; said I reminded him of his dead sister." Hearing nothing from Glyph, she found she couldn't even find the strength to raise her head. "Thanks for what you found, Glyph..." Hearing her words starting to blur together, Shepard found she didn't care. "I guess some answers are better than nothing."

"Of course, Commander."

Barely registering that the drone had disappeared, Shepard felt herself falling asleep. Sure that it was a combination of the alcohol and her overall exhaustion and stress, she let herself go. The sofa was all that mattered, and the warmth of the fireplace behind her was speeding up the process. Hearing the sound of soft piano music in the background sealed the deal; Eyes closing, the last thing Shepard heard before drowning in the blackness of her exhaustion was roaring of the fire and the piano as it played with Glyph's assistance.

The beginnings of the all too familiar nightmare started to form as Shepard found herself standing in a wasteland of sorts. Smoke and ash were thick in the air as she heard the familiar sounds of the boy as he ran from her. Driven as she had been before, she followed him.

Seeing the scorched ground before her, Shepard saw tiny cinders, flames that seemed to fall from somewhere in the grey mists above. As they hit the ground, they lingered only for a moment; disappearing as she passed. The familiar shadows formed, surrounding her in their ashen state: Mordin, Legion, Ashley, Benezia, and Saren. Surrounding her like Pallbearers to a casket, they glided along the charred ground; their whispers becoming louder as they got closer.

_"Shepard."_

_"Go back and get him, Commander... You know it's the right call, LT."_

_"You've lost; you know that, don't you?"_

_"Shepard-Commander?"_

Ignoring them as she pursued the boy, Shepard did not hear anything from the late matriarch. Forcing the thought aside, she neared the boy as he reached the base of a tree, but as he turned around, he and the area around him were swallowed up by mist. Disorientation caused Shepard to fall back, but she hit something hard, like a wall. At the moment of impact, she closed her eyes, but as she found her bearings she opened them again.

Gone were the trees that reached up to an endless abyss. Instead, they were replaced by buildings that looked to have been ablaze. The last feeble sparks of a fire were dying off in the still smoke-filled wind. Seeing no sign of the boy, Shepard looked around again. She had landed against a wall. It looked to have been part of a building at one point, but now all that was left of it was the skeleton of a window. Looking through it, she saw something letting off smoke in the distance.

Stepping around the corner of the demolished building, Shepard found she could move through the urban landscape more quickly and soon found herself facing the source of the smoke. It was a shuttle; Cerberus colors and insignia were being burned through as the flames continued to swallow its remains. Upon closer inspection, she saw two people, Cerberus ground forces, pouring over the exposed interior, scrounging for something. As they heard movement, the two rounded on Shepard as she approached. Instantly, the armor disappeared, the shuttle was gone, and they were standing back in that same stretch of scorched Earth. The boy from before stood between the two adults; Shepard recognized them easily without their armor to obscure their faces.

Whispers returning, Shepard stared into the faces of the two she never knew. They were right there in front of her, and judging by the looks on their faces, to say they were shocked would be an understatement. She couldn't shut the voices of the dead out, but these two were silent. The shadows formed around them, most of them staring back with empty black eyes, but one was missing, or was it? Four shadows surrounded the Cerberus operatives, though they were wearing Alliance colors at the moment. Mordin and Legion on one side with Ashley and Saren on the other. Preparing to address them, Shepard was unnerved when the words that escaped were not her own.

_"You do not know the privilege of being a mother..."_ Benezia's tone was filled with contempt as her form solidified to Shepard's right. _"To shape a life; turn it toward happiness or despair."_

_"She was to be ours; to hunt and destroy humanity's enemies." _The collective of Mordin, Legion, Ashley, and Saren gave voice to the two humans standing before her. _"But now this cycle's time has expired."_

As in the previous nightmares, the boy looked up, eyes turning black as the flames crawled up his body. They spread to the others, the black shadows disappearing in the light of the fire. Shepard's eyes moved to her right as she felt the loss of Benezia's presence. Returning them forward, the flames had already engulfed the three humans. Seeing something in them, she blinked. The fiery head of a thresher maw surged forth, mouth agape as it sought contact.

Shepard sat bolt upright, eyes scanning the room frantically. When she realized just where she was, she released the breath she had just taken in, quickly inhaling again after it. Hands coming up to get the loose hair out of her face, she let her forehead rest against her palms momentarily. Catching her breath, she thought of the dream in its entirety; it had happened several times before, but this last...

"It doesn't make sense... They wouldn't-"

Hearing the constant chime of the terminal in the other room, Shepard swore under her breath. Not an hour had passed since she got here that she didn't receive a new message. Raising her head, she saw the clock on the wall. It read 06:83. Pushing herself up, Shepard realized it was a lot easier than when she had done it yesterday. Eyeing the wine glass, she wondered why there didn't seem to be a hangover knocking her down at the moment. Moving down the walkway to the desk where the terminal still flashed, Shepard brought up the display, remaining standing for the moment. The newest message had Shepard curious from the first line.

_Commander,_

_I am sending this to you in the councilor's stead. She believes that she is being monitored and requested that I forward your proffered location to her. She mentioned that she wished to discuss the "meeting" from yesterday._

_Regards,_

Reading the message twice to make sure, Shepard quickly entered a reply. Still unnerved by what she had just experienced, she wasn't very inclined to go anywhere. After a moment of consideration, if the councilor was indeed being watched, then a public place would be more or less a lost cause. Knowing for a fact that Valern and Sporatus had agreed to have C-Sec follow her, Shepard understood the councilor's precaution. With the message sent, she skimmed over the others. Most of them were requests to spend some time together from her past and present squadmates. Knowing there would be time for that later, she simply looked at the names. Javik, Liara, James, EDI, Traynor, Cortez, Zaeed, Miranda, Jack, Grunt, and Samara. The last one caught her attention.

When they had last spoken, Samara had been almost certain that they wouldn't see each other again. She was headed for battle, presumably Earth, and had a grim outlook on the coming days. Shepard found little peace in the thought that the code had left her with no regrets. Hearing the struggle in the justicar's tone when she was speaking of how it felt to see Falere, she guessed that the conflict of emotions would have to wait, as they always did. Eve when dealing with Mirala, Samara had done what she had to and left. The emotional toll came later, though not as hard as Shepard thought it would.

Brushing it off, Shepard saw another message from Admiral Hackett. This one was not marked as priority like last time. The subject line was left empty, which seemed to be a little different from Hackett's normal behavior. Scrolling back to it, she opened it and read its contents.

_Shepard,_

_I heard David gave you the news. I don't even know where to begin on this. I won't insult your intelligence by lecturing you on how you'll need to move past it, but I'll give you fair warning; we need you focused on the mission. I need you to be on top of your game when we move against Cerberus and the Reapers thereafter. _

_Take this time on the Citadel to relax. Don't look too far into this at the moment. There will be time to iron out the details later. I will ask this, though; what do you want to do with their bodies? I've got a pretty good feeling, but I figured I'd ask as a formality. Just respond to this when you get a moment_

_Hackett out._

"What do I want to do with them..." Shepard heard the sound of a new message arriving and upon glancing at it, she nodded. The receptionist at the Asari embassy had gotten and forwarded the response to the councilor and she'd be on her way shortly. Walking away from the terminal, the commander focused on a few things: One was that she still had to straighten out her weapons pack and armor from the other day. The other was that she was starting to want to eat something. Having not done so since the morning of their arrival in the Serpent Nebula, she was surprised she'd made it this long. "I think I want to let them burn."

Leaving the back room and returning to where the footlocker was still lying, Shepard knelt down. The weapons pack was still mostly in order, though she needed to clean the guns before retiring them for the rest of her shore leave. Lifting it out, she placed it to the side and started organizing her armor. Placing the gauntlets, shoulder guards, and everything else below, Shepard replaced the chestplate last. Closing the footlocker, she left the weapons pack where it was for the moment, while lifting the other. Getting it up to the bedroom, she returned to the discarded weapons.

Placing them on the table in the rear of the kitchen, Shepard thought about her other objective. With everything going on, she had last eaten before arriving on the station. Eying the room's contents, she settled for a simple sandwich. That would do for the moment. After preparing it, she started working on the pistol, submachine gun, rifle, shotgun, and assault rifle that lay on the table.

While casually eating between cleaning, Shepard checked thermal clips, cleared off the firing plate, and everything. The Widow was still in fairly good shape, having not been used all that much over the past few days. It had last been used on Thessia after she had passed outpost Tykis. The shotgun and assault rifle were moderately used from when she was on Horizon dealing with Sanctuary. The M 300 Claymore launcher was a slight mess due to the heat and ash from the rounds' discharge. Moving on to the pistol and the submachine gun, Shepard found that these were the more frequently used of her weapons as of late. With the last corner of the sandwich gone, Shepard replaced the thermal clips and took the weapons pack upstairs to join her armor. On her way out, she noticed another datapad sitting on the countertop.

Returning from the bedroom, Shepard eyed the datapad, thinking that it may be another simple quip from Anderson as the others had been before. Moving to the window, she stood between the edge of the fireplace and the piano. Placing the datapad on its edge, Shepard started the playback and stepped back.

_"Sure, I can talk about Commander Shepard... Big topic. There's been a lot written about the commander, but most of it isn't true. People are quick to judge; they don't know the whole story, hell... I don't even know the whole story, but I know the woman; worked with her, fought with her, trust her with my life. Shepard's had some rough patches; who of us hasn't? She's been forced to fight a lot of battles alone. God only knows how she got out of some of that; makes your head spin. Thing is, you never heard a complaint; never once heard "No sir, I can't do that". She never hesitated. Few people know what Shepard's been through... I'd like to think I come pretty close, and I think sometimes she forgets that there's a lot of people who lose sleep over her getting back home. Maybe it doesn't need to be said, or maybe we're too dumb to say it... Soldiers like the commander are rare; women like Shepard, even more rare."_

With the recording concluded, Shepard's focus drifted back to Earth. She had no real idea of how bad it was down there because Anderson was purposefully keeping the information from her; that much she was sure of. That man was risking his life to save countless others, yet he spent his time worrying about her. Closing her eyes, she wondered about the rest of the message. No one really knew her entire story; people knew pieces of it, but no one knew everything she had been through. Anderson knew about her recruitment and her time since then in the military, but he didn't know about Akuze, her time with Cerberus, or any of that. Liara knew more than he did, if Shepard really stopped to think about it, but even she didn't know everything...

"He is right, you know?"

The smooth, even, and articulate voice from just behind her made Shepard stiffen momentarily. Absorbed in her thoughts and in Anderson's personal notes about her, she hadn't heard the door open or the councilor's silent approach. Opening her eyes, she was met with the sunset colored hues beyond the window.

"I'm sorry Councilor, I didn't even hear you." Not turning, Shepard barely heard the asari's footsteps as she joined her in looking out the large window.

"Very understandable with a message like that." That did draw the commander's eyes away. Casting a sideways glance toward the asari, Shepard saw the woman's eyes focused ahead. The sunset hues made her eyes almost amber as she continued speaking. "He speaks truthfully of you."

"That's what I can't figure out." The incomplete thought from earlier returned as Shepard paused. "I'm a soldier just like everyone else fighting this war."

"Is that how you see yourself?"

"Yeah, always has been." The slight surprise in the councilor's tone had made Shepard pause. "You think there's more to this?"

"Oh yes..." Turning from the window, Tevos' eyes landed on Shepard. In them she saw slight astonishment. "As I said last we spoke, the fate of the galaxy is in your hands."

"Never understood that." Fully turning away as well, Shepard continued to regard the asari. "Somehow I've gone from a soldier to a Spectre; then I was shot down and considered a raving lunatic and traitor. After we stopped the Collectors, I was a flight risk on Earth and was quarantined and put under surveillance. Now that the Reapers are here," she motioned toward herself with both hands for emphasis. "I'm supposedly the tip of the proverbial "spear" as Hackett calls it. Tell me how that makes sense..."

"Logically, pieces of it do and do not." A thoughtful expression crossed her face as Tevos propped her elbow against her wrist, resting her chin in the other open palm. "Your allies followed you, were committed to your cause, and were willing to face death itself; both in your pursuit of Sovereign and in your assault on the Collectors' station past the Omega 4 Relay. You have survived impossible odds; conquered them, no less. It is for that reason that we look to you now."

"I was lucky, that's all."

"Very possible. That luck seems to follow you."

"I died, remember?" Shepard frowned; the slight humor in that statement was marred by just how true it was. "That and so much other shit has happened..."

"Meaning the situation in the Archives?" Shepard saw it for only a second. There was a spark of interest in her eyes as the councilor asked this. Nodding grimly, she waited to respond as Tevos continued. "I had read the reports of something happening down there, but C-Sec has not yet finished its investigation." Pausing as she considered her next words, Tevos took in Shepard's appearance. "What little surveillance we have is... alarming."

"Yeah; one hell of a start to that "much needed" shore leave."

"In yesterday's encounter, there was little time for a simple greeting, let alone a conversation." Tevos shook her head in frustration. "Everything is moving so quickly..."

"That reminds me," Shepard straightened her posture slightly, hearing the satisfying crack from the tension being released in her spine. "How did that go?"

"The final result was already determined, evident by the news this morning." Tevos had a satisfied expression as she said this. "I may have placed my position in jeopardy, should we all survive this war, but it was worth it."

"You didn't..." Shepard was surprised that the asari would have done such a thing. "You named yourself as the source, rather than speaking anonymously."

"I did."

"I'm sure High Command wasn't all that pleased." Barely able to keep the amusement to a minimum, Shepard nodded in approval. "I know the pencil-pushers at Arcturus wouldn't have been."

"Indeed," Tevos' eyebrows rose slightly at the reference to human politicians. "They were furious. I've already received several messages within the last half hour detailing that fact."

"Damn." Unable to keep a slight smile from upturning her lips, Shepard crossed her arms, leaning against the corner of the fireplace. "Careful Councilor, I think I'm starting to rub off on you."

"Oh?" Amusement was clear in her tone, as the councilor gave Shepard a sideways look. "How so?"

"Sounds like something I would do; unleashing information and creating a political shitstorm in the process, that is."

"Perhaps you are..." A serious note found its way into her voice as she paused, but after her next statement, Shepard realized it had been masking Tevos' amusement. "I do not believe I'll be blasting my way through the archives any time soon, however."

"That wasn't planned." Shepard laughed in earnest at the memory. "One of my squadmates found a quick solution that I didn't quite agree with." Remembering the report she still hadn't filed, Shepard cursed herself inwardly. "The situation in the archives was only a part of why this shore leave will be one for the history books." At the councilor's puzzled look, the Spectre continued. "It turns out, from the moment I got here, I was being targeted."

"Somehow, that is not surprising."

"Yeah, my pilot didn't think so either." Motioning to the dark sofa to her left, Shepard sat down, Tevos following suit. "Turns out a new mercenary band was after me; shot up a sushi bar on the strip to emphasize it. Tracing the weapons they used, we found the arms dealer who ran the casino here. He had some damning evidence on the merc band's leader, but was killed before we could get to him."

"That would have made matters too simple."

"In this war, I could use something simple..." The statement was blunt but true. "That was when we were alerted that my Spectre codes were being used in the Citadel Archives. Going down there, we found out just who had started the whole thing." Pausing to work out the best way to explain, Shepard frowned; closing her eyes briefly as she remembered the clone's predicament. "Cerberus wasn't satisfied by just "rebuilding" me. They made a clone to prove it."

"A clone..." The disbelief lasted only for a second before the asari nodded slowly. "That would explain the strange surveillance reports. I assume her goal was to steal your identity. I saw where your biometric markers changed for a short time."

"Yeah, but it went deeper than that. She didn't have my memories." Reaching into her pocket, Shepard retrieved the datapad that she had taken from her cabin on the Normandy. "She wanted a reason to keep living. In the end, she didn't find one."

"In our darkest hours, we all look for a reason." The councilor said this with a hint of sadness that was barely detectable. "If she was searching for a reason to exist, that leaves me with this question: where was she and how did she get here?"

"I'm guessing they kept her at a different Cerberus lab than where I was." Shepard didn't give herself the chance to ask "Brooks" where the clone had been kept originally. "A former Cerberus operative, going by the name Maya Brooks, had awakened her. She told her what she was made for, who I was, and what she didn't have."

"What were her motives by releasing your clone?" A slightly disturbed look graced the councilor's face. "She pitted her against you; made the clone resent you."

"Yeah." Shepard paused as she looked down at the datapad again. Really, she didn't know what Brooks' true motives were. The ex-Cerberus operative had used the clone to get her spectre codes and change her biometric markers, but for what? Eventually, the clone would have questioned everything. "I don't know, and I'll never know." Scrolling back through the transcript of the clone's personal log entry, Shepard hesitated before starting playback. "Brooks was "helping" us the whole time; trying to find out who the identity thief was. She led us into a trap in the archives; she and the clone had planned on my entire squad being sealed away in iridium vaults and dying there. After getting out, we confronted them on the Normandy." Bowing her head momentarily, Shepard still couldn't help but feel a sense of loss. "My team caught me just as I was about to fall from the cargo ramp while we were in the air. Brooks left her to die."

"There is more to this; something that deeply disturbs you." Again, it wasn't a question. Tevos' dark eyes had not left the commander as she told this tale, and the asari had been watching her every expression change.

"I tried to save her; I told her to take my hand and that she could live." Shepard shook her head as the images came to mind. "I had her arm, hand closed around it, and she told me to let go... Told me she didn't have a reason to. When she fell, she didn't try to resist, she just..."

"This Cerberus operative knew she had lost, and so she was destroying what she could no longer control."

"The clone knew it too." Shepard started playback on the audio log, actually wanting to hear it again. When the clone started speaking, she visibly tensed, and it didn't go unnoticed.

_"I look at this ship and all I see is what I don't have... I listened to them in the archives; they laughed in the face of death, followed her to the end, and this ship wasn't a prison to them._ _I don't understand; what is it about her that makes it impossible for them to walk away? The only reason any of these idiots are following me is because they know I'll kill them if they refuse. I don't have her memories... the essence of who she is..._ _That can't be the only thing... It just... can't. Maybe Shepard was right... This can't be my only reason for existence... So limited-"_

After the recording had concluded, Shepard pocketed the device again. "I'm assuming Brooks walked in, interrupting whatever she was going to say next. Damnit, she was starting to turn." A dark tone entered Shepard's voice as she continued. "Brooks got hers."

"I assumed as much." Nodding in grim approval, the councilor was more than shocked by what happened nest.

"They had her ready for transport to an Alliance facility for questioning. She never made it off the ship." Activating her omni tool, Shepard scrolled through some footage that had been taken while aboard the Normandy. Finding what she had been looking for, she activated the display on the omni tool, seeing the scene from behind Brooks; the camera was just at the top of the lift doors.

_"Tools have their way of becoming dull and less useful, don't you agree? I had no use for something that might just betray me in the end. She was just as weak-willed and susceptible as you, really."_ Shepard saw immediately why Brooks had been speaking for so long. It wasn't to simply provoke her. While in restraints, she was attempting to hack them.

_"I knew it... You're no better than your former boss; the Illusive Man would be proud."_

_"Hardly." _Still working furiously to hack her bonds, Brooks seemed to straighten up a bit. Shepard had still had her back to the woman. _"I didn't just use tools to get what I wanted. I used her for the opportunity... I would have thought you would have seen this coming."_

_"I see everything." _Shepard had finally turned, hand almost caressing the pistol in its holster. _"You used her; told her what you needed her to hear. Filling her head with all that hate and resentment must have been easy for you. Pity it was all a waste. I think she heard what I said in the archives; think she even started to believe it. You kept going; telling her how much better it would be for her to kill me herself." _Clenching her hand around the pistol, Shepard continued; Brooks looking up at her as she was nearly done hacking the restraints. _"Tell me, when did you know you had failed; that you weren't driving her? When did you learn that it was her frustration and resentment fueling her and not your influence? When did you know she wouldn't kill me?"_

_"The very second she looked up at me, begging me to save her life. She knew the answer then, just as you did. I enjoyed manipulating her just as I did using you. That was one thing they got right when they cloned you... Both predictable to a fault."_

_"Then I'm sure you saw this coming. She said for me to look in the mirror earlier. I never realized just how symbolic that statement was. I assumed it was meant as "Look at me, this is what you are.", but I was wrong." _Retrieving her pistol, Shepard drew it too quickly for anyone to stop her._ "Look in the dark mirror, Brooks. Look at the hell you've brought on yourself, and know that I'm killing you in her name." _Two shots were taken, both sending the Cerberus operative crashing to the ground a foot or more away from where she had been standing. Shepard deactivated her omni tool, silently thankful that Brooks' destroyed head had been out of the camera's line of sight. Eyes darting toward the councilor, who was silent beside her, Shepard saw the asari shaking her head in disbelief. "That's what disturbs me, Councilor... Pure indifference.

"Seeing things like this, it is no surprise that every time I am in your presence, I feel an overwhelming amount of stress swarming around you."

"Stress just comes with the job, I guess." Eying the councilor for a moment, a slight hint of humor entered her tone. "Besides, I'm sure you're no stranger to it either."

"In that thought, you would be correct." Leaning back slightly, Tevos looked deep in thought for a moment. "Most believe that being a councilor means being an average politician and sitting in an office all day making life-changing decisions on a whim."

"I'd say there's a lot more to it than that."

"Most definitely. As you know, I am meant to represent the entire expanse of the Asari Republics in galactic matters; my words are their voice," Shepard recognized the far off look that had found its way onto the councilor's face. It meant that she wanted to be anywhere but in that position. "Most people believe that we are at the apex of the social pyramid. In truth, we are too far above it to comprehend its complexity."

"You mean the council in general."

"Yes. We are meant to keep our lives separate from those we "govern"." The last work was more or less stated with a repulsive tone. "Suffice it to say, it is a very… solitary existence."

"I would hope that it doesn't always have to be that way.| Shepard understood the thought of being alone. Sometimes it was better that way; without a partner, there was less worrying about hurting them with the choices she had to make. "The others seem to enjoy their positions."

"Sparatus has always had someone to return to, ad Valern… Well, he claims that Salarians are too "short-lived" to dwell on such things." There was an air of skepticism that laced her tone, and Tevos frowned in its acknowledgement. "My personal life has always come secondary to my work and everything else… However, I am beginning to realize that two centuries alone is long enough."

"Two hundred years…" Shepard took a moment to consider the difference. "That's the equivalent of thirty years in human terms… Longtime to be alone."

"Indeed…" Turning her head, Tevos saw Shepard lean back, resting her head against the back of the sofa. "We spend our maiden years doing foolish things, enjoying our youth, and making obvious mistakes… Then our matron years come." Returning her gaze to the high ceiling, the asari spoke again, but this time, her words were filled with a mixture of regret and something else that Shepard couldn't identify. "It is a time when asari realize what they really want in life… A family, a bondmate…" That something that Shepard couldn't identify sounded a lot like lost hope now. "I am nearing the Matriarch stage; I have spent my matron years pursuing political goals, not for myself but for my people."

"Then there is one thing you need to really think about, Tevos." The sudden turn of the head at the use of the councilor's name was what Shepard was looking for.

"Oh?" Dark eyes met Shepard's blue ones. "And what is that?"

"Put your duties aside for a moment, and think about this carefully." Shepard landed the asari with a steady gaze. "What do you want; not as a counselor but as an individual. Who or what keeps you going, even when you feel you're back against the wall? What is your reason, Tevos?"

"My reason…" Sitting up straight, the asari frowned in thought. "Until just recently, I had thought that my reason was for the benefit of my people. Their successs and prosperity fueled my efforts, but that is not enough anymore." At these words, Shepard leaned forward as well, returning to an upright position. "I thought all was lost when the Reapers took Thessia, which brings me back to your question; what is my reason…" Turning her head just slightly, the orange hues from the window set her eyes ablaze as they landed on Shepard again. "I suppose it is the very reason I know the truth about my government, why I took a stand and revealed their secrets… the reason I am here."

"I see." Shepard nodded, keeping her tone neutral. The admission was there, and now she was left with the decision as to what to do with it. A part of her wanted to turn away, not only to shield herself from another loss, but to shield the councilor from a broken heart. This war had done its best to take everything away that meant something to Shepard, and she didn't want this woman to be another casualty. The other part of her however, wanted nothing more than to give in; With everything coming down around her, Shepard desperately wanted some relief from the destruction and devastation. Shifting to fully face the asari, she leaned forward slightly, elbows resting just above her knees as he fingers interlaced. "So, what exactly are you looking for, Councilor?" The slightly serious tone was easily seen through due to Shepard's knowing look.

"An intriguing question. I find it ironic that the loss of my homeworld could bring two strangers closer." At Shepard's brief nod, she continued. "We stand on the threshold of a new beginning and a possible end…" Leaning forward as well, Tevos inclined her head slightly, the skin of their foreheads brushing against one another as they met. When she spoke next, her voice was much lower in volume. "My only question is… are you willing to cross it?"

She was answered by a hand encasing the right side of her face and lips gently pressing against her own. Tentative in the beginning, the councilor closed her eyes, taking in every sensation. It was simple but intoxicating; the chill that ran down her spine was tripled in intensity when she took a risk and deepened the kiss. Left hand rising, it found its way to Shepard's shoulder, getting lost in her dark red hair as it ascended her neck. Feeling the human's other hand blindly gripping her right, which still rested by her side, Tevos made no move to resist. All conscious thought was lost as she let go of her duties, her title, and her burdens. For one moment, in over two centuries, she was living for herself.

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**A/N 2:** I hate not posting in a timely manner. I'm on vacation in Florida this week ad will have to wait til Sunday to even start on the next chapter. Bear with me, guys. :)


	11. Confines of Time

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Eleven: Confines of Time_

**A/N:** Started writing this chapter on the 25th of May. Took some time to get this chapter straightened out, so I hope it turns out alright. The party will be under way soon, so enjoy :)

* * *

The simplicity of it was outweighed by what it meant. This kiss was not only a step beyond their boundaries, but it was an incentive to keep fighting. Shepard felt every ounce of longing, both in herself and the councilor. Suppressed or neglected for too long, the emotion took over them both like a wildfire; it burned away all that kept them apart. Eyes closed, she felt the pressure of the asari's lips as it increased slightly. The deepening of the kiss proved to be addictive. Arms wrapping around the councilor, she felt the same being done to her. Bodies colliding, it felt as if electricity had been shot up her back, chased by a wave of cold. Judging by the sudden movement, Tevos felt the same way. Breaking the kiss slowly, Shepard's eyes locked on the councilor's blazing brown ones.

"Did that answer your question?" Catching her breath, Shepard watched the councilor nod.

"Oh yes..." Blinking momentarily, Tevos looked thoughtful. "Words are empty; hold no meaning. Actions speak volumes."

"Got that right." Hearing something from the other side of the fireplace, Shepard frowned. "Hold that thought."

Rising from the sofa, she rounded the fireplace, seeing the display flashing with an incoming communication. Half tempted to let it go and check the ID later, she finally answered the call, activating the display. After a few seconds snow, the image cleared, revealing Admiral Anderson again. Looking a little worse for wear, he spoke, but the sound didn't come through at first. Flickering again, the image cleared. Anderson spoke again. This time, the sound came through.

"Shepard."

"Anderson."

"I know we didn't end our last chat on the best of terms." Anderson looked her over, seeing a slight improvement from last time. "There's been a development."

"On Earth?" That was too much to hope for. Seeing Anderson's expression, Shepard considered walking away.

"Benning." Anderson looked down at something, presumably a datapad, and he nodded. "They were the initial team sent to the port, Shepard."

"So Cerberus sent them in, and as they were leaving, Cortez shot them down. Should I be concerned?"

"Shepard, don't act like this isn't affecting you." The slight authorative tone that entered Anderson's voice made the Spectre frown. "I know it is. I know it is making you question everything you knew."

"No." A slightly harsh edge sharpened her tone as she spoke. "I'm not questioning a damned thing as far as I, myself, am concerned."

"You're questioning something deeper than that; why you're even here, why you were born." Landing her with a tired but hard stare, Anderson continued. "Shepard, it doesn't matter. You're here, and it was the best thing they could have done."

"They didn't do anything." Venom laced her tone as she thought about the nightmare she had the night before. "They didn't give a damn; I was an inconvenience."

"To them you were." Anderson nodded grimly. "The galaxy wouldn't have a leg to stand on if it hadn't been for that "inconvenience". Remember that, Shepard." Seeing Anderson turn his head sharply, Shepard looked just beyond his shoulder. It looked like Alliance soldiers were mounting turrets and firing down on something. "Shit! Husks inbound."

"Go. Keep your head down, Anderson."

"No promises." Shaking his cap out before replacing it, Anderson held her gaze for a moment longer. "Remember what I said, Shepard."

"Understood. Stay safe."

"Anderson out." Turning away as the display was cut off; Shepard went to round the fireplace. She heard the councilor's sharp tone as she did so.

"Remind them that they will not be pleased by my replacement. They have no time to search for another, not with Thessia in ruins and High Command in shambles." Seeing Tevos deactivate her omni tool, Shepard had to allow herself a ghost of a smile as she crossed back to the sofa.

"That sounded pleasant."

"Indeed." The bitterness in her tone was only momentary. "They are calling for my removal already."

"That was quick. A few hours of the media buzzing and they already want to pin all of this on you. That's classic." Returning to her place on the sofa, Shepard shook her head in amusement. "Typical politics."

"Isn't it?" The beginnings of a smirk appeared on the asari's lips as she faced Shepard. "I made a point to remind them that they cannot afford to find a replacement for Irissa at this point. She would decimate High Command with the information she wields."

"You make it sound like a weapon, Councilor." The amusement in the commander's voice was evident.

"Indeed, it is a weapon; one that could destroy or rebuild the galaxy's trust in my people as a whole." Pausing to look over the human, Tevos' eyes held a strange sense of intelligence that Shepard found both intriguing and disturbing. "Speaking of trust, it sounds as if the admiral doubts your resolve."

"I don't know if it is my resolve..." Thinking on what Anderson had just said, she shook her head in slight confusion. "He thinks I'm losing focus."

"I do not see that happening."

"No." The determination in her voice was only dethroned by Shepard's own bitterness toward the deceased. "I'm not losing it. I can't."

"Why would he suspect this now?"

"I'm sure you heard about the Cerberus attack on Benning." At the councilor's nod, Shepard continued. "My shuttle pilot downed one of their shuttles as it attempted to leave the port. When the Alliance sent support teams in, they found it and searched it." Pausing as the details of her "parents" came to mind, Shepard frowned. "They identified the two operatives and found that they were former Alliance soldiers... and apparently, they were my parents."

"I cannot even begin to imagine your reaction to that." Eyes still focused on Shepard, Tevos nodded, a memory confirmed. "I remember reading in your service record that you were orphaned on Earth and never knew them."

"Never knew them." Shepard shook her head briefly. "After finding out what they were, I'm sorry they weren't dead sooner."

"Really?"

"Yeah." The shock in the councilor's tone hadn't gone unnoticed. Shepard couldn't help but feel that way, though. There was no sympathy, no love, nothing for those people within her. "Found out just recently that they were responsible for what happened on Akuze. They were part of a Cerberus science team that provoked the thresher maws into attacking the colony."

"There was hardly any information on the events on Akuze. Most believed it was simply a tragic massacre."

"It was a massacre alright, but it was planned. They requested a transfer to the colony when they found out I was leading the response team. They knew who I was and still didn't give a damn; knowing what would happen." Shepard was surprised at how little anger she actually felt. "Hackett asked what I wanted to do with their bodies. Think I'll let them burn."

"And it was once said that there was no cruelty in indifference..."

"Right." Thinking about the subject they had both abandoned when Anderson had called, Shepard shook off the current topic. "About that threshold of a new beginning or an untimely end; yeah, I'm willing to cross it. Are you?"

"You need not ask."

"Oh, before I forget," Shepard remembered her stop by Apollo's Café the day before. "Matriarch Aethyta sends her regards and says you have her support in the stand-off against High Command."

"It is strange. I remember hearing her speak of how the Asari should be capable of standing on their own, working on their own mass relay technology, and training at an earlier age." A slightly worried tone crept into the councilor's voice as she said this. "Seeing everything that this war has done, I couldn't agree more."

"You couldn't have seen this coming." Hindsight was always twenty-twenty, and Shepard had learned that the hard way several times over. This was different. "The Reapers were a myth."

"Before Sovereign's attack, yes." Tevos frowned in slight frustration. "After the fact, we should have prepared... Instead, we questioned your sanity, rather than heeding your warnings."

"What's done is done, Councilor." Having known this for a while, Shepard wasn't fazed by the thought that the council questioned her mental state. The Alliance had done so as well.

"I am curious as to whether this happened in earlier cycles..." Pausing in thought, Tevos shivered slightly. "People coming forward with warnings of the Reapers, I mean. If so, we were prepared to repeat a very... deadly... mistake."

"But you didn't." Shepard thought back to the incident in Batarian space. "The Reapers made a very timely mistake in trying to come in through the Alpha Relay."

"If such a thing could make the Reaper threat a reality, it would have been that." Dark eyes bore into Shepard's blue ones, and she saw something in them that she couldn't explain; finality, realization, or possibly even dread. It was hard to be sure. "It is difficult to forget just how many chances we have been given to survive."

The asari's words hit very close to home in Shepard's case. Thinking back, she personally had been given many chances to escape death. Ilos, the battle of the Citadel, the Collector attack over Alchera, their base beyond the Omega 4 Relay, the asteroid being launched at the Alpha Relay, and Thessia. Those were at the forefront of her mind. Had it not been for an outstanding squad, she could have had many more encounters with death. The galactic races had been slightly more fortunate, but they had still taken a beating. Even as these thoughts started to overwhelm her, Shepard felt the solid form of the councilor still in her arms, and that alone kept her mind focused.

"Believe me, I know."

"This burden has left its mark on you; a scar that is physically invisible." At Shepard's nod, she continued. "I did not see it before the coup attempt... or perhaps I did not want to."

"I understand that. No one wanted to see this war coming. No one wanted to face it." Hearing an omni tool chime, the two let go of each other completely. Tevos grimaced as she saw the messages appearing one after another. "And it seems we can't escape it, either."

"If only that were possible." Both rose from the sofa, and Tevos deactivated her omni tool. "I do not want to leave here and return to work..."

"Do what you have to. I'll be here for a day or two longer." Shepard nodded in understanding. The need for leadership was strong and the time for it was now, but she could relate to the councilor's position; many people breathing down her neck wanting answers, when she had none to give. "To put this bluntly, Councilor, if you're looking for a reprieve, you know where to find it."

"Indeed I do." The half-smile lasted only a second before it was flat-lined. "Now to escape the watchful eye of C-Sec."

"What?" This caught the human's attention, and she thought she had an idea where this was going. The asari confirmed it.

"I am being followed. Most would assume it was simple paranoia brought on by stress from the war; Valern seems to think as much." Lowering her head in thought, Tevos warily eyed the door of the apartment. "I know they are out there. I've seen them."

"You're not paranoid; although I'm surprised that Valern was the one that said you were." Shepard thought back to Sparatus' idea of having her followed to find out more about the situation on Thessia.

"Do you know something?"

"After you left that meeting with him and Sparatus after word got out about Thessia, the Turian councilor suggested that you be followed. Valern didn't agree or disagree either."

"That explains everything..." Inclining her head, eyes on the high ceiling, Tevos continued. "Valern acting as if I am growing more paranoid by the day, C-Sec following me, but if Sparatus asked them to... He should have called them off by now."

"Why is that? You think he found what he was looking for?"

"If it was the truth about the beacon on Thessia, then he already knows. I saw him before I came here; he apologized for his "hostility" in the council chamber that day."

"He apologized... Wow." Unable to resist it, Shepard let the slight shock enter her voice. Since meeting the Turian councilor, she had seen a man who was quick to judge, slow to trust, and slower to admit he was wrong. To hear that he had actually done this was more than surprising. The amused look on the asari's face at her statement made Shepard laugh. "I just can't see that happening."

"At one point, I could have easily said the same. He said that he could not believe that the Asari could do this in a time of war when we needed the information most. Then, he admitted that if he had been thinking rationally, he would have known I could not have stood for such a betrayal." Pausing momentarily, a look of regret passed over her features. "I was ready to defend them blindly."

"You didn't know. If I hadn't been there and they hadn't been indoctrinated, I would have done the same for humanity in the alpha relay incident. Looking back on it, sometimes, the bad outweighs the good."

"With the Alpha Relay incident, if you or someone else hadn't done it, the reapers would have come earlier and all would have been lost."

"That is true, but the entire Bahak system was wiped out, and so were the Batarians that lived there." Shepard had not really stopped to think about that particular mission since it had happened. Doing so now made it even more conflicting. "If I hadn't known about it and been there to ensure that it got done, I would never have guessed that humanity would go off and sacrifice nearly an entire species without warning them. I would have denied that they were capable of that."

"In the end, this war will have left blood on everyone's hands." Turning for the door, the councilor made to go through it. "I hope to see you before you leave."

"You will." Walking out to the strip itself, Shepard saw people stop and stare as the councilor hailed a skycab. "And that's why I don't think I'll venture into the political spotlight..."

"You already have." The knowing look on Tevos' face was the last Shepard saw as the skycab closed and took off. Watching it go, Shepard shook her head in bemusement.

"Touché, Councilor."

Feeling no real urge to remain out on the strip, Shepard turned and re-entered the apartment. Hearing a notification that she had gotten a new message, she headed for the private terminal in the back study. Reaching it, she saw a flood of messages from people wanting to see her, either out on the strip or there in the apartment; adding to the existing list she had read over earlier. Looking at the ones that fell in the latter category, Shepard saw Liara, Miranda, EDI, James, and Tali wanted to avoid the nightlife. Starting with the last first, Shepard worked her way back up to the top of the list.

Spending time with Tali, Shepard learned more about the Quarian people as a whole. During one of her favorite vids, Tali explained that regardless of risk, a quarian kissed her lover though it made her ill afterwards. It was a reminder that there were people that would do anything for those they loved. It was touching in a sense, and it was a way to just put everything else aside. Spending time with James was no different. He had gotten an N7 tattoo, and upon her scrutiny, he challenged her to a workout. While doing this, Shepard couldn't help but laugh at the friendly competition. During her time in the N7 training program, she had been pushed to the limits of her abilities, and he knew that was to be his future if he committed to it. This was simply a way of training without the pressure and scrutiny.

Thankfully, EDI had something simpler in mind. The AI had considered finding something that might cheer Joker up, rather than just hanging around the Presidium Commons or Purgatory. The idea of renting a skycar for a few days seemed to be a good idea. There was also something else; EDI had found something that was symbolic as far as Shepard's assignment was concerned. One man created rings from the metals native to the homeworlds of Council races. Each made the ring stronger as it was added, and they were in short supply due to the war and its destruction. They were called "Victory" rings; holding that small box in her hand, the commander couldn't help but consider the irony. Each resource or species that was recruited to fight the reapers made the others stronger. It was a hope that this war would end in their favor, but with systems falling to the reapers and the "catalyst" still out there in Cerberus' hands, victory was far from being achieved.

Thankfully, Miranda's presence took her mind off the war, but kept Cerberus just in the outskirts. When the former operator of the Lazarus cell entered the apartment, her eyes wandered, taking in every detail. Shepard watched from the upper landing for a moment, simply using her vantage point to read the expression on the other woman's face. When dark blue eyes landed on her, a smirk easily replaced the rare amusement.

"Miranda," Shepard moved from the upper landing and headed down the stairs to her right. Heading for the kitchen, she retrieved two glasses, retrieving a bottle of Serrice Iced Brandy. "What do you make of the place?"

"I'm impressed, Shepard." Leaning against the higher part of the countertop, the dark-haired woman allowed herself a laugh. "Though with the location, I'm surprised. Never thought you'd find this part of the Citadel appealing."

"Oh, you thought I wasn't partial to night life, huh?" Amusement clear as she handed off Miranda's glass, Shepard could see the laugh coming before it did. "Nah. It belonged to Admiral Anderson. He asked me to watch it for him."

"That makes sense. With all this going on, can't imagine him coming back here anytime soon." Casually sipping the brandy, Miranda nodded. "I heard some serious rumors about you over the last few days, Shepard."

"Let me guess, a few that involve me going crazy, breaking into the archives, and trying to steal the Normandy while another me went to stop it." That was one thing that she appreciated about Miranda. When she had a point, she got to it.

"So they were true…"

"Yeah."

"Nothing's ever simple if you're involved, is it?" Miranda's eyes locked on Shepard's, and she saw the answer clearly written in them. "I didn't think so. That was proven when we took on the project to bring you back and when we went against the Collectors."

"Yeah. That last was cut and dried, though. We knew the Collectors were behind it after Freedom's Progress." Shaking her head in thought, Shepard continued. "This one made me think."

"Seeing another you running around, I'd say so."

"Did you know anything about that?" It was a casual question, and Shepard was thankful that she didn't have an accusatory tone when she spoke. "It was a Cerberus project, as I understand it."

"I had no direct knowledge of it. I heard rumors, but as far as I knew, that was all it was. We had you; there was no need for a clone." Miranda shook her head slightly, her thoughts almost readable before she spoke. "When I saw you fight your way out of Wilson's attempted sabotage in that base, I knew we had the "real" you. I just wonder why the Illusive Man didn't mention it at all."

"Really." Shepard hated the next question, but she had to ask it. "Why, when we destroyed the Collectors' base, was it… she… not terminated? He had what he wanted."

"Hard to say." Tone taking on a more serious note, Miranda thought for a moment. "Maybe he thought he could use her, hoping she had the same convictions as you."

"She said he tossed her aside when he got what he wanted, me." Shepard thought back to their initial meeting in the archives. "She said she had been in a coma, built for spare parts, and someone woke her up six months ago…" Stepping back, she motioned for the other woman to follow. Moving to the table in the back of the kitchen, Shepard brought up all that they knew about "Maya Brooks". Seeing her face, Miranda nodded, eyes widening in recognition.

"Right, her…" Scrolling through the information, she frowned. "Not sure of her full name, but I know she was one of the more xenophobic Cerberus operatives… Hold on," Pausing on a particular note in the makeshift dossier, Miranda frowned in confusion. "She was responsible for the recruits for the suicide mission? Why would she use dossiers of non-humans?"

"That's been a real head-scratcher." Shepard looked over the notation, though she could read it word for word from memory. "She said Mordin, Thane, Garrus, Grunt, Tali, and Samara were all mistakes. I think the Illusive Man was the one that suggested them, and she didn't have as much choice in the matter as she wanted."

"Makes sense. When he says do it, you don't question. He'll just find someone else to do it in your place. Sounds like she made an impression on you, Shepard."

"She didn't, the clone did." Finishing off what little was left in her glass, Shepard sat it down. "Why is it that when things look like they're starting to go alright, something comes around to royally screw with me?"

"I'll leave that one to whatever divine being exists, if there is one. Maybe they know."

"Either that or fate's cruel."

"Well, there is that."

The rest of their time was spent reminiscing on the suicide mission, Oriana's well-being, theories, and their strategies for the Reaper war. The latter news more of an afterthought. At first, Shepard hadn't trusted Miranda when they had first met. She seemed to be a cold and calculating woman, but when Oriana had been put in danger due to Henry Lawson and Niket's own greed, she had seen a crack in that mask. They had gotten friendlier over the rest of the mission through and back from the Omega 4 relay, and now Shepard saw Miranda as a valuable ally; not just an asset as the Illusive Man had. She found that Oriana was recovering well with her family; Miranda having killed Henry herself, there was no real threat of him coming after his "dynasty". As for the war, both agreed that only time would dictate their actions. Miranda's departure left Shepard feeling a bit better about the Lazarus project; they didn't know a clone was in the works, but it was still troubling why the Illusive Man hadn't killed her off.

Sending a message to Liara, Shepard decided to stand on the second level again. This had a good view of the entrance to the apartment, but it also gave her an opportunity to walk off the slight buildup of nervous energy. There were things that wouldn't leave her mind, and she found that the apartment was slightly confining. Though it was quiet and a refuge from the many people that flooded the wards, it was almost too quiet. Standing on the landing looking over the ground level, she reflected on something Karin Chakwas had said during their mission to take down the collectors. She had said life planetside was too static and too boring. Seeing these brief moments away from her ship and away from that hum of engines and creaking of bulkheads, Shepard found that the doctor was right. The one thing she didn't miss was the vertigo when inertial dampeners kicked in. Her head spun enough already without it.

The sound of a piano playing softly made her blink. Looking down, she saw Liara playing single-handed, her fingers gently brushing the keys as the soft notes echoed through the empty room. Watching, she didn't recognize the tune, but she saw the far off look that graced the asari's features as she continued playing. Adding the second hand, she turned, blocking her face from view, so Shepard left the second level, moving down the stairs silently. Hearing what sounded like a wrong note, she saw the asari shake her head, hands falling from the keys. Only when the last note died away into silence did the human hear what sounded like a shaky breath. When Liara turned her head slightly to the side, Shepard confirmed her thoughts. A tear had just vanished into the collar of Liara's casual armor. Deciding not to approach the subject directly, she went for a more covert approach.

"I didn't know you played."

"Shepard…" Taking a split second to regain her composure, the asari turned to fully face the human. "I never really thought about playing… that is until I was on a remote dig site." Looking back at the piano, she continued. "There was a decent storm that came up, trapping us in a cavern for two days. We had brought our supplies in, seeing as we knew the storm was going to hit while we were there. One of the other researchers had a keyboard. She took it with her everywhere, playing it when she wasn't busy with her work. She taught me that song."

"Guess there is more to learn from dig sites, huh?"

"It was a happy coincidence. One of the last times I spoke with my mother, I was playing that song." She stopped right there; the memory of her mother seemed to be a well-healed wound but it wasn't immune to being ripped back open. Shepard reflected on the "nightmare" that she had and the impact of Benezia's words. Why that quote from the late matriarch held such an impact now was beyond her. Hearing Liara speak again, she pushed the thought aside for the moment. "She couldn't believe it; there I was on a dig site, on a break, playing the piano." A ghost of a smile flickered across her face at the thought. "She admitted that it was something she had hoped to see me do one day; getting immersed in the arts, I mean."

"What was she like, Liara?" It was a strange curiosity that Shepard had. She knew most of the members of her crew either had a good family or a violent one, especially in Wrex' case and the concept of a group of people that cared was almost beyond her comprehension. "I remember on Thessia, you said she had taken you to the temple of Athame once. She had secret files on the place. How was she, both in politics and outside of them?"

"She was different than most conventional Asari." Liara leaned against the piano, thinking for a moment. "She thought we should be more focused on shaping galactic events, rather than being their mediator. Asari as a people don't tend to try and coax things along as far as wars or major decisions. From my analysis, they tend to take a more philosophic view on things. Change will come to those who wait for it."

"Sounds like something an asari would say." Shepard grinned at the mock affronted look Liara gave her. "Your father is of different opinion."

"Very different opinion." Liara laughed openly at the thought. "I've spoken to her a few times since the initial "confrontation" in Apollo's. I agree with her thought that we should train earlier and work on our own advanced technology, such as the relays. I can also see how High Command would frown upon it."

"Looks like High Command got the rug pulled out from under them this time." Reflecting on the councilor's move this morning to expose the beacon, Shepard wondered just how the Asari government was handling it.

"They did." Liara nodded grimly. "I was surprised when I wasn't implicated for leaking that information." Turning to the human, she had a knowing look on her face. "You knew who would make it public."

"I had an idea." Shepard nodded, thinking about the older asari that had been there earlier. "Never thought she'd actually name herself as a source."

"No one could have predicted that." Eyeing the commander, Liara continued. "The popular opinion was that she would defend the Asari Republics to the death, but this…"

"How is High Command taking this?"

"As well as expected. I assume that there has been a storm of messages, some of which demanding her resignation. It was wise, but also a risk." Activating her omni tool, Liara looked over a few messages, some of them from her contacts. "I know you haven't watched any news feeds this morning; you never do. I assume she was here earlier."

"Yeah, came by and discussed the meeting with the matriarchs yesterday." Shepard said this casually, and was slightly surprised when Liara looked up. "Come on, the Shadow Broker didn't know about that?"

"I knew they were on the station." Liara laughed, looking over a report from Feron. "I don't exactly have any agents placed in their personal staff as of now. The closest that there was to that probably would have been Saren or Vasir." There was still distaste for the Spectre in Liara's tone. Shepard hadn't really taken the time to think about the asari since their encounter on Illium. "I heard Lidanya and Irissa were here. The latter being present is an indicator in itself."

"Yeah they were here discussing the possibilities. I take it that High Command really doesn't want Irissa on the council." Shepard thought back to what Tevos had said about the matriarch and her own impression of the woman from their brief meeting the previous day.

"They don't." Liara deactivated her omni tool, having replied to Feron's report. "That gives Tevos a great deal of power." At Shepard's nod, she continued. "They don't have a replacement with our government in disarray. I assume you met her. What was your impression?"

"Yeah for about five minutes. I don't know," Shepard took a second to think on the question. "She seemed almost cold, raring to strike at the powers that be." The utter enjoyment in her tone when the matriarch had mentioned shaking up things politically came to mind. "She was ready for a fight."

"Irissa is calculating and cold to say the least, but she is right." Looking out the window, Liara shook her head. "She has a limited tolerance for politics, but she's good at the game."

"Yeah, so I hear. From what I understood, the exposure of the beacon was a given; didn't matter what happened there." Shepard saw the very slight surprise in Liara's face, or what she could see of it with the asari's back mostly turned. "Either way, job done. Aethyta is in on it as well."

"I assumed as much." Turning back, Liara wore an approving expression. "She would be one to consult on things like this." Blinking, she seemed to struggle with her thoughts. Shepard let her head drop to the side slightly in curiosity. "She mentioned something today that I had… difficulty talking about."

"What's that?"

"She seemed to think, as many others do, that Benezia was a traitor to the Asari and the galaxy as a whole." Shaking her head, Liara frowned. "No one really wanted to understand her position. I had to explain what happened on Noveria, and well…"

"I understand." Shepard had a feeling that this would happen eventually. Remembering Aethyta's comment on Illium about "that screw-up" that had worked with Saren made her nod. "No one really knew the truth."

"No one knows her true fate. They assume she went down fighting…" Liara's tone was almost disbelieving. "I'm surprised it hasn't gotten out by now, what really happened, I mean."

"Wrex, Joker, Ashley, Kaidan, Garrus, Tali, and I didn't mention it publically." Shepard shook her head as she said this. "Figured if you wanted people to know, they'd know."

"Glyph, bring up images from my personal archive, subject Benezia." Liara said this, watching the drone appear. When holo images of the late matriarch appeared, Shepard found herself staring. They weren't just images of Benezia herself; some of them showed her and Liara on Thessia, where Liara had grown up, in Armali. Benezia was younger and appeared happy. Liara was very young. The one she was looking at currently was when she was still a child by appearance. The smile that graced Liara's lips now was one of humor.

"That one was taken in the park I mentioned. That was before I tried to dig it up, looking for ruins."

"How old were you?"

"I'd say near thirty or so." Eying Benezia's amused expression, Liara remembered that occasion. "I was looking at a rock, attempting to determine its age." At Shepard's laugh, Liara continued, despite her own laughter. "What can I say? I told you I was fascinated with that sort of thing."

"What did Benezia say?" She had to laugh harder when the maiden finally admitted it.

"It's a rock, Little Wing. It is ageless."

"Was that before or after this was taken?"

"Before." Liara's laughter slowed and she attempted to regain her composure. "I would have liked to see her laughing there." Moving to another image, they saw Benezia using her biotics to casually direct what looked like a child's toy across the room. "She was showing off. I couldn't control my biotics yet and I wanted to learn. It was irritating at the time… until she sent it flying at me."

"And the point of that was…" Shepard could only guess. It turned out, her thought was correct.

"To see if I could try to stop it." A grin appeared on her face at the memory. "I couldn't." Turning to the drone again, she continued. "Glyph, look for the vid that followed this image."

"Certainly." In a few seconds, another holo appeared, but it was a bit blurred at first. Liara nodded before speaking again.

"This was the result. I didn't know until much later that she had planned this all along. She had it recording the second she threw it at me. Start playback, Glyph." In seconds, Shepard heard the hum of biotics as Benezia lifted what looked to be something akin to a varren into the air. Her tone was serious as she spoke to Liara, who was watching her with curiosity and slight apprehension.

"Alright, if you want to control your biotics, see if you can stop it." Using a throw field, Benezia sent the small white varren-like stuffed toy across the room. Liara's biotics flared, but nothing came of it. Just as the thing was about to collide with her, it stopped moving, a stasis field surrounding it. Shepard looked back to Benezia and saw a wicked smirk cross her face.

"It didn't work… What did I do wrong?" Frustrated, the younger version of Liara frowned as she seemed to think about it. "I can't even get it to move." The defeated tone was almost cute in Shepard's opinion. When her mother spoke again, it was with a softer tone.

"One of these days, you will master it… Granted, it might take another century."

"Ouch." Shepard couldn't help but comment on it. Liara laughed as she responded.

"I didn't know I could feel worse at the time." Turning their attention back to the vid, the two heard Benezia speak again; this time, in an amused tone.

"However, until then…" Pulling the stuffed toy back toward her, the elder asari watched as Liara looked up. She waited only a few seconds before sending it after her daughter again. This time, when it didn't stop, Liara took off, running about the room.

"Hey, hey! What are you… Stop it!" Her words were not of fear or frustration. She laughed openly as Benezia sent the toy after her, using her biotics to lazily direct it wherever her daughter ran. Laughing as well, Benezia only let the toy fall back to the desk in the corner when Liara dove under her bed. Even so, Benezia shook with laughter, and Shepard could see what Liara missed about the woman.

"P-pause playback, Glyph." Struggling to speak due to her own laughter, Liara watched the vid freeze, catching her mother in an honest and warm bout of laughter. "I miss moments like that, Shepard…" Failing at regaining her composure, she just looked at the still shot of her mother. Shepard nodded, still shaking with laughter herself. The expression on the younger Liara's face had been priceless.

"If you could go back and relive it, you would." Thinking about it, Shepard could see why. Though the two hadn't spoken for years, Shepard had seen their closeness when Benezia was succumbing to Sovereign's control. It was as if time hadn't existed between when this vid was taken and then. Just as affectionate as she was then, Benezia had bid her daughter farewell like a mother would a small child at night. "I see things like this, and I remember what we're fighting for."

"Knowing what I do now… I would go back and relive it again and again…" Nodding with a serious tone to her voice, Liara continued. "They're all I have of her, Shepard."

"When I said the best of her lives on in you, I meant it, Liara." Shepard gave her a serious look and continued. "I see her strength, wisdom, and her drive to keep going." With an amused edge, she continued. "I also see your father's temper on occasion." Feeling Liara nudge her arm in mock offense, Shepard laughed. "Yep, there it is."

"I don't think you've begun to see her temper yet." Liara laughed, turning to Glyph. "That's all, Glyph. Archive that with the images and any other footage of her. Thank you."

"My pleasure, Doctor T'Soni." The drone spun as it worked and then the vid disappeared. "Archive complete."

"I often wonder what influenced you, Shepard." Turning a serious gaze toward the human, Liara noticed the slightly surprised expression. I know your service in the Alliance has shaped you, but what made you into the person you are?"

"I don't know. What kind of person do you make me for?" The question was casual and it was one that she had never had answered. Shepard didn't really look at herself; rather, she watched everyone else under her command or around her in general.

"Am I really the best person to answer that?"

"I'd say so. You know me best." Looking out the window, thinking of the wards that lay beyond, Shepard was half dreading the answer, but she also wanted an outside opinion. The little assessment that she had done showed that she was a soldier who was constantly pushed to her limits. Though that was true, she hoped there was more to it.

"You are the strongest person I have ever met; your will and dedication are unmatched, but there is a part of you that few ever see. Under that hardened soldier's armor is a woman; one that bleeds, can be broken, and searches for a reprieve." Liara paused, closing her eyes before continuing. "That woman is capable of unquantifiable amounts of compassion and anyone, anyone…" Her tone changed to one of the utmost sincerity as she paused again. "Should consider themselves more than fortunate to have her. I know I did."

They shouldn't have, but Liara's words felt like an impact shot. Most of it she already knew; the thought that she would do all that it took to get this war over with and the reality that she was just as mortal as everyone else fighting. What got her was that last; Liara saw herself as lucky. Shepard found it more the opposite; when the Normandy had gone down, the asari had been left with picking up the pieces, nearly losing a friend in the process. There was no good that could have come out of that. Reflecting on this, Shepard thought about the councilor. Was it wise to go further, when pain could be the result?

"You say you were lucky, why?" The general disbelief in the human's voice made Liara look up. "You went through hell trying to get my body to Cerberus and save Feron."

"That was difficult, but everything that came before and after has been…" Searching for the right word, Liara settled for one. "Unbelievable would be an understatement, to put it lightly." Meeting Shepard's gaze, she frowned. "You still don't believe it."

"No, not really." Frowning in frustration, the Spectre went on. "How do the few good times outweigh the bad?"

"The good ones are all we have. Every foul thing that has happened between us or otherwise would only tear us all apart, Shepard." Pausing, Liara took on a thoughtful look. Eyes still on the human, Shepard was unnerved. It was as if she was trying to see past what was physically there. Finding what she was looking for, Liara continued. "Something's happened to make you question this; the good and bad events that have taken place, I mean."

"Was it really that obvious?" The slight sarcasm in her tone was more or less a defense mechanism. Shepard knew Liara would have figured it out eventually, but she didn't expect it that soon. "Yeah, Cerberus happened."

"Cerberus…" Not sounding too surprised Liara simply waited for Shepard o continue.

"Wish I had just left it to burn now, though." Moving to the fireplace, Shepard felt a wave of cold pass through her. The warmth did very little to ease it off, but she went on speaking regardless. "Remember that Cerberus raid on Benning? The shuttle Cortez shot down was one that belonged to the initial operatives that started it."

"It crashed just beyond the area we cleared out." Nodding, Liara pulled up a layout of the port city that they had worked to clear of Cerberus storm troopers. Marking the area, Shepard saw a red indicator appear. "That is where the Alliance tagged the shuttle from its crash path."

"Yeah. Hackett contacted me recently and said they found something interesting in that shuttle's wreckage." Tone growing subtly darker as she went, Shepard simply stated it bluntly. "Liara, they were alive this whole time. They didn't die on Earth, weren't declared missing during the First Contact war, and showed up on Akuze when they found out I was leading the scouting teams."

"No…" It was all Liara could think of. Disbelief was all that reflected in her eyes and her face as she followed the human. Standing beside her, the asari looked into the flames. "They knew… They were with Cerberus."

"They knew, they didn't care, and they were spotted in New York a month after I was abandoned at that hospital in the slums." Tone sharp, Shepard contained the anger that still flared every time she thought about it. "Glyph found images of them there, on Mars, and on Bekenstein. What was I, an inconvenience? A mistake?"

"Maybe to them you were a mistake, Shepard; to everyone else, you know what you are." Liara shook her head at the first part of her statement. "One person's perceived mistake can be a galaxy's advantage."

"They're lucky I never found them."

"That they are." Hearing a chime somewhere, Liara looked up. Shepard recognized it as a call coming in on the QEC. Looking to the monitor behind the fireplace, she sighed.

"What do they want this time?"

"I take it you have an idea of who is calling."

"Yeah," Rounding the fireplace, she approached the display. "Probably Anderson. He's spoken to me about this a few times since Hackett forwarded the Alliance's findings." Activating it, she was slightly surprised to see Hackett's slightly distorted image. "Admiral."

"Shepard." Adjusting something, the admiral's image became clearer. "I assume that shore leave is shaping up nicely."

"Not the best start to it, but it is getting there, Sir." Crossing her arms, Shepard wanted to say "get to the point", but she didn't. Instead, she let the admiral beat around the bush for a few minutes. Liara stood just at her shoulder, watching them both with an analyst's gaze. "How are things on your end?"

"They're getting there, Shepard. Turians and Krogan have stopped defending Palaven and are on the offensive. The Salarians are splitting their forces; half is defending Sur'kesh and the other is moving with precision strike assaults on reaper forces in surrounding systems." Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Hackett continued. "Good that you secured an alliance with the Volus and Elcor. The ambassadors for both send their regards and the bombing fleet is already organizing strikes along with the Turians. Urdnot Wrex has deployed troops to Earth and a few Asari colony worlds. They're holding their own on Tuchanka. Quarians are working as support for the fleets right now, while Geth are on the offensive. I'm still surprised you pulled all that off, Commander."

"Admiral Koris was the main gun behind that, Admiral. I assisted the Geth in shutting down their fighters that were allied with the Reapers. I saw the "Morning War" that they refer to. The Quarians acted out of fear and self-preservation when the Geth started showing signs of awareness." Activating her omni tool, Shepard found what she was looking for and started an upload. "I'm sending you my report on just what I saw in that server. The Geth had started to build a master unit, one that would house all of their "mobile platforms" and their software. The Quarians thought it was a superstructure built for war, and attacked it. Legion sacrificed himself to liberate his people. He gave them free will."

"You gave them the possibility of unification with their creators." Hackett nodded, accessing the report. "I saw Admiral Raan's report."

"I did what I could. I'm just sorry he had to die for it to happen."

"He'll be remembered." Hackett nodded, a slightly surprised look coming over his face. "Impressive, Shepard. No organic has "seen" the Geth consensus before. The Primes you sent have been an invaluable asset. They have improved our weapons against the Reaper forces they've encountered."

"What about the Batarian and Asari fleets?"

"The Batarians, I'm surprised you got them to work with you. After the issue with the Alpha relay, I'd have thought they would have rather joined the Reapers than help us. Their ships are flanking our fleets and we picked up some from Omega. A contact named Bray mentioned you."

"He was Aria's second when we took back Omega from Cerberus forces." She had been prepared to say that he was Aria's right hand man, but Nyreen fell into that category. The turian biotic's end was still a tragic one.

"Speaking of, Aria's people are working well. Blood Pack brought hoards of Vorcha and the Krogan that run with them are heavy hitters. Blue Suns are working well enough. Your merc contact, Zaeed Massani is directing the ground troops while Vosk is with the gunships. He wasn't all that happy, but Massani didn't give him much choice. Eclipse is packing one hell of a biotic punch. Jona Sideris knows how to get results, and she knows how to instill fear in her people. Their mechs are flooding the battlefields, taking hits where our ground soldiers would. Like I said, I don't know how you did it Shepard, but I'm thankful you got Aria on our side here. As a bonus, the Turian gang, the Talons, has joined the fight."

"Good to hear. Nyreen Kandros would be proud." Not surprised that Hackett didn't recognize the name, she moved on. "And the Asari fleets?"

"Now there's a loss." The tone suggested that something was wrong. Shepard felt her chest tighten at the thought that they had lost most of the fleets when Thessia fell. "Thankfully, most of them pulled out when the Reapers were overpowering Thessia, but their morale was shot up until a few hours ago. We've got commandos tearing reaper forces apart with their biotics. Their ships are being used for stealth drops and recon missions. Precision strike is at the forefront of their vocabulary. Also, the Ascension will be joining the fight within the week."

"Noted. I spoke with its commanding officer yesterday." Shepard thought of the matriarch and all that served under her on the dreadnaught. "I wish them all the best of luck, Admiral."

"I'll second that, Shepard." Hackett nodded, grey eyes returning to her; there was a slight concern in their depths. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm alright, Sir." Pushing off all the negative emotions that she had been dealing with, Shepard knew they couldn't consume her. If they did, this war was already over. "Or at least, I'm getting there."

"Good to hear. That was a good move, getting the Asari councilor to speak out against her government. I think that is what gave these commandos their incentive to keep going." Hackett nodded back toward a soldier that was passing behind him. "How did you do it, if I may ask?"

"I just told her the truth about the beacon, Admiral; nothing more." Leaving the result of that conversation out of the report, she wasn't surprised to see Hackett nod. "She was blindsided by High Command; they all were."

"With any luck, the prothean VI that was stolen from the beacon will contain information on the Catalyst, or at least what the Protheans believed it was." Liara spoke, changing the course of the conversation, for which Shepard was thankful.

"I was curious about that. What did that VI even say?"

"Just that it would upload and assist with the crucible as well, providing any information it could." Shepard said this, still curious about what the "catalyst" was. "It didn't give any details about what the catalyst was, though."

"Whatever it is, it must be massive." Liara examined the schematics of the device on her omni tool. "It looks as if the crucible is lacking a power source and a targeting system."

"That's the problem. We've got it as good as it is going to get with the plans you found on Mars. Now we have a weapon capable of catastrophic damage, but there's no way to target it." Hackett frowned in thought. "I'll just say this; when you hit Cerberus Commander, hit them hard. Get that VI back."

"Count on it, Admiral." Hearing Liara checking something on her omni tool, she glanced toward the asari. "Won't be easy."

"It never is, is it?" Giving Shepard a sideways look, Liara continued. "Speaking of the assault on Cerberus, I was going to go over strategies with EDI. Joker won't be pleased by the interruption."

"I'd say not. You leaving to meet her now?"

"Yes. I just got a message from her." Nodding to the message on the small display, Liara deactivated her omni tool. "See you later?"

"Definitely."

"Admiral." Liara nodded before leaving for the busy strip. Hackett nodded in return.

"Coordinate with EDI and consider fleet formations for the strike on the Cerberus base. I'll be hitting them with all I've got."

"Of course. I'll forward any tactical data we come up with. EDI should have a good idea of the base's defenses."

Upon Hackett's affirmative nod, the asari turned and left for the exit. Hearing the door to the apartment close, Shepard could guess the admiral's next question. Deciding to head it off before he could ask, she gathered her thoughts on the subject she had hoped to avoid. To put it aside until the end of the battle, or to put it aside for the rest of her life; either way, the truth of her existence was not something to dwell on anymore.

"You shouldn't be concerned about the impact of the Alliance's findings on Benning, Admiral."

"Whether I should be or not can be debated later. Truth of the matter is, I am." Giving her a level stare, the older man frowned with hints of concern. "David Anderson seems to think you can't handle any more than what we've already thrown at you. I'm starting to agree. I was conflicted on whether to tell you; especially with the current state of things, but I thought I should."

"Like I said, there's nothing to worry about." Shepard had to admit that there was a part of her that was bothered by his statement. Had he really considered just not telling her? Shaking it off mentally, she continued speaking. "Whatever they were, I owe them nothing and have nothing to say to them. Let them burn."

"Understood." Making a note of something on a datapad, the admiral's eyes softened slightly. "For what it's worth, you were a fighter then and you're a fighter now. We need someone with your strength to win this, Shepard."

"Permission to speak freely, Admiral." It wasn't a request, and it wasn't something she looked forward to doing. The question had bothered her since this entire thing had begun. Earth had been a shock, in all honesty; the defense committee had asked her opinion on the Reaper threat. They had asked the woman who had sacrificed human ships to save the council, dealt with Cerberus to stop the Collectors, and had cause a political shitstorm by blowing up the "Alpha" relay. If the reapers hadn't invaded Earth that day, she would have thought it a well-created joke. Hackett's next words brought her thoughts back to the question that was the root of this.

"Speak freely, Commander."

"Why me?" The simplicity of this question was what got her. "Why am I this "tip of the spear"? I'm just a soldier like everyone else."

"If you were just a soldier, these alliances would have fallen apart long ago, Commander. I don't have to remind you of just how strange it seems for Krogan, Salarians, and Turians working together. The same goes for the Quarians and the Geth."

"I did what I had to do, Admiral." Unable to really put her thoughts into words, Shepard settled on that. "The fighting between races had to stop. The Krogan were wronged, both by the Salarians and the Turians. The Geth were created and then nearly destroyed because of the Quarians' fear. If they kept tearing each other down, Tuchanka, Palaven, and Rannoch would be easy prey for the Reapers."

"Preaching to the choir here, Commander." Hackett handed off a report to a lieutenant and indicated something on it that needed further investigation. "This war won't allow for in-fighting."

"No sir, it won't." Raising her hand, Shepard moved a stray hair away from her face. The thought of Cerberus causing issues with the allied forces was still a cause for concern, but they would be dealt with soon enough. "I just don't understand why everyone I come in contact with thinks I'm some miracle worker."

"Look at what you've done, Commander. You survived the maw attack on Akuze, defeated a rogue Spectre and a reaper, and went into the galactic core and defeated the Collectors. Those were impossible tasks, and you still survived."

"I was lucky, admiral."

"Call it what you want, but when you have a team ready to follow you into hell and back, Commander, that's not luck. You had total strangers ready to die for that suicide mission; they were loyal to you, loyal to the end."

"I'm no different than them, Sir. I'm just doing what needs to be done. Taking down Sovereign was a joint effort."

"One that we wouldn't have gotten past if you hadn't made that call to save the Ascension." This was a touchy subject, or it had been nearly four years ago. "Without that ship's gun we would have lost more ships, the council, and had many more casualties." Shaking his head at the thought, Hackett seemed to be troubled by it. "You made the right call, Commander, even if I disagreed with it at the time. Also, it isn't just your determination that got my attention."

"If you mean Akuze, I don't find that to be an outstanding moment in my career, Sir." Having heard about how it was amazing, Shepard was skeptical. She didn't think it was a victory in any sense. It was a failure.

"It wasn't a high point, but it marked you as a damned good soldier, Commander. It was the main reason for that N7 recommendation in your jacket."

"I failed; they were all dead." Closing her eyes, she thought of her entire unit and their families. "Toombs made it out, but that was because of Cerberus wanting to experiment on him. I let that happen."

"What happened to Corporal Toombs was terrible, but it was hardly your fault. You harbor a lot of guilt over that when it isn't yours to bear."

"Damn right. I was the one that was supposed to keep them safe-"

"You were young and thrown into a situation that was out of your control. Intel dropped the ball and you were running blind. Remember that, Shepard. This burden shouldn't be on your shoulders." Checking his omni tool, Hackett frowned in annoyance, clearly from what he was reading. "Regardless of what happened, I saw something in you then, and Anderson did as well. I saw the makings of a leader, someone who had what it took to get things done but also kept others' well-being in mind. You've proven us right; you should be proud of your accomplishments."

"Thank you, Sir..." It was all she could think of saying after that slight speech. Having always thought of Akuze as a personal failure and something that shouldn't have advanced her through the ranks, Shepard was more or less surprised to hear the admiral's words. Seeing him glance back toward a display, she cleared her throat, straightening up from where she had declined her head slightly. "I'll let you get back to work, Sir."

"Relax, Commander." The man leaned forward, fingers interlacing in front of him as he did so. "Take this time to gather yourself. You'll need it in the days ahead. I don't have to remind you that there are many people concerned about you right now, and a lot of them are closer than you think."

"Yes Sir, Joker mentioned that before we arrived on the station."

"Good. Reassure them; spend time with them, and let them know that you're still in this one-hundred percent. In the end, it won't matter how they are if they are worried about your well-being. Do what you can with what you've got "

"That's the plan, Sir; operating within the confines of time."

"Then get on it, Commander." He said this with a slight look of amusement on his face. "Hackett out."

* * *

**A/N 2:** I hate that this chapter took so long. I've been pushing it off, to be honest. The basic parts of this chapter were easy but I'm having to split it up into two. My original plan was to get all the *hanging out with crewmates* done in this one, but you can see how that turned out. Anyway, the next chapter shouldn't take as long to publish :) Thanks so much for your patience and bare with me! We're getting closer to the end.

**Semi-Related:** I've got another story in my head with this pairing. This one was more or less a tester o see who was interested. For those that are, check my profile and read up on "From Ashes". Message me and let me know if you're interested. I've got a teaser out for that one now. Note that that teaser is nowhere near the end of that story. It's pretty close to the beginning. Anyway, thanks for reading!


	12. Who We Are

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Twelve: Who We Are_

**A/N:** This was supposed to be part of chapter eleven, but I went overboard, so I'm continuing the thought in this chapter. Thanks for reading, and there are good times ahead :)

* * *

If there was one thing Steven Hackett was good at, it was convincing people of what they really needed to do. Standing there before the blank display, Shepard had it in her mind that she had to at least ease the crew's worries in regard to her personal demons. He had been right, saying that they were concerned, and for the mission to succeed, their worries had to be dealt with. Thinking of the real reason Liara had probably come here made Shepard shake her head.

The two had been close since their meeting on Therum. There had been something about the asari that had sparked her interest, and it had only grown into a wildfire as the mission against Sovereign and the Geth had progressed. The Collectors put an end to that, though; death was one way of separating two people. It didn't go as planned, however. The thought that Liara had risked a great deal to make sure she could be brought back still caught Shepard off guard on occasion. Yes, it was over between them, but that closeness still remained. Looking back, if she hadn't run into Liara on Illium and assisted with taking down the Shadow Broker, Shepard had to admit that she might have gone insane. That time aboard the SR2 when it still flew Cerberus colors had been grueling. There were familiar faces, but it still felt like a shell of her old life. Kaidan didn't trust her, Garrus was dealing with his own issues, Tali was with the migrant fleet until much later, and Wrex was back on Tuchanka. Working with Liara again just made it all worth it, even if she had moved on. Now was no different; even with the galaxy tearing itself apart, either with in-fighting or Reaper forces, Liara was still that constant presence.

With that and Hackett's words in mind, Shepard turned on her heel and headed for the private terminal. People wanted to see her out and about, and there was no point in just staying in the apartment. Accessing it, she saw Javik, Jacob, Zaeed, Traynor, and Jack made the forefront of the list. Thinking of just who to see first, she settled on the Prothean. Javik had mentioned that someone had asked him to take part in a vid, and he was unsure of what they really wanted. Choosing not to carry a pistol this time, Shepard straightened her uniform and headed for the door. Once out on the strip, she headed to the right, down the long narrow path to where Javik would be waiting. Upon her arrival, she grew more skeptical.

"Enjoying your shore leave, Javik?" Approaching the Prothean, Shepard saw him watching the crowds curiously. As he turned back to face her, his expression held slight confusion.

"I have been asked to take part in a vid… I am told it is a great honor and it will boost morale for the war."

"Who says it will?" This had her raising her eyebrows. Anything that would boost morale would be welcome, but knowing just what went on in the vids around here, she knew to expect anything. As Javik walked off, Shepard followed, and she soon found out just what kind of vid this was. Reaching a closed door, it opened before they could even touch it, and a film set met their eyes.

"Commander Shepard… I had no idea you were coming too!" An enthusiastic Salarian said this as he approached. "Perfect timing, perfect timing! You can play yourself." This left both newcomers to cast wary looks toward each other. "Attention! The Prothean is on set! Tell the stunt double she's been demoted. We have the real Shepard now." Seeing a rather bored-looking woman walk off, Shepard shook her head. The apparent director moved forward, addressing the rest of the cast and crew. "Alright, places everyone! Quickly, quickly! Cue the backdrop! Roll cameras!" A backdrop of the council chambers appeared, and as it moved into place, Shepard frowned. Something seemed very off about this. The director went on shouting orders. "And… Action!"

Three actors stood before her and as she and Javik were urged to move forward, the middle one, another Salarian, spoke.

"Commander Shepard, thank you for coming." The tone with which he spoke those words made her think of the meeting with the Asari councilor before her mission to Thessia. Shaking her head to clear it, Shepard focused on what he was saying. "The urgent hour of doom which we all urgently face draws near… Urgently so." Working to stifle a groan, Shepard focused on the play acting that these people were clearly doing. "But there is hope! The Council has heard that you found a Prothean in a refrigerator and defrosted him."

"Yeah, he was in the freezer, just behind the varren roast." The sarcasm didn't have the desired effect. Shepard couldn't believe this was happening. Apparently, Javik couldn't either. His cross expression was worse than usual.

"Bah, you die now!" A vorcha standing just to the left of the Salarian "councilor" interjected, pointing his finger at Shepard. It seemed that was out of place, however. The director spoke up quickly.

"Not yet! That line comes later!"

"The Vorcha councilor will kindly refrain from further interruptions!" The Salarian councilor said this to cover the mistake, though it really didn't work. Javik gave Shepard a sideways glance, all four eyes narrowing.

"I believe I was misinformed of the true purpose of this vid…"

"Now, oh wise Prothean elder, what wisdom of the ages can you share with us?" With a slight hand motion, the salarian looked to Javik, who seemed to find something amusing. When the Prothean spoke next, Shepard found out what.

"Salarian kidney is best served at room temperature. It is even better when the Salarian is still alive. The fear adds… Spice."

"Prothean no like you!" Shepard really had to work to stifle a laugh at the Vorcha's outburst. It was short to last however, when she heard the distinct voice of a Hanar.

"Did someone say Prothean? This one is familiar with Enkindling. This one has enkindled multiple females across the galaxy…"

"Blasto!" The Volus "councilor" cut the Hanar off, stepping forward. "It's about time you showed up… The galaxy is under attack by Reapers! If only someone had warned us about them years ago…"

"This one tried… This one was ignored. Its warnings fell on obstructed auditory senses-"

"Right, that was me." Shepard felt her frustration build. This was no joking matter. "Sovereign, Saren… Maybe you've heard of them."

"Yes, and Blasto destroyed half of the Citadel putting them down." The Volus spoke, inhaling deeply. "But even he's just one Hanar."

"And now we've asked Commander Shepard and her prothean partner here to assist." The Salarian councilor picked up where the Volus left off, and that caused the Hanar some distress.

"This one did not read that far into the script…" The surprise in its voice was hardly noticeable due to its method of speech. "This one does not share top billing…"

"What?" The director looked up, startled at the variance in the script and the Hanar's sudden objection. "But this is Blasto Seven: Blasto goes to war? Think of the children." He raised his hands in something of a pleading gesture.

"In my cycle, your kind were nothing more than appetizers. Would you prefer to be boiled or fried?" Javik stepped in front of the Hanar, crossing his arms; his yellow eyes narrowed.

"Prothean no like you!" The Vorcha councilor pointed this out, long fangs bared and finger pointed toward Blasto. Another crew member used his omni tool, presumably to funnel more credits the Hanar's way.

"This one has found his motivation. Very well;" Blasto turned toward Shepard; bioluminescence flickering as it spoke. "Commander Shepard and prothean partner of unknown origin, welcome to the Spectre Club."

"I've been part of the "club" for three years now." Unable to keep the contempt out of her voice, Shepard crossed her arms, glaring at the Hanar.

"Correct, but you are not an Ultra Spectre elite four thousand deluxe." Blasto pulled dual pistols, aiming it at Shepard, who maintained her level stare. "This one is a seven thousand. This one has less recoil and faster load time."

"Where is the airlock so that I may throw you out of it?" Javik's contempt for the entire situation was evident as he cast a wary eye on the entire set before him. The director looked flustered as he threw up his hands in exasperation.

"We don't have a prop for that… Uh quick! Cue the sound effects! Change the backdrop!" The view of the council chambers changed from its normal serene state to what it looked like when Sovereign and the Heretic Geth attacked the Citadel. In a few seconds, when the scenery was fully in place, the black form of a Reaper descended, lighting effects made to look as if it were firing. Shepard blinked, the image reminding her of the one she had faced on Rannoch. The sound effects were real enough, and they seemed to be coming at her from all sides.

"Look! It's Sovereign's half-brother and he's looking for revenge!" The Volus councilor's words brought her back to the terrible mockery before her, and Shepard heard the director shouting something about a stunt double. When the double went crashing across the set, he whispered to the Vorcha.

"Your line… Say your line!"

"Oh… YOU DIE NOW!" Seeming proud of himself, the Vorcha directed the statement toward Shepard and Javik.

"Oh no! The Vorcha councilor appears to be indoctrinated!" The Salarian scurried from the scene, followed by the much slower Volus. Blasto raised its pistols, aiming them at the Vorcha.

"This one is the hero of the Citadel. This one has a fiery projectile with the councilor's name on it. Vorcha scum, prepare to-"

"Bullshit." Shepard drew the prop pistol that was placed to her right. "This one is the hero of the Citadel. I'll handle it."

"This one insists." Blasto practically pistol-whipped the human, causing her to bare her teeth before her response.

"This one doesn't give a damn." Pushing the Hanar away before she did something she regretted, Shepard tightened her hold on the grip of the pistol

"This one wishes that he was left frozen in the refrigerator!" Green biotics flaring, Javik used a moderate throw to force the Vorcha back into the backdrop, entangled in the reaper's lower extremities. Turning back to Shepard, he let his biotics vanish. "May we go now, Commander?"

"Right behind you." Turning for the door, Shepard followed the Prothean out, hearing the director shouting something about another film.

"Strike the set! Tell casting we'll need a new Vorcha! Prepare for Blasto Eight: Blasto Cures the Genophage."

"Remind me not to go near that when it is complete." Shepard groaned as the door closed behind them. Javik turned in annoyance.

"If there are to be any casualties in this last fight with the Reapers, I pray that they are the first." Turning toward a marquis, Javik saw the ad for Blasto Six. Frowning, he turned back with a question that Shepard herself had been wondering. "How do they jest about such things? The Reapers nearly destroyed this place in your cycle and they conquered it in mine! This is no laughing matter."

"No arguments from me." She had reflected on what had really happened during those tense moments when Sovereign had attacked the Citadel and its Geth had the Ascension pinned. That decision to save it and the council was one she was thankful she had the opportunity to make. "I won't forget what actually happened that day. We nearly lost everything."

"And it is days like that that these primitives want to falsify… Have they learned nothing?" Javik cast a wary look around the strip, seeing all the different people milling about or talking. "They have no idea of the perils that lie beyond this place."

"You saw it yourself, Javik. The Citadel was nearly captured by Cerberus just a short while ago. I think they know, but they are trying to forget it." Shepard leaned against the railing, looking at the brightly lit displays. "Personally, I can't blame them."

"We were not given this opportunity in my cycle. The Citadel was conquered long before I was born and most of our worlds had been taken or controlled by that time… There was nothing left to do except to fight for what was still ours."

"We'll win this, Javik. Your empire influenced the lesser developed species whether they lived to see it or not. We're more advanced because of what the Protheans left behind. For them and the other races before, we'll win this." Placing a hand on his armor-clad shoulder, Shepard watched as his eyes widened slightly. Thankfully, he nodded, expression softening slightly.

"I can only hope that we succeed, Commander. My people deserved better than the hand they were dealt."

Javik's departure left Shepard thinking of the stat of the galaxy. The Protheans didn't deserve the end they got, and neither did the races of this cycle. There were reaper forces trying to tear it apart from the inside out, and people were watching their loved ones being transformed into those skeletal or beast-like creatures. Add Cerberus into the mix and it was utter chaos. She didn't have time to dwell on these thoughts, however. Hearing someone call her name, she turned.

"Hey Shepard, over here!" Turning to face the direction of the apartment, Shepard saw someone waving. Upon closer inspection, she was slightly surprised to see Jacob Taylor. He stood outside the arcade, leaning against the railing. Approaching, she saw a grin spread across his face. "Hey Shepard, good to see you. What are you doing here?"

"Enjoyin a little R and R. What about you?" Leaving out her other activities aboard the station, Shepard settled on getting into the relaxing mindset; difficult though it was.

"Yeah same here-" He had barely gotten to speaking when two teenagers in academy uniforms ran up to him.

"Hey Jacob, we're out of credits…" Turning to them, the former Cerberus soldier dispensed more credits and watched the two run off after they thanked him. When they were back in the arcade, Jacob turned back, facing a slightly amused Shepard.

"Who are they?" Her curiosity getting the better of her, she leaned back, crossing her arms.

"Parents are MIA. I volunteered to take them on indefinitely; you know, to take their minds off things."

"Good that you're doing that, Jacob." Nodding in approval, Shepard looked at the closed door to the arcade. "We as adults have enough to worry about. I can't imagine how it is for these kids."

"Tell me about it… We were there once, though."

"I was maybe three when the first contact war went on, but yeah you're right. I had a war on the streets to deal with on a daily basis." Earth couldn't help but find its way back into her thoughts at the most inopportune moments. Her days in a street gang had been long, brutal, and both a physical and mental challenge. Pushing the thought aside for later, she nodded again.

"So, what about us, Shepard? There's got to be a game of skill in there with our names on it." Looking to the door the teens had just rushed back through, Jacob had a mischievous spark in his dark eyes. "Let loose a bit. When's the last time you had a really good time?"

"Good point. Let's do it." Stepping away from where she had been standing, Shepard entered the arcade, hearing Jacob following. The place was larger than expected and it was split leveled. Glancing up, she could see people walking about up top or playing strategy games. Remembering that she was supposed to meet Traynor up there later, she kept an eye out. Jacob headed for a console to the right of the entrance, and when she saw the game, she had to laugh. "This is your game of skill?"

"Now Shepard, I'll try not to embarrass you."

"Really, Jacob? Trash talk… at Shattered Eezo?"

"Hell yeah. Also, my pride's on the line. So I have to take you down."

"You're goin' to take me down? I don't think so." Amusement made its way into her tone as she saw people turning and watching. The two teens from earlier and a few of their mates had approached.

"Well step up, Shepard." Unable to keep from grinning, Jacob motioned toward the console. "Although it might be hard, not having your squad to hold you up."

"That's it, you're on." For the first time, Shepard felt a simple child-like thrill when they approached the console. It had been a considerable amount of time since she had done something to simply have fun and laugh. At least three years, if not four. Even before that, she hadn't really let loose.

"No pressure. These people already idolize me, so when you choke, it won't matter."

"Prepare to get knocked off your pedestal, Jacob. Besides, you're crowding me." The mock threat was enough to make him laugh.

"Am I?" Feigned surprise and sarcasm laced his tone. "Stand back, kids. Shepard needs extra room to make the magic happen."

Resisting the urge to flick him off, Shepard steward stepped forward, seizing the controls on the left, while Jacob took the ones on the right. When the first round started, she eyed his character, one hand ready to block with the other itching to throw a punch. He seemed to be dealing with the same issue. When he let loose and threw the first punch, she was prepared. They kept coming, leaving her to block for the time being. Only when he put up his shield did she prepare a charged attack. Releasing it before it was anywhere near its peak, she waited. When Jacob let his defenses down, she went for it, striking him repeatedly.

"Aw come on! I didn't fall for that…"

"Yeah you did." Using a few charged attacks while he frantically put his shields up, she knocked him out of the first round. "Ha, see that?"

"Best two out of three?" The competitive edge to his voice made Shepard laugh.

"Go for it." The next two rounds had Shepard and Jacob losing one equally. In the end, the game was won. When Jacob's man fell for the second time, Shepard had to openly laugh at his expression. "Hurt you that bad, Jacob?"

"Burns, Shepard." Laughing as well, the soldier turned back to his entourage, seeing the not-so-surprised looks on their faces. "So yeah, told ya she'd win."

"Clever." Rolling her eyes in mock annoyance, Shepard watched the teens as they turned back to what they had been doing, chatting about Jacob's loss. "Any last knowns on their parents?"

"Nothing that I can confirm. Some say they were in the Attican Beta Cluster, but then there were rumors of a ship spotted in the Hades Gamma Cluster."

"Hades Gamma was a Reaper rat's nest from the beginning. Why would they be there?"

"Like I said, rumors." Turning his back on the console, Jacob leaned against it. "This war is hell on everyone, Shepard. Why does it have to involve kids?"

"Been asking myself that for a while. I went to Grissom Academy when it was attacked by Cerberus." Noting the academy uniform on one of the teens, she thought about Prangley and Rodriguez. "It's not right, but it's war. There were gifted biotics that Cerberus wanted, and Jack did everything to protect them."

"I knew I saw her around here!" The slight enthusiasm had Shepard raising her eyebrows, but Jacob continued. "I saw her in Purgatory a while back. When she said she was doing reports for the Alliance, I thought she was being sarcastic."

"What'd she do, throw you out?"

"Nah, but not for a lack of tryin'." Jacob chuckled at the thought. "Was that guy, David Archer, still there?"

"Yeah. He remembered Garrus and me." Casting a look around the arcade, she realized she hadn't thought of David in a while. "He seemed to be doing much better."

"Good to hear. At least something is going right in this. So, what all are you about to get into?"

"Nothing really. Going to meet a few people while I'm out. Heard anything from Miranda? She's here somewhere."

"Yeah… Damn, I've got to meet her, actually. I'll catch you later, Shepard!" Jacob didn't wait for an acknowledgment before heading for the door. Shaking her head in bemusement, Shepard headed for the upper level. There were a few people talking about politics and the Salarian Union, but she was more interested in the cursing mercenary near the claw. Struggling to win a small blue plush toy, he grimaced, threatening to slam his fist down in frustration.

"You're mine, you bastard… Damnit!"

"Zaeed?" Turning, she saw the merc shaking his head in frustration. Crossing her arms, she noticed him looking up and back toward her.

"Over here, Shepard. This thing is fucking impossible!"

"What are you doing?" The simple answer was too impossible for her to consider. Approaching, she watched him go back to it.

"There was a kid here earlier, sniveling brat, spent all his credits crying."

"So you thought you'd try your hand at it, huh?" Unable to keep the amusement and surprise out of her tone, she watched Zaeed nod.

"He asked." Failing again, he frowned deeply. "God-damnit."

"Where's the kid?" Casting a look around the upper and lower level, she didn't see a younger kid anywhere.

"What do I care? Blast!" Checking his pocket, he found he was spent. "Got any credits, Shepard?"

"Got any other ways to occupy your time?"

"What could be better than Zaeed Massani not being bested by some fucking kid's game?" The merc seemed genuinely invested in this, and Shepard had to suppress a snort of laughter.

"You really want one of those plushy toys…"

"God-damn right, I do." Determined, he looked back to her. "Got any credits? I'm slam out."

"Yeah." Unable to hold back anymore, she laughed openly as he went back to working the claw. "Easy does it…" Unfortunately, the claw released, the prize falling back.

"Obviously rigged somehow." Zaeed rounded the machine, looking around it for any sign of tampering.

"Rigged?" Disbelief laced her tone as Shepard watched him pace around the machine. "Really?"

"I'm gonna hunt down the shit-for-brains inventor of this crooked game and pull his inspiration out through his asshole." Stepping back to the front, he stood by Shepard, eyes narrowed. "Probably some smart-ass Salarian bastard…" Pausing momentarily, he blinked; a hardened look on his face. "I'm going back in."

"Go for it." As he went back to working with the claw, Shepard shook with silent laughter. Regardless of how "badass" Zaeed seemed to act, he had that quality about him that simply amused her. Keeping her eye on it, she saw that he kept a steady hand, the plush varren slowly rising and being guided to the drop slot. It reminded her of the one Benezia had used to chase Liara.

"Alright!" Retrieving it, Zaeed stepped past Shepard and approached an asari who had been looking out at the lower floor of the arcade. "Here ya go, Sweetheart." Handing it off, he went on past, the asari giving him an amused look. Shepard followed him, stopping near the stairs.

"Wow, look at you… Quite the ladies' man, Zaeed."

"What can I say?" The slight amusement in his voice and the ghost of a smirk that appeared on his face gave him away. "So, what are you in for, Shepard? Apollo's? Casino? More claw?"

"Yeah, well this time you play with your own damned credits." Crossing her arms, Shepard's light chuckle changed to an all-out laugh when Zaeed spoke again.

"I'm man enough to pay for my own addictions, Shepard."

"Addiction? Already?"

"I'm an "all in" kind of guy." Zaeed nodded as he walked off, going back toward the claw.

"Somehow I already knew that about you…" Hearing applause to her left, Shepard turned the opposite way of Zaeed. People were crowded around tables watching as a game was being played. Reading the display above, Shepard surmised that this was more like a tournament. Seeing a Salarian shaking someone's hand, she was surprised to see that it was Comm Specialist Traynor. Approaching, she noted that the Salarian had lost and that Samantha was still in for the remainder of the tournament. Remembering the message saying something about lunch, she found herself thankful this was going on. She hadn't been in much of a mood to eat anything much lately. Approaching, she read the name of the game, its title spiking her curiosity. "Kepesh-Yakshi…" Coming to stand behind Traynor, she mused aloud. "Blade of the Night Winds. Didn't figure they'd still use the old dialect."

"Commander? Surprised to see you here of all places." Traynor turned to face her CO. "An old strategy game. The Asari have played it for millennia. I'm surprised you knew what that meant…" Remembering something, the specialist frowned. "We were supposed to meet for lunch… I knew I forgot something. I entered this tournament on a dare… Rain check?" Flustered, she looked to Shepard with questioning eyes, but they were filled with recognition when a cool female voice drew their attention.

"Oh don't worry. You'll be free of this tournament in twenty moves or fewer…" Shepard saw an asari standing just at the other end of the game table, her back turned to Traynor. The specialist turned around, facing her, and a strange look crossed her face.

"T'Suzsa."

"Traynor." Both women narrowed their eyes, glaring at each other. The asari crossed her arms, leveling Traynor with an almost bored expression. "Would you like to simply surrender your frigates now? I always take them sooner or later."

"Pulgara T'Suzsa…" Turning back to Shepard, Samantha pushed the loose hair out of her face. "She's knocked me out of countless tournaments."

"That was before you started managing intel for a galactic war." The commander quipped, causing the specialist to straighten up, a slight smile gracing her lips.

"You're right. I've greatly improved during my time aboard the Normandy."

"Which is a frigate, by the way; so try not to lose it." Amused by the challenge between the two women, Shepard leaned against the railing, watching as Traynor nodded.

"Roger that." Turning back, she joined the asari at the game table. T'Suzsa cracked her knuckles, loosening them before placing them on the holo keys. Traynor did the same, rolling her neck ease the stiffness. Starting the game, she moved one ship forward, but it was intercepted by one of T'Suzsa's. This caused Traynor to feel an electrical pulse through the keys.

"So much for your frigate." There was a hint of amusement in T'Suzsa's tone as she said this. "Neural feedback. It disincentives sacrificing pieces casually." The asari watched Traynor's reaction, eyes flashing with every flare of electricity. When Traynor straightened back up however, the game continued.

It took some time, but Traynor took out one of T'Suzsa's frigates, losing another of hers in the process. She was left with one ship to guard or defend her homeworld. Though difficult, Shepard could appreciate the need for strategy games like this. They had both felt some pain from their combined losses, but both still seemed sharp-witted.

"A few more centuries, Traynor, and you might actually be a challenge." The asari spoke, eyes glinting with the reflection of the holo keys in them. "You mustn't have much time to practice now, living aboard that warship." Shepard gave Traynor a sideways glance, though she didn't see it due to her head turned in the same direction. "My people have a great appreciation for true thinkers. Surprisingly, I'm able to live quite comfortably instructing asari maidens in strategy and tactics through this game."

"I can appreciate the importance of that." Shepard caused the asari to look up. "There are too many maidens wasting their youth fooling around, don't you agree?"

"I couldn't agree more." T'Suzsa's tone changed to one that sounded almost pleasurable. "Most spend their time squandering their youth in dancing or other things that draw other species' eyes. Some use their talents as mercenaries or hone their biotics to a formidable level. Those that do rarely have the tactical mindset to use them strategically, however."

"I knew a few that must have. No way to get where they were without a sound mind." Shepard's eyes darted down. Traynor was using this distraction to plot her move carefully. "I know a few matriarchs that would agree with your line of thinking, actually."

"Sadly, they are ignored or overlooked for the most part." T'Suzsa paid no mind to Traynor which was both a shock and an advantage. "I've heard of your experiences on the warfront. Quite sound to sacrifice your own people for a powerful dreadnaught, quite another to recruit powerful allies and leave for the Omega 4 relay. Loyalty is both a useful and difficult thing to achieve. I am impressed by your skill, Commander."

"I'm afraid you just lost your homeworld." Traynor launched her last frigate, while T'Suzsa was ready with a counter. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough. Sacrificing the frigate, Traynor destroyed the asari's homeworld. The moderate current that went through the keys sent T'Suzsa to the floor, nearly rendering her unconscious. Traynor stood, first addressing Shepard before rounding the table. "Thanks, Commander." As she neared the fallen asari, she extended her hand, which the other woman took. Once back on her feet, T'Suzsa shook her head slightly to clear it. "A few more centuries, eh?"

"A daring move, Traynor; something I did not expect." The coldness in the asari's tone was only marred by the smirk that found its way to her lips. "Well played."

"Until next time, then?" There was a glint in Traynor's eye that the asari answered with her own.

"I await the challenge." Shaking the human's hand, the asari turned to Shepard. "Your distraction was quite timely. In a reverse sense, you used my own tactic against me. You continue to impress, Shepard."

"What can I say?" Stepping forward, Shepard crossed her arms. "I have to be good at something."

"Indeed." All games aside, the asari's expression turned serious. "In this war, tactics and strategy will serve you well. It would appear that you are a master at both." Focusing on Traynor as well, she continued. "As you enter this final battle, my thoughts are with the both of you. Pray Goddess your combined skills serve you well." With fluid movement, she swept past them, leaving Traynor to raise her eyebrows in surprise.

"Well, that went better than I expected." Eyeing the vacant game board, she looked back to the asari descending the curved stairwell. "I've never seen, or heard her for that matter, that pleasant before. There's usually animosity between us."

"Things do have a tendency to change when you beat someone at their own game." Failing miserably at sounding serious, Shepard watched Traynor laugh. "That and the possible end of the world can make people think."

"There's truth in that, Commander."

"And yeah, a rain check sounds good." Eyeing the tournament's progress, Shepard saw Traynor nearing the top. "Looks like you're progressing well."

"T'Suzsa was my personal setback, so this might turn out loads better than I had hoped." Checking her last opponent, she saw a turian stepping up. "I apologize for forgetting lunch though."

"All for a good cause, Traynor. Carry on."

With the specialist continuing with the tournament, Shepard chose to follow T'Suzsa's path; descending the stairs and making her way back through the arcade. The Silvercoast Casino was across the street, and that was where she would find Garrus. Making the short trip across the room, she emerged back into the hallway between the arcade and the main strip. It was considerably quieter, but the hum of the crowds easily permeated through the two doors on either end. Foregoing any chance of silence, Shepard went ahead and exited the corridor, moving across the crowded street. Two turians still flanked the door to the casino, but they simply offered pleasant greetings as she entered.

"Welcome to Silvercoast Casino! Have a good evening!"

Upon entering the casino, she ascended the stairs, and glanced toward the spiral staircase that led to the bar. No one was coming up or going down, but she could hear the pulsing of the music above. Deciding to go ahead and speak with the turian, she moved for the left stairwell. Something made her stop as she reached the foot of it, however. At first, it looked like just another asari sitting down and having a chat with someone. Upon closer examination, she saw the familiar clothing of the consort. Having not spoken to Sha'ira for nearly three years, Shepard made a mental note to return and speak with her. Being with an apparent client, the asari didn't notice her, but Shepard made no move to interrupt. Instead, she continued on her way up to the bar. Upon arriving on the upper level, she saw the turian standing at the bar to the left, where she and Liara had killed time during the infiltration phase of the mission to find Khan. Approaching, she cleared her throat, causing Garrus to look up.

"Shepard, didn't think you were coming. What took you?"

"Ran into Javik, Jacob, Zaeed, and Traynor." Standing by him, she leaned against the bar, nodding to the bartender in greeting.

"Damn…" Downing a shot, Garrus motioned to the bartender for another. "Care for anything, Shepard?"

"Nah. I've got a combat simulator to look forward to with Jack just after this. Figure I'd better have a clear head."

"I'll agree there." With a fresh shot before him, Garrus gave Shepard a level stare. So, I'm sure you've been asked this a lot; I'll try to not linger on it long. How are you holding up? I know it wasn't easy leaving Thessia, dealing with Sanctuary, and then the clone."

"I'm alright, or at least I'm getting there." The words were almost automatic. She had said this to Hackett, Anderson, and even Liara. The latter hadn't fallen for it, but it was still worth a try. Now, Garrus didn't seem too convinced either. "It's a lot to take in."

"Hell yeah." Mandibles flaring a bit, Garrus gave her a sideways look. "Don't tell me you're just figuring that out." This caused her to laugh, and he returned his gaze to the dance floor. "They're all just expecting the bomb that is the war to go off any day now. That's why they're here getting wasted, gambling their credits away, or sneaking off to Purgatory to get a dark corner somewhere."

"Yeah, makes sense." Shepard watched one man who looked absolutely wasted. He had placed his shot glass on the bar by the dance floor, and couldn't even find it. Reaching out blindly, he gave up, dropping his head. "Wow."

"He's been here for hours, from what I hear." Garrus eyed the man. "Kind of reminded me of Harkin at first. Heard Bailey took good care of him before his promotion to commander."

"Did you hear the story behind that?" Shepard remembered the commander mentioning it in one of her visits to the embassies. "How he had to kill Executor Palin?"

"I heard the rumors…" The turian shook his head. "Palin indoctrinated… I wonder how the council took that." Glancing toward Shepard again, he had a questioning look. "Speaking of the council…"

"Here we go." Shepard prepared herself for the inevitable question. Garrus laughed in response.

"You knew it was coming eventually." Seeing her nod, he continued. "So how did that happen anyway? How do you two go from barely knowing each other to…"

"For starters, it just sort of happened. I had gone to the Asari embassy to speak with her about Thessia in person. What I saw over the QEC… Well, we didn't get much time to talk. I felt like there were some questions that she needed the answers to."

"Like the truth about the beacon?"

"Yeah. She was in a council meeting, so I left word with her secretary. I went to Udina's office to get some peace and quiet, and while I was there, I heard the meeting through his console." Reflecting on it, she could somewhat understand the others' frustration, but only to an extent. "Garrus, they were paranoid; Sparatus was anyway… They just assumed she knew about it."

"And did she?"

"No. They pushed her to her wits end, and she walked out on them. I was standing there in the office, and she came through that door telling her secretary to just tell anyone who called that she was out of office indefinitely." The frustration in the councilor's voice came back to her, and Shepard replayed the entire meeting in her head as she relayed it to Garrus. "Her reaction when I told her what it was… You'd think she had just been slapped in the face."

"I'd say that's accurate." Garrus nodded grimly. "If I found out the Turian Hierarchy did something like that, that's how I'd feel."

"Yeah, and that's not the worst of it." Flashes of what had taken place in Udina's office resurfacing, Shepard concentrated on the pulsing music to keep her mind in the present. "She's got the images of her homeworld burning in her head now."

"How'd that happen…" The turian thought for a moment, eyes widening in recognition. "You didn't…"

"I did." Shepard nodded grimly. "Through a meld, I showed her everything. To say her emotions were a wreck afterwards… That would be an understatement; mine weren't any better off either." Thinking on how best to explain what led to their first kiss, Shepard found herself struggling with it. In theory, it had been because of her emotions toward Liara in remembering their first embrace. "It was strange. I saw everything again, the approach, beacon, Kai Leng and the Illusive Man, and them leaving with the VI. When Javik, Liara, and I were standing there, Liara had put her hand on my shoulder from behind. That's where it changed. It felt different, and when I turned around, I thought I saw Liara."

"Thought?" Mandibles flaring, Garrus had a slightly confused look on his face. "How do you think it's Liara if it isn't?"

"To be honest, I think it was my brain's way of reminding me that I wasn't really there." At his confused stare, she continued. "At first, when I looked back, she looked like Liara, but it changed. For a split second I saw the councilor's face; didn't recognize it at the time, though." Details creeping back into her mind, Shepard continued, leaving them out. "Next thing I know, we're back in Udina's office; holding each other and kissing…"

"Damn… Why do these kinds of things always happen to you?" Laughing at his own question, Garrus sipped on his drink. "Why can't they happen to me?"

"Like I said, it was unintentional; it just happened…"

"And do you regret it? Would you go back and change it?"

"No…" The answer was quick, but Shepard thought about it. If she went back and changed anything, the result would have been different. "I guess I wouldn't. There's just something about her…"

"Something that distracts you from all the hell that's blowing our way from the warfront?" Garrus suggested this while watching his CO carefully. At her nod, he continued. "I think I can say the same about Tali, honestly."

"I noticed she was coming up from engineering a little more." Shepard had seen Tali on the crew deck more often these last few weeks more than she had ever seen her up there during the suicide mission. Granted, once was to check on Liara and the other was when she got slightly wasted after the diversion to Sanctuary. Really thinking about it, the vid she and the Quarian had watched made a lot more sense. Aside from the symbolism, Tali could relate to it directly, it seemed. She apparently felt strongly for Garrus, as the actress had portrayed in that film. "Good, you two deserve to be happy."

"And you don't?" Garrus finished off the shot, looking back at Shepard. "If anyone deserves to have something go right, you do."

"I'll find happiness eventually. There's really no time for it now."

"Find time, Shepard." The serious tone with which Garrus spoke surprised her. "If it comes down to the worst thing that could happen and our time is really at an end, you don't want to go like this; dedicated to your work forgetting to live."

"That's one thing I really appreciate about you, Garrus…" Genuine admiration found its way into her voice as Shepard spoke. "No matter the situation, you have a way of bringing real life back into consideration. Pursuing Saren, the Collectors' station, and even now; I get so focused on doing what others say needs to be done, and I lose myself."

"You were there when I had to deal with Sidonis. I lost perspective; too focused on my mistakes." Garrus bowed his head slightly. "I was ready to kill the man, throw away what I'd learned over the years, for a mistake."

"Those mistakes can change you, Garrus." Akuze working its way back into her mind's eye, Shepard shook her head to clear it. "Believe me, I know."

"They can, someone taught me that they didn't have to consume you." Garrus chuckled as Shepard gave him a sideways look. "So… this excuse to get wasted I mean party that Joker was talking about, when's that happening?" His question got the desired response. Shepard laughed, rolling her eyes at the turian.

"A little later. I'm going to catch up with everyone that I've gotten messages from, and I'll go from there." Eying the empty shot glass, Shepard continued, earning herself a subharmonic-laced laugh for her efforts. "Besides, I don't think you need an excuse."

"I was actually going to meet Tali here in a few minutes. She wanted to talk down at Apollo's. Said something about working as an ambassador for the fleet while she was here."

"Yeah, she was in the Presidium Commons doing that last time we were here."

"Damn." Looking to the display near the bar that had the time scrolling across it, Garrus used his credit chit at the kiosk to cover his tab. "Didn't think it was that late… I'd better get down there. Meeting her in about twenty minutes."

"Have a good time, Garrus." Eying the kiosk herself, Shepard contemplated refreshments and the like for the upcoming party. "I'll keep you informed on that little "excuse to get wasted"."

"Don't let Jack have all the fun in the combat simulator, Shepard." Garrus laughed as he left, and Shepard had to do the same. If there was anything that Jack enjoyed, it was blowing shit up with her biotics. N a combat simulator, there would be plenty of targets. Consulting the kiosk, she saw a few options. One was simply beer, which wasn't all that appealing. Another was mainly mixed drinks, which some people she knew didn't prefer, and the last was a combination of both. Opting for the latter, she noted for it to be delivered to the apartment and she would sort it out later. Heading back down to the casino level, Shepard saw the consort nodding to a man as he walked away. Eyes landing on the human, they widened slightly in recognition.

"Commander Shepard."

"Sha'ira." Stepping forward, Shepard took the extended hand of the consort. "It has been some time."

"Our definitions of a "long time" differ," The amused look on her face was enough to make Shepard smile. "But I can easily see that you have done a great deal of living in the last years."

"Sort of surprised to see you here." Crossing to where the asari sat, Shepard took the vacant seat across from her; thoughts returning to her time working with Cerberus. "I remember hearing on Illium that you had left the Citadel."

"I did leave." Leaning forward, Sha'ira nodded slowly. "Some over-zealous journalist made false reports and started rumors of intelligence leaks. Because of their venom, I retired to a small colony in the Silean nebula."

"But you came back."

"One does not simply flee the heart of the galaxy in desperate times, not when I am needed." Eyes darting around the crowded casino, Sha'ira continued. "Especially not because of some scoundrel with a video camera who misinterpreted what they heard."

"I can relate to that." Shepard reflected on her few interviews with the press. "They all tend to want to bend what you say into what they think will sell."

"Unfortunately, it is true. Whatever seems to sell the most is what they wish to report."

"Not really a relief to know that the press is the same throughout the galaxy. That's how it's always been on Earth." The countless nights she would hear bits of news broadcasts as a kid came back to her. Reporters would drag "Aliens" through the mud, making humans seem absolutely god-sent. People would spin political stories just to match their views and to piss people off. It was all the same. "Hard to believe anything you hear anymore, aside from the news coming in about the war."

"Speaking of the war, I don't have to make an effort to tell that your stress levels have skyrocketed since our last meeting." The blunt statement surprised the spectre as Sha'ira leaned forward. "I hope you've found a way of relieving it."

"I think I have." Thoughts going back to the topic of her and Garrus' conversation, Shepard nodded. "Got any advice for this war?"

"Win."

"Working on that." Watching people pass by, she couldn't suppress a slight smile at the looks they were getting. "This war is causing a whole galaxy to change… One thing I have noticed that hasn't though, is the look you get from people." Seeing a few stop to stare at the consort, she continued. "Being the consort has put you in a very… prestigious position."

"Indeed, whether I truly want it or not." Sha'ira's eyes swept around the area, catching all those that stared at her. It did nothing to get them moving, however.

"How does one become a consort?" It was something Shepard hadn't really thought about until now. The few visits she had with the asari in the beginning of her pursuit of Saren and after had been filled with simple intellectual conversation. The topic had never really come up.

"By understanding the minds around you, displaying compassion in every direction, and then trying just a bit longer and harder than anyone who is not a consort can ever imagine." Eyes landing on Shepard again, her tone took on a knowing note. "I sense our goals lie elsewhere, however."

"Well spotted." Shepard joined the consort as she stood. "I assume you're headed back to the presidium."

"Thankfully, yes." Eying the entryway to the casino, the asari bowed her head slightly. "It would seem my potential client has neglected to come here."

"You were meeting a client in a casino?" Shepard had to allow herself a laugh at the thought. Of all places, this would seem the most unlikely. "Thought I'd seen everything…"

"My thoughts exactly." Preparing to descend the stairs that led to the busy strip outside, Sha'ira paused. "Remember my words from our past meeting, Commander. You have survived and will continue to do so." Placing a hand on the human's shoulder, the consort closed her eyes briefly. "That which has kept you safe in the past has only grown in strength. Those around you will not waver when doubt descends. Their strength will be yours and the same will be true for them. All that you have endured will serve as your blade in the final battle ahead. However," At this point the asari bowed her head, a look of sorrow gracing her features. "The victory you seek is not as clear as you imagine it. There is more to see than a means of control or destruction. Look beyond the physical reality, Commander. A conduit leading to galactic prosperity or total annihilation; this is who you will become."

The asari's words filtered through the general hum of the casino's crowds, and Shepard couldn't help but hear every word. She had worked out most of it when the hand that had been on her shoulder disappeared. This shook her a bit, but as she looked after the consort, she saw the upward curve of her lips as Sha'ira barely turned her head to look back. Disappearing behind the doors, she left Shepard pondering the last part about the war. Unfortunately, there wasn't much time to dwell on it. Still standing near the entrance, Shepard stepped to the side, near one of the tables as she saw a Salarian, Asari, and Turian entering. The three ascended the stairs, and as they did, Shepard saw a dark hooded figure, one she recognized.

"Senek, hit the comms. Tianna, distract the bouncer. Urch, you take the vaults. Avoid the thermal sensors; they trigger the lockdown." As the group approached, Shepard recognized the hooded figure, both by voice and looks. "You'll hit motion sensors, which will alert security. Vurk, steal a uniform. You'll go in as security; fake the arrest." Dark eyes landed on blue ones, and the hooded woman spoke again, with feigned surprise. "Oh, looks like I hit the wrong casino." She was prepared to turn when Shepard stepped forward.

"Kasumi."

"Take a walk, guys." Nodding to the three that Shepard had seen and the human that had joined them, Kasumi leaned against the railing that overlooked the entryway. Her tone suggested slight sarcasm. "I can explain."

"I believe I hired you because you were the best damned thief in the galaxy," The traces of a smirk ruined her serious tone as Shepard stepped closer, lowering her voice slightly.

"Sweet talker." Kasumi Goto motioned for Shepard to follow after a brief nod. She headed in the general direction of the Quazar machines.

"So, you hard up for credits, or is this to stay sharp?"

"People who can't get to the Citadel are having a hard time out there." Raising her hand casually in a dismissive wave, Shepard saw the discrete flash of her omni tool. The nearest machine looked as if it overloaded as a result. "This place has more money than it knows what to do with." A chain reaction occurred as she raised her hand again. This led the players to back off and the asari and turian to move forward, reaping the rewards for their cause. "It will help them survive, and it's not as if the owner can spend it all if the Reapers arrive."

"So you're robbing the rich to aid the poor, eh?" The Robin Hood complex was slightly amusing, given Kasumi's line of work. Shepard had to admit that it was refreshing to see a "criminal" do something useful.

"I'm doing what I do." Raising her hand to signal something, Kasumi continued. "Raiding Cerberus bases and infiltrating Reaper-held locations is fun, but I'm a thief." Crossing the casino's main floor, she continued speaking, finally pausing at a table. "Stealing… It's who I am. Going without it would… By the way, are you going to call security?" The question seemed more like a formality than anything else.

"Just don't get caught."

"Hey come on, I never get caught." With a wicked grin, Kasumi raised a hand to open a comm channel. "Come on guys, show's on." Walking away, Kasumi moved to join the four that were in on the "heist". A security guard approached Shepard, giving her a curious look.

"Excuse me, is something wrong?"

"No," Glancing past him discretely, Shepard saw Kasumi deploy her cloak, and she disappeared between the asari and turian. "Nothing at all." Stepping away from the table, Shepard took a last look at the now dispersing group, and she headed for the stairs that led out onto the strip. With Sha'ira's words easing their way back into her mind, Shepard found herself referring to the master thief's thought pattern. "I guess you've got a point, Kasumi…" Exiting the casino, she headed toward the Armax Arsenal Arena on the upper end of the street. "We really can't deny who we are, can we?"

* * *

**A/N 2:** I thought I'd get these side visits done in this chapter, but I guess not. This is another example of my brain's inability to shut off. Next chapter will have the meet ups with Jack and the cruise with Steve along with the memorial and party, hopefully. :) Thanks for reading, and for the feedback on the other teaser I've put out.

**In Regard to "From Ashes":** That story will be a definite GO as soon as I'm done with this one. :) I'm glad those who checked it out liked the teaser, and there will definitely be more to come. Good to see an interest in an "abandoned" character. :)


	13. All Good Things

**When All Was Lost  
**_Chapter Thirteen: All Good Things_

**A/N:** I have struggled with this chapter; there was something in me that said "don't finish it" but after over a month, I did. Next chapter will be up sooner than the last, and yes I will finally get to the party :) Thanks for sticking with me so far. This story is starting to wind down. Six chapters remain :)

* * *

The short walk up the strip to the Armax Arena left Shepard prepping herself for whatever simulation Jack had planned. Having not been to this part of the Citadel before, she hadn't dealt with any simulators aside from those at Pinnacle Station when pursuing Saren. It had been mandatory from what Hackett had said, but the training there didn't' amount to much. Approaching the entrance, she saw a vorcha outside with an asari and a salarian. Barely catching what he said before she entered, she had to smile.

"One more player… Need new player."

Entering, she verified the pass that had been sent, spotting Jack looking down on the lower level of the room. When she crossed over to the younger biotic, she saw the woman's eyes narrowed.

"Jack? Something on your mind?" As soon as she questioned, the former convict straightened up.

"Nah. Glad you could make it. I've got the sim set up." Offering nothing else in comment, Jack walked toward the gate that led down into the lower levels of the simulator. Shepard followed, finding herself curious at what the other woman had in mind. Getting down to the armory, Shepard saw an array of armor. Some of it bore different insignia: Eclipse, Blood Pack, Blue Suns, N7, Alliance, Council Spectre, and the like lay there. Donning the set that bore the Spectre insignia, Shepard chose her weapons carefully. Going with the pistol Kirrahe had favored, the Widow rifle, and an M-300 Claymore, she watched as Jack settled for a Geth plasma shotgun and an Alliance issue submachine gun. "Ready for this, Shepard?"

"Think so." Entering the simulator, Shepard was met with a dust bowl of a terrain. Destroyed buildings and the like reminded her of Tuchanka. "Huh, Grunt and Wrex would feel right at home."

"Yeah, aside from the flames and Cerberus everywhere." Biotics flaring, Jack waited. As the simulator counted down, she seemed to get more tense. "This will be fun."

The first round started with Cerberus troopers. They were easy enough to take down, and it was an easy way to waste targets with projectiles. When they started crowding around, Jack and Shepard stood, backs to each other, and the real fun started. Finishing off her thermal clip, Shepard holstered the claymore, choosing to use the pistol instead. Targeting the half-husk beings, she felt that same anger from earlier on building up. To picture those that had abandoned her on Earth behind those exosuits was like making the targets on their backs larger. Precision surprising her, Shepard fired ten rounds, each finding their way onto desired targets' helmets. Waiting for the delayed explosion, she heard Jack's comment.

"Damn Shepard, been practicing? Haven't seen you line up that many headshots since we tore through that derelict reaper."

"I've had a lot of time to think about it." Hearing the subsequent explosions, Shepard shook her head to clear it. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. "Some things just give you that extra motivation to shoot a little straighter."

"Heard that." With the end of the first round, the two took a moment to change thermal clips and prepare. "How's it been on your end? Heard about Thessia and what the cheerleader did to her father." Checking her barely used thermal clip, Jack looked back to Shepard. "Good for her."

"Miranda finally put her issues with her "father" to rest." Shepard was relieved by the events of Sanctuary to an extent. Miranda and Oriana were safe and Henry was dead. She was forced to put it aside though, when round two of the simulation started. Guardian, trooper, and centurion class enemies appeared, leaving Shepard to time her shots carefully.

Blowing off the shields from the guardians left them vulnerable to Jack's biotics. Holstering the pistol, Shepard went for the Claymore again. This offered more widespread damage and with more enemies, that was more tactically sound. With each blast, one fell back or was brought to their end, and when that second round ended, Shepard heard a quick silence.

"Usually hear that when all hell's about to break loose." Jack paused, looking around the area.

"It can be unnerving." Doing the same, Shepard saw something move. Without warning, the third round started; an Atlas class mech came stumbling out along with engineer class Cerberus troops. "Go figure…"

"Saving the best for last." Jack vaulted over a crushed rock formation in the rear of the battlefield. When Shepard followed, they took a moment to strategize. "Any suggestions?"

"Rifle's a best bet for punching a hole. Then, biotics are a good follow up." Shepard holstered the claymore, having changed its thermal clip, and she withdrew the Widow from her back. Extending the scope, she chanced a look over their temporary shelter. The mech driver had armed the gun and grenade launcher, while the engineers were preparing to set turrets. "Take out the engineers first; target their backs, it's a weak point."

"Now it gets fun." Rising, Jack charged the shotgun, waiting for the right moment. When Shepard nodded, they fired. The first two engineers were engulfed in flames and scalding plasma as the packs on their backs exploded. The remaining four went ducking for cover, the mech covering them as it drew nearer. "Might be better if we take that out first."

"Good call." Shepard reloaded and deployed a tech overload. Jack, while watching it take effect, readied a heavy warp. When she released it, the commander fired a high impact shot, reloaded and fired again. Replacing the rifle, Shepard paused to collect herself, preparing to channel all of her biotic energy in a single flare. Jack sent a heavy shockwave toward the Atlas, dropping back down to let her biotics recharge.

"Damn, it's nice to relax… Just cutting loose and not worrying about the kids."

"It's worth the stress to watch the people you command coming into their own, though." Feeling the rock structure shudder with the impact of a grenade, Shepard cringed.

"Shut up." Releasing another shockwave, Jack laughed it off, causing Shepard to smirk in response.

"Who said I was talkin' about you?" Standing, Shepard released the biotic energy she had been gathering. In a flare of blue and white, the Atlas was knocked off balance, the driver flailing his arms in frustration. When the system started overloading, the engineers that had hid behind it scattered, giving the two women ample opportunity to take them out. When the smoke cleared, the round was over. Emerging from their positions, Jack walked down the cracked stairs, looking at the remains of the Atlas.

"You know, if there is a God, Bet she would let loose like that, leaving nothing but scrap in her wake, letting you know everything's gonna work out." The younger biotic seemed impressed, and Shepard had to laugh.

"Not goin' all religious on me, are you?"

"Hell no!" Laughing as she said this, Jack rolled her eyes in mock defiance. "Thanks for comin'. I had more than doubts when it came to working with you on that mission to take down the Collectors."

"Wouldn't miss it." Leaning against a destroyed pillar, Shepard considered the younger woman for a moment. "I remember those doubts. If I hadn't handed over access to Cerberus files, you'd have blown up on that prison ship, Purgatory."

"I was tempted. Seeing Cerberus colors on that thing…" Frowning as she replaced the shotgun, Jack nodded. "Yeah… Can't say I regret it though. Definitely beats the fuck out of the life I had."

"Wouldn't have been nearly as interesting with just Miranda." Shepard let a hint of amusement creep into her tone. This caused Jack to laugh.

"Yeah… The Just you, the others, and the Cerberus Cheerleader bitch…" Thinking on it, Jack's lips made a quick upturn. "Guess I'll have to leave the "Cerberus" bit off now, though." Jerking her neck from side to side, Shepard could hear the cracking and releasing of tension. "Up for another round?"

"Why not?" Exiting the simulator, the two reloaded weapons, checked armor, and looked to the simulation list. "Anything in mind?"

"Random." Shepard found herself impressed by Jack's line of thinking as she spoke next. "Doing a random challenge level and random atmosphere guarantees that you have no idea what's coming."

"A good way to keep yourself sharp." Shepard nodded her approval as they re-entered the simulator.

"Yeah, like either of us need it. I'm paranoid as hell and well… You've got a galactic war to manage, so yeah." Pausing as they entered, she looked around. "This doesn't look familiar. Any ideas?"

"One…" A deadly serious tone had taken over where the amusement had been earlier. Glancing over, Jack saw a hardened look to the spectre that she hadn't before.

Shepard was looking at her not so distant past. The burnt sky above, the destroyed farmland around, and that same eerie silence that she had seen in the dawn of her career. The craters in the ground looked like an old wound that hadn't had time to heal before being ripped open again, much like the way she felt right now. Hearing the simulator countdown start, she was snapped out of her thoughts. Eyes scanning the area, she saw the remains of the building that she and her unit had bunked in that night that everything had gone to hell.

"There, go!" Indicating the building, she withdrew the Widow rifle, remembering just how much she had wished she had one back then. She had been armed only with a pistol, submachine gun, and a shotgun that morning. It had been what was left in the weapons locker by the time she and the rest of the unit had recovered from the initial shock. Once inside, she expanded the rifle, using the scope to watch for what she knew was coming. Seeing nothing just yet, she took a moment to think. There were things that she had thought she could have done differently…

"Shepard?" There was an unreadable expression on Jack's face when Shepard finally turned. It looked as if it held slight concern, but there was a grim understanding as well. "I take it you know what this is supposed to be."

"Something I wish it wasn't." Barely able to say those words, Shepard felt the building shake. "Thresher maws!"

Readying the rifle, she saw the large "worm" rear its head, and she fired. Quickly reloading, she saw Jack fire a cluster of rounds at it as well. Seeming to have no effect, both considered their options. The Widow was her only long range weapon aside from biotics. Otherwise, they would have to be closer. Unfortunately, that seemed like their only option. The maw ducked back down, tearing up the surrounding land as it burrowed closer. As it resurfaced, Shepard changed weapons. Retrieving the claymore, she fired three clusters of projectiles. They exploded on impact right in the maw's face. When it rared back, Shepard knew what was coming.

"Get down!" She had no sooner said it when a dark yellow mass of acid went over her head. Rising up again, she continued firing; every muscle in her body tense. Jack sent what looked like a wall of biotic energy at the maw, forcing it back, almost to the ground. When it rose again, Shepard sent a heavy warp its way, while Jack fired relentlessly with the submachine gun. Another round of that sent the maw down into the earth, and Shepard saw what looked to be the comm tower, a marker to begin round two just in front of it. Stepping out of the building and making her way toward it, she discharged the thermal clip in the claymore, replacing it with a fresh one. "Whoever the smart ass is that created this simulation… Remind me to kill them."

"Done." Jack kept up, eyes roving the area. "What happened here? I get the thresher maws, but what was this place before?"

"Akuze was a farming colony. Peaceful from what I hear." Reaching the marker to start the second round, Shepard waited on activating it. "We were sent in to check on the place when it went dark. Got here and found what you're looking at. Bunkered down in that building for the night and woke up to a maw tearing the place apart." Eying the comm tower before her Shepard thought of Toombs. "I sent a corporal to this tower to send off a signal. It was the last I saw of him until almost four years ago. He said Cerberus was behind the attack and captured him and a few others to run tests."

"Fuckers." Eying the comm tower, Jack frowned. "So he got out?"

"Yeah." Shepard tagged the marker with her omni tool to start the second round. "He wished he hadn't. Tried to kill himself right in front of me after telling me I abandoned him." Leaving it at that, she waited. The ground shook gain, and for a moment, she wondered just how they emulated that in a simulator. There wasn't much time to ponder it though. The second maw barreled out from the ground, acid coming at them like a projectile. Motioning for them both to duck for cover, she fired as she vaulted over one of the support struts of the tower.

Being at close range, they had a wider range of weapon options. Jack let loose with the submachine gun; warp ammo carving a path for Shepard's high impact ammo. Keeping in mind that there was still a round to go, Shepard chose to preserve the ammunition, using her biotics when possible. Heavy attacks such as a throw, reave, and warp were more useful than the tech attacks that she had relied on against enemies with barriers. Firing occasionally with Kirrahe's pistol, she landed some more than impressive shots, letting the rounds detonate in the things face. Jack let off a shockwave that tore the ground apart as it aimed for the large worm, and Shepard hurled a lift grenade at it for good measure. The two combined sent the maw reeling, leaving them ample time to tear it apart with ammunition. When it fell flat against the surface, unmoving, a marker for round three appeared by a rock formation. Shepard frowned at it, causing Jack to send her a curious look.

"What is it? Don't seem too pleased at another dead thresher maw." Eyes roving the scene, she spotted the marker. "Odd place for that."

"Someone had access to Alliance files that should have been sealed to get this information." Eying the marker, she looked back at the tower. "I was in that building when they hit. After a third of my unit was gone, I went for the tower; the rest of them following after Toombs disappeared. Then, when I finally sent off the distress call, I joined the last third of my team there. I had to relay this to the brass when I was found in that hole over there." Indicating a crater in the ground, she approached the marker. "The sooner we're done here, the better."

"Couldn't agree more." Tagging the marker after they had both checked ammo, Jack waited. There were a few short seconds before two thresher maws emerged, both sending waves of dust and rock toward their targets as they rared back. "Damn!"

"Hit 'em with everything you've got!" Shepard fired the remaining five rounds in the pistol's thermal clip before ejecting and replacing it. Using biotics intermittently, she took full advantage of a well-placed warp. Coordinating with Jack, they succeeded in taking down one of the maws in nearly the same fashion as the last one. Unfortunately, when ammo ran out, they were left with biotics. For Jack, this wasn't a problem. Her conditioning was enough to fuel her, biotics wild as they were unleashed. That ended, when a stray acid spray hit her. The blue mass effect field that pulsed around her disappeared for a moment, leaving her vulnerable. When the last maw rose in a position to strike, Shepard reacted.

"Not this time…" Adrenaline kicking in, she charged forward, concentrating her biotic energy for a single, all-out flare, and vaulted over a second rock structure, landing between the maw and the younger biotic. Gritting her teeth, Shepard released all of her biotic energy; this sent the maw crashing back into the jagged earth it had come from, while Shepard stumbled forward slightly. That flare had easily exceeded her biotic limits, causing her head to pulse violently. Vaguely hearing the announcement that the round was over, she shook her head to clear it. Turning, she saw Jack standing, the look on her face reflected amazement.

"Holy shit…"

"You alright?" The question was more or less an automated response. Seeing Jack's nod, Shepard turned for the exit. "Simulated burns?"

"Yeah. Still hurt like a bitch, though." Dusting off, Jack watched as her former CO strode past the maw's body, a dark look crossing her face. "You look about how I felt when we got to the Telton facility."

"Pretty accurate." Seeing the exit ahead, Shepard took a last look at the landscape. "I'll be thrilled to never see this place again."

"Heard that." Jack followed Shepard out the door and back into the armory. Removing all of the weapons and armor, they headed back upstairs into the entrance to the arena. "Gotta check in on the kids, but I might stop by later."

"Sounds good." Rubbing her forehead with the back of her hand momentarily, Shepard nodded. "Wouldn't mind seeing you relaxed."

"Shit." The light laughter was still strange to see on the former convict's face. "That back there was relaxed." A slightly amused note entered Jack's voice. "Thought you knew that by now."

"Guess I was too busy hoping."

"You know, I was going to say that next you'd hope the Turians and Krogan would get along…"

"Already done." Shepard waved the other biotic off as they headed back out to the strip. Jack moved further down, toward the arcade and casino. Seeing her shuttle pilot standing at the head of the strip, near the transport terminal, Shepard approached. Steve was looking out at the skycars moving by above. "Steve? I'm surprised to see you here watching skycars when you could be watching ships as they come in to dock."

"Not really why I'm here." Turning, Steve held Shepard's gaze for a moment, dark eyes sparking with mischief. "Just waiting on someone."

"Oh?" Coming to join him, Shepard looked out at the skycars as they traveled in packs through the station. The simple view of them moving under the dark underbelly of the level above seemed to ease the throbbing in her head. Granted, each time she overdid her biotics, the recovery time seemed faster. It wasn't something she would make a habit of doing though, if she could help it. "Anyone in particular?"

"Just wait, you'll see." Looking back out in that direction, Steve indicated something moving toward them. Hearing it before she saw it, Shepard recognized the engines of a shuttle. As it came into view, she saw the blue and black mass moving and turning; Alliance insignia standing out in white on the side.

"Wait, who's driving? Please tell me it isn't James."

"Yeah." A slight smile started tugging at Cortez' lips as the shuttle landed, and when the hatch opened, James stepped out. "Look who finally learned how to fly the Kodiak."

"Cut it out, Esteban. I can fly." Stepping down so that he was standing just to Cortez' left, James gave Shepard a sideways look. "I just did what I had to do when I crashed that last one. No worries, Lola. I'm a man of many talents."

"Yeah." Shaking her head in amusement, Shepard watched as Steve clambered up into the shuttle. Following him, she saw James wave them off, a knowing look on his face. "So, where are we headed?"

"Activating external cameras." Steve worked with the pilot's console, revealing the brightly lit strip outside. As the hatch closed behind her, Shepard approached the co-pilot's chair.

"I didn't know this thing had virtual windows…"

"Bet there's more you don't know about this bird."

"Oh yeah?" Crossing her arms, Shepard could have easily told him he was right. She hadn't made it a habit to know all about the different vehicles that had been built and used by the Alliance over the years. "Like what?"

"Before mass effect technology there was no such thing as "inertial dampeners"." Cortez said this, swiping his hand across the control panel. "Watch this."

"Whoa." The sudden lurch of the Kodiak as it rose from the platform nearly caused Shepard's knees to buckle. Gripping the co-pilot's headrest, she rounded the chair and sat down as they moved forward.

"That, my friend, is pure unadulterated momentum." The sheer glee on Cortez' face was enough to cause a short laugh to escape his CO. Eying him as Cortez' eyes flitted back down to the controls, what came next was expected. "Want to really feel it?"

"Show me."

Seeing Steve strap in, she did the same, and just in time. The aft of the shuttle rose as the forward dropped down. They went under a walkway and then over another before he sent the Kodiak in a level spiral. Watching the Citadel spin around her, Shepard was surprised it didn't make the throbbing in her head come back full force as it had been easing off. Letting out a more "free-spirited" laugh, she heard Steve join her as he leveled the shuttle out. Only when he initialized the inertial dampeners again and set a lazy course on auto-pilot did he turn to her again.

"See, it isn't all that hard to pull a few Gs." Still shaking with slight laughter, Steve leaned back. "Back in the day, pilots used to wear G-suits. They squeeze your body to keep the blood in your head during tight maneuvers. I'd wear a G-suit when flying my Trident. In any fighter, it is common to transfer power from inertial dampeners to other systems."

"Ever miss flying fighters?" Leaning back also, Shepard watched as Cortez fiddled with the external cameras, making the lights outside more vivid as they flew by them. "Can't imagine you're too thrilled to be flying this brick."

"Are you kidding?" Relaxing back in his chair again, Steve crossed his arms. "Hell no. I'm not just any shuttle pilot. I'm your shuttle pilot. Wouldn't have it any other way." Thinking for a moment, Steve eyed his CO carefully as he spoke next. "When you're on the ground, weapon in hand, you're invincible. When we're in the air and approaching an LZ, you're just another soldier; vulnerable, nothing you can do if we're shot down. Getting you to the ground is a responsibility I wouldn't trust to anyone else."

"I'm fortunate to have you, Steve." Thinking about it, she was right. Aside from all the critical missions that they had done together, the one to find the Leviathan of Dis had been the most memorable so far. They had almost had a lethal impact on the wreckage on that planet when the "Leviathan" had disabled their engines. Steve had proven himself out in the field when they had been looking to open the bay doors to release the triton class mech. Without his assistance, there would have been no real chance to get the bay door open.

"Hell, I'm the fortunate one." Bowing his head slightly, Steve looked deep in thought. "I was ready to just die fighting when I was assigned to the Normandy for the shuttlebay retrofits. Losing Robert really took all that I had."

"I've been there." Shepard reflected on when she and Liara had broken it off. Though they hadn't physically lost each other, it was sometimes hard to be close, knowing what they once had and that it was so tempting now. Illium had been a "life changer" for her aside from being KO'd by the collectors. "Losing someone you thought you couldn't live without…"

"It takes the best out of you." Nodding, Steve looked up. "I thought Ferris Fields was going to be my grave, mentally. Thanks for changing that, Shepard."

"All I offered was encouragement."

"Yeah, but that encouragement was a life saver."

"Noted." With a half-smile Shepard missed the look that Steve gave her. There were rumors floating around, and all of them worried him.

Shepard had seemed to be a strong woman; never letting personal feelings get In the way of a mission. It had been what willed her through everything thus far, from what he had heard, but Cortez knew that he wasn't the only one that was seeing the cracks slowly forming on the surface. She had been on top of her game during the entire race to save Earth and stop the Reapers, but lately, emotion was getting closer and closer to the forefront of her mind, or so it seemed. Lesuss, Rannoch, Thessia, and Sanctuary had all been hard missions; each had left her with one or many deaths to ponder. Now, this whole clone business was just fuel to the fire. When her eyes met his next, Steve saw the instant change in her expression.

"What's on your mind?" Her question was innocent sounding enough, but he could see that she had an idea of what it was all about.

"Just concerned is all." Unable to blow it off as nothing, Cortez had to be truthful. "With everything going on… Well, I'm sure it isn't easy."

"No, no it isn't." Looking back out at the wards as the streets and people moved quickly past them, Shepard shook her head. "Moments like this when I can just shrug off the responsibility are few and far between."

"No kidding." Thinking quickly, Steve got an idea. "I've always wanted to do this…" Setting a course away from the wards, he turned back to his CO; a wicked grin on his face. "I did this once at Arcturus and got my ass chewed out for a few hours. I can say it will be worth it this time."

"What, hijacking your CO and running amuck around the Citadel?" Giving him a sideways look, Shepard raised her eyebrows.

"Nah." Laughing in earnest, Steve increased the speed of the shuttle, breaking away from the neon lights of the wards into the silver-pink of the Serpent Nebula. "Stunt flying in a Kodiak on the Presidium."

"We'd better not be arrested." She barely had time to say it before the scenery changed again. The pink haze of the nebula was replaced by blue skies and artificial sunlight. Gardens, the vast lakes, and the Citadel tower came into view only to be turned upside down as Steve went into a fast spiral.

"Oh this is priceless!" Using one of the external cameras to zoom in on people who were watching below, Steve laughed, their shocked expressions showing up clearly on a display. "Like I said, totally worth it."

"Like I said, you get us arrested and it's your ass." Unable to hold off the laughter herself, Shepard eyed the various people pointing up and nudging people beside them. Shaking with unbridled mirth, she barely heard her omni tool go off. Activating it, she saw a small holo of Garrus appear.

"I recognize those scuff marks on that Kodiak flying about up here… Please tell me you're not…" He was cut off as Shepard and Cortez both overrode him with laughter. The pilot took the shuttle down for a dive and pulled up in another spiral.

"Yeah, we are." Steve said this as he leveled the shuttle out again. "I'd better set her down before we're shot down." His laughter was almost comical. The man had been so dedicated to his work and now he was as free as a proverbial bird. Shepard found herself in a similar situation. Laughing more than she had in a while, the simple "joy ride" had done what Cortez had hoped it would. As they moved back down into the darker wards levels, Cortez didn't let the grim reality set in again just yet. "It's really nice to see you like this, Shepard."

"Starting to forget how it feels, honestly." It wasn't a joke. Everything that had been going on had taken every ounce of joy and happiness out of her. "It's nice to remember what we're fighting for, on occasion. It's not just the people… the troops." Looking at Steve again, she continued. "It's the ability to live and enjoy what time we have."

"I hear that." As the lights returned and crowds picked up, the shuttle slowed down. "Good to remind ourselves of that. Like I said, I came real close to just forgetting that." As he brought the shuttle back down for a quick drop, he triggered the hatch release. "Better park this thing back in the shuttlebay, but I got Joker's message about that party." Turning in his chair to watch Shepard as she rose and rounded the co-pilot's chair, he nodded. "Keep me posted."

"Will do. Try not to get yourself shot down on your way back to the docks."

"Copy that."

Stepping back down on the landing near the rapid transit terminal, Shepard turned and headed for the apartment. Her meeting with Jack at the Armax Arsenal Arena was slowly slipping back to the forefront of her thoughts. The younger biotic had changed since their first meeting aboard the prison ship Purgatory. She had been a biotic that was full of rage and hatred for people, mixed with a decent amount of paranoia for good reason, and now she was a role model for those cadets at Grissom Academy.

Entering the hallway leading to the apartment, Shepard heard that there were new messages. Entering and examining the terminal, she saw that there were four. Miranda had sent one suggesting that she would be in the casino later if Shepard was inclined to have a girls' night out. It didn't seem like the prodigal to do that, but Shepard was pleased to see a change in the once cold Cerberus operative. James had sent one suggesting that there was to be an interesting game between the asari and human Biotiball teams the Maestros and Sorcerers that he, she, and Steve could bet on. It sounded a lot like him to suggest that they might do so. The next messages really caught her attention.

"Kolyat…" The Drell had sent a message detailing an idea he had for his father. Proposing a memorial for the late assassin, Kolyat suggested that the council wished to attend if it were to happen, and that he thought Shepard herself might like to speak. Nodding momentarily, she replied to it. Thane had been an interesting addition to the team when they had gone after the Collectors; though he had stayed mostly isolated from the rest of the crew, she had talked with him on several occasions about is wife and son and him personally. When the message was done, Shepard sent it, hoping it would find Kolyat soon. Moving on to the final message, she felt her heartbeat increase slightly.

"Samara." The justicar's note was short, stating that there were rumors of what had happened since they had last seen each other on the station, and that she was concerned. Shepard reflected on just how good it had been to see the asari on Lesuss. That hadn't ended as she had hoped; Rila sacrificing herself so that her mother and sister could escape. They hadn't had time to catch their breath, let alone catch up on events that had occurred since their suicide mission. Making a mental note to speak to her later, Shepard heard the chime letting her know someone was there. Leaving the terminal, she headed back to the vast sitting room through the kitchen. As the door opened, Jack entered, wasting no time with introductions.

"So what, a private cabin on a stealth-class warship isn't good enough for ya?" The sarcasm made Shepard laugh openly.

"I'm watching the place for a friend; my former CO, actually." Seeing Jack turn and motion with her hand, Shepard raised her eyebrows. "What are you doing?"

"Calling Eezo."

"Eezo?" The question was easily answered as a dark-toned varren bounded forward. Leaping, he knocked Shepard backward, showing his teeth. Shepard realized the varren's real intent quickly, however; a ball was clearly visible in his mouth.

"Yeah, he's from Thessia; naturally biotic from all the element zero." Jack watched as Shepard retrieved the ball as she stood. Eezo had dropped it at her feet; crouching down, ready to chase after it. "Their biotics make them naturally aggressive, so they're usually found abused or abandoned. Can you imagine someone doing that?" Hearing the ball hit the far wall, near the punching bag, Jack watched the varren chase after it, bringing it back and dropping it at Shepard's feet again. "I found him at one of those rescue places; been tryin' to teach him it's okay to trust people." Tossing the ball again, Shepard had it hit the wall and bounce up; Eezo jumping into the air and catching it. "He started off really aggressive, but I've been giving him a lot of love and attention, and he's turned into a big ol' softie."

When he returned with the ball, Shepard was paying more attention to what Jack had been saying, and within seconds, she found herself pushed backward by a biotic field, hitting the floor again; the ball was dropped on her chest. Getting up, Shepard patted Eezo's head, the seemingly rough varren almost melting. When she threw the ball again, he charged after it, leaving her to turn to Jack. "You're aware of the parallels here, right?"

"What the hell are you talkin' about, Shepard?"

"Biotic that was abused abandoned, and… yeah, forget I mentioned it." Shepard watched Jack's expression change as her words took effect.

"No, hold up…" Her expression turned thoughtful as the varren returned and presented her with the ball. "Damn Shepard, I never thought about it that way."

"He's a good match for you." It was a true enough statement. Both had been through a similar experience, and Eezo needed to know that it was safe to trust people again. Jack had already learned that during the Collectors' pursuit.

"Strange…" Regarding the varren for a moment as he sat by her side, Jack frowned. "It was just dumb shit luck that I found him." Using her omni tool, she pulled up the scattered reports that were coming in from Thessia. "Weird to think that his homeworld is burning."

"Yeah…" That same anger and guilt that had hit her like a powerful shockwave came back in a lesser force as Shepard looked over the reports. The initial blackout was still in her mind.

_"We've lost all contact with Thessia…. Entire planet… Gone dark…"_

"Every homeworld is burning right now…" Deactivating her omni tool, Jack's frown deepened. "And there's nothing we can do about it…"

"We'll get it done." It wasn't a forced determination as it had been before when others had started doubting the possibility of a war's end in their favor. SHEPARD HAD FELT THE STRAIN, BUT IN A SENSE, SHE HAD FOUND SOMETHING TO FIGHT FOR ALONG THE WAY. It was as she had said to Cortez earlier; it wasn't just the people or their lives. It was the ability to live and make our own choices without manipulation or control… or fear. "They'll pay for every world they destroyed, every life they've morphed and ruined, every family they tore apart."

"So I take it you're ready to return to Earth then." Crossing her arms, Jack leaned against the wall separating the hallway from the kitchen. "Fighting for your homeworld."

"Not for my homeworld." Shaking her head, Shepard voiced what she had kept to herself for the first time. "I'm fighting for the people there, but that place was never a home."

"I don't really have one to fight for either." The grim reality that laced Jack's tone made Shepard look up. "Found out I was raised on Eden Prime, but I don't remember it… or her."

"You mean your mother." It wasn't really a question. Shepard had seen something on the Broker's old ship that detailed a communication from a doctor to Jack's mother.

"Yeah." Thoughtful for a moment, Jack shook her head. "Probabl just another one that didn't want me."

"She did." Having debated on whether or not to tell the younger woman the truth, Shepard decided it was better for her to know. "A Cerberus doctor lied to her after there was an accident…" Searching for the transcript she had found and saved to her private files, Shepard transferred it to Jack's omni tool. "He said there was a problem when an accident occurred after you were exposed to element zero. She was told that you had died while in a medical facility on Eden Prime in 2165."

"What the fuck…" Eyes scrolling over the transcript, Jack gritted her teeth. "Cerberus…" Looking back at Shepard, her expression changed to a mix of anger and frustration. "How… How long have you known about this?"

"I found out about it on the Broker's ship." It wasn't a confession, but it sure felt like one. "With the mission to stop the Collectors and all, I ran out of time to tell you. Then when I was quarantined on Earth, well…"

"Yeah…" There was a minute crack in the younger biotic's voice as she nodded. "What was her name?" The question was tainted with something that Shepard had barely ever heard in her. It was a fear; a fear of the truth, of bad news, and Shepard had only heard it once on Pragia.

"It never said. I'd check with Liara if you want to know more. She may even be able to tell if she was a casualty or not."

"Yeah, think I'll do that." The determination was unmistakable; it was something that might give Jack a reason to keep going, aside from those biotic students from Grissom, and everyone that was committed to this war needed something to hold on to. "I don't know how to feel about this."

"I know." It wasn't completely unexpected. Finding out that her mother had thought she was dead twenty odd years ago had to be rough. "I figured you should know, at least. "

"Ever hear anything about yours?" Kneeling to give Eezo his desired attention, Jack continued. "Bet it was news you wouldn't want to hear."

"Yeah, pretty much." Rolling her neck slightly, Shepard heard a satisfying crack, and then she continued speaking. "Basically what they figured. Parents abandoned me on Earth, went off to fight in the First Contact war, and they disappeared."

"They all disappear." The trademark flat tone that usually accompanied the former convict was back. Discretely, Shepard shook her head in amusement; some things would never change, regardless of situation.

"So I take it the kids are doing well." It had been a topic she hadn't really been able to discuss with Jack because of the lack of time, and Shepard could only hope that they hadn't seen too much combat.

"Yeah, they're doing pretty good. Nothin' compared to the crazy shit we did, but they're getting there." Straightening up, Jack let a slight concerned frown ease its way onto her face. "Prangley is stayin' strong for the rest of them, and Rodriguez…" Her voice trailed off, and Shepard automatically assumed the worst.

"No…"

"Shit, she held her own against one of those brutes. Barriers held up until a swarm of those cannibals and marauders overtook the unit that she was working with." The more she spoke, the more aggressive her tone got. Shepard noticed Eezo looking a little uneasy. "Damnit, I should have been there-"

"You can't blame yourself for that-"

"We were separated, Shepard! I knew better than to let myself get distracted by all that… those asari things, Banshees. Next thing I know, the unit's limping off and dragging their guns and there's a biotic explosion."

"She did it to save them." It was similar to what Shepard and Aria had seen Nyreen do on Omega. Immediately, Aria's expression and Nyreen's last look formed in her mind's eye. "You should be proud…"

"Fuck, I am proud… What I would have done… what I should have done." Shaking her head in frustration, Jack spoke again; this time, her voice was slightly different. It held a barely audible tremble. "I got there and asked them what happened and all they did was shake their heads. I saw the pile of corpses, and something stuck out. Hell, if I hadn't seen her ugly fucking boot, she'd still be there, and…" This time, when her voice trailed off, she didn't continue speaking. Instead, Shepard saw Jack's jaw clenched and biotics pulsing weakly. Eezo retreated, lying by Shepard's foot, head down. With a quick reassuring stroke, Shepard braved Jack's fury, placing a hand on the younger woman's shoulder.

"Jack, you got her out of there alive. That's more than most can say-"

"It's not good enough-"

"It has to be." Shepard couldn't keep a firm tone to her voice at all. She saw a little of herself in this woman now. In the beginning, when Mordin had died on Tuchanka, she had Garrus telling her the same thing, and it had only gotten worse with Thane and Legion's deaths. "We're going to lose people in this war, whether we want it or not, and it's something that you'll never get used to."

"I don't have a whole lot left to lose, Shepard." It was a forced response; Jack had been holding this back, and Shepard could relate. "I guess they're all I've got."

"My list is getting shorter and shorter each day." Ash, Mordin, Thane, Legion, and who knew who else they would lose in the coming days… "There was a boy on Earth; we were trying to get to the Normandy, and he was hiding in an air duct. I heard him moving as I was about to leave the front of a broken down building." Shepard remembered feeling her heart wrench in her chest, seeing the boy looking out at her from that shaft. She could still smell the smoke-laced air as it floated around outside the cool interior of the ventilation shaft. "I reached for him, trying to get him to come out; you could see the terror in his eyes."

_"It's alright…" _The smoke that hung in the air had made the interior of the vent black where it was normally a polished silver steel.

_"Everyone's dying-"_ The boy had just managed to back up against the solid steel of the wall behind him, eyes widening as an explosion shook the shell of the building they were in. His voice was of a high pitch; fear lacing every word. The sharp intake of breath had caused Shepard to turn and look back out the shattered window; a building had burst into flames somewhere in the distance.

_"Come here…"_ Extending her arm, Shepard's hand fell just out of the boy's reach as he moved further away from her. _"We need to get you some place safe. Take my hand…"_

_"You can't help me…"_ Something was wrong with the way that sounded. There was another voice speaking those words. The boy's voice was almost tainted with it. Blinking, Shepard found herself being observed by a slightly unnerved Jack. She realized that she had said those words; it was her own voice that had tainted the memory. "Admiral Anderson called my name, and when I looked back, the kid was gone…"

"That shit still messing with your brain?" Shaking it off, Jack shook her head. "This is why I don't trust Cerberus fucking with any part of who I am… They did enough damage anyway."

"Didn't have much choice, I guess…" The scenery from Earth faded, leaving the current situation. "It kept my memories solid, I guess." Thinking back on the boy, Shepard continued. "We were leaving Earth, Anderson staying behind to organize the resistance, and I saw the kid running for a shuttle."

"He make it out?" There was doubt there, and Jack seemed to already know the answer.

"No… Reaper fired on it as it left the ground. It cut the damned thing in two like it was made of tin. There were no survivors." Frowning as the images faded again, Shepard almost hated what the neurochemicals were capable if. "It's things like that that give me the drive to keep going; people like that that shouldn't have died, homeworlds that shouldn't have had to be destroyed…" At this, she looked back at Eezo; the varren meeting her gaze almost as if on cue.

"There are reapers on every major homeworld and colony…" Jack eyed Eezo as he lay his head down again; Shepard had stepped back by his side. "Hard to think of what we could do to win when all that's there is what we've lost." Jack's laugh caught Shepard off guard, though. "That's the fastest I've seen him trust someone. Didn't figure you'd have a talent with animals."

"Hey, I tamed Grunt, didn't I?" The laughter that ensued was only marred by the message that came through on Shepard's omni tool. Checking it, she saw Kolyat's reply to the one she sent earlier. Dictating a response, Shepard deactivated the omni tool. "Kolyat Krios, Thane's son was planning a memorial for him if you'd care to stick around."

"I'll get him back to the apartment I commandeered here in the wards and I'll be back. Crowds make him nervous." Motioning with her hand, Eezo rose and stood by her side.

"Another thing you two have in common." Amusement clear in her tone, Shepard had expected the quickly offered response. Coupled with laughter, Jack shot Shepard a mock glare as she left the apartment.

"Shut up, Shepard."

Returning to the private terminal, Shepard browsed her list of contacts, selecting the ones that had known Thane. Working out a simple message explaining Kolyat's memorial, she sent it out. The younger drell's last response had been that it was squared away with the council and that if it was suitable, the memorial could be held in two hours. Deciding to look decent for the occasion, Shepard headed upstairs, showered off, and changed into the dress uniform again. Really thinking about it, this had been the most that she had worn her dress blues in a while.

Formality was usually something she spared for when dealing with Alliance Brass or any other high-ranking officer, but now the uniform had become more of a safety blanket. She had worn this through all the talks with Hackett, Anderson, the Council, diplomats, and the Quarian Admiralty Board. It had become a part of who she was. Thinking of the first time the uniform had really meant anything, Shepard reflected on the events on Arataht as she laced up her dress boots again.

Steven Hackett had asked that she find a deep-space operative that had found "evidence" of the Reapers' return. Having just escaped the Omega 4 Relay, found and killed the Shadow Broker, and ended project Overlord, Shepard remembered thinking she couldn't take much else. The crew was tired, all of them tested to their limits; especially the ones that had been abducted by the Collectors. The first part of the mission hadn't been difficult. It was a typical infiltration op; get in, get Amanda Kenson to safety, and get out. The second part had been more difficult. Finding a reaper artifact, "object rogue", and realizing that Kenson and her swarms of scientists and operatives were indoctrinated had set her back. Incapacitated for two days, she had fought her way through Project Base and cornered Kenson near the drive core.

_"Step away from the reactor."_ Having pursued the doctor through the base and inserted the cooling rods, Shepard had managed to slow her down, but it had to end here. There was less than an hour to spare.

_"You've ruined everything!" _The frustration and panic in Kenson's voice had infuriated her at the time. _"I cannot hear their whispers anymore…"_

_"Back away…. Now!"_ It wasn't hard to figure out just what Kenson had been prepared to do.

_"You've taken them away from me… I will never see the Reapers' arrival…"_ Turning, Shepard had seen the darkness in the other woman's eyes. If there had been intelligence behind them before, it was gone; replaced by the desire to fulfill Harbinger's wishes. Raising a hand, she withdrew a frag grenade from a side pocket. Flipping open the lid, she paused, finger on the trip switch. _"All you had to do was stay asleep… None of this had to happen!"_

_"Kenson, you don't have to do this… We can still get off this asteroid-"_

_"No, we cannot…"_ They were out of time. Kenson pressed the button, and the grenade blew up in her face. Flinching violently from the memory of the heated explosion, Shepard opened her eyes, and she was not alone.

"What was it this time?"

Looking up sharply, Shepard found Liara sitting beside her once again. Not bothering to guess at what had happened, she went for the better question. "How long have you been here, and how long has it been since you got the message about the memorial?"

"I received the message over an hour ago, and I've been here a quarter of an hour."

"Wait… You've been here twenty-five minutes…" Letting her head fall into her hands, Shepard frowned deeply. "How long have I been sitting here…"

"Judging by how close your hair is to being dry…" Shepard raised her eyebrows at that remark. "I'd say nearly an hour." Landing the commander with a serious look, the asari frowned with well-deserved concern. "What was occupying your mind?"

"The reapers' attempted arrival." Looking down at her boots, she saw that they were fully laced. "I did that, right?"

"I assume so. They were like that when I got here."

"I thought over time this would just stop…" Frustrated by the frequency of being consumed by her thoughts, Shepard looked out the door that stood open, leading out to the overlook of the first floor. "It's getting more frequent and taking up more time. The worst part is, it could happen in the middle of a fight."

"I've been concerned about that for a while."

"Thane did say it was hard to control at times…" Having spent a good amount of time speaking about perfect memory with the drell, Shepard had come to dread what most joked about being a blessing. "Being able to remember everything, not knowing what will trigger it, and helpless to escape it without outside influence… Yeah Thane, it can be a burden." Standing slowly, she heard her joints crack in protest. "Who all's down there?"

"I'm not sure. From what I heard, they're just waiting on the council now."

"I knew Valern would probably come, but I didn't expect the rest of them to." Thoughts moving to the asari councilor momentarily, Shepard almost missed Liara's comment.

"I assume they believe that Kai Leng would have gotten to them without Thane's intervention." Standing as well, Liara paused by the door, eyeing Shepard as she came to stand beside her. "Are you sure you're alright? You seemed shaken…"

"Reliving a grenade blowing up a meter or so away and leaving you with less than an hour to escape an asteroid that was colliding with the "Alpha" relay… Yeah I'd say that qualifies." Nodding in affirmation and heading for the stairs, Shepard had to suppress a dark laugh after Liara's next words.

"The trouble you get into when we're not around…."

Rounding the stairs and making the last short descent onto the main level, Shepard was met with the combined squad from the suicide mission and the current one. Miranda, Jacob, Garrus, Jack, Grunt, Samara, Tali, EDI, James, Kaidan, Cortez, Traynor, Joker, Chakwas, engineers Donnelly and Daniels, Kelly Chambers, Kasumi, Zaeed, and Javik stood around talking amongst themselves. Eyes moving around the room, Shepard saw Kolyat standing by the window, Thane's picture behind him on the top of the piano. Nodding to the crowd as she walked past, she joined the younger drell in gazing out the large window.

"Kolyat, I can't imagine what you're feeling right now."

"I thought I… I had dealt with my grief in seeing his passing, but apparently, I was wrong." Kolyat's head remained bowed as he spoke. Shepard had seen how composed he had been during the last moments of his father's life, and she had both marveled at it and was concerned by it. "I am surprised by how many would mourn him."

"He was a part of the Normandy's crew. Both past and present always pay respect for those that were lost." It was a proud admittance; Shepard had seen it with Mordin and Legion as well. Even people who hadn't really known the two had joined her and the others in their mourning.

"He would protest at my doing this, but I want to honor the man he was, not the actions his body took." Kolyat said this while he shrugged slightly.

"But he would want you to deal with your grief, rather than bottling it up. You've seen what that does personally."

"Yes. It can lead one down the darkest of paths." Kolyat's eyes turned toward Shepard, "I am grateful that you and father interfered with Kelham's contract hit on Joram Talid. It was foolish, to say the least."

"Just thankful we got there in time; things could have ended terribly." Hearing some commotion, the two turned and looked toward the door. The three councilors entered; Valern, Tevos, and Sparatus. Their eyes roved the crowd, settling on Kolyat, Shepard, and the image of Thane that looked back at them from the piano. Walking past the image, they all regarded it with somber expressions; each taking Kolyat's hand in turn as they expressed their condolences. When Valern and Sparatus passed Shepard, they both nodded, but Tevos held the human's gaze for a moment before moving on. When they had all taken their places, Kolyat and Shepard shared a look; the message in the drell's dark eyes was clear. He could not speak at the moment. His words would come later. Looking to the photo of Thane once again, Shepard found her voice. Facing the crowd, she prepared herself.

"We are gathered here today to honor the life of Thane Krios." A collective nod from all present made her pause, but it didn't stop her statement. "Thane touched our lives in many ways: the councilor knew him as a hero, the Normandy's crew knew him as a brother in arms, and others…" Eyes landing on the drell, Shepard saw Kolyat nod; lips twitching as he fought to maintain control. "Others, a father who was devoted to his son. There is an old saying on Earth: He who saves one person saves the world entire." Glancing around at the crowd momentarily, Shepard's eyes fell on every person, every race, and her thoughts were with them all. "It's not about one planet, one homeworld, it's about every life that hangs in the balance. I don't know how many times Thane saved my life or how many times I saved his in our mission beyond the Omega 4 relay. I did know that my life could have come to an abrupt end."

Eyes landing on each surviving member of her squad from that mission, Shepard watched the expressions on their faces: Kasumi, Jack, Jacob, Grunt, Miranda, Garrus, Tali, Samara, and Zaeed all had that same affirming looks on their faces. Kelly, Joker, Daniels, Donnelly, and Chakwas' expressions held a darker meaning. They had been prisoners of the Collectors, and Thane had escorted them back to the ship safely.

"Even when he was terminally ill and had no business fighting, Something inside him told Thane that he could save one last life; it was not his own. He was too selfless for that. The life he saved was one whose decisions could in fact save worlds entire." Eying the salarian councilor, Shepard saw Valern close his eyes and bow his head. "Would anyone else care to speak?"

"What I remember about Thane was his confidence…" Tali started off slightly shaky, but her own confidence grew as she continued. "He told me once that he could remember everything: every choice, every moment, and every mistake he had made. If I could do that I would be a nervous wreck. He kept it together and used his memory to improve his life and those around him."

"It's strange…" Garrus' eyes remained on the image of the drell before them as he continued. "The last word I would use to describe Thane would be "assassin". We covered each other in firefights and had each other's backs. That makes him a partner; a friend."

"Thane's last stand was important," Shepard's eyes landed on the justicar as she spoke. Samara's even tones had a calming effect when there was tension building around them. "But let us not forget the reason he left the Normandy; to turn his son away from a life of crime." Eyes moved from Thane to Kolyat, who nodded grimly at the asari's words. Shepard could also understand the reasoning; Thane was tired, he didn't have much time left, and his illness was catching up to him. "Deeds such as these do not go unnoticed by the universe; they echo in all who hear them. That is why I am here." Shepard wasn't the only one who found herself nodding at Samara's words. A quick glance across the crowd showed Tevos nodding, a knowing expression on her face.

"This drell stood in defense of one of this cycle's leaders." Though naturally sharp, Javik's voice held a more serious tone than angry. "In the time of my people, there would have been no greater honor. There were traitors within our ranks as there are in yours now. His finest moment was not wasted by taking a life; it was spent saving one."

"Thane took himself seriously." EDI spoke next, drawing the attention of a few of the Normandy's crew, but her words mostly attracted the attention of the council. "It was a trait with which I did not always agree. While I attempted to amuse him on several occasions, I attributed that to a lack of humor. Instead, it was masking something deeper; Thane was turning his life around, in a way that few organics do."

"The day Thane came aboard the Normandy, all Kelly and I knew about him was that he could probably kill us with a ballpoint pen in about five different ways." Joker said this while straightening his posture slightly. Kelly Chambers, who was standing beside him, nodded; emotionally, she couldn't hold back anymore. "Once you got to know him, there was no reason to be afraid. He let you know where you stood." Once he had finished, Joker's eyes landed on the younger drell. Kolyat had shifted, moving to step up beside Shepard, who stepped forward and assumed his place beside the asari councilor.

"When I was little, I thought my father had it all figured out." Kolyat stood still, addressing the crowd with a calm and even voice. "He always said that one must be loyal to their friends and dangerous to their enemies. When he saved me from… from hurting someone… He had changed. He said enemies and ego are not as important as loved ones. I didn't want to hear it; I was… lost." Blinking, Kolyat lost that even tone. He stuttered slightly, emotions getting to him again. "I called him a hypocrite in a thousand different ways… But now, I see that he did have it figured out. That is all I can say… If anyone wishes to continue, we will be here."

People talked amongst themselves, reflecting on times that Thane had affected their lives. Leaving Kolyat to compose himself, Shepard glanced toward the image of Thane again. She wasn't alone. The three councilors still looked at it, each holding a sea of mixed emotions behind their stoic masks. In time, they voiced them. Valern spoke first, his tone strong and resolute as it usually was.

"In the face of death he appeared out of nowhere. Shepard was faced with a choice; leave the Cerberus assassin to do what he had come to, or to attempt to take the shot, which would have rendered the same result. He reacted faster than my cloaked bodyguards could. His sills were impressive and timely; I owe him my life."

"As I said in the aftermath of the battle of the Citadel," Sparatus nodded in response to Valern's statement. "There is no greater sacrifice; one life for many. It is both an honorable and regrettable death."

"Thane Krios' actions determined not only our fates but those of our people." Soft as it usually was, Tevos' voice held a troubled note. "Though only slowed, the assassin was seen for the monster that he was, rather than what he wanted everyone to see. In examination of Donnel Udina's files, it was revealed that Shepard's credibility was to be shattered; forced to shoot the assassin. This would have resulted in Valern's certain death." Eying the commander beside her, the asari bowed her head. "We would have had no choice but to trust what we had seen. "The station as well as the people within it, could have been lost that day were it not for Thane's actions."

"He gave his all when the moment came; threw himself in the way when it counted most. Seeing him die, hearing his last prayer, his last wish on my behalf, I realized something." Shepard's tone was low and tired, but it also held a serious note. "I realized that I had failed in that moment. I had the chance to give my all years ago, to throw myself in the way just a few weeks ago," Blue eyes met the dark eyes of the asari standing beside her. "I didn't. Because of his sacrifice, I know I will not let that happen again. For him, Legion, Mordin, Ashley, and all the dead in between, I will give my all to win this war and make their deaths mean something. Otherwise, they will have died in vain." Preparing to turn away, Shepard paused as she felt a hand on her shoulder. Facing its owner, she was surprised by the councilor's next words.

"Consider this: If you had given your all years ago, as you suggest, none of us would have made it this far."

"Someone would have figured it out eventually." The doubt in Shepard's voice was aimed more toward the thought that they would not have made it that far, but in a way she thought that doubt was misplaced.

"Humans have that saying they cling to, that everything happens for a reason," Sparatus said this quietly, eyes finally leaving their previous target, Thane, to land on Shepard. "In this case, I do not believe it could be more true. Your alliance with Urdnot Wrex and the salarians within the Special tasks group as well as with the Quarian admiralty and the Geth were both timely and invaluable."

"It was luck that all that happened."

"I believe," Valern stepped forward with the intention of speaking with Kolyat while he was alone. "That we will have to agree to disagree on that, Commander." As the salarian councilor left, Sparatus did the same to speak with Garrus regarding the situation on Palaven.

"Do you really believe it is simply luck that has led you this far, Commander?" Tevos regarded the human beside her with a curious expression. "You do not believe your actions were guided by a proverbial hand of fate. What does your faith tell you?"

"I don't have one." Considering the question, Shepard reflected on the religions of Earth and how most had been shaken when there was proof of other intelligent life beyond the Sol relay. "Many religions on Earth condemned anything that wasn't their twisted sense of perfection." Her thoughts centering on Christianity, she shook her head. "They used to preach on Earth that God is a good deity and that he would spare his children of any pain and suffering. Seeing what I've seen, I don't regret not believing in it. What God would let a kid grow up scared and alone…"

"If such a thing exists for your people, a terrible one."

Small talk continued among the crew and councilors until the crowd started thinning out. The latter had to return to their respective embassies to prepare their fleets for the upcoming strike. Others had their own business to attend to while they still had the freedom to do it. Seeing Kolyat looking at the thinning group of crewmembers, she nodded in his direction when he looked over toward her. Approaching, he bowed his head as he passed his father's picture again.

"Commander, thank you for holding this event. In time, it will be a good memory."

"Looks like people are clearing out." Glancing at the picture herself, Shepard frowned. "He was one of ours."

"Yes." Nodding in slight agreement, Kolyat closed his eyes. "My father didn't have many friends… The Normandy was good for him. Speaking of," The younger drell turned toward the salarian councilor who still stood, speaking with Liara about troop placements on Sur'Kesh. "I should take this opportunity to speak with the councilor."

"Regarding…"

"He is feeling grateful, and I believe I should take the time to point out that there are some salarian biologists who need funding. If anyone can create a breakthrough in the treatment of Kepral's Syndrome, it would be them."

"I don't mean to discourage you," Shepard thought of the council; their minds were occupied with the war, and they didn't have much time for anything else. "The council won't move too quickly, especially with the war."

"I have hope Commander, and in the councilor, I may have an ally. Those are two powerful things." Thinking for a moment, Kolyat looked up again, an idea registering in his eyes. "Ah, before I go, I was organizing my father's things and I came across copies of vidmails that he tried to send you. I sent them to your extranet address." His next words were full of apprehension and grief. "I hope they help more than they hurt…"

With Kolyat excusing himself to speak to Valern, Shepard left the main floor and used the display in the master bedroom to look over the vidmails that Thane had sent. In the end, they left her feeling more empty than before. He had easily gone downhill since he had left the Normandy. In worse shape than he had appeared, Thane had fallen, been unconscious for hours, and he had been restricted to a hospital bed once. Kepral's syndrome was tearing him apart, but for her, he appeared normal. Standing abruptly, she left the room, Thane's face turning into static as she stepped over the threshold. Making it back downstairs, she saw Samara and Jack heading for the exit; the former took the time to look around. Crossing the distance, Shepard placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to turn.

"Shepard." Icy eyes meeting the commander's slightly darker ones, the justicar conveyed a torrential storm of emotions and concern with them. "It has been difficult to come across news on various warfronts, but it is not hard to overhear tales of your exploits."

"Where have you been since we met on Lesuss?" It was the only thing that came to mind as Shepard struggled with her own emotions. "I'm seeing a few scars. What happened?"

"I have been sent to the Silean and Athena nebulas over the past weeks. I have seen many battles and many lives lost." The bluntness of Samara's statement had Shepard frowning. "Put bluntly, to say that it is good to see you well is an understatement."

"I take it that you were concerned." The asari's curt nod was enough. Motioning toward the large window, Shepard shook her head. "What exactly have you heard?"

"Aside from the obvious: curing the Genophage, the reaper taken down by the thresher maw on Tuchanka, liberation of the Geth, and the second reaper falling on Rannoch?" Samara's slight sarcasm brought a strained smile to the human's face.

"Yeah, aside from the obvious."

"Mordin, Thane, and Legion's deaths have left their mark on you, Shepard;" Looking out the window at the orange and yellow hues, Samara frowned. "As have the more recent events on the Citadel."

"They have." It was a more stoic response. Shepard felt herself fall back, the "robot" that Joker had referred to once kicking in. "This whole war has."

"It is not the war that has you questioning your abilities and judgment." Though her response was slightly colder, there was a reason for it. That was what it took to cut through the autopilot that Shepard could defer to on occasion. "Those that know you know what to look for. Then there are those that tend to take a step further." At this, Shepard looked back; speaking in a more personal tone.

"Like when an asari can read someone's aura." It was more of a defeated tone than she really wanted, but it conveyed her reluctance all the same. "I'm sure I'm wearing the stress like a second skin."

"An accurate representation, yes." Crossing her arms, the asari leveled Shepard with a piercing look. "The vids praise your progress and consider you a hero; it is clear that you feel the exact opposite, however."

"I'm just doing what I have to do. I know they think it is some amazing feat that I got the Turians and Krogan to get along and the Quarians and Geth to call it a truce. Without all of them, we lose." Swallowing hard, a lump forming in her throat, Shepard thought of the alternative. "I'm not willing to let that happen, Samara. Letting this cycle, all of these people get harvested… Not an option."

"One could applaud that dedication, Shepard; those that cannot see through it." The slight downward curve to the justicar's lips made Shepard nod. "I see what this has done. You have changed from the determined but just woman you were a year ago. Many hands rest on your shoulder, driving you toward the same goal; self-annihilation."

"By many hands, you mean the many races."

"Not necessarily." Looking back out the window, Samara continued. "I remember speaking with you at length after the events on Arataht. Even after Steven Hackett disembarked."

"I remember…"

_"They're coming."_

_"What?" _The white-blue hues of Samara's biotics disappeared as she ended her meditation. Seeing the human step past her and look out the window at the starfield that quickly disappeared behind them, the justicar rose and joined her.

_"They're coming… It's unavoidable."_ Hands clasped behind her back, Shepard stood there with Alliance dress uniform on. She had expected to face someone from the brass when they had blown the Alpha relay apart with the asteroid, but she hadn't expected Steven Hackett. _"We don't have much time."_

_"Something has changed."_ Samara stood there, looking Shepard over, and concern momentarily colored her expression. _"Your aura is tainted by those much darker."_

_"The reapers are coming; I saw it, and Harbinger confirmed it."_

_"Do not let them corrupt you, Shepard." _Warning entered her tone, but Samara expressed the thought no further. _"All has only been lost when we allow it."_

"You were right…" Blinking rapidly for a moment, Shepard stared down into the wards at the people below. "All has only been lost when we allow it." Turning back, realization dawned slightly. "Those much darker… You meant the Reapers."

"I feel their presence even now." Nodding gravely, the asari's frown returned. "I do not believe they can influence you, but they can blind you to your triumphs; only allowing you to see perceived failure."

"Perceived failure?" The slight surprise in Shepard's voice did not register with the justicar. "What do you call Thessia?"

"A predictable loss." Hesitation was not something that Shepard was used to hearing in Samara's tone, but it was clearly present now. "Though my homeworld has fallen to the Reapers, it was not entirely unforeseen."

"True… Cerberus was the wild card," Shepard conceded to what everyone had said since the fall of the Asari homeworld a few weeks back. "But it was only a matter of time until the Reapers attacked the most advanced species of this cycle. I suppose it is reduced to an old saying; All good things…"

"Find their end in due time, yes." The sadness in the asari's tone was almost undetectable, but it was there.

"Not this time."

* * *

**A/N 2:** Also as a side note, if anyone finds that characters are a little off or anything, let me know. I study their mannerisms and speech patterns, but I can easily miss something :) Thanks in advance!


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